I always sing in the rain

I really do think that school is ok so far. Accept i have gone back to the routine of coming home from school and lamenting at the fact that 'i-feel-fustrated-now-and-perhaps-the-rest-of-my-years-here-to-coming-home-and-not-doing-ANYTHING' To put it simply: i come home everyday feeling fustrated that i'm not stressed. But on another note, i'm gonna grow to love the class. Although i do miss being in w15d. Nonetheless, we gotta be resistant to change.

Stef & I are going on tremendously swell. Loving each other as the day goes by like there's no tomorrow. And we have had alot of fun. Just recently i took him to fisherman's wharf to have a good catch of the halibut version of fish & chips. Go there aight people? It's just across The central at clarke quay! I also bump into Leonard's wife whose name i always can't seem to remember, and she is BIG. I don't know how many months big. But BIG. It's gonna be a boy and they're gonna name it Keean. I thought it was a cool name. Stef thinks otherwise.

Oh and i swear to God but i fell in love with the eyes of Stef when i took this picture. Who wouldn't? Those goddamn cute puppy eyes. Still i can't seem to find out what or why or how i fell for a guy like him? Maybe I was right. And so was God, that He truly must have loved me so much to have given him to me. (:

Do you hear what i hear?

I don't have to say things so obviously to make it clearly that something IS bothering me. When in an instant you would KNOW that something is bothering me via my actions, my lack of enthusiasm, my listless and restless self, whichever, i thought you knew. I really thought you knew.

How many times have i been trying to tell you things, but it's either you don't really wish to hear or you say that 'I'm listening. I'm listening.' But your mind is wondering somewhere else. Which? Do you hear me sometimes and listen to the things that i need to say? Do you hear that hidden message between the sentences exchanged? Like how last night, i was trying hard to get you to see things my way, but obviously, you can never. And everytime when i ask you for your opinion, you always seem to give me, up to you, whichever makes you happy. And yes ultimately it's UP to me in the end. But i simply want to know YOUR opinion and how you feel about it. Ultimately i'm always left hanging on the line, and sometimes, i tie a not and hang on and probably wait for help.

I'll see you tomorrow, that is if, we're even meeting. You have a good night.

Why hate?

It's gonna be friday. -dead pan cry- and then saturday. God. My week has awaited for this weekend.

P.s: Ailin Kea is in the same class as me! How could I miss that! Lollers. Cool shit. Now I have 2 friends i know in the same class. Or wait, i think i know her, her, him and him and her and him. Ahhh what the heck.

P.s.s: I want to stress this out but please leave Anon* alone. Don't attack him/her. He/she didn't offend any of you guys. It's HARMLESS to write a comment and he/she is entitled to his/her own opinon. And i'm not standing up for anyone, im not taking sides. I like to see and hear about what people has to say to, be it about me or just certain views that's all. I'm open to all! But yes, I do slang and use colloquial language sometimes, how not when we're all influenced by the west ay no? However it's a habit i can't kick because i confess, i grew up in the west too. This is just to clarify yea? So no hard feelings. Make peace people! PLEASE! For the sake of Ghandi (inside joke), MAKE LOVE and NOT war. (:

Y'all have a good day. (:

Sem's 2 class

Awkwardly. Time has been moving by very slowly this week. Very unusual indeed. Time spent at work is semi-productive, the other semi is spent on day-dreaming and anticipating for the weekend. And ok so i know my sem's 2 class now. Thankfully people i know are in the same block and some on the same level too like Li-Han, Rafika, Fiaz, Anoor, Amni. That's all i know. And oh Nisha is in the same class as me! Righteous!

And in another 15 mins it will hit midnight. Good night.

they CAN be friends

I can say only say that sometimes things get worst only so that it can only get better. (:

Glad it worked out and that at least you took a step. I know my countless nagging can fall on deaf ears, but you took it, now, the next move is yours. Good luck! (:

And here are more of the pictures with me experimenting food at little India.

and LADOOOS

Give me an indian prata making husband

I'm working and I'm working and I'm working and I'm working and I'm working. If anyone would like to brighten up my life, come DOWN to bugis junction and entertain me and i might throw in a coin or 2 at you.

But this past few days, work has brought no joy to my hum-drum life. And working at the shop IS no fun. Rather, i've been feeling....depressed?? And Stef and I can't be any better because we take it out on one another. So yea, we argue, ALOT.

But things got better, on saturday, Nisha took me out to Little India! Where i had the best best best, however, spicy! lunch. and delicious tasting sweets called Ladoos![: And although it was raining a fair tad bit, it didn't stop us from jaywalking, or as nisha calls it "doing what indians do", scurring from one cloth shop to another if they do alterations for i wanted badly to be altered because i was doing free comunity service for little india for having my tube dress sweeping the roads and i bought bangles, FINALLY. And they are the SEX aight. 24 bangles for just $4.

end of the line

Dear Saya,

In another less then 24 hours or so you'll be boarding up the plane at Changi Airport and you'll be on a long trip to the land of maple oak trees and maple syrup. But as the clock ticks it's second hand away, it ticks back when we were small kids running around in our diaper bags. The day when we first made friends. We go back to God-knows-how-long-when, and i remember every play outting I had with you. From the time you got bullied at this fun-castle that they use to have in Suntec city, to the time you came to America to visit me, to the time of Christmas, New Year's eve parties and other what not cell group parties.

But after tomorrow, it just won't be the same anymore. And i can't take it as another, i'll just see you in a few weeks time, when this time, i won't see you maybe forever. And no i don't want to accept it at all. Because no party would ever be the same without you, how we would grab food and booze and rot and talk about anything under the sun and moon. I grew up with you. I had so many memories made with you and this goes back to diaper bags to make-up, boys and the beginning of our lives. Although some people might say that there's internet and skype and yada-yada what not cook geeky ways of keeping in contact virtually. Still the absence of your presence is enough to keep me cold during the long december christmas parties. So what can i do to keep you here for another one more day? I never once had a grudge against you and we never fought too. So how can you tell me not to cry when i'll yearn for more memories to make with you? Through almost the thick and thin of the drama we both had and shared, i could still call you friend. No boy, no party, not anything could ever come between us.

And ok, i'll admit it this time round, i'll miss you. Give me a call or text before you leave ok? Don't cry at all. Because i know we'll see each other soon. (yea how soon?) I'll keep the photos i have of you and i both and i'll keep the memories safe in my box. So one day, hurry back to the place you call home.

And another thing my friend,

don't forget to remember me.

Have fun with life and always remember to smile. Take care of yourself and make new friends ya?

with love,

erika.

last night out

I'd hate to put the captions but i know the picture says it all. For Saya's last night out in singapore. Everything was worth it. It's all too priceless for me. More pictures i have but I'm afraid that if i add up the whole story, it'll loose some sort of touch to it. So this pictures i chose are some goode highlights.

drink like a fish yaww

So this past few days i've been spending time with Saya before she leaves for Canada forever. And what have i been doing with her? Drinking like a fish. Seriously. But I never got drunk. Although Stef said i did today, at around 4.30+ because he said i was speaking gibberish. So Wednesday was lunch at coffee club with herself and stef, then Lavanya came along, and then we took neos and had drinks at the balcony. Bought a pair of shoes and dress.

Then on thursday, i promised Saya i'd go clubbing with her. So there i met her 2 friends, Alexa & Ava, they live at Sentosa Cove. How fucking cool is that! Was at M.o.S, socialise with Alexa's friends whom were strangely all British. But I had fun with those bitches! Derrick aka Tech 1 was there! Mizan, Teddy, Wan and errr people whose name i forgot. Drank like no tomorrow....Whooot. Had a good lady's night with them. And Stef was a sweet tart, in the whee hours of the morning at 4 am, he picked me up. -beams-

leaving and never coming back again

Everyone is leaving. Why can't we all just stay, stay and play on this island and pretend nothing bad would ever happend?

No amount of whisky, no amount of crying, no amount of coffee, no amount of alcohol could cure up this sad heart.

Screw goodbyes, this is just our hellos

Because of how the smiles on our faces are priceless,
the pictures says it all. I need not blog about my day.

p.s=W15D look out for your hotmail or your student mail. I'll be sending you my personal messages each! (:

with love,

erika

if something is amiss; you gotta find it

Sem 1 is going to be over in 24 hours time.
I've got a round about of 21 days of holiday before I enter into semester 2. I work 11 days this holiday, 21-11=10 days of free time. Leaving the beginning and the end of the of the holidays to be free with. I've got 22 things that NEEDS to be done before sem 2 starts. It just hit me that I might not even have time. Good Golly. /: I kinda dread looking at my planner now because it gives me a rush, and no it's not that hot sensation of hot love, but rather the rush of my neurones speeding around my nervous systems.

I had this conversation with my mother over dinner and I was hinting to her that both she and my father has yet to give me a birthday present.
Me: You guys still haven't given me anything for this year's birthday present.
Mom: I can give it to you end of this year.
Me: That's what you did last year, I didn't get anything in the end!
Mom: That course we paid and that trip to Japan!
Me: THAT was a present? That was SHIPPING Naomi & I for summer school!
Mom: Ok ok ok, what do you want then?
Me: -stares at both my parents- then again, i don't know WHAT I want, i've got everything I could ever asked for.
Mom: See. We give you everything,
Me: Why did i ever bother sometimes..

So why isit that i'm missing something? It's a feeling i'm missing. I just know it.

happy olympics day

I missed cognitive.
I flew out of the bus, thanks to some crazy & heartless TIBS bus-driver.
My right leg is now swollen and sprained.
I walk like Frodo the Hobbit from LOTR. (Lord Of The Ring)
I helped Stef set up his wardrobe from Ikea!
I miss my class. sigh.

er one word: random
but
Happy OLYMPICS day!

Thank you for loving me

My fellow human beings, you know the funny thing about love is? Or aka thhe whole principle of attraction. I can go on and on and maybe discuss the role of pheromones, dopamine and biological instincts, but none of this can come close to explaining the way i feel for one boy, Stefanus Tan. And all i know i feel is that we fit somehow, and it feels like i'd spent most of my life traveling a path that lead inexorably to him.

Well, to sum it all up, it's because i have never quite met another human who could be the exact opposite of me, in terms of almost ,well, everything. Yet ironically i can dare to say i love him. And although we've thrown words at each other like flying daggers, I can dare to say that he's been the damn most best-est thing that can happen to me, like some beautiful disaster that occured. It's like you know you don't deserve this kinda love, but this person chooses to love you and only you! And because of that very unbelievable fact, you sometimes choose to be a skeptic and not to believe it or just take it as hard to believe it. And so you do all sorts of weird things, you become all so self-centered and ignorant. And that's how i feel with Stef. (:

P.s: Don't ever, not even for a second, think that you're not good enough, believe me when i say, you're the best thing that's ever happend to me.

The Wisdom Guru

Time: 10.41 am
Location: The Coffee Bean, J8
Weather: Bright and sunny side up just like my eggs
Mood: Content and think-y.

So it's obvious that i skipped school if any of you noticed the bit on location. Dressed in my levi's, mng tank, shawl and flip flops, i've decided to blog about the many things that will come to my mind. And i'll try to make it as interesting and readable.

So good morning world, i swear i'm feeling so many things, mostly it's nothing to do with my emotions but rather my cognitive point of view. You see on the way here to the Bean, i was thinking of how much japanese-y i am. If many of you aren't too sure of my blood, well I'm actually HALF-chinese & HALF-japanese. So no wonder my last name, Erika Shimada. Well back to my point, you see, I've been staying in Singapore for what it may seem like forever, and there were many points that I hope that I won't loose contact of the Japanese side of me, so whoopee for the gains that I now, on my 18th year, I have switched to a Singapore Citizenship which means i'm no longer holding a Japanese passport, i felt sad. I did. But don't get gme wrong, please gooodness me don't, I'm proud to be half blooded each, but i did felt like i was letting go of something which is part of me after so long. But then again, hit me on the head with a brick, it's just a passport, no biggy. On another whole, as long as my character will invariently speak for itself, i'll still be the japanese inside of me.

With that, i'd jump on education prosepectus. I'm not too sure how many of you out there are happy at where you're at now, as for me, in Rp doing a diploma in arts management eeps me all smiles. And i just pray to God that i'll get into the University of New York. or if not, studying uni here locally is all fine by me. But other than that, I hope you're at where you at because you want to be and not letting the grades affect you that much in anyway, if you're happy studying overseas because you know you can't make it here, well, i hope you're happy ayy? and if you're doing a private degree/diploma, i still hope you're happy, And if you're at jc, well then again, i hope it's what you wanted to do and hope you're still happy. Because how you want to move and how fast is all up to you and it's up to your own capacity too. And education wise is all up to you too, make your own mistakes, don't be studying things because your parents ask you too but rather because you want to do them and be happy with it. Make your own mistakes, no one will no failure untill you experience it, and heck with the "Learn From Other People's Mistakes" That's utter bull shit and I HAVE never learnt from other people's mistakes, i only gain a head, that doesn't mean i've grown a brain. Because what is there to learn when there's no lesson to begain with in the first place? Have fun living your life my fellow human beings. (: I wish you all well.

Erika Shimada.

I know it's kinda late, BUT, happy birthday

I always have all the fun that I want. (:

Happy 20th Birthday, Stef my babykins!
Happy Birthday, Shermooo!

one day of being snow white

I have never slept for one full day before. But it feels oh so good. (:
I usually hate to go to the docters, but i was forced by my parents, Nisha and Stef to go. AND they said they'll kill me if i step into school because they want me to rest. So there you have it, my ass at home sleeping.(:

the bloody virus called hypocrisy

Ok maybe it might the virus that is overtaking my body but i'm STILL feeling like a piece of shit.
And sure, to make things worst I'm being pestered by many many people on msn. And one word to describe it; HYPOCRISY.
And not to mention the smallest details that are adding up to the irritation can't seem to make things any better.

But still, it might just be the virus. Which is being a fucking whore.

fried brains and fried bars

I am feeling numb.
I am feeling lethargic.
I am not in class. But am in school.
I am feeling like a piece of shit.
I am feeling exhausted.
I am going no where.

all i've seen and all i've known kept here in the pages alone

You & I, and our secret diary. (:

Love is not just a feeling

It's amazing, how I found someone whom I love and loves me back. Because there came a point in my life that the "life" i lead would forever define me as who i was and "love" would just play the dramatic, the spicy bit in it. And we knew that we had to let each other in although it might hurt. But who knew that love would actually grab hold of me and slowly change me out of my hermit shell and make me feel all elementary puppy love again? Not till i met him.
& he is just not the any type of Tom, Dick, Harry, James, John, Luke you think it is. He is someone who can move me in the most sentimental & dramatic way. But it feels so good, for each touch that i feel on his skin makes me get a closer touch to a future with a life that could change me forever. & there he is, holding me from behind and always making sure I get on to the other side of the road, making damn sure i don't fall and always looking back making sure i'm behind and i never let go of his hand.
& he always hugged me so tight, although i choke sometimes, but his hug was the tightest and it always told me something, "i never wanna let you go & i'm not going anywhere". He always made calmed me down whenever i would almost tip over to hysteria or freak out and he always made sure i would go home or go to bed with a smile and never with a tear on my face.

But there were those horrid temper of his and foul words that could make me cry at times and get me really mad. And no doubt there were times where we wanted to do like the above fella. However, staying mad at you for a prolong period of time is something that could never happen for me, for i found it so hard to stay mad at you for too long, and with that sometimes i hate how much i could love you so much.

So it's slowly starting to piece up to a picture i can envision at last. But unexplainable things not even science can tell why things are so much better when I'm with him. And i can't help but pray with each passing day that I could be the very woman for him to last a love that says "a love that will last". And to keep this secret with myself, I want it badly too. For maybe he could be the one whom I can built an empire with for being that succesful man he is, I want to be and I will be that woman standing behind him, come what may. All beacause we're in this T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R & yes it means, bearing him a family and someone i wanna grow old & wrinkly with. & all it takes is a faith of a mustardseed to move mountains. (:

But although life is like a teabag at times...
And we maybe young & crazily in love, but he....really is special. And the feeling of love I feel for someone is no longer just an emotion, but an ability.

So Stef Tan,
I just want you to know this but;

"I know some people search the world,
To find something like what we have.
I know some people would try to divide something so real,
So till the end of time I'm telling you there aint no one.

But no one, no one, no one,
can get in the way of what i'm feeling.
no one, no one, no one,
can get in the way of what i'm feeling for you"

Forever yours,
Erika.

utter random

Sometimes I sit in the bus and stare out the window and wonder how did things get better when I'm with you?

Yet sometimes when we walk along the streets of orchard, i want to do this to you :

what love really is & not the cliche movie lines

Love. I always thought it was about giving & receiving. But only a day back did Shafiq tell me that love is not only just that but it's giving selflessly because you WANT to. Ironic as it may sound, but he is right, I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually learnt a lesson or 2 from him that day over ice-cream at Cold Rock, Holland V.

Love is when you buy him/her the ben & jerry's phish & chips ice-cream because she/he is craving for it or is feeling upset although you think it's ridiculously overpriced just for a tub of ice cream but anything to see the smile. It's about coming down to his/her school with lunch you've made for him/her although it took you 3 hours to decently cook it & clean the stove, but you do it because it's his/her favourite meal. It's the way you'll give up a day of watching a soccer match or a day of shopping just to accompany him/her to do something he/she is wanting to do most although you might dislike it, but you do it still because you want to spend time with your love one and. Love is about doing things willingly and not because you are ASKED to do it willingly but with no nagging, no second thoughts & no doubts, you WANT to!

I know that life is a major bitch especially when you're living around this town & things don't get better when you look at your watch and realise you ONLY have 24 hours NOT 38. So you try to do more because you think that if you do, less will be neede to be done, but a rude awakening, it's still there. & maybe there are things that we can't help it, & that....that's ok. Because I realise that honesty is a must, and I've GOT to trust if i'm not with you. So we should respect one another, and respect us, I'm hoping I'm everything you need and you wish for and then you'll find in me they way you show that you care and love, when you're not with me then you'll know that aint nowhere i belong.

and i can do whatever i want like you

I just finshed penning down the last match date of this month on to my planner. I just closed a window of a msn conversation I had with Amanda. I just closed another window of a friend's blog. And then I just flipped through July's pages of my diary planner. And then I just closed a window of a junior's friendster profile. I just laughed my ass off at an email sent to my student outlook. (Re: student's attire. It's ridiculous & very very ludacris like. )

Drama always happens. & with that shit happens, all the time. Amanda was right, how i can only look back on the past and think to myself how things can be hard to go back the way it was. People change & once they do they can be another 'oh she use to go to the same school with me. period'. & sad thing is, slowly, i don't even recognise this faces anymore. But remember this, you can do whatever you want to do to them.So Amanda, it is not entirely your fault, it's theirs too.

hot N cold sauce

I wanted to paste some a set of lyrics down, but after re-reading the entire lyrics, I figured it out that Stef would shoot me down.

So check on my list, I quit my job! But on the negative list, i got no dough to spend. So if i can balance out some sort of equation there, God help me! So amazingly, I actually sat down and study for enterprise UT test last wednesday, but crap was it the next day when I HAD to be a minute late which caused me to panic which then caused me to forget everything.

Nonetheless, i took time on saturday to go for St Marg's Primary school fun-fair, YEAS...Then which was Stef's game that evening then dinner at my place. Ah YEAS. AH you know what, to hell if he shoots me down, but I'm going to post the lyrics anyway! So i present to you: Katy Perry-Hot N Cold.

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Crypticly
I should know
That you're no good for me

{CHORUS}
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up(you)You don't really want to stay, no(but you)
But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down