Tonight I wanted to know if everything will be ok, despite everything that we are and will be going through, but all I heard was, nothing.

I know myself well, I will move on and I will be strong, but not tonight, tonight, I just want to hang everything on the line and allow myself to cry, scream and get frustrated.

I was trying my hard to be very strong, but I think I lost it and I had to cry because I couldn't take it anymore. I am heavily upset and disappointed only to find out that the people I love the most don't wish to see me happy, but he makes me so happy because he can do it, no one else can come this close.

My mensis talking.

The thing I hate most about getting periods is that for that week of bottomless(literally) hell, I think and wonder alot more than I should. Like yesterday, throbbing around town and to Arab St and then home and then now on bed, I kept thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking ALOT. Some of the thoughts I think about annoy the crap out of me, but eventually it will diminish.

Today's tea and sheesha with Shafiq lasted for about 4 1/2 hours, just 2 people sitting at the back alley drinking a jug of iced cold turkish apple tea and smoking out double apple mint flavoured sheesha. Out of the entire time we were there, we kept quiet, the "i'm-deep-in-thought-and-i'll-soon-stone" kind of quiet. Well, I'm still thinking.

Remember this

Because I'll hold your hand and I'll hold you in my arms and whisper to you "Anything for you, till you get over this." I love you and i hope that is something to remind you that you've got someone to lean on to. You've been so hard on yourself but you don't realize how much more you have to offer, and sometimes people just don't see it. But I do.