Good riddance

When people usually ask me "What's wrong?" I just say "nothing". Not because i don't want to tell them, but because my mind is filled with thousands and thousands of thoughts that i just don't know how to explain.

I have been hemming and hawing, pacing up and down my room for a good 45 minutes already, I just sat on my bed and sighed. Sighed long and thought hard about an inconvenient question that was thrown to me. Trust is one of the things that's hardest to earn but so easy to destroy and if that is not barren enough for you than I can show you. I wanted to sleep and catch a good long rest but the question posed kept ringing in my head and i hated it because the reality annoyed me off my emotions before I could even shut my eyes, hence at this hour, i am still awake.

For the first time

Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

-The Script.

that much

I do not care what people will say or think, as long as I am still around and you are standing next to me, we will make it through whatever. It's just me and you. Just us two. I love you that much. THAT MUCH.

You don't know how different you are to me

We were in the car, you were driving, I was looking out the window. I turned around and told you that I love you very very much and you smiled and told me you love me too, leaning forward, you kissed me and held my hand with the other hand on the steering wheel. I looked away, behind my shades, I teared.

You see, you don't know how special you are to me and how dearly I am holding on to you, you may not feel it from me and i don't show it, but I hold on tighter to you more than you can imagine. Don't you see? I want you. All i want is you and me always. I want to be yours more than anything. And I'm afraid, im scared that things might not turn out the way i want them to, the way we hope for it to be. Already I'm doing all I can to protect you from everything and anyone that could hurt us. I know that you know that something IS wrong even when I say I am ok or when i reply "nothing", so yes I lie, because I am protecting you from everyone and everything in my life that wants to do so.

Sometimes I ask myself what and why am i doing this, but like you told me before, you are the only exception. So just take my hand, we'll make it. I swear I'll try.

You don't deserve me then

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe