here i go,scream my lungs out.

met jeric for lunch,more of tea break though. Only managed to get a hot fudge sundae. What a wonderful guy to talk to,we talked about anything under the sun. Bitched about R.I boys infront of the R.I people themselves at serene mac'd. He's so concerned about his body but he doesn't know how beautiful he can get. If only those people who think that they're 'ugly', if only they could see themselves through my eyes.(:
I know many of you simply want to murder me for changing blogskin after blogskin,ha,sorry about that i hope this is permanent though.AHA. Wanted to do this to get my mind of certain stuff,failed,but at least i tried.

To Mattheus:
where are you? where'd you really go this time round? Can't you hear my heart aching?I'm longing so much for you. I care soo much for you,yet i hear not a single word. Do you remember who i am to you? Do you remember that you're in this relationship? Gawd. There has been so many things upsetting me,and i just need to hear your voice and feel your arms around me letting me know you'll catch me when i stumble. Yet i find myself falling hard on this surface ground with a trickle of blood down my legs and a sting of my tears on my hands. I'm giving you my everything,can you at least give me something? During class i wrote this,it may be stupid and lame but it hits the nail for today,

i want you to know that it's a little fucked up here
,stuck here waiting and still debating,
but i'm tired of hearing you say the same damn excuses,
for why you're not around and being so useless.
Look, i don't want this to be true cause i know we're gonna go long,but fuck those that say,
''You don't know what you've got,untill it's gone."
i had it with you and your excuses,
when you're ready to come back here,
you'll find me still jere with a tear,
but it's your turn to sing,
"where'd you go? I miss you so?
seems like it's been forever that you've been gone.
where'd you go? I miss you so?
seems like it's been forever that you've been gone.
please come back home.
please come back home."

I love you more than you think,just say you love me now and forever so that every single sadness i felt is broken. Just come and hear me scream my lungs out,seeing me trying to get to you,cause you're my only one. :'(

just great

i'm in school using the school's ancient computer which pantium is prolly 0! -kicks the computer-
laveena is next to me reading baby blues comic. (:
About vaunt yesterday, many people came complaing. -LAUGHS HEAD OFF-
But then again i'm glad you guys all had fun though i desired to be with you guys,trust me,it aches not to go! But none the less,when i returned back from the hospital..............................................................................................................................................................
somethings are better left unsaid,took a cab to my spiritual father's house to baby sit the kids. AND OH,kids say and do the most darnest things to even put a smile on your face. I'm glad i came cause i sure had alot of fun with them, they even created their little 'clubbung spot' in danielle's room,they named it 'FAT DANCING'.hahahahaha whatever it means,they wanted me to join them in dancing. AHHHHHHHH I WAS MOVED. Though they can say the most horrifying things, my good lord, i don't know what they're being thought in schoool but they're as equally corrupted as our age group,and they're all less then 10 years old i tell you. TSK.
I'm sorry the many who wanted me to be at M.o.S and end up disappointing not seeing my ass,body and face there. BUT i'll make it all up to you for coming for REBIRTH 18th june, GET YOUR TICKETS FROM ME! -hints-
(PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST! I'M LOWERING THE PRICE TO A VERY AFFORDABLE RATE!)
celebrating my after-birthday there.
feeling upset inside the whole day,because of the many things,i hope a movie with bay and mae will cheer me up.
and Noooooooooooo he still hasn't called me for 2 weeks and seen me for 3 weeks. How radical. toodles seee y'all later.


I was right all along, i see it so clearly now, we may be together,but we're simply living seperate lives. Do you even remember this bond that you share with me? DO you even remember me?

ripping

Just before I hit the sheets
I say a prayer to my one and only God above;
To keep you safe and sound wherever you are,
And I wanna know wether if you’re fine so far.
This 1 month feels like I’ve finally crossed the line to the only thing that’s true
But now baby I’m waiting but all I want is to be with you.
You got me wrapped in your web of your ecstasy
And every minute with you is where I wanna be.
I don’t know if the truth is that you’re avoiding me,
Our picture and contact lens is all I see.
I know that my poems are corny and stupid,
Cause they’re all telling you you’re the one I need.
NO words can express how much I love you,
It’s how much I really do.

remember this poem y'all? WELL WELL WELL WELL the person who wrote that and i publically want to apologise and thank that very girl,CHARMAINE TAN! (:
i'm sorry for ripping of your poem ouuta your blog but thanks and a good job well done on your poems. They really speak and hit the right darts in the heart. (: You're wonderful babe. SORRY! I PROMISE I'LL TREAT YOU OUT FOR BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM!

Now I see it so clearly

We're together but living separate lives

So I wanna tell you I'm sorry

Baby I can't find the words

But if I could, then you know I would

Now I won't let go, know what we can be

I won't watch my life, crashing down on me

Guess I had it all, right there before my eyes

Boy You must be sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind

How I long for you

out

aparently everyone has been complaining that they couldn't find my tagboard from halo scan when i clearly put, 'THE DAMN TAGBOARD IS HERE!'. Well i suppose i can use another tagbaord for the comfort for all of you readers. -grumbles- it's always about comfort! PFFFFT! >:(
I was brooding over the fact that mom thought i had LEARNING DISABILITIES. (thanks so much for all the enocuragement,oh wait,you never gave any) Your very own flesh and blood thinks that you have learning disabilites. -walks away-
Singapore idol squeezed into my night, GO SUPPORT LEVIN NG! JOAKIM GOMEZ (it's yours ahhh flo and la, i'm doing this for you guys) AND GAYLE....(Forgotten her last name, yet again aaron, i'm being nice enough to actually support). They're getting better.

audrey hepburn

well,i've got bad news for myself that is. I skipped half a day of school and went for my check-up at Alexandra Hospital with my folks.
The docter was a pregnant rude bitch, moaned a few times,i swear it's frigging UNCOMFY and it HURTS! >:( She put silver nitrate and started explaining to me what was it. HELLO! i take chemistry and i'm not stupid,i know what silver nitrate is! Whatever. The silver nitrate burned my nose in the end leaving this scar. GAWD!
Anyway,new skin, i like.A classic beauty.
I don't think i'm going for Vaunt anymore, i need to take the silver nitrate out again and put it in a new one again, plus i've got school the next day. Sickening i know. But y'all go and enjoy and tell me all about it the next day in school,IF, you guys ever are awake. I'll prolly just laugh if y'all get kena scolding.HURHUR. kidding la.
My birthday is coming i realised,(WOAH! FINALLY!) i've got no idea what i wanna do. I don't wanna waste it again just like last year and i think the year before that. Any ideas you wanna drop to suggest what i can do, just join in whatever fun there'll be i guess.

Where'd you really go? I miss you so

EEEEEEEEEEEESH! !#$%^&*()+_! I'm like re-typing this again.EEEEEEEPS. Anyway Teacher-Parent-Meeting this saturday, i think im gonna die. It's not like i failed badly or anything, it's like those 1-2-marks-needed-to-pass.If my folks didn't see the improvement i put in, I'd come into conclusion that i tried to be perfect and it just wasn't worth it. I mean, i studied. I tried. I did my best. I was like suffering from nose-bleeds, and i tried very hard to balance both frustrations. It's hard. Anyway, Wednesday was Fund raising for Merapi people, Im proud of the class, raised $461, can't wait for tomorrows.((:
Thursday was cross country,attendance was patethic,nuff said.

To Mattheus:

HEY THERE! I hope you're reading this. What happend to your phone? I mean i sent you an sms and no replies. Look i know you're like busy with all the preparation for o level chinese next monday, but could you at least leave me a note telling me that you're alright? I don't want or expect you to like sms for an hour, just one simple message that's it, that's all i asked.
I miss you like fuckloads. :'(
Do you even know what day is it tomorrow? 26th of May. Do you even remember? 've been hoping that you would. I got you a lil something to remember the occasion, but i guess you would be busy so i'd leave it at your doorstep so that i won't disturb. WAIT. (i don't even know the address) well......i'll like get someone to pass it to you. ahhhhhh. It's been 2 weeks since we saw each other. Anyway, Im waiting, i still am. Where'd you go? I miss you so,seems like it's been forever that you've been gone, please come back home.

just before i hit the sheets,
i say a prayer to my one and only God above;
To keep you safe and sound wherever you are,
and i wana know wether if you're fine so far.
This 1 month feels like i've finally crossed the line to the only thing that's true,
but now baby im waiting, but all i want is to be with you.
You got me wrapped in your web of your 'ecstasy'
and every minute with you is where i wanna be.
I don't know if the truth is that you're avoiding me,
our picture and your contact lens is all i see.
I know that my poems are corny and stupid,
cause they're all telling you you're the one i need.
NO words can express how much i love you,
it's how much i really do.

Like you said,see you real soon. sigh.

just my luck

i swear the world is out to get me today. It's like they want me dead for no nuts can! This are a few unfortunate mishaps that happend to me today

1. While eating fried rice,egg and veggies from one of the stalls,i wound up wincing and spitting out 3 itsy bits of GLASS PIECES! Totoally expelled everything that i ate out.
2. Taking the bus 56 was like taking a roller coaster ride from Knotts berry farm i swear, the bus driver is an amauter in driving,stopping then go,stopping then go for how many nuts sake,couldn't have a proper sleep. So much jerking. It felt like a monkey trying to rock a baby to sleep.
3. While walking towards the language centre, some idiot was roasting his otah and all the steam was practically dancing around me and i almost knocked over a guy carrying some hot-plate stuff.
4. One dumb idiot happily just sped off when it was the green man sign. I pray for that guy to get his eye sight corrected. :(
5. When class ended today, another idiot, (oh btw, he happend to be from acs I) swung the toilet door violent and hard and it almost punched my nose! HELLO! i don't want an accident before i visit the nose specialist you got that!?!

yeap and that was my day of mishaps. Nothing much in school happend, don't think the next will either. -yawns-

brighter than sunshine

ahh wells. im sitting 3/4 sick and updating all you readers about my life. It seems my tonsils has swollened,and my ear drums too. This gives me a reason,why not to scream and not to be screamed at already.HOHOHOHOHOHOHO. (: i've been lying in bed most of the time, but the time used was spent on many things. It got me thinking alot about so many things unlocked, unsaid and unwritten. First and foremost, i wanna thank NISHA, it's time i visited the hospital about my nose, and my first check-up will be fixed real soon. (:

A peek in my love life, i guess we're doing really good. I miss him,haven't seen him for a week though, busy preparing for the upcoming O level chinese, and all the people goes 'SCREW O'S', yea i know how it feels, taking my N's early this year too. I'm glad and overjoyed to have finally call on someone mine,yet many have asked "Aren't you scared what's gonna happen in the future? Why are you taking the risk again? What if there's a 3rd party? etc etc etc. and all the horrible nasty thoughts you guys can come up with." Well, anyone who gets in and out of a relationship will gain alot of experience,memories and lessons. I'm glad that i had learned alot to avoid me from making any further mistakes,even i hope i was a favourite. Mattheus and i shared a 4 year long friendship, though we hardly meet, still we talked now and then, catching up on one another, i remember one time i was pretty pissed with my folks and i was like totoally bitching about it to him,and he actually cooled me down and made me laugh. We either had long or short conversations nevertheless, it adds up. Information,i had many from him, about so and so,about old people i knew there. His a swell guy,and any girl who broke his heart must be a real B-I-A-T-C-H to do so, he's really soft hearted and so beautiful, a priceless work of art that i've come to adorn. Oh talking about adoration,i remember one time in sec 1 me,carolynn, sonia (was it?), jov and matt went to this SNGS fun fair, the girls kinda urged me to prank call matt telling him that i liked him and i did. Guess it was the boredom that obviously took us but i apologised to him telling him it was A prank,and that i was really sorry. Funny.Hilarious.GEEKS. eeeyucks. sec 1 we looked really horrible,and yea i can say i was a geek.
Then on, i begain to appreciate him as a friend, little moments that spelled chemistry,but it was an incy wincy bit. So NOW,after all the 4 years i've came to known a loyal, faithful, fun filled, cheery, personable, forgiving, wonderful, and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh to exquisite to even say any more, friend and boydfriend. I've brought myself to love that guy who gave me a stepping stone to feel true love doesn't hurt when you fall, the one who erased off all those pains, the one who keeps me secure and safe in his arms away from this carzy world. There's somethings i've seen which other girls didn't see and it keeps me ringing. (:
Now all i ever wanna do is to fall in love with him everday, see ourselves grow. I dedicate my heart to you, you've found the key when no one else was looking and i've wondered how did you know where i would be,yea you broke through all of my confusion, the up's and the down't and you still didn't leave, i guess that you sa what nobody could see all because you found me. I rest my night here now, cause i need to gargle some medicine which makes me really drowsy.
HAHA. I LOVE YOU MATTHEUS! (:


Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you

just great.

pardon me for my late updates. Apparently the computer in my mum's room was locked,cause me and my aunt and mom had a small tiff. SCREW THEM.
so here i am right now,infront of the laptop and coughing untill i bleed proberbly. AHHHH WELLS. I forgotten what i wanted to blog about,man, my memory is slowly wearing out. >:(
ho yea, new skin. the other skin,well,let's just say it had tiny glitches. Past 5 days have nothing been a complete BORE. Cooping myself,watchind dvd after dvds and eating and eating, im almost ready to put a gun in my head. AHHHH THIS IS JUST GREAT. Im bleeding again. ERM emynose i meant. Im gonna take all your advices you guys have given me and go visit a specialist. Not 1,not 2 but 3 have given me different stories, and that's bad enough. All that cock and bull story. I had about enough.
i need matty,i want matty NOW.but i guess he's busy with something else now.

day out with son

''Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
journey ends in lovers meeting,
every wise man's son does know.
'what is love?' Tis not hereafter;
oresent mirth hath present laughter;
what's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty;
Then come kiss me,sweet and twenty!
Youth's a stuff will not endure."

I guess i decided to spend eve of mother's day with my very own son,glenn. Thanks you thought me more than enough today. (:
Picked him up at Woodlands and then took a train down to orchard,bitched and caught up with so many things. Then we placed the skateboard with Ali. THANKS ARR! Chomped at cinileisure B.K. Then played pool at cuppage, i swear it felt damn fugging good to play once again for the longest time. I was pretty irritated that the fact that alot of people were either at sentosa or east coast beach,it kinda bugged me,but all the more better still more tables to place pool and more space to walk along the roads. Alright im mean. Bumped into Han Hui and his girl, Jeric, Victoria and his friend. Nothing out of the ordinary for today.

Oh basic BLAHS to say and do when you're meeting someone you don't know but it's your friend's friend.
1. SAY HELLO! AND STRETCH OUT YOUR ARM AND GIVE A FRIENDLY HANDSHAKE WITH A SMILE! God gave us body parts for a reason you know!
2. Please don't DAO,it's kinda rude and it gives first impression.
3. Say your name lar!
4. Don't just gawk and stare and start to mutter under your breathe about what the other party is wearing or how he or she looks.
5. Say goodbye with a smile.
Even so when people are around you and since everyone execercises their eyes by looking around,
1. Don't give that damn mean unfriendly cold-heart stare, you're sucha humbug
2. Don't be like those bengs and lians that say 'stare what stare!' It's also impropiate use of language.
3. Since people have a habit to say 'Why the hell is he/she looking at me? She/He is probably deprived never to see a guy or girl in his life?' or somewhat reaction inside their minds, for pete's sake just happily smile and then look away.
4. But if he or she whisper's something to his/her friends, it's their problem they're just jealous of you. (:

ahhhhh wells,i guess i'm gonna go downstairs have a good sip of my own made chocolate milk and dreamily do star-moon gazing,though it looks pretty clouded. I adore the peace.(:

WVHET

i watched 'Ronnie and Julie' on this hallmark channel,yea and i cried. OBVIOUSNESS that is from Romeo and Juliet, written by ,duh-uh, Willy Shakespeare. Then i baked muffins,dried fruit one's. I must say it's actually quite fabulous. Though i always make the chocolate ones. This one was really really good,and the inside was so soft and moisy and spongy. The outside had a prefect golden brown and the aroma was captivating,indeed a sight to behold.
Anyway, as i promised to Nisha, i SHALL and WILL blog about all that happened at Wild Wild Wet. The journey to the place from school seemed liked almost and eternity, when we reached there, birthday girl was already fascinated NOT about the place, but more of WHO was that HUNKALULU working inside that place. We didn't do much though, saw alot of really really really hot looking guys. -nudges Laveena and Nisha- BUT patethically,we after 2h 30 mins, just cause of the uncertain weather,thus the 3 of us took a shower and out we went. At that point when we left, the sun came happily rolling by. FCUK. -_- Me and Lala drank red-bull, was hopping she could be high so that i know how the heck she thought sex to a friend's maid. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW gross,but it's just for laughs. OF COURSE NISHA could've gotten her HUNKALULU's number with the aid of both me and LALA but NOOOOOOOOOOOO,she was chicken, the next time we're going i swear im just gonna get it for her luh. blarrdy hell.
of course,the irritating part of the whole day was the many people who kept peeking into the box,which contained a terrapin,thus i conclude SINGAPOREANS ARE VERY NOSY PARKERS!
Like hello,why should you care about what's inside the box for pete's sake. gawd.
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH! and and and and i bumped into that guy whom i saw at mac'd serene. I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS? But all i remember i saw him at mac'd about a week and a half ago, maybe it was nothing at first,he stared at me,i stared at him. He looked disturbingly familiar to me,so i looked at him,but he looked first! And the next thing i knew we never saw each other ever again. TILL yesterday,i was like walking up the escalator with Nisha when he just gawked at me and i gawked back,guess i was taken aback,we practically gawked at each other non-stop,but when i turn around i expected him to be gone,but no, he smiled and waved and i returned back the courtesy. NEXT TIME when we see each other,we'll talk i know,it'll be his first move i predict. alright im beginning to sound a tad bit egoistic. I STILL LOVE MY MATTY! NO ONE CAN EVER REPLACE HIM! (:
met matty at j8, ate at yoshinoya, cartel was full, pastamania even more full. Shant say much. (:
don't have any 101's to give to today. HO wells. Toodles. SO long

coconut

i smell like a frigging coconut. >:{)
yea i learned that smiley from Tina,anyway, i've came into conclusion that my shoutmix box lags the page till Christmas,so i decided to be nice and decided to use haloscan,since i learned from Charmaine's blog that it's fast and easy to use. Thanks pretty pretty. :)
For all those nuts who want to leave a note to me,it's directly under the part thats says in GRAY 'LEAVE A NOTE,SO I KNOW WHERE'D YOU GO',in case you can't find lar.
anyway im gonna waste my time now in town i guess. im gonna be a loner.sigh.

chocoffee

i can just crouch in my bedroom corner and cry. Exams can just go to hell. Knowledge is not only something good,but it has it's positive sides y'know. I can just die la. WTH am i saying. ANYWAY,i made a creation of my own coffee to keep me awake in times like this.
CHOCOFFEE! (pronounced as cho-coffee,NOT CHOC-COFFEE)
1 1/2 teaspoon of whatever coffee powder.(Nescafe Gold preferbly)
1 cup of boiled water. (DUH-UH)
1 1/2 brown/white/EQUAL sugar
2 teaspoon of SMUCKERS/HERSHEY'S chocolate fudge squeeze
3 Chocolate Chunks. [] [] []
stir them all together and enjoy. (:
This is made by erika,so please do not say it's yours. It's plagiarism.>:(
so don't be a dumb faggot/faghag. I'll bite you!
Anyway exams,for all,starts tomorrow,good luck digging your own graves.HAHAHAHAHA kidding la! I won't be updating till thursday.
so to leave a note here's 2 versus

''whatever you do,work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord." colossians 3:23
''Jesus said,'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid''
John 14:27

ro

Something so right when i hold you
I dont want to ever let you go
When you whisper in my ear
All the things you want to do
This sensation starts to grow
I dreamt about it every day and night
Never thought you'd come true
Now its just me & you

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WELLS. what can i say? Glad everything is back to normal now. To the way it was. (:
for the past 2 days,my never ending caring friends showered me with love and comfort. How can i thank them? NO words can describe all they've done. Thank God too for even giving me such jewels in my life. I didn't do much today, got CHASED BY A BEE, 3 BEES TO BE ACCURATE AT MAC'D. freaking embarassing lar. After that i met up with matty, then he came over to my place. (: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im so lethargic like he said,maybe i'm tired. Didn't sleep much last night. OH wells.
anway just for laughs. i found this picture,shall go put it as a blogskin. uh-huh.

fuck how could it be that you ruin my everything

i just woke up today to realise i've been sleeping on the wrong side of the bed all awhile. I was NEVER EVER ATTACHED TO ANYONE AT ALL! I was dreaming, but i guess the dream must have felt so real that i could even taste,feel and experience it. Till i woke up and realise it was all a dream.
I never broke down this hard in class before. I guess this time i'm the fool once again,for those of you who don't know what the hell I'm saying. Well, you don't need to know. Nothing happend,honestly. (YEA RIGHT!) >:(