Geee. I realised i havent been updating for a pretty long time. Nothing much has happend. Al's birthday party. Baby sitting. Dance pracitces. Muscle aches. Studying. MMMMMM. Blogging has become something i want to do on and off rouitnely, all because my prelims are coming soon and leaves me no time to blog soo much. I've got alot to type out. I doo. But as for now just rest all yee eyes. ((:
i'll blog more tomorrow or something. Stay tuned my readers.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Bullshit
groans. My nose bled. Like Nigeria's waterfall. During Bio quiz. Oh, and when i was searching for some documents, I found this picture.
Oh it was actually taken last Friday (right isit guys?) One of the bestMaths teacher i ever had who truly inspired me to love maths for a cause. She's a wonderful person i tell y'all. Well, the day was tiring and mundane, having 7 subjects all in one day is a totoal joy-killer. -streches arm-
I've been having mac'd almost everyday this week, i'll die of coronary heart disease due to the over-excess of the fries. And diabetes mellitus for the coke and ice-cream i tell you.
I'm devoid of sleep and i'm not myself at times, maybe cause of periods. Too many vile confessions to make. Being wreathed in smiles is hard to do when it's all a psuedo facade. I have made entries that relate to the downside of my emotions but i've never once dare say the names of whom i ever did refer to. I'm being nice and merciful already. Funny isn't it when people say 'I understand' withouth actually knowing what it means. It's equivalent to diving into a botomless pit and tell yourself that you will reach the bottom. Yea, defines BULLSHIT pretty well.
I can cleary divide, hypo's,jealous,idiots and FRIENDS. Who's under which catergory or some that are just in the middle. Sad to say the ratio doesn't tally.
Lakehouse this saturday with baby,fuck my other plans. I want that day freeeeee for Shaun and ONLY Shaun.
Oh it was actually taken last Friday (right isit guys?) One of the bestMaths teacher i ever had who truly inspired me to love maths for a cause. She's a wonderful person i tell y'all. Well, the day was tiring and mundane, having 7 subjects all in one day is a totoal joy-killer. -streches arm-
I've been having mac'd almost everyday this week, i'll die of coronary heart disease due to the over-excess of the fries. And diabetes mellitus for the coke and ice-cream i tell you.
I'm devoid of sleep and i'm not myself at times, maybe cause of periods. Too many vile confessions to make. Being wreathed in smiles is hard to do when it's all a psuedo facade. I have made entries that relate to the downside of my emotions but i've never once dare say the names of whom i ever did refer to. I'm being nice and merciful already. Funny isn't it when people say 'I understand' withouth actually knowing what it means. It's equivalent to diving into a botomless pit and tell yourself that you will reach the bottom. Yea, defines BULLSHIT pretty well.
I can cleary divide, hypo's,jealous,idiots and FRIENDS. Who's under which catergory or some that are just in the middle. Sad to say the ratio doesn't tally.
Lakehouse this saturday with baby,fuck my other plans. I want that day freeeeee for Shaun and ONLY Shaun.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
part of my past
3 days ago i was that happy girl on the streets with baby on one hand around me, yet 3 days later i was that uber sad poor lil girl breaking down on the frounds of the basketball court/ track field. No, it's notthing to do with Shaun, we're going on strong and durn right pretty fine just the way we want it to be. I don't want sympathy or any of you to come up cheering me up, or saying anything encouraging or nice, seriously it hurts my ears. I've not turned cynic.
I dont see why should i get it for the time being, when all i can do is cupp my ears and cry and see our dear Ryan slowly slipping away from us, a day closer is a day less with us. I feel utterly guilty for not having to spend time with him. Yet he always made me laugh wherever i was. He was a great and gentle guy deep inside. I don't want to spend this night and find myself screaming out to God to let him stay, cause i'd love for him to stay. He's only 17. He truly is someone you could scream at and just hit him if you're having a bad day, ''i can be the one with the soft shoulders you can cry oni can be the one that'll just be there for you anytime.'' I know ryan is gonna make it through, i belive it. He is and he will and NO-ONE is to tell me he wont, cause i'll lay my hands on you and softly slit your throat.
FOR RYAN:
Make this ride as fast as I can
Tonight this road home feels a little longer
I hope you know that you were my friend
Tonight I said goodbye, but I should have said more
Thanks for the best time of my life.
Come home, now that you're gone I've finally realized
That you were the best
Come home, I won't forget the times that we had
I'm wishing that you weren't a part of my past
Emptiness swallows this town
From now on I will be alone for good
Will you remember my name?
I'm hoping that I will hear from you soon
Thank you for everything
Come home, now that you're gone I've finally realized
That you were the best
Come home, I won't forget the times that we had
So please don't be a part of my past
That wasn't the only thing that upsetted me to my pits today but as well as certain people in class. I'm sooooo disappointed to have heard what i just found. It's fucking childish i swear just to go ahead and make assumptions and be a hypocrite, if there was a some sorta competition for that, honestly you guys would get the first prize. Thanks for showing me that best friends CANNOT be trusted. Hope you chock now and die later.
Sigh. Bring me to greater heights,cause all i wanna do now is bury my face in the ground. The pang of guilt just shot right through like never before. I'm afraid to know the truth in the end. I wish somebody could read how i feel like the back of their hand or perhaps wake my senses.
baby i miss you so. Just wish you were here to cradle me and sing me a lullaby that tells me that everything is gonna be ogay. :'(
I dont see why should i get it for the time being, when all i can do is cupp my ears and cry and see our dear Ryan slowly slipping away from us, a day closer is a day less with us. I feel utterly guilty for not having to spend time with him. Yet he always made me laugh wherever i was. He was a great and gentle guy deep inside. I don't want to spend this night and find myself screaming out to God to let him stay, cause i'd love for him to stay. He's only 17. He truly is someone you could scream at and just hit him if you're having a bad day, ''i can be the one with the soft shoulders you can cry oni can be the one that'll just be there for you anytime.'' I know ryan is gonna make it through, i belive it. He is and he will and NO-ONE is to tell me he wont, cause i'll lay my hands on you and softly slit your throat.
FOR RYAN:
Make this ride as fast as I can
Tonight this road home feels a little longer
I hope you know that you were my friend
Tonight I said goodbye, but I should have said more
Thanks for the best time of my life.
Come home, now that you're gone I've finally realized
That you were the best
Come home, I won't forget the times that we had
I'm wishing that you weren't a part of my past
Emptiness swallows this town
From now on I will be alone for good
Will you remember my name?
I'm hoping that I will hear from you soon
Thank you for everything
Come home, now that you're gone I've finally realized
That you were the best
Come home, I won't forget the times that we had
So please don't be a part of my past
That wasn't the only thing that upsetted me to my pits today but as well as certain people in class. I'm sooooo disappointed to have heard what i just found. It's fucking childish i swear just to go ahead and make assumptions and be a hypocrite, if there was a some sorta competition for that, honestly you guys would get the first prize. Thanks for showing me that best friends CANNOT be trusted. Hope you chock now and die later.
Sigh. Bring me to greater heights,cause all i wanna do now is bury my face in the ground. The pang of guilt just shot right through like never before. I'm afraid to know the truth in the end. I wish somebody could read how i feel like the back of their hand or perhaps wake my senses.
baby i miss you so. Just wish you were here to cradle me and sing me a lullaby that tells me that everything is gonna be ogay. :'(
Monday, July 24, 2006
Happy 1 month.
BABY! ((: It's our 1 month anni today. Thanks for the chocolates, they were absolutely divine. (:
But baby i hope you know that today isn't the day that it's filled with choclates, carl's junior burgers, sunflowers, hanging around esplanade's library and the rooof terrace. Exactly this day on june, at far-east, you told me the words that got me spinning around and got me melting on your arms. What more can i say, you were the answer to my prayers. Someone i've dreamed about, prayed about. I can't wait to spend the rest of my days with you. Not to mention, my everything to you. (: I love you busloads babykins. -smoooches lips- ohhh and thanks arrr! For bursting the pimple on my lip. Oh and sorry for belching a few times in a row. I promise it'll never happen again! TEEEEEE-HEEEE.
But baby i hope you know that today isn't the day that it's filled with choclates, carl's junior burgers, sunflowers, hanging around esplanade's library and the rooof terrace. Exactly this day on june, at far-east, you told me the words that got me spinning around and got me melting on your arms. What more can i say, you were the answer to my prayers. Someone i've dreamed about, prayed about. I can't wait to spend the rest of my days with you. Not to mention, my everything to you. (: I love you busloads babykins. -smoooches lips- ohhh and thanks arrr! For bursting the pimple on my lip. Oh and sorry for belching a few times in a row. I promise it'll never happen again! TEEEEEE-HEEEE.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
on.
I have quite a few topics to talk about today, the preview of it would be on Love, Death, Fashion People and the least, World. Sounds like everyday most chatted but i'm here to elaborate more on it. (DUH)
On love.
Yesterday while Dad brought me to Mac'd to have dinner, yeaaa did it reminds oof the good old times where daddy would buy me a happy meal and i would screech for a toy. HA. Now at the age of 16, dad bought me a grilled chicken sandwhich meal and salad, a balanced diet for a teen (HA) i suppose. Though no toys or whatsoever, we talked about upcoming events like the Japanese summer festival. Nothing casual. Nothing bad. Just more quality time. I love that. I miss that. I've always yearned for that. Nothing but attention from my folks. However, just as were about to leave and fetch my small sister, an elderly couple sitting behind me grasped my very mind and made me ponder. They looked so sweet having a cup of water and eating ice-cream and smiling widly through their wrinkled skin. I couldn't help but turn around and give them a big beam. (:
On death.
Today Nisha's favourite grandmother passed away with grace. She fought through the pessimistic advice given by the docters and carried on fighting, yet she was called home to be with the Lord today. I could sense Nisha was totoally upset, she stumbled on words and was choking back on tears. Reminds me of the time when my own grandmother passed away when i was just a mere 6 year old. I remember of only happy childhood. Nothing immemoriable.
On fashion.
Though the path i'm aiming for is on journalism and MAYBE deejay/vj. However i feel fashion might be a hallway, i mix i match, i cut i paste, i burn i make,i feel i wear, i like i love. But also my culinary skills, besides prata making (i can never make prata's,so don't get me an indian husband, i just want shaun. (:) all skills,recipes are passed down to me and i have to maintain that from my,Shimada, family. Somehow, i feel excited for what the future has in store for me. (:
On people.
what's there to say?
On World.
Again i say we live in a patethic world and again i tell everyone SCREW THE WORLD. Middle east as we all know is the war-zone. I don't know why they actually have to fight. I don't know what the world is after. I don't know why i get a headache even trying to figure out concepts and linking them to different thins. -throws the inflattable globe outta the window-
On love.
Yesterday while Dad brought me to Mac'd to have dinner, yeaaa did it reminds oof the good old times where daddy would buy me a happy meal and i would screech for a toy. HA. Now at the age of 16, dad bought me a grilled chicken sandwhich meal and salad, a balanced diet for a teen (HA) i suppose. Though no toys or whatsoever, we talked about upcoming events like the Japanese summer festival. Nothing casual. Nothing bad. Just more quality time. I love that. I miss that. I've always yearned for that. Nothing but attention from my folks. However, just as were about to leave and fetch my small sister, an elderly couple sitting behind me grasped my very mind and made me ponder. They looked so sweet having a cup of water and eating ice-cream and smiling widly through their wrinkled skin. I couldn't help but turn around and give them a big beam. (:
On death.
Today Nisha's favourite grandmother passed away with grace. She fought through the pessimistic advice given by the docters and carried on fighting, yet she was called home to be with the Lord today. I could sense Nisha was totoally upset, she stumbled on words and was choking back on tears. Reminds me of the time when my own grandmother passed away when i was just a mere 6 year old. I remember of only happy childhood. Nothing immemoriable.
On fashion.
Though the path i'm aiming for is on journalism and MAYBE deejay/vj. However i feel fashion might be a hallway, i mix i match, i cut i paste, i burn i make,i feel i wear, i like i love. But also my culinary skills, besides prata making (i can never make prata's,so don't get me an indian husband, i just want shaun. (:) all skills,recipes are passed down to me and i have to maintain that from my,Shimada, family. Somehow, i feel excited for what the future has in store for me. (:
On people.
what's there to say?
On World.
Again i say we live in a patethic world and again i tell everyone SCREW THE WORLD. Middle east as we all know is the war-zone. I don't know why they actually have to fight. I don't know what the world is after. I don't know why i get a headache even trying to figure out concepts and linking them to different thins. -throws the inflattable globe outta the window-
Friday, July 21, 2006
that just sucks
Racial Harmony this year pretty muched sucked. -Slaps hard on the table and looks up to the sky-
Though sure they arouse the atmosphere by bringing in a deejay for us to be entertained. Now that's what i call harmony babyeeee.(: Cassie is on to the semi's at Bukit Panjang Plaza tomorrow at 5. Well and i'm gonna give her the confidence by showing my bum there.
Regardless the erika's-out-of-the-vibe days this past mmmmmm 3 days. I manage to pull through a smile in the end of the day from the girls and Shauny. I don't know what hit me to be even soooo agitated with things and people around me, maybe i was over-reacting and didn't realise that i got people around me worried. I'm sorry all, i didn't mean too.
Life is a bitch at times you see people, so start counting the blessings and not the troubles! ((:
The prelims are about 2 weeks and a half, im doing my fair share of studying. MMMHMMM- walks around the streets with bacardi on one hand-
mmmmmmm next monday is me and baby's first month,official. I don't know if he has extra classes, i have a gutty feeling he does, even so i'll leave a note and a bunch of lillies for him on the door, or get him a lil something or either do a lil something. -scratches head- i don't know if he knows actually. -flusters-
I miss him. I do i do i do i do. But if only i could built this portal where i could get a chance to be next to him now. But why a portal when technology fails us from time to time, then i'd rather hide inside his pocket, or maybe his hair -giggles-. Be an angel or watch over him aha. Well i'm pretty drowned with today's activities, primarily school, studying with the girls and then tuition again,then styudying again later. Tomorrow is even better, 9am-4.15 tuition. Marvellous.
Though sure they arouse the atmosphere by bringing in a deejay for us to be entertained. Now that's what i call harmony babyeeee.(: Cassie is on to the semi's at Bukit Panjang Plaza tomorrow at 5. Well and i'm gonna give her the confidence by showing my bum there.
Regardless the erika's-out-of-the-vibe days this past mmmmmm 3 days. I manage to pull through a smile in the end of the day from the girls and Shauny. I don't know what hit me to be even soooo agitated with things and people around me, maybe i was over-reacting and didn't realise that i got people around me worried. I'm sorry all, i didn't mean too.
Life is a bitch at times you see people, so start counting the blessings and not the troubles! ((:
The prelims are about 2 weeks and a half, im doing my fair share of studying. MMMHMMM- walks around the streets with bacardi on one hand-
mmmmmmm next monday is me and baby's first month,official. I don't know if he has extra classes, i have a gutty feeling he does, even so i'll leave a note and a bunch of lillies for him on the door, or get him a lil something or either do a lil something. -scratches head- i don't know if he knows actually. -flusters-
I miss him. I do i do i do i do. But if only i could built this portal where i could get a chance to be next to him now. But why a portal when technology fails us from time to time, then i'd rather hide inside his pocket, or maybe his hair -giggles-. Be an angel or watch over him aha. Well i'm pretty drowned with today's activities, primarily school, studying with the girls and then tuition again,then styudying again later. Tomorrow is even better, 9am-4.15 tuition. Marvellous.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
swell day, i don't think si
Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
i wish lightning would strike ans ZAPPPED DOWN those who made me upset. Lovely of the cries would i hear. I can't be bothered to show any mercy, i've given in too much.
I know today's post sounds rather cynical of me and rather errrr sadistic, forgive me and just let my mind run wild for tonight. I had another bad day whereby i was moodless and upset. But then again i hope you all readers out there had a better day then me despite what. Cheers to y'all. (:
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
i wish lightning would strike ans ZAPPPED DOWN those who made me upset. Lovely of the cries would i hear. I can't be bothered to show any mercy, i've given in too much.
I know today's post sounds rather cynical of me and rather errrr sadistic, forgive me and just let my mind run wild for tonight. I had another bad day whereby i was moodless and upset. But then again i hope you all readers out there had a better day then me despite what. Cheers to y'all. (:
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
baby's birthday
Sweetikins birthday was today. Finally met him after a week and 4 days without seeing him.
>:(
brought this really gigantic box and the humungous letter. Baked for him my specialty, gave him a teee, a stuffed frog, a paint-brush and 6 roses. ((: HAHA then we ate ,er no no no STUFFED at cafe cartel, damn full please! Walked to my place, he initiated it though i wanted to take bus. Bitched to him about her and the her and the her and the herSSSSSS. I just couldn't stand the HER especially, she should very well know that Shaun is errrr M-I-N-E, read the lines kiddo, don't go around acting like he's gonna be yours one day it'll be nothing but a tragedy.Sucha cock.
Got locked out since my key and card are not replaced quite yet.
AH-EM.
well we walked to the mah-mah shop at the hdb blocks down bought green tea and 7-up. Why buy 2 when you can just get one? Think he wanted to gargle down tea and bicarbonate together. HA. Sent him back to the bus-stop. Laughed out loud cause i knew he would have trouble bringing the gifts up. I'm sorry hunnaye. You're irresisitably cute to comprehend. (:
Went straight to bed for an hour and a half, yeaa smarty pants me slept on my hand it was pain for another half and hour. Studied Chem. And well here i am, juggling chatting, blogging and my coursework. School was cocky,maybe because Mr lee made us feel like we were some bunch of meek girls. At least we bother to do his work so why the bull we got today huh? Oh wells. DID THIS DURING HIS LESSON! adventures of erilolly! ((:
aha. well well i guess that's all i have to write about today. I can't wait for my next meeting with
1. Shaun! DAMN I MISS YOU TOOO MUCH! I've even gone to the extent of either waiting down at your block or staring at the front door. HO. If the roads were just stairs, your place will be a level up to mine. (: You mean sooo much to me. So all ye girls or guys can go die, cause if thou shall touch m shauny, ye shall suffer cnsequences of having 12 sharpened pencils, nah nah nah coloured ones are better up there, carrots, heated bunsen burners or anything dangerous i can lay my hands on! HUR.
2. Claudia, Ana, Sarah and Aileen- it's fun having you around to talk and mug with. We all click somehow someway. (:
3. Izzy kwok- hang out you must, if your other padawans like me you shall.
and any names i didn't mention, you're not forgotten. (:
Peace to you all my readers.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
fuctards
-takes social studies books and throws it out of the window, claps hand and walks off triumphantly-
I don't get it. I don't know how many of you out there are patriotic citizens, well i'm not. Like many of the stuuudents here in singapore, we don't SING the national anthem we MOUTHED it like gobbling goldfishes, as well as the pledge. So maybe i don't give a crap about the History of singapore, this i refer is the Sustaining of the Development chapter in S.S. Seriuosly, i don't know what use does it have to me in future, but yeaaa. GAWD. This leads me to today's topic.
Since i was at Rjc having another series of subjects to do today, there was one part whereby me, marie, alan, mat, joanna, garima and that chinese guy talked about education in Singapore and well basically Singapore, i won't be going too much into detail incase any of you fucktards just accuse me of being racist and being a bitch. (now that's stupidty cause all knows that im NOT even racist) Likewise i said it before, all we ever do is bitch and complain yet we never step out to make a stand and actually do something about the problem. Majority of our population is like that, (No Action Talk Only). Lovely doesn't it sound?
I guess i haven't been doing good this few days, sleeping at a ridiculous timing at 2, drinking caffeine almost everyday. I'm exhausted. I'm mugging,yes. I'm doing my homework yes. Yet i ask where was that girl who didn't experience stress and exhaustion but why is she now? I 'ono. -shrugs-
True love is something that comes easy
Just one kiss god I swear I want to...
I heard a pin drop and a nervous heartbeat
Have you ever heard me scream I love you
Angels and Airwaves-good day
I don't get it. I don't know how many of you out there are patriotic citizens, well i'm not. Like many of the stuuudents here in singapore, we don't SING the national anthem we MOUTHED it like gobbling goldfishes, as well as the pledge. So maybe i don't give a crap about the History of singapore, this i refer is the Sustaining of the Development chapter in S.S. Seriuosly, i don't know what use does it have to me in future, but yeaaa. GAWD. This leads me to today's topic.
Since i was at Rjc having another series of subjects to do today, there was one part whereby me, marie, alan, mat, joanna, garima and that chinese guy talked about education in Singapore and well basically Singapore, i won't be going too much into detail incase any of you fucktards just accuse me of being racist and being a bitch. (now that's stupidty cause all knows that im NOT even racist) Likewise i said it before, all we ever do is bitch and complain yet we never step out to make a stand and actually do something about the problem. Majority of our population is like that, (No Action Talk Only). Lovely doesn't it sound?
I guess i haven't been doing good this few days, sleeping at a ridiculous timing at 2, drinking caffeine almost everyday. I'm exhausted. I'm mugging,yes. I'm doing my homework yes. Yet i ask where was that girl who didn't experience stress and exhaustion but why is she now? I 'ono. -shrugs-
True love is something that comes easy
Just one kiss god I swear I want to...
I heard a pin drop and a nervous heartbeat
Have you ever heard me scream I love you
Angels and Airwaves-good day
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
one day
I'm beginning to laugh at the irony that the word 'Family' is all some sort of big joke. We may say that 'Oh i'll take care of my folks till i grow old' and whatever bull. But go ahead and start wishing when you'll receive your first pay check can the desire of wanting to get out of their house. Trust me im starting that now. So i look out the window and i've seen that Rjc's soccer field is starting to look greener. (alright that was random)
Simple plan-One day
Somtimes this house feels like a prison
That I just can't leave behind
There's so many rules I got to follow'
Cuz you can't let go
I don't wanna hear it
And I just can't believe it
All the stupid things you say but
One day
I won't take this anymore
One day
I'll be old enough
I won't have to run away
And you won't be there to say I'm not allowed to
One day
Sometimes I wonder if you know me
Or if you just pretend to care
Tell me are you on a mission to bring me down?
Go away
Don't look at me'
Cuz we're not the same
And you can't do nothing
You can today
That it's not okay
But I'm not afraid And you can't do nothingNanana...
One day
So nothing is going the way i want it to be, my wallet is reportedly swimming in the sea of fugly ckps in this country, i SCREWED up my n-level orals, i caught ________________, im having some fuck with my folks, my prelims are in about a month's time, im exhausting myself by making myself sleep at 1, im starting to drink mocha and other caffeinated drinks, i cry and scream when i can't get concepts right or even into my shrivelled brain. Just last night i cried cause they put me down. I have every reason to fight back, but i can just forget about it. I can never forget who were they that gave me the meaning of PAIN when i was just a toddler and a growing adolescent, they who crushed every hope and dream, they who thought me what being in a family was about. ahhhh screw this talk here. scroll down for a cheery one.
Thanks to Amanda for inviting me over to island creamery. Got to really know, personally 2 people, Anastsia Takahashi and Claudia Phuah. Damn funny. Amanda lost to Claudia in arm wrestling. HOHOHO. Something to be added in history. Ate revers-o and cookies and cream to calm my emotions. Talked,laughed. Sarah came in. I enjoyed time spent today. They are all really nice people. I LIKE I LIKE. ((:
It's shaun's birthday next week. -squeals-
Simple plan-One day
Somtimes this house feels like a prison
That I just can't leave behind
There's so many rules I got to follow'
Cuz you can't let go
I don't wanna hear it
And I just can't believe it
All the stupid things you say but
One day
I won't take this anymore
One day
I'll be old enough
I won't have to run away
And you won't be there to say I'm not allowed to
One day
Sometimes I wonder if you know me
Or if you just pretend to care
Tell me are you on a mission to bring me down?
Go away
Don't look at me'
Cuz we're not the same
And you can't do nothing
You can today
That it's not okay
But I'm not afraid And you can't do nothingNanana...
One day
So nothing is going the way i want it to be, my wallet is reportedly swimming in the sea of fugly ckps in this country, i SCREWED up my n-level orals, i caught ________________, im having some fuck with my folks, my prelims are in about a month's time, im exhausting myself by making myself sleep at 1, im starting to drink mocha and other caffeinated drinks, i cry and scream when i can't get concepts right or even into my shrivelled brain. Just last night i cried cause they put me down. I have every reason to fight back, but i can just forget about it. I can never forget who were they that gave me the meaning of PAIN when i was just a toddler and a growing adolescent, they who crushed every hope and dream, they who thought me what being in a family was about. ahhhh screw this talk here. scroll down for a cheery one.
Thanks to Amanda for inviting me over to island creamery. Got to really know, personally 2 people, Anastsia Takahashi and Claudia Phuah. Damn funny. Amanda lost to Claudia in arm wrestling. HOHOHO. Something to be added in history. Ate revers-o and cookies and cream to calm my emotions. Talked,laughed. Sarah came in. I enjoyed time spent today. They are all really nice people. I LIKE I LIKE. ((:
It's shaun's birthday next week. -squeals-
Monday, July 10, 2006
everything in it's time
GOLLLLY POEPLE! My english oral was crap! Stupid teacher laughed like a hyeena like there was no tomorrow, and it got me nervous. Picture conversation as well was shibby. I wasted my shrivelled brain for nothing. >:( My body posture was in a way that got me spasmitised. I perspired like rain has never fell from Singapore. It was a bad experience. This is a reminder to all, BRING SCOTCH-TAPE OR PLASTERS, to kindly ask the teachers to tape their mouth if they ever laugh, you do wanna score high don't cha? Im upset though, i don't expect a high grade since everything was basically SCREWED!
Oh and while i was painstakingly looking for my health booklet, i came across this big black bag. Since curosity killed the cat, WHAT CAT?, i opened the bag and discovered unsaid history. I found my mum's report cards and uni certificates, as well as mine, and something shocking was the certificate of execellence in C.A history.WOOOHOO. Well i compared grades, i did better then my mum. HAHAHA. Oh and her Waseda University gradauation cert. She didn't tell me she took mass com and mass media as a subject. Alot of unsaid history was found as i continued unravelling and digging out, like i found this
1. old pictures of family members.
2. mama's wedding pouch which was given by a friend.
3. This was the precious that got me really excited, the traditional wedding dress which has been passed down from generations from my Dad's side. Though it's orange in colour,bleach, the threads of gold told me there's a treasure waiting for me in the future,be patient! ((:
i've yet to search for more, i can't wait to discover what im gonna unravel and find information,stories,tragedies,history,love stories about both side of the families. Wish me luck. (:
Oh and while i was painstakingly looking for my health booklet, i came across this big black bag. Since curosity killed the cat, WHAT CAT?, i opened the bag and discovered unsaid history. I found my mum's report cards and uni certificates, as well as mine, and something shocking was the certificate of execellence in C.A history.WOOOHOO. Well i compared grades, i did better then my mum. HAHAHA. Oh and her Waseda University gradauation cert. She didn't tell me she took mass com and mass media as a subject. Alot of unsaid history was found as i continued unravelling and digging out, like i found this
1. old pictures of family members.
2. mama's wedding pouch which was given by a friend.
3. This was the precious that got me really excited, the traditional wedding dress which has been passed down from generations from my Dad's side. Though it's orange in colour,bleach, the threads of gold told me there's a treasure waiting for me in the future,be patient! ((:
i've yet to search for more, i can't wait to discover what im gonna unravel and find information,stories,tragedies,history,love stories about both side of the families. Wish me luck. (:
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Saturday, July 08, 2006
the time we had
SO my day didn't start out that well, i almost woke up slightly late, but i had the sense of timing to bother to rush everything. I met up with my FnN teacher, my papers flew from the 2nd floor to the first and i got irritated by it. -stupidly kicks wind-
grabbed a bite from delifrance and rushed to RJC for my lessons, i think RI people are like depressed or something, because i got lost in the school, i asked for directions, so i went to the nearest group of students and asked
me: 'erm hi, but can you tell me how to get to Rjc?'
guy in short pants: -with dead and monotone voice and stares at spasm- -points behind him- 'Go straight'
me: 'Oh err thanks'
damn dead i tell you. Sat next to marie, talked to her and the rest, 'ka-chiao' one another. MERHUR. Stupid alan. I'M HOT LUH! HAHA
Well i screamed Mark Vincent's name on the way cause he brushed pass me, talked for a while till his friend came. Then karma hit me. Ogay for some dumb reason why, i lost my wallet, either i was pick-pocket, i can't say which, just take the fact that my wallet is MISSING! I was like screaming at John's and Ali's workplace, and i traced back my steps to find out exactly where i might have misplaced it, that didn't help. It was futile, jeric called and i picked him up from the bus-stop, came running and screaming that my wallet was missing, he asked me too cool it and to stop looking into every dustbin at far-east (WHO KNOWS LA JERIC!) IN general, i met Chu shen, Leon see, Sean, Darius, Aileen Phua, Sidney, Sean's friend, Benny, Janan,Bryan and Nat chua. Forced darius to accompany and sit next to me at the police station while jeric and aileen errr talked. HA. Then darius and aileen split, head for marina bay for steam-boat, while me and jeric walked back to wheelock and isetan, bye and all. Folks didn't say much. Like it was no big deal. OHHHH BUT, she was rambling on about some stuff. -bangs head-
I felt that someone was upset with me today, i won't say who, but i know who, i think i know who, whoever it is, im sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset, if i didn't made you happy well it's my fault for not doing my part and job to do so.
Sidney: OI! Im still hot! Don't deny it Sid. SILLY SID! Hurry up come back! Have another wonderful time in aussie yea? Catch up with me soon, i've got lots to spill. HA.
Jeric: I may never understand you. But it's alright, follow your heart and follow what you feel is right, I know you miss her alright. Me and Sid were talking about it la. And it was pretty obvious too. Jeric, you have to understand that the greatest thing is to be loved and to love. Trust me. That feeling i have now with Shaun, i've never felt this way before. Trust me on this one, so what if she's dependent on a guy? It's alright to be, it's a way that she entrust you with her happiness and her heart and her faith. Don't loose it, i don't want you to regret it. And no bullshit ahh slut!
Aileen: It was damn goood catching up with you, we should hang out with these people more often. And ohh, i enjoyed what happend just now on the road! DAMN FUNNY AND CUTE CAN! HAHAHA! You're looking great and beautiful yea? Loveee. <3
Darius: AHHH thanks arrr for sitting next to me at the police station. teeeeheee. Ogay go, get lost. Hang out more yea? mmmmmmmmmm
Shaun: I don't know if im paranoid, though im not, but you seem different today. I don't know. But yea maybe im just getting worked up with my day that i had. I miss you damn badly now. >:(
grabbed a bite from delifrance and rushed to RJC for my lessons, i think RI people are like depressed or something, because i got lost in the school, i asked for directions, so i went to the nearest group of students and asked
me: 'erm hi, but can you tell me how to get to Rjc?'
guy in short pants: -with dead and monotone voice and stares at spasm- -points behind him- 'Go straight'
me: 'Oh err thanks'
damn dead i tell you. Sat next to marie, talked to her and the rest, 'ka-chiao' one another. MERHUR. Stupid alan. I'M HOT LUH! HAHA
Well i screamed Mark Vincent's name on the way cause he brushed pass me, talked for a while till his friend came. Then karma hit me. Ogay for some dumb reason why, i lost my wallet, either i was pick-pocket, i can't say which, just take the fact that my wallet is MISSING! I was like screaming at John's and Ali's workplace, and i traced back my steps to find out exactly where i might have misplaced it, that didn't help. It was futile, jeric called and i picked him up from the bus-stop, came running and screaming that my wallet was missing, he asked me too cool it and to stop looking into every dustbin at far-east (WHO KNOWS LA JERIC!) IN general, i met Chu shen, Leon see, Sean, Darius, Aileen Phua, Sidney, Sean's friend, Benny, Janan,Bryan and Nat chua. Forced darius to accompany and sit next to me at the police station while jeric and aileen errr talked. HA. Then darius and aileen split, head for marina bay for steam-boat, while me and jeric walked back to wheelock and isetan, bye and all. Folks didn't say much. Like it was no big deal. OHHHH BUT, she was rambling on about some stuff. -bangs head-
I felt that someone was upset with me today, i won't say who, but i know who, i think i know who, whoever it is, im sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset, if i didn't made you happy well it's my fault for not doing my part and job to do so.
Sidney: OI! Im still hot! Don't deny it Sid. SILLY SID! Hurry up come back! Have another wonderful time in aussie yea? Catch up with me soon, i've got lots to spill. HA.
Jeric: I may never understand you. But it's alright, follow your heart and follow what you feel is right, I know you miss her alright. Me and Sid were talking about it la. And it was pretty obvious too. Jeric, you have to understand that the greatest thing is to be loved and to love. Trust me. That feeling i have now with Shaun, i've never felt this way before. Trust me on this one, so what if she's dependent on a guy? It's alright to be, it's a way that she entrust you with her happiness and her heart and her faith. Don't loose it, i don't want you to regret it. And no bullshit ahh slut!
Aileen: It was damn goood catching up with you, we should hang out with these people more often. And ohh, i enjoyed what happend just now on the road! DAMN FUNNY AND CUTE CAN! HAHAHA! You're looking great and beautiful yea? Loveee. <3
Darius: AHHH thanks arrr for sitting next to me at the police station. teeeeheee. Ogay go, get lost. Hang out more yea? mmmmmmmmmm
Shaun: I don't know if im paranoid, though im not, but you seem different today. I don't know. But yea maybe im just getting worked up with my day that i had. I miss you damn badly now. >:(
Thursday, July 06, 2006
make music not war
I was half bored and tired after mugging a chapter of biology when all of a sudden i had the energy of an energizer bunny to study Social studies. Radical! Flipped to the chapter of Northern Ireland and Sri Lanka and begain absorbing every single sentence into my shrivelled brain.
Though I'm a girl who is nonetheless couldn't care less about current affairs in the world since it's a NOO problem for me going around screaming 'SCREW THE WORLD!', seriously. But something boot me in the but to give at least a thought about it, face it people, we are all gonna die one day accept that truth, not a fact. The world is getting more and more patethic as it revolve around the Sun. So why bother giving a damn and see the world come to an end one day? Sure go ahead, no one is gonna stop you but i plan to read my Basic Intsrutcions Before Leaving Earth guide-book,it never fails. -pats chest-
Look at the situation here in Sri-Lanka, as you all read in the papers the Tamil Tigers are planning to gather more forces and fight once again, stupid it is, they've already been punished by Tsunami and the UN people are willing to give a shit about them by sending them their basics and this is how the repay back to the world. WOW Lovely isn't it? Acheh you say? WELL WELL, though reading from some papers along time ago, they did barbaric things, i will not mention them as a respect, but tables turned when Tsunami hit them, now they've seem to take things at another view, SEEEE WHY CAN'T other countries learn from them, east-timor leste as well? I've got no comments and i can go on rambling about other countries. As we can see the situation is not getting better, so why not join me and the rest of the other people in well err this place where we call it earth, make MUSIC NOT war! PEACE!
yet again we can all just scream 'SCREW THE WORLD'. I end my rantings about current affairs, how unusual of me to even type all of this out.
Went to Shaun's place. -smiles brightly- I smell him on me.BWAHAHA I just love him with every beat of my heart. He amazes me.((:
Though I'm a girl who is nonetheless couldn't care less about current affairs in the world since it's a NOO problem for me going around screaming 'SCREW THE WORLD!', seriously. But something boot me in the but to give at least a thought about it, face it people, we are all gonna die one day accept that truth, not a fact. The world is getting more and more patethic as it revolve around the Sun. So why bother giving a damn and see the world come to an end one day? Sure go ahead, no one is gonna stop you but i plan to read my Basic Intsrutcions Before Leaving Earth guide-book,it never fails. -pats chest-
Look at the situation here in Sri-Lanka, as you all read in the papers the Tamil Tigers are planning to gather more forces and fight once again, stupid it is, they've already been punished by Tsunami and the UN people are willing to give a shit about them by sending them their basics and this is how the repay back to the world. WOW Lovely isn't it? Acheh you say? WELL WELL, though reading from some papers along time ago, they did barbaric things, i will not mention them as a respect, but tables turned when Tsunami hit them, now they've seem to take things at another view, SEEEE WHY CAN'T other countries learn from them, east-timor leste as well? I've got no comments and i can go on rambling about other countries. As we can see the situation is not getting better, so why not join me and the rest of the other people in well err this place where we call it earth, make MUSIC NOT war! PEACE!
yet again we can all just scream 'SCREW THE WORLD'. I end my rantings about current affairs, how unusual of me to even type all of this out.
Went to Shaun's place. -smiles brightly- I smell him on me.BWAHAHA I just love him with every beat of my heart. He amazes me.((:
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
speechless
I happen to be doing last minute touch up on my FnN coursework and i thought why not upload a picture of my N level practical. I can't be bothered to upload the rest though. I'm juggling too many things at one time.
MMMMM a blood vessel in my eyeball just burst.
Prelims are just about 5-6 weeks away.
-SMILES-
SUGAR PIE SMSED ME! ((: I MISSS YOUUUU! I can't wait this friday! -jumps up and down-
Cause you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
i belive everyone has their fair share of bad/good days, not that I had a bad day today. I woke up with a thumping large headache and found myself barfing out everything i ate that night.
I need a goooood sleep later, so don't come calling me tonight. I felt like i needed someone to talk to today, but i wound up going to Waffletown at Balmoral with Ji Min, i swore i saw Jotham, though i didn't think he recognised me. I met up with Jeric instead, talked to him about some stuff then i sent him off to his bus stop. Though i didn't expect we'd hug each other good-bye, i embraced it none the wise and wanted to smile say, 'OH FRIEND!'.
Nothing happend. Grandma's 10th death anniversary. When i went home online, and clicked the specific groupings of people, I don't know why but wherever i hovered my mouse onto, a video of how he/she is linked into my past just flashes right before my eyes. There were some sad parts, but i guess i rather leave it alone and face that it's just history.
I need a goooood sleep later, so don't come calling me tonight. I felt like i needed someone to talk to today, but i wound up going to Waffletown at Balmoral with Ji Min, i swore i saw Jotham, though i didn't think he recognised me. I met up with Jeric instead, talked to him about some stuff then i sent him off to his bus stop. Though i didn't expect we'd hug each other good-bye, i embraced it none the wise and wanted to smile say, 'OH FRIEND!'.
Nothing happend. Grandma's 10th death anniversary. When i went home online, and clicked the specific groupings of people, I don't know why but wherever i hovered my mouse onto, a video of how he/she is linked into my past just flashes right before my eyes. There were some sad parts, but i guess i rather leave it alone and face that it's just history.
Monday, July 03, 2006
run around the whole world
I placed my msn nick
'if stupid poems could fix this home, i won't bother reading it anyway'
i don't know what the heck happend to my mother, she seems to be having irrational mood swings that come hitting me on the head. She's been screaming at me for God knows the reason why, it's like im her enemy now and she justs wants me out of the house. I knelt down many times to pray and told God that i will never grow up to be like my mother. She even made me drove away Shaun for God also knows the reason why? I didn't do anything wrong for fuck sake. I felt not only disappointed but upset and embarassed and guilt ridden with the fact that i had to see him go and i felt like a totoal bitch for that and embarass for my mum made me do it. I mean even when my dad was there, he didn't mind shaun coming he was like omega cool with it. So what the fuck is her problem then? So what if she kicked me out of the house one day? I compelled a list
1. I don't think i want to stay with my aunt, it'll be like living in a nun-stry.
2. Hand myself over to foster home care? It happend once in america when my whole family decided to move back to Singapore, i stayed behind for another year and a half with my best friend's family.
3. Rent a house somewhere and start making my own living and studying at the same time.
4. I don't fancy the idea of commiting scuicide cause i'll go to hell straight.
5. Get away from Singapore and never come back. Change my name, address and identity.
6.Tolerate this family and pray that God will do something about it.
I think i choose the last one, i'm not speaking to my mum now. I don't wish to speak to her,whatever for when most of the time she isn't at home anyway, like today because of the one-day holiday for youth she always says ' Oh i made today and off-day to spend time with my kids.' HUH? what kids? what spend time? It leads to nothing it's just another day and excuse to find a way to nail me down at her feet and dig history to slap me with. Fuck i can't stand this. Maybe i'll never understand, i don't wish too. So please y'all, don't come talking to me about what to do or what not to do? I'd walk away from you.
Prelims are exactly 5 weeks and then follow up with the N levels. Lovely doesn't it sound?
'if stupid poems could fix this home, i won't bother reading it anyway'
i don't know what the heck happend to my mother, she seems to be having irrational mood swings that come hitting me on the head. She's been screaming at me for God knows the reason why, it's like im her enemy now and she justs wants me out of the house. I knelt down many times to pray and told God that i will never grow up to be like my mother. She even made me drove away Shaun for God also knows the reason why? I didn't do anything wrong for fuck sake. I felt not only disappointed but upset and embarassed and guilt ridden with the fact that i had to see him go and i felt like a totoal bitch for that and embarass for my mum made me do it. I mean even when my dad was there, he didn't mind shaun coming he was like omega cool with it. So what the fuck is her problem then? So what if she kicked me out of the house one day? I compelled a list
1. I don't think i want to stay with my aunt, it'll be like living in a nun-stry.
2. Hand myself over to foster home care? It happend once in america when my whole family decided to move back to Singapore, i stayed behind for another year and a half with my best friend's family.
3. Rent a house somewhere and start making my own living and studying at the same time.
4. I don't fancy the idea of commiting scuicide cause i'll go to hell straight.
5. Get away from Singapore and never come back. Change my name, address and identity.
6.Tolerate this family and pray that God will do something about it.
I think i choose the last one, i'm not speaking to my mum now. I don't wish to speak to her,whatever for when most of the time she isn't at home anyway, like today because of the one-day holiday for youth she always says ' Oh i made today and off-day to spend time with my kids.' HUH? what kids? what spend time? It leads to nothing it's just another day and excuse to find a way to nail me down at her feet and dig history to slap me with. Fuck i can't stand this. Maybe i'll never understand, i don't wish too. So please y'all, don't come talking to me about what to do or what not to do? I'd walk away from you.
Prelims are exactly 5 weeks and then follow up with the N levels. Lovely doesn't it sound?
Saturday, July 01, 2006
chloe's birthday
so go ahead and scream at me for changing blogskin after blogskin. I don't care. I know this is plain so please don't come telling me the obvious for that.
went to Chloe's folks restraunt to celebrate her birthday, saw alot of unknown people but thank God there were my classmates to mingle with. Moved to Ice Kimo after that. Stayed a while and hung around till Phanida,Stewart, Jeremy and Alexia wanted to watch a movie, tagged along without my partner. Damn awkward luh, felt like a mega big lamp post there. Jeremy and Alexia were damn sweeeet to me, i was rummaging through my shrivelled brain for Fulton Ave when Jeremy halted the car and screeeched, 'FULTON AVE!' and i was damn excited, when in to look for baby, but he left! >:(
then when i opened my email
THIS CAME!
From:
' sze ying
Saturday, 1 July, 2006 4:40 PM
Subject:
hi
Message:
pls add me!
i'm a chiobu. ^^szeying_sux@hotmail.comand pls view my profile.thanks. i love you all!*muahh*
then i sent' err no fuck off' Why don't people just find something else to do. It's fuck irritating. I'm gonna watch the match now, the internet is a hindrance to my viewing.
went to Chloe's folks restraunt to celebrate her birthday, saw alot of unknown people but thank God there were my classmates to mingle with. Moved to Ice Kimo after that. Stayed a while and hung around till Phanida,Stewart, Jeremy and Alexia wanted to watch a movie, tagged along without my partner. Damn awkward luh, felt like a mega big lamp post there. Jeremy and Alexia were damn sweeeet to me, i was rummaging through my shrivelled brain for Fulton Ave when Jeremy halted the car and screeeched, 'FULTON AVE!' and i was damn excited, when in to look for baby, but he left! >:(
then when i opened my email
THIS CAME!
From:
' sze ying
Saturday, 1 July, 2006 4:40 PM
Subject:
hi
Message:
pls add me!
i'm a chiobu. ^^szeying_sux@hotmail.comand pls view my profile.thanks. i love you all!*muahh*
then i sent' err no fuck off' Why don't people just find something else to do. It's fuck irritating. I'm gonna watch the match now, the internet is a hindrance to my viewing.
DDG
ddg boyfriend met up with me FINALLY! ((: (drop dead gorgeous)
ate lunch twice, i think i just accumilated more than a day's calorie intake. Job well done erika.
Studying i couldn't do any, busy with shitloads of what you earthly humans call HOMEWORK.
I was at Ji Min's place having lunch, and helping her choose her clothing for the concert. FUCKING NICE FOOOOOD! I can't wait to go back. Then i met baby, WITHOUT ji min, had lunch again at pastamania then drank choco. latte. >:( babykins came over to my place, by sister was being an annoying irritating turd as the usual.
ate lunch twice, i think i just accumilated more than a day's calorie intake. Job well done erika.
Studying i couldn't do any, busy with shitloads of what you earthly humans call HOMEWORK.
I was at Ji Min's place having lunch, and helping her choose her clothing for the concert. FUCKING NICE FOOOOOD! I can't wait to go back. Then i met baby, WITHOUT ji min, had lunch again at pastamania then drank choco. latte. >:( babykins came over to my place, by sister was being an annoying irritating turd as the usual.
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