gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

alright. As march approaches. I'd realised that i haven't passed most of my test papers. -grins- but what the?!? I'll be so dead when my folks just see my report paper. alright. Days are weary and long, alot in my mind.
But my inspiration is coming back to me, i bought this notebook at Isetan to pen down my thoughts,so far there are 2 entries. (:

Anyway, I tend to be staring at people with long hair most of my time. Ranting, wanting, wishing, praying for my long hair back. I'd do anything to have eternity back and that's a painful obessesion. As all of you know,

to a girl, her hair is one of the most greatest pride and joy in life. I know mine is and was. Not to be narcisstic,but i was in love with my hair,long,thick,wavy. Just the way i want it. But guess i had to make sacrifices,very stupid ones. AND OH get a load of this, THE BLOODY HAIRDRESSER MADE A MISTAKE. DUMB FCUK. I WAS FREAKING PISSED WITH HER. you know whoever works at those 10 bucks for 10 minutes places,just simply are pathetic amatuers. I mean don't cut hair,when you don't. AND if you don't know what the customer is trying to say about the way how she wants her hair to be, for pete's sake,go back to a REAL hairdressing school and do the REAL thing,hair on our head are NOT FOR EXPERIMENTS YOU KNOW?!? pieces of shit. ahh wells,does anyone know how to grow long hair?please do say so. ):

ahhh wells. Should i postpone the date to a saturday or thursday? IM STILL IN A DILEMA GIRLS! HELP ME OUT HERE.

run-away

today was normal.went out.collected dust at sponge and gallery.iqbal and ali are just damn mean fucks lar. >:(
went home,used the spare time to tannnn.oh and my sister thought i went tanning in my bra. -_-.well actually i did,but it's a SPORTS bra,but you can't tell that it's actually a bra,it looks like a top of a bikini.hawrs,hawrs.
anyway cheryl is coming over my place to stay for a night,that dear girl ran away from home.tsk.tsk.tsk.looks like another stay up late night chat,with the sneaking into the kitchen to grab hot chocolate and chocolate itself.wheeeeeeee. ((: fun.fun.fun.fun or should i bring her to bishan park to meet up with some friends? i wonder where.oh wells whatever the case is,i'm bringing her to my place to stay over and hear her side of her story.she's only 15.she's still learning,just like me.((:

national library

did i ever mentioned that the national library stinks.literally. I was at the library with Nisha to do our coursework, unfortunately that didn't had the slightest nuts about the information we wanted,and the books were NOT ON LOAN yet! SO we got fed up,we didn't go empty handed though,borrowed 4. OH OH and while i was at Bugis,this malay guy came up to me and asked if i could have my picture taken with him,and i said 'yes'. ask nisha for the story.that's all i'll give. (:
anyway,speaking of blue days. Here's a lil encouragement for everyone who has blue days.-ah em-

Everybody has blue days,these are miserable days when you feel lousy,grumpy,lonely,and utterly exhausted.
Just getting started seems impossible On blue days you can become paranoid that everyone is out to get you.(This is not always such a bad thing.)
You feel frustrated and anxious,which can induce a nail-biting frenzy,that can escalate into a triple-chocolate-mud-cake-eating frenzy in a blink of an eye!
So how can you find that blissful "just sliding into a hot bubble bath" kind of feeling? IT'S EASY!
First, stop slinking away from all those nagging issues. It's time to face the music,Now, just relax. Take some deep breaths. (in through the nose and out through the mouth) Try to meditate if you can. Or go for a walk to clear your head.Accept the fact that you'll have to let go of some emotional baggage, Try seeing things from a different perspective, Maybe you’re actually the one at fault. If that's the case, be big enough to say you're sorry. (it's never too late to do this.)

If someone else is doing the wrong thing, stand up tall and say, "That's not right and I won't stand for it!" It's okay to be forceful. (It's rarely okay to blow raspberries.)Be proud of who you are,but don't lose the ability to laugh at yourself.
Live every day as if it were your last, because one day it will be.Don't be afraid to bite off more than you can chew.Take big risks.Never hang back,get out there and go for it.
After all, isn't that what life is all about?I think so too.

alright,i'll take my leave now,hope you enjoy.im happy.YEAYEAYEAYEA ((:

i not stupid

'i not stupid too' watched that with michelle,sara and ji min at p.s. the woman who gave us our ticket was pretty funny.
ticket lady: so 'i not stupid' yes?
me: yea you're not stupid.
ogay that was pretty lame.hahas.i so loved the movie,NOT cause shawn and joshua were inside,though i confess they are HOT.not sizzling.but they're hot,like they finally grew up! (:
I think i've never cried so much in a movie before,but this was the first time i ever did anyway.felt better,having a good laugh and cry during the movie.oh and because i skipped my mother tongue class today,i had to rush down all the way to j8 cause daddy was picking me up.I stared into my reflection throught the journey and i was trying to wonder who did i see? True i saw myself,but i tried too find my another self,the one who had long hair,the one who use to be so different,but as i stared back at the girl looking at me,i looked away and i wanted to cry,where is she now?did she died?i don't really quite know.True i feel different now,just different,and the sad part is i don't feel happy about it. I lost the sanguine side of me i guess.

im pretty stressed with schoolwork now,with my coursework,project deadlines that need to be met,and test that needs cramming.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.-stretches hands- with this,i can't seem to concentrate as much as i did last year.i wonder what the hell is wrong with me?

how could it be that you ruined my everything

HELLO THERE.Yesterday's schedual.
I had school,nothing special happend.the normal time-table.the normal day.Oh followed Ji min to acs,again,with alexia,did the same stuff,i DIDN'T fall.((:
ate at waffletown again,had single ice-cream scoop with waffle again,yumsyums.scoot of for japanese class,was late as usual,and i fell asleep.
Went to pacific plaza after that,unfortunately lucas was just next door to Gallery so i ran all the way to far-east,talked to ali and iqbal over a few things.Iqbal is another useless piece of unfriendly shit to be added on to THE list.then went for japanses tution.I met up with ridhuan and yat.i must say i wasn't myself.but it was good to see yat again,feelings came rushing back to me.We all left at 10.45.i couldn't help but sulk all the way home,i must be missing him too much.I can't help it.
Today
school was normal,boring as usual.Went all the way to novena to buy winnies for lunch.yeaaaa erika.woah.anyway shall update later.tution now.sucks.):<

it can't be

Yesterday,you won't belive me who called me up.I didn't expect to hear his voice on the other line,and my heart skipped a beat i swear.I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy.(((:
talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked.remenized about the past.here's a rough conversation,
Me: So what's the big idea?
Him: I gotta confess,i've been thinking about you lately,i can't get you outta my mind.I miss those times.I miss you.
Me: -smiles hysterically- oh.well.erm.i er.oh.i.geeee i gotta confess something too,i've been miserable about you.and i mean really miserable.
Here the conversation was pratically about how miserable we both were la.
I don't know if we're gonna patch,if we ever do,everyone of you should know my answer.I'm not gonna loose something that rightfully belongs to me,it's not stupidity,it's called L-O-V-E.it makes you do the most craziest stuff.it's self sacrificial.Im still learning,i always will.If you were in my position,you wouldn't let go,all of you have been quite asses,thinking 'oh she's gonna move on' 'she's gonna get a new guy' and whatever,but damn right,and am damn glad i'm gonna prove all of you wrong,I'm going back to the beginning,and im gonna start off where i finished.

like we never loved at all

Ji min dragged me and cassie INSIDE acs BARKER to do some stuff for her cousin,he's gonna study there,and an embarassing moment happend to.....ME!
I slipped and fell a step,and landed on the left side of my butt,i just sat there laughing and screaming in pain for 2 minutes,infront of crowds of boys.Geee so this is how i react when something embarassing like this happens.Oh and my whole behins skirt was WET.tsks.ate at waffletown,yums.did alot of gossiping and chit chat and irritation to cassie.(:

On the way home with cassie,we talked alot about both our ex-es.It hurts so much.To sacrifice everything you had for something that wouldn't last,you gain nothing,only the other party does.): I heard kyle got into idol,i started cursing and hollering on the phone,the judges must be deaf.And his face had to come up on TOday paper somemore,so now even the press is on his side to bring me down lar
But,i kinda miss him.How can he just walk on by?Without one tear in his eye?Doesn't he have the slightest feelings left for me?maybe that's just his way of dealing with the pain,forgetting everything between our rise and fall,like we never loved at all.:(it still hurts,honestly.i don't know how to get rid of these blues.

OH,OH,OH.during bio class,i realised i kept staring at cassie,to find she reminds me of kyle.and this is what i have to say,so shut up and listen.
See the thing about you,that caught in my eye.
Is the the same thing that makes me change,my mind.
Kinda hard to explain,but i tried.
You need to sit down,this may take a while.
You see,he sorta looks just like you.
HE somewhat even smiles,just the way you do.
So innocent,he seemed,but i was schooled,I'm reminded when i look at him,but,

You remind me of a boy,that i once knew.See his face whenever i look at you.
You won't belive all of the things that he put me through.This is why i like to stare at you.

Though he WAS the one for me,
till i found out he was on his dream,
Oh,he broke up with me,
and i guess that's why we could have never be.

You remind me of a boy,that i once knew.See his face whenever i look at you.
You won't belive all of the things he put me throught.This is why i like to stare at you.

I know it's so unfair to you,
But i'd rather linger the rest to you
Wish i knew,wish i knew how to separate the two.
You remind me,whoa......

and this is the song i sang to cassie,just because she reminded me of him.im no les please.((: OH SNAP,even singing this song reminds me of him.SNAP!

garrrrrrr

Gosh im dying here on the computer seat doing my 'N' level coursework. My eyes are very heavy,i havent done my maths or bio homework. Miss Choong is leaving tomorrow,and I'm suppose to write a letter to her.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh time. I might as well just move to Jupiter,Mars,or Saturn where the days and nights are longer.(:
Anyway,i wrote a poem during Bio class,and it was obvious that i was bored.I wrote random stuff,i haven't quite finish yet,cause again like i said i need T-I-M-E.
It doesn't feel like I'm taking my n-levels this year.It feels like a normal year.wait,wait,i take that back,no years were normal.): But i wish i didn't had to take my n's nor my o's,instead i want to take SAT'S,cause i feel they're less stressful and less complicating.I wanna go now,im buzzed.

un-valentine's

For the past few days,i had a dozen and one things to blog about.so watch out for the upcoming next days for the topics. School.Education.Bus passengers.Love.and blah blah.and i gurantee you i won't leave out any juicy info. out.(:<

anyway today was my UN-valentine's day.Maybe it was because i didn't had the person i wanted to share it with.wells.anyway,school was a drag,i don't understand why im wasting my life there.wake me up when i graduate please.
Brought cassie,well it's she who brought me to the jamming studio,was suppose to make her and justin meet and patch up some things,but the whole bloody band was at mac'd performing?huh?like who the hell performs at mac'd lar?C'mon what are you gonna sing? ''ba-da-ba-pa-pa,im loving it.'' -_-" lame.was damn frigging pissssssssssssssssssssst,cause we waited damn long please.So we switched our routes to Orchard,and Cassie wound up saying ''fug you couple!fug you flowers!fug you chocolates!fug you!fug you!fug you'',on the other hand,i said ''screw the world! screw this! screw that!''

And there we were,2 girls with our minds glistening with the past.went over to pacific plaza to pass john his v-day gift.GOSH IT SEEM TO TAKE US 10 YEARS JUST TO DO IT,wait not we,it's ME!hawrs.I was being very negative,complaining who the heck declared valentine's day and to like go screw the person or something like that.Guess i just want someone whom i can call on mine too,but thanks to some random idiot who randomly came into my life and had to kick his own soccer ball right into the nets of my heart giving me a RED CARD in life,that,i'll never forget.

To the HEARTS I'VE ACHED:

as this valentine's comes to an end,i hope y'all are getting along with life breezy.
new love ones, hope you found them.I'm not the one for you.Infact i think all of you are the fine and dandy and decent,but im just not the one.have a very well valentine's day.(:

TO the guy whom i wanna watch the stars with(benson choo,don't lie,i know it's you):

you have to read this.i don't care! FOR the past few days i've noticed,that both the moon and stars have been out.And these were the stars that first shone when our feelings started to blossom,i can still remember .I'd do anything to watch it with you,just like i promised i would.and about those things i said in that letter,maybe i did mean some,and not all.I can't resist you.I don't know how you do,what you do?I'm just so into you i guess,it just keeps getting better THAT time,guess i wanna spend the rest of my days like how they were last year,where it felt that it will never end,forever and ever.(: Every little thing that you do,baby im amazed by you.(: <3

influenza

well well,im back.too all who thought i was dead,which it felt like i was,cause i've been having influenza.i don't think i'll ever trust those docters at Bishan again,they gave me the wrong medicine and my sickness worsen,how apathetic.pieces of shit.I've been suffering for the past few days,but it did give me time to think about alot of stuff.Though now i know that the ghost of the past is still haunting and daunting over me,I'm still scared.Anyway,part of this influenza i need to saty away from people who scream,so people when you want to talk to me,please talk,don't scream yell or holler.i'm not deaf,though my ear drums are already affected,thanks to those a million people out there who scream right into my ear.
>:(

Dear Scene,please let me be death and blind.

im insane

Today,just wasn't my day,or my week.I've been sent out of class how many times a day?!?gosh.and the reasons are STEWpid. anyway,during english when i got sent out of class cause i made a blunder in my work,i played pepsi cola 123 with fifi,joyce,zara,siti,nasreen and priya.it was hilarious.(:

Dance wasn't so bad,i was dead flat tired,and i didn't think i had the energy to do pointe work,but still i did it,and i swear my toes were screaming out in pain,it felt as if blood was oozing out like shit.But still,the pain kept me of my mind from alot of things.Then when my folks picked my up with naomi and the dog,my mum had to discriminate me,it seems whatever i do will never be good enough for her,i don't know how the hell she wants it! and then SHE HAD TO DRAG EVERYTHING FROM THE PAST!and i broke down and cried.I went straight to my room,cried like no one's beeswax dor about and hour and a half.

I don't know what or why im crying about.It seems there's something in the past that harbours and it won't let go.Every single thing that happend back then flashed back through my mind.and yea kyle was in it the most,i realised how a fool i was to cover up for his sin,cover up for his shame,cover up for almost everything thus leaving me to make a gigantic sacrifice.Maybe i am stewpid,or im just outta my mind,im insane.I don't know.
here i go,scream my lungs out.

lollers

i met someonelse.he's a friend.I don't know what the future is,and what we'll be like down the road./:

chinGAY

dHUNG out with Nisha and her sister and my sister at bugis at geeeeee 11 am?!? HAWRS.HAWRS.i had so much fun interacting with those girls.(:
met Evel,watched dick and jane.and i saw TIM HAN AND SIDNEY! yea you must've guess his surprise look on his face when he saw my hairstyle,sidney was calm and cool.TIM didn't even talk to me lar.such and ass.i prolly figured out that he was meeting his girl.well oh well,i lost alot of money today,20 bucks to movie tickets!):
shucks.I don't know what to say.I'm not going for the barcelona's party tonight.sheeesh.
I emailed a friend something nasty.
there's always something in the way,it's not in me,it's not you.

don't bother.

yea i lost everything when you were gone.so now i say,goodbye my friend,goodbye my lover.): Yea the picture is way distorted i know.haaaa wells.((: had dance yesterday,and talked to phanida on the way home.Balraj says my hair looks like the Hiroshima's atomic bomb that landed like a mushroom.SHEEEEESH.anyway,i lost 3 friends.
the starting of their first name is R,K,and B.
To B(the guy who WAS my shooting star i don't know if you still are),i don't know what you want.I really don't,if you want me out of your life,i'd be more than happy to be.
To R,___________ you right back
To K,please grow a brain,better yet a concience,and a life.