Sunday, December 31, 2006

Alright girl M.I.A is B.I.A.

So let's seeeeee here, any updates. updates. updates. AHHHH UPDATES!

on the 29th of December, I met up with Bay, Van, Joy, Sarah Chan, Tabitha, Cassie, Alex, Chloe, Ji Min, Sandra. Initially we were suppose to have steam boat at Marina, but due to some stuff, we had Thai Express in the end. I'm still brooding over the fact that the whole gst thingy whopped up to be an $18. Ahhhh screw you economy. Nothing much really was done, just a small get to gether and loads of cam whoring. Anyway, here's a picture i took from Ji Min's blog. Courtesy of her.

Cassie is missing in the picture cause she had to leave early. But the picture is still pretty sweet huh? Sarah, Alex, and Sandra and maybe Joy has more pictures. Anyway A****Y came to meet me for a while, it didn't turn out pretty good, none theless, i cried in the end. Girls did a great job in cheering me up and i received an unexpected phonecall from a certain someone. DHARHAM! HAHA anyway, before that, Egan met me. Nicely 'MEGAN' must have had manicure to do and in the end was 1 hour late.

On the 30th of December, at 1 in the morning i wrote a very very NONG NONG letter to A****Y. Delightfully, i slept at 3. And i got woken up at 8 to do housework. GAHH. Folks took me out to eat at the Ellenbrough's Market Place at Swissotel Merchant Court there. The foood wasn't appetising and we were pretty disappointed, had mummy talk to the manager and get some free food, but it wasn't up to our expectation STILL. We left. Oh did i mention that while eating the raw oyster, i gulped down a spoilt one. I expelled everything out from my mouth and into the sink. Felt oh so nauseous after that. Met with joy before heading down to service oh and Zhi Guo himself too. Watched DeathNote 2 with the cell. Ahhhh i like, i love. [:

Well that probably sums it all up i guess. Later more for my new year's day day. Well it's like tomorrow, which is middle of the night, but AHHHHHHHHHHH YAH you'll seee later.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

I had the worst winter season of my entire history. And yesterday night was the night. I guess it should be illegal to break someone's heart, unintentionally or intentionally. There are things you'd love to hear but you would never get to hear it from the person whom you'd like to hear it from but don't be deaf or plain stupid to the one who says it with his/her heart. I'm sorry A*****Y. I knew i should have told you from the start. Maybe it's just me, maybe i'm like all the others just an insensitive mother fucker bitch and i thought i wasn't.

I knew it was care and concern and wanting to be everything he neeeds EXCEPT his lover.I don't think i'm fit or can be what he wants to be. I'll still light up his days and be there whenever he needs me, but that's that! I'll be happy when he is but yet again, that's that. Confusion is the master of torture, it's S-U-C-K-Y! I'm hugging on to that turtle bear he got me for Christmas, but i held it with such tenderness, like it's some sorta glass that it'll break, though i know very well i'm holding on to a guy's heart that i slowly crushed UNINTENTIONALLY.

I'm really am sorry that i disappointed him and that i send out the wrong signals. He know i appreciate him, but i don't feel the special feelings for him and i don't feel connected for God knows the reason why. But i've explained to myself REPEATEDLY, he knows i care! He knows from the deepest pits of my heart, i care! But it's my fault, i shouldn't have lead him on, and on to this pithole of mine. Things ended up bad, hiding off every emotion infront of me and pretending that everything is gonna be alright when it won't be? I hate the punch line ' Can we just be friends?'


Monday, December 25, 2006

have yourself a merry little christmas

Tis this season and everyone should be jolly. So Merry Christmas to all ye citizens of the world. (:

I must say, that as Christmas as is pleasing as it is. I think back and realise that i'm terribly blessed. I'm terribly blessed. (: Not only did i get what i didn't ask for. I have love that spreaded. [: Well in this case the stuff i didn't ask for, but i got it anyway were an Ipod Nano 8Gb. (black) Coach bag, L.V bag, Guerlain stuff, Monopoly (star wars version) I finally OWN it. And the list goes on. (: On the other note, i felt horrid for not getting my folks ANYTHING. I swear i ought to be punish for this sin. But i'm gonna make it a point to get a job STRAIGHT after o's and buy GIFTS on Christmas for them and the love ones. (: someone remind me yea?!? I guess the best gift i can give them now is to be a goood girl and just be O-B-E-D-I-E-N-T and get goood marks for O's. That's all they ever asked for. And also bring some pride to the family name. (ERIKA SHIMADA PLEASE DITTO THIS!)

I'm up and down. Drinking like a fish, and head spinning and secrets are hidden. Oh the volatile of joy and misery clashes too sweetly like my Tequilla Sunrise. (HA) I have figured it out that maybe I***C seems more than happy to be out of my life. What am i to say or do? It's ALWAYS this story. We loose contact, a few months later we come again and be all happy and get this funny feeling then fall out for God knows the reason why. A tormenting cycle i can't take. However, i'm willingly to do it all again, just cause i care still, i always have. And it's him i want. NOT A*****Y.

Oh wells, i'm dead gone tired and i need rest, thorough sleeping at 3 a.m in the morning doesn't help the eye bags to GO AWAY. I hope your Christmas have been a meaningful and joyful one my readers. And i hope you guys know the ACTUAL meaning of Christmas too. The night is still young, christmas won't end untill the new year. So have yourself a Merry little Christmas still my readers. At least it was better mine right? (in a away)

Sunday, December 24, 2006

my disaster

You know the funny thing about me? Is how hard i try to please the people around me, but i hurt myself.

I'm crying a water tap that won't stop. I'm crying and consistently crying. I cried this morning when i woke up, cried even more when Mr BodyBuilder texted me, i cried even more when i showered. I cried even more to myself in the subway, i cried even more when i met Mr BodyBuilder. I totoally lost myself and knelt on the carpark and broke down when i was walking home.

I thought Christmas was gonna be beautiful this year, but what a fucking bunch of shit to even think about having one again, ever. I've given myself away and NO-ONE can do anything about it now.

NO ONE can ever understand what i feeel now. This happens to be my fucking disaster which i created.

Eggman, you've been a wonderful person and friend. But i can't lead you on anymore, not with myself, not with the rest. I don't want you to get hurt. I will never ever want you to be hurt. I don't want you to be just a part of my past. You make sense talking to me and i like that. Cause it's goood to be waken up by sense every once in a while. I'm sorry. We'll be great pals, trust me. I'm just in a mess up position for a while and i neeed some time to think about what i really want. I'm sorry.

Daryl, i'm glad we're staying as friends.

Izzy, will you remember me when i'm gone? Just go listen to Pink's-who knew. I don't know what to say. I just don't know what you want me to be to you.

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me s
o lets pretend were alone
and I no you may be scared
and I no were unprepared
but I don’t care tell me

tell me what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
please don’t tell me that I am the only one that’s vulnerable

I was born to tell you I love you
isnt that a song already
I get a B in originality
and its true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see

Mr bodybuilder, i'm done and over with.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


the 25th December party has beeen postponed to a later date, which will be on the 29th instead. Loook out thy blog for more details!
says me and ji min. [:

Oh before i forget TAG REPLIES
Erika: HAHA erika! You loook gorgeous i swear. Omg. You really do have the loooks. And your hair and your dress sense i like. [: OMG. HAHA yea and be very surprise who i'm dating! THANKS! (: TALK TO YOU SOOOON!

Zaki: DEY! Where are you?

That's it for taggies. Alright back to the things of the heart. You know this season holidays, kinda reminds me of events that of Laguna Beach. This whole shin-diggy i see it as Laguna Beach but Singapore version, and maybe cancel out Laguna Beach to East Coast Beach. HA.

Oh and Eagen, i hope you see this, but you were right about what you said about dating.

{Edited} 6:25PM

My mind is on it's own whirlpool of thoughts. I'm still pondering over what Eagen told me about dating a few days ago. Should i have listened or carry on with whatever i'm doing? That i can't answer. I went out with Anthony just yesterday and i bumped into Erika yesterday, as well as, Wei Fern and friend, Vanessa and friend, Jun Cai and Marcus, Roula, Shirley, and some other random people i can't remember. Caught the holiday again. But it's different this time round. Smoked for a while. Sigh.


This time, 'I' next was 'B' then it was 'E' then it was random people whom i can't remember and then it's 'A'.
What am i gonna do? What am i gonna say? Who am i suppose to fall for?

I must confess that i don't feel that i should fall in love now. Because i don't feeel like falling for anyone now.

Can someone save me with the answer?


My heart broke when i saw a testimonial from some stranger i don't know on YOUR friendster page. How did we ever become like this? Why aren't we speaking to each other? Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you stay up for a little while longer just to speak to me like you always do? Why won't you reply my smses? Why can't you care? Why can't you be here? Why can't you hear me scream? I miss you oh so much. I was at raffles place the other day and i kinda texted you wether if we could meeeet but i guess you were busy with something else or someone else.
To the guy who came back from singapore FROM Jordan, who studied at St Andrew's and is 16 years old.

I miss you alright. Why am i crying? I don't know why? Why do i reach out to you? Maybe cause i thought you care.
Cause i thought of so many things, and i thought about you. I thought about you. Izzy, where are you? Can you talk to me please? I need you, i really do. Don't cast me away from you, i know you want me too. But i want you more than you want me.

Monday, December 18, 2006

who knew?

Alright before anyone is gonna ask me how much i got for my N's. I have 7. I am upset yes i am. But i'm glad i'm promoted still. Cause the O's are more important to me. To the rest of you N' ers out there. Relax man, if you guys have been promoted, be thankful for that cause the o's are way more important. (: So relax la all. Aside with this shin diggy.

Anyway, shopping with vanessa, joy, and bay. (: heartwarming. Ji min came along the way. (: And ATTENTION YEEE ATTENTION YEEE!
On the 25th December there will be a bbq party at MY place. (: Contact me and Ji min for the detaiils girls! (:

Someone unexpected message me today. There might be some changes, cause i'm going to go private sooon especially on my life. Because i have enough dramatic shit. I can't say much but yea. Only those close to me or who know me will only know, other then that don't bother getting any information from them cause they know they wont say.

Terence, i'm sorry we ended up like this. I'm sorry to know that we never bothered to have time for one another. I'm sorry that we couldn't care. I won't forget you,
my friend.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


SBS/ TIBS should have a PROPER timing schedual for when the bus should come. I waited for a freaking long 45 mins for the bloooody bus to come for the past 2 days, and it pisses me off. My resort was to take a taxi from J8 to my place. Which cost a freaking $6.95 when the usual price is $3. Curse all Singaporean based transportaion. Our aim is to get to out destination, your aim is to satisfy us NOT burn a hole in our pocket. >(

Friday's outing with BEATLE BOY was a thumb's up. I like i love. (: Watched eragon and pigged out at pastamania. Bumped into people after people and i dragged him to walk from P.s to like far-east. Wanted to pierce my navel again but the bottom part of it, just my luck i didn't had enough cash and i wore my wrong stud. So another day perhaps.

Saturday was church. Met with Bay, Van and Joy. We found something. And this is a secret amongst the 4 of us. HAHA. [: i like. Anyway joy and i spotted this really cute guy in the Mrt. He had the face of a guy whom mostly hangs out in far-east. Dressed in all black, and i coin people who dress in all black as Funeral For aFriend. It's a band in case you guys didn't know.

Like OMG, results are released tomorrow.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Today was the bomb. The glasses were the sex! HA
I found some really cool 70's retro glasses. It's the sex i swear. And lucky me found it in the closet of my grand-folks place! WAAHOOO!

I got pang-sehed for tuition. I was disappointed and grumbling and cursing at the sun. But i cool-ed off over tea at Theeee coffee bean. Waited for Izzy to come. (:
I swear the ulitmate bomb today! Had lunch at Thai express, dessert at The Coffee Club, window shopping in Taka, and Movie at Lido. 'The holiday'. What remains inside, stays inside. No questions asked and no answers will be given.

To my secret reader (Izzy);

I miss your lips against mine, your hand entwined around mine. I miss your touch.
No and i didn't think we were going too fast.

You know i'm the person you can trust,
even if you want somethings to last.

Don't let me read your mind for too long. I can't read it all. The signs? Is it a hint or another dismiss? This is no accident. This is the start of something i want to know and find out and something i don't mind going deeper in. Something that should have started long ago. You don't have to hide it anymore.

You're terribly missed.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

you will never love, and this i can't forgive

HEY, today i thought would have been a new day for me. But i realised, it was the same day. Boring day.

I was happy and well my normal self this day today, till i found myself debating if i should have gone for the match tonight?

Infact i didn't go for the match in the end actually. I lied to D. And i was sorry. And i am.

Maybe it's best if you left me alone for good.

I took your words and i believed the words you said about me and too me.
Guess you lead me on, leaving me to think that this could have been.
I wish i could touch your hand again,

I won't forget D, you're my friend. (coughs)

That last touch of your hand, i still cherish
I'll keep it back in my memories.
I guess it was too good to be true,

But still, who knew?


This is my fault. But the reasons behind it is about you D. Thanks for being an inspiration for me to write a new song.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Mom's birthday

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOY. The weather is driving me nuts. It's crazy, raining and then sunny on and off. I guess we can all coin this as our. Snow and Sleet of singapore.

Mommy's birthday was yesterday so Egan was nice enough to accompany me to find her a gift. We had the options of jewelry, a terrapin, a cook book, a bikini(HIS IDEA!) but we both agre
ed on this little guy in the end.

Ahaha. Dinner was at Inagiku. I wonder what has Chef Watanabe been doing. Or did he resign? Standard dropped like anythin, dad and i weren't happy. But it was mum's birthday so we were all smiles. They dragged us to THEIR cell group, i wound up studying and writing in MY BOOK and listening to my old Mp3. Speaking of Mp3s. Many of you know my Sony mp3 i carry around. Now the many reasons why i loved that Mp3 were many.

1. 14,000 songs can be hold.

2. Light

3. Hassle free.

4. Long battery life. Up to 3 days.

5. Had bookmarks which allowed me to which bookmark songs and put a special emoction which could be sad, happy, crazy or hip hop songs.

6. I gave it a make over worth 40 bucks.

And the totoal cost of the whole Mp3 was a whopping $499. But guess what? When i wanted to send it for repair, it was $309. Mum told me to get a new one. Sigh.


Oh wells. You were a great friend in times of need. (:

ANYWAY back to myself.HAHA kidding. I was a bored before i went to bed, and i sorta played around with myplushhie, ELMO. (sorry chloe, i know you hate him, but forgive ahhh!)

(It says: If i lay here, if i just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?)

HA. Anyway, mah mah left for Beijing. Yups. I'll be back to say more laters i guess. (:

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Once in a while it feels goood to jump and dance around my rooom with my undies and shirt on. I did just that this morning. GAWD, i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the feeling.

Shopping with family and friends. Now a new wardrobe i have, but i still don't feel satisfied. I wonder why.

I feel like having a candle-light dinner or lunch where i can dress up abit.HA Doesn't matter where or when. -HINT HINT-

gawd i'm bored.

Jenn- Yes i remember you! Your number has been saved! HOKIES. (:

Izy- You made sense. Maybe i shut myself out of the world, but i do that for a reason too sometimes. Too let people know what it's like to have something missing when it's gone. Sometimes gone to know it's missing. WELL, we neeeed to have lunch/dinner and talk realllll soon. Maybe you can be that person whom i can have a candlenight dinner/lunch with. (:

Friday, December 08, 2006

Happy is a yuppie word

Jena and Jamie are staying over at my place. Just read them a story and put them to sleeep. Movie and pizza today. [: AND i bought a new navel stud. I LIKE.

Today was a day that i like, where kids like jena and jamie got me occupied till i had to put my own mind aside and focus my attention on them. I love those kids who put a great big smile on my face.

The many things i hate/love december is the pendulum that swings back and forth which is happy to sadness. Funny how one can feel so much on a lovely month of December right? Maybe this isn't my season. It's winter, but it isn't. I'm not gonna give a hoooot about boys from ______. (It's an all boy's school renown for rugby, if you were wondering) Each of them should just fuck off and die. Like burn in hell.

Funny why i can find hope when i'm let down and peace when i'm confused. I learnt the truth today, everyone loves me ONLY when i'm happy. Losers.


Thursday, December 07, 2006

How we fall

Outing with Eagen and his chums. It was the BOMB. And i smoked another 2-3 buds today. Don't ask why.

I'm angry with myself for everything. Why did i bother to dress up for you for Flow? Why did i bother even texting you? Why did i bother to care? Why did i have to fall for you? Yea you were leading me on into something on, but why did i contine following? Cause you were one mistake i REALLY DIDN'T MIND.
THIS IS F-U-C-K. But i'll still go for your soccer match. I hate myself. Thanks for screwing up the joy that i have for Christmas already. Cause now it's pointless and meaninglesss. So what's it gonna be like now?

I won't bother you again. I won't talk to you if it makes you feel even better. I would erase every memory of words we had from my mind. Don't blame me for this. please don't.

I wish an animal would bite me.

You have no idea how much I love you

What I would do for your natural touch

And you have no idea just how I'd hold you

When I am woken from a dream, something bad had happened to us.

I hate you all

I'm crushed and i'm cornering myself. Just leave me alone.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Flow with me

Mel Png- HAHA yes girl. (: see you online.

Woah yesterday was a big thrillllllllllll. Right now it's 6.40 a.m in the morning. I just took a shower and i'm not in bed whereas Chloe is. She's damn cuteee. (: HAA and yes i'm staying over at her place. Dammmmmn fun la. Before that we had a merry good time, goofing about and sorta blaming one another for like the rain and everything. Yeap and ohh i have a new excuse punch line when i drop my things,


i said that in the bus btw when i was on the way down to town with Chloe to meet the girls. Alright i'll skip to the chase about Flow.

THE WORST PARTY EVER UNDERWENT IN THE ENTIRE PLANET. All my forking out of $78 bucks went down the drain and don't ask me where i got the money. As you know, smooove is a uber small room where house and trance is usually played. But hip hop and Rnb was playing. So it was AHHHMAHHHHHHH GAWD FCUKING CROWDED.
On another note, i made new friends, i caught up with old friends, i settled things with old friends. Shaun Ng, yes my ex was there, kinda decided to be nice, jump up and say hi and all and demanded for my stuff back HAHA, in friendlier way. (:

Anyway, smoked a bit, asked soon leng, asked denny asked 2 stranger, shared them with joy, bay and zachery. HEHE. -beams-

However i miss yesterday still, there was that bit of joy i felt, though i 'emo-ed' for a lil while.

Blogger doesn't want to upload my photos.Check out friendster. Screwww

I love you. I just do ogay.

Monday, December 04, 2006

where thou art erika?

Tag replies:
Anony: HAHA why thanks for spreading your love around. I love you tooo! (:
JI MIN: someone not going for Flow huh?

No i have not been murdered. I was just M.I.A for a small while.

Saturday was a craze, running here and there. Met vict to collect my share of tickets before heading down to town to do EVERYTHING. Did a crazy thing of walking from Lido to P.S, like i always do to meet Chloe and Bay before heading down for service. (: I think Guo is sooo gonna get into trouble. TSK. Gave Sandra's party a miss, cause daddy wanted to pick me up. So i passed my gift to Bay to pass to her. Now i'm hoping that she already gave it. Took the subway down, and texted D all the way. Just hope this is nothing of false hop, again. Or i'll just hang myself. Damn suay when i came home, i fell dead ill.

So sunday i stayed at home, whining and sneezing and coughing and watching t.v and sleeping. And today i feel much better. (:

Flow is tomorrow and my little itty bitty heart is racing! I can't wait to be a naughty girl and seee all my girls and guys as well as D. WHOOOOYEAAA. I'll be staying over at chloe's place. >D

Friday, December 01, 2006


Felicia: Just changed it. Thanks (:

Erika: I'm a born dork.

i was a utter fool all along.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

if you're gonna ask me for directons, i might as well ask you to get lost

Sometimes i ask myself, why do i do the things i do? I may never understand the universe, nor will i ever understand myself. It's just too complicating to comprehand i guess.

I was walking out of my house on the way to the bus stop,and planted myself a seat on the bench. It was then i slowly thought about many things but one at a time, a big tear drop fell from the corner of my eye and trickled down to my face and gravity pulled it down on to my jeans. The second came, the third and then the fourth. I knew i was crying for no reason at all. And i teared a little more just cause i couldn't find the reason why i was tearing. My bus came and grungily stepped up and slammed my card on to the tappy machine and stood next to an old aunt. I recollected my thoughts again, i breathed in all but i breathed out a simple gas of carbon dioxide. Nothing. I'm not writing a composition here by the way.

If you're someone who is gonna ask me for directions, i might as well ask you to get lost. (For now? I really don't know and i don't care)
If you're someone who is gonna ask me stupid questions, i might as well ask you to grow up. (Maybe i will.)
If you're someone who is gonna ask what's pain, i might as well ask you to go jump off a bridge.( hmmmmmmmmm)

whatever.I'm NOT emo, i'll hate you if you say i am. I'm going now.

i wish i may, i wish i might.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Behind the girl's mask

Alright, the big papers are over and it's party party party and even more parties. YOWZA.
Today's post is different and it'll be specificallly for girls. However if you're a guy, you COULD continue reading, if you're curious to know what goes one behind the mask of a girl and why she always takes soooooo long to doll up herself. Girls, a big favour for you. This is all the make-up buster 101 for your tips on partying. (: ENJOY.

Nails and hair
-Dark red nail colour is a foolproof shade for the party reason.
-Avoid black nail polish at all cost, unless you are planning to be a goth, join the circus while you're at it.
-No time for manicure? Just make sure nairls are filed neatly(Short is always the best bet, unless you're a cat and you want to dig someone's eyeballs out)and paint over with clear gloss.
-Having a bad hair day on a BIG PARTY NIGHT? Pin it up in a loose bun or tie it into a perky pony tail. The greater part of hairstyles now is that a little messiness and imperfection is trendy. No one would even notice! (:
-Avoid applying products like holding spray or moulding paste (Unless you want a mohawk) to hair roots because you'll risk weighing it down and loosing all the volume.

Eyes and Lips
-Lipstick or gloss won't last long on dry flaky lips sooooo pre-lippy, gently exfoliate lips with either a SOFT toothbrush or wash cloth for about 10 seconds.

-Apply LIP BALM BEFORE LIPSTICK for a moist pout. Use one that isn't too greasy or lip colour will slip off; wait 5 minutes for it to sink in, blot off excess and then apply lip colour.

-Concentrate high shine lip gloss on the central area of the lips to add volume and an incredible plumping effect.

-ALWAYS WANTED STUNNING EYES INSTANTLY? Just line it, curl the lashes and apply a few coats of mascara and PRESTO you're done. [:

-If it's going to be a long night, opt for a waterproof mascara. This will ensure you don't have raccoon eyes by the end of the night.

-To avoid crumpy lashes by the end of the evening, be patient during prep.Let each mascara coat dry before the next application.

-Cream eyeshadows with light shimmer are easier to handle than powders to be honest. Just dab on and blend into skin with fingertips or a brush. If you want a more intense colour, apply more layers. They're foolproof.

Cheeks and skin
- Apply foundation from the middle of the face and outwards so that fine facial hairs on the side won't ve over coated and look conspicious.
-Cream blushers give a more natural glow then liquid ones, to cheeks and aren't as streaky as powder textures.
-Make sure skin is well mositurised before applying foundation so that make up won't look cakey.
-Avoid scrubbing skin too hard with exfoliator just before going out- you'll end up with red or blotchy skin, which is difficult to conceal.
-Want celebrity high cheekbones like Cameron Diaz or Lindasay Lohan or Paris Hilton (I know the last 2 are bitches but eck for abit), dab highlighter very lightly along the top of cheekbones to emphasis the cheek apples.
-Have a big night ahead and need makeup that endures? Spritz a light layer of facial mist over the entire face to set a foundation and powder and to get skin looking naturally flawless. I say spritz NOT wash ahh.
-Never ever trust a foundation for eye concealer, it's the wrong texture to be used and it won't cover properly. A concealer is a concelear, a foundation is a foundation.
-Ever notice how makeup settles and looks natural only after 30 t0 45 minutes? To acheive this effect instantly, rub your hands together really fast untill you feel the heat build up. Then press your hands on cheeks for 5 seconds to let your natural oils come through

Now at one point of time of the night, there will be a big nice mirror on it ayee? So shiny, eve more bling bling then your necklace and diamonds. Carry out powder for touch up, or use powdered paper. Works big time! [:

Have fun looking glamerous girls.

Tag replies
Erika-Hurry? Hurry what? Hurry eat? hurry go to M.o.S?HURRY WHAT?!? HOHO
Ji Min-[:

Monday, November 27, 2006


I'm finally back from Cheena Land! Pictures are there many, but lazy i am to load them all.
The interesting bits is that i have a pet pig and pet CHICKENSSSS. [:

anyway tag replies first and foremost.
Joy, Sarah, Ji Min and Roy teo heui bao: YES I AM BACK. [: HOHO Thanks for picking me up yesterday at the airport. So can't wait for all the surprises that awaits all of us before the year ends. [:

Zaki:HEY YOU! Oh no worries, you have my msn contact right i thought? Well to find me on friendster is easy, just use the same email add as on msn. (: yeap let's chat up real soooooon.

Alright i neeeed a J-O-B to save me from Seiyu. The conditions of working at Seiyu is a contract that will be terminated on the 31st December and the pay is $4 an hour. Personally i can't commit all the way to the 31st plus the pay is HORRID. And it's a monthly type NOT daily which i like better. OH WELLS.

This is a temporary morning post, i guess i should be saying more later and the days to come.(:

I'd do anything just to have you.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Cheena land

This is my very last post BEFORE I LEAVE FOR CHINA.

Wow, i'm gonna miss a whole lot of people and 1 newbie as well. (: I'm sorry i can't go to M.o.S, Cube, Coco-latte, MoMo or the house party at Nick's place. Gosh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Today was a busy day.
I met ji min to meet her john chng and company to pass tickets and collect money.
Then it was my turn. Stupid Chups was telling me how Leo was suppose to meet but he wouldn't come till later. So i had to 'Borrow' from jims.
Met Deanna, Sarah and joy. Walked here and there. HOHO. What joys. (:
Scooted down to meet chups and dharham.

Sums e whole day basically. (:

Well here are some messages for people before i leave,

Nisha and clique- I'll miss you guys. I GUESS! HAHA. Well stay out of trouble and have fun when i'm away.

JiMin,Joy,Sarah and those going for surge- Hey take care of one another and DO HAVE FUN. Dance for me y'all. I'll miss you all oh so much i swear. I can't wait to come back and hang out.

Chloe-Cheer up PLEASE. Occupy yourself with happy things and thoughts. When i'm back, i'm taking you out!

Guys-Uh, haha i'll catch up with you all when i come back. (:

EltonHappy belated birthday, i've been pretty busy e past few days, forgive me please. But when i'm back, i'll take you out soon. Oh friend! (:

Freddie-I give up on you COMPLETELY. But we're friends of course. I admit i found someone today. I'll tell you more when i come back. (:

Till i come back, i hope things remain the same or some have change. I can't wait!

The outing.

<-Foooling around at toy'sa rus.
<----- Ji min and her boyfriend. I told ji min that if mr chan were to see this. He'd probably say something like this, 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Spidy loves Mr Chan. And Mr Chan loves spidy. HOHO

<----Every once in a while people will surprise you with gifts. ROYTEOHEUIBAO surprised me and jims with chocolate and i was deeply touched. Except mine is a different set then what lousia is holding.

<-----The girls whom i was with yesterday. I love you all i swear to that. (:

this two are called the 'PHONE-ersss' 24/7 hands-ON! or else their hands will ROT and they'll DIE!!!! haha. joking...( as said by joy.)

Pictures taken from Joy's, Ji Min, And Chloe's blog. (:

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A life without friends is like the applie pie without the apple or the sweet flavour of it. Sometimes the little stuff friends do, you don't see it nor do you apreciate it, because you're simply to self conceited with yourself hating everyone who wasn't there for you. We can be like that. I was like that. But today's outing made my heart screaming for joy! (:

Read Ji-Min's post she sums it all cause i was with her. HAHA Go ask her why the weird url. HOHO. I love you all. (:

I can't wait for tomorrow's outing!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Give up

If only i could see you, i'll memorise your face.
And if i could give you one kiss, i'll never forget the taste.

I had lunch with nisha at United Square. Nothing significant, but i was glad i met her and i could talk to her. (: Time spent with you is always fun.

I managed to catch up with a good friend online today and told him/her a little situation. Him/her being a self proclaimed guru, laughed and said 'Erika, you're still the same kid i know huh? Love is everything to you.' We talked and talked and he/she told me that the decision was really up to me in the end. But giving up can be another option.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

We're both looking at the same side of the moon

Lunch at Laveena's place was fabulous. I thoroughly enjoyed the meal served. Thanks so much for the sweet, the meal.(:
Alright none of you would belive what i'm listening to now. Christmas songs. Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and all the works. Wow i'm sooooooo early huh? But on the other note, my heart is racing up and down because i can't wait for Christmas to come. It's probably the only Holiday where i get all happy and jumpy and excited. I can't wait for Christmas! Though how asians celebrate Christmas is WAY OUT different from the way The U.S. I miss spending Christmas there yes, but i'll love to celebrate the occasion with any love one. Christmas is the spirit of love and giving. (: (It's even my turn to do the turkey this year!And i know the EXACT recipe to roast the perfect one!)Haha there's defitnetly a small party at my place as the usual as every year, ANYONE can come. It's the only day we open our house to strangers and neighbours and celebrate this day. Watch out for an invitation coming to you soon. [:

To F the Fish,
hey i'm glad you called me on Sunday. I don't know if you know how much joy it brought me. Though i didn't expect the question. I am an i am not. I hope that answers to that bit of your question. Wow, how have you been i wonder? Do you think about me? Do you wonder if i'm alright? I really wonder. There are like a million and one things i wanna tell you and ask you, but i hope i can squeeze into your time and hope you would listen to me. Woud you? I am flying off this very saturday at Which means i have to be there at 6 a.m. You know there's no doubt that i would think of you at least once a day, before i go to bed, i wake up, i'm on the bus, i'm eating, bathing. (Alright to me that sums up all to one la).
Everyone hates pain, everyone hates getting their heart broken. Me and you are part of the everyone as well. Well i'm running out of things to say but i'll leave you with what i've penned down,

Don't turn your laughing eyes away.
You know I love you.
There's no need to be afraid,
Hearts are made to be broken,
They get stronger by the day .
I'll take a chance and drop all my defenses
Just to hear you say,
I love you .

So tonight,
I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars.
There's a chill within the air,
It makes my heart long for your touch .
You may be miles away.
But as I kneel to pray,
I see the same side of the moon,
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue,
And know that time and space can't come between me and you.
We share the same side of the moon.
And though you'll never see all my tears shine throughI know I can't be that far from you,
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

i miss you.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Mexican Wrestler

And it's almost a week plus and you haven't even called. I'm flying off soon, well saturday to be exact. I'm starting work soon to keep my mind in the air floating just to forget everything. I've been writing new songs, some i love, some i crash it into a ball and throw it out of the window instead. Sometimes i write about you. But i guess you'll never hear any of them. So like just give me a sign a message a friend a letter a SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

Sometimes I wish that I was an angel
A fallen angel who visits your dreams
And in those dreams I'd blow you a message that says
You really want me

Sometimes I wish that I was a wrestler a Mexican wrestler
In a red vinyl mask and I might grab you and body slam you
And maybe cause physical harm
When we would laugh I might take pity on you
I could crack all your ribs but I cant break your heart

You will never love me
And this I cant forgive
That you will never love me
As long as I will live

i don't want to be a dummy, dummy.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Official last day of headstart programme was today.
Ditched dance for the whole season, HOORAAY!
Went to Maimunah's place to watch this really really goood Hindi Movie (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna) and eat Hari-Raya kueh.
Then we went down to bugis for a job interview, and i kinda got the job but the final decision lies with me, i guess that's ogay.

The job i'm in is in customer service. So i'll be meeting alot of difficult people. I didn't like the way the boss said that the CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. It's utter bull. Sometimes customers which are EVERYONE should take a step back and put themselves in the shoes of the person serving them. It's not easy to be them and i'll be taking my own medicine. Not that i have ever been rude to the people serving me, but i guess it'll be loads of fun to come back and blog about the people i encounter and i observe. What fun shit. But the stuff i'm doing can be either mundane or boring. Oh wells.


But come to think of it, behind my smile is an emotion no one can ever understand nor can i describe. I was kinda hit by about a slight situation yesterday. I hate my life thanks to all 3 of them. Maybe autumn wasn't just my season.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I won't give up on you if you won't give up on me

I wrapped today's post with the title, 'I won't give up on you if you give me up on me.' Yea and some had to re-read that line 3 times. Nevermind that. Today's post tell's it all. On love, friendship.

On friendship:

A friend amongst the clique showed up one day in class with attitude, however you notice her face is filled with bitterness, sadness, and tiredness as well. You and everyone asked her how is she? She pushes away you guys and she just says 'i don't want to talk about it.' Now many of you would leave her alone and can't be bothered since she is in errrrrrr this state?
Then phone call with her, you defend and she oppose, but a single sentence within the 3 of you changes the whole setting of the situation. Guilt-ridden? I guess that's how all of us should feel now. No one wins, no one loses. Everything remains the same. Everyone feels the same, except the victim in the case who should feel more.

But the message was clear, we won't give up on her if she not ONLY give up on us and herself as well. The case has come to an end.

On love:

It's been 5 days since we spoke, we hardly talk. He hardly replies my messages. I find it funny you see. He complains to me about the lack of messages and talks we have. But i don't even hear a reply when i BOTHER to message. Why so? If any of you have been wondering WHO THE HELL I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS, it's a guy called (I won't say which freddie) AH EM

I'm still wondering what is it really gonna be in the end? He told me that he wanted, in my heart i was screaming i wanted him too. But my stupid mouth shut me off and i had no idea why? It does feel like he's giving up or am i just imagining things cause his dear darling O's are here to take over. I'm relying on the first. But still, i'm holding on. Yet am i holding on to something hopeless? Again, i rest my case here.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Are you ever gonna be real to me

Chem. practical was NOSE-taking. Ammonia solution took away my oxygen. I guess we were all pretty terrified anyway. Ji-Min accidentally spilled the bottle of copper II sulphate in the sink cause Laveena tipped it over. About ¼ left. But I guess it was fun. (:

Headed to Mac’d with Jims and FUNida and Cassandra. Jeric was there to ‘study’. Told him something, ASSHOLE wasn’t much of a great help. -_- I guess this time everyone is backing out to let me figure it out on my own. Dance was dance. And I’ve been included in SYF. –Throws ballet slippers to Mrs Tan-

Alright, so I’m like asking all to forgive myself of my ‘what seem to everyone my emo and angst self’. I’m NOT. I repeat NOT EMO OR ANGST. It’s irritating I swear to hear people say ‘why so emo?’ and another thing ‘Are you alright? Are you ogay?’ It’s getting to bug me. I don’t know which part of me shows signs that I’m not ogay. Oh and the ‘I have a stomach’ and they point and pinch out all the fats which is NATURAL to have. It’s dumb to say ‘I have a stomach’ and you want to get rid of it. Take a look at this situation.

-girl walks to the mirror and pinches her stomach-

I’m like Obviously you HAVE a stomach. Then what the hell is that thing between your esophagus and the small intestine (colon). It’s dumb, EVERYONE has a stomach even Tyra Banks have a stomach. So don’t scream, ‘I’ve got a stomach!’ When you actually do have a stomach. Like gawd. Then how the hell do you digest foood. L

Do you really know me at all?

Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?
Everything to me

Monday, November 06, 2006


This is damnn random i swear but i smell like pepperroni pizza. Pizza's hut pepperoni pizza! HOHO no i didn't eat any pizza.

So when i told everyone that my white shiny ass is gonna be at Cheena land from 18th-25th NOVEMBER, e reply i got was 'SHANG-HAI?' I mean what's up with Shanghai man? I am going to HAI-NAN and HONG-KONG. I discovered from my grand-father that my sister and my presence is needed in his village and are waiting eagerly to greet us. Heard that grand-father's family owns alot of land. Rich? AHHHHH hidden riches he said. They even have a pet pig and chicken. WOAH. I'm gonna be living in a farm. So imagine Haylie duff and Hilary duff's 'Material girls' but Singapore version!

It's be a blockbuster! HAHA. But then i'm coming home with the pictures, funny and happy and more about my unknown family i knew that ever existed.

Well well, let's see here. Many said i lost weight. -smiles-

MMMMMMMM i love today's outing with Mai and her mmmmmmm, secret admirer? HAHA MIMI! SULAIMI! [: HOHO
I love life. I love my friends. (:

Friday, November 03, 2006

well my friend E___N,

I'm sorry for being such a bitch in today's earlier post, but here's where i wreathe down all my pent up frustration. I don't mind if you hate me, i never asked to be loved. I'm sorry alright. You have every right to blame me. Indeed it was such a sweet post till the end it didn't taste sweet at all, it was bitter. I'm a girl who needs to be fixed up badly who needs to pick up things in life and piece them up, however when i do it, it falls back to where it is, the ground. Well the fact is simple now, if you want me out of your life, i'll be more than happy to be. But i won't forget that tall barker kid who was always so nice to me and treated me like a someting. This is not just only my disaster, it's all of ours. But we're doing the greatest thing by walking away and pretending NOTHING ever happend. Leaving it to be stagnant so that it will die off is what we're all gonna see or feel. I'm sorry if i brought you down like that on my post, but enough is enough, i hate hurt, i hate breaking hearts, i hate hating as well. You're a sweet kid i hope you know that. However you knew and everyone knew that it was my decision and a decision for it not to be regretted. I didn't want to live with another regret. I'm choking on my words now and for this i hope it makes you grin and snigger. Watch me fall, you're seeing it all now. I'm sorry kay? I thoght you were like the others, wrong or correct, i shouldn't have anyhow jumped into my own conclusions. You can choose not to forgive me, it's up to you, i don't want to decide on anything anymore. I'm just muttering sorry and that's all i have to say cause i have NOTHING to say. I'm sorry elton. I'm sorry elton loh. I'm sorry for it all.


I guess it really lies with me this time round. I'm totoally lost in all directions and all i needed was a hand to help me, but i wasn't offered any, and maybe that's why i dare not asked.

I didn't cry, though it felt like having a tongue piercing, navel, eyebrow, lip, neck and tatoo piercing done ALL IN ONE. The pain is unspeakable and i can't comprehend it, i feel it but i don't know how to react to it. School has been a fucking waste of my time, primarily because i go around acting like i'm some happy kid.

Stay away from me if you want, i don't really care wether if you're gonna be here to stay or go, don't give me bull like 'awww erika, i'm here for you .' So let me ask, where exactly were you when i needed any of you? Call me selfish, but it's a fact and i see it happening. You disappear and then come as and when you think you should, it's like when i'm happy any of you would come and hang out with me, but when i'm down and being sinked down to my own quick-sand you all disperse and leave me to drown. Like i said before, IF NO ONE WAS MEANT TO STAY, THE NONE OF YOU SHOULD HAVE STEPPED INTO MY LIFE. Don't tell me ' you understand me.' Crapshit

To the both misters,
I'd die to read BOTH your fucking minds just so i don't have to sit around and think too much like how E___n always say i do. I wish i could be the one telling you both it was never real. But i guess it's simply too late to turn back now.

God, why did i ever allow the both of you to enter my life when i KNEW one of you would make it crappy, but NO, instead BOTH of you made it doubly crappy.
To the tall one or aka E___N, i THOUGHT you could be the one, but hell wrong was i when you didn't tell me you talked to the other one. What you did to brainwash him is none of my business, but thanks anyway. Now it's all fucked up. That's why i said mercifully backstabbed and betrayed. When you said you gave up, don't be a dick and come back crawling like you did, cause it actually ruined everything.
I'm going to tell all for once and for all, since it is gonna end tonight.
You're a bastard i swear to that. And yes i chose him instead over you, but thanks anyway for proving yourself to be a wondeferul and marvellous friend you are. Now fuck away, cause i can't fucking stand it when you're around anymore. FUCK YOU.

To the suave one or aka F_____E, gawd and it was you whom i chose. YOU. I depict that you don't give a damn anymore, i guess amongst the 3 of us none of us would anymore. I hope you have a wonderful time going around destructing hearts just like you did to mine, but when you get yourself into a sweet tragedy i won't be around. I gave myself in to curosity, but i guess curosity kills the cat, in this case the cat is me. Don't ever speak to me, don't ever see me, don't ever talk to me, don't ever dance with me, don't ever acknowledge me cause this time round i seriously can't fucking stand it when you're around anymore.


Thursday, November 02, 2006

Be an idiot and leave me alone

I think there's something wrong going inside my body. I have been sleeping excessively and i've been eating less and less. On some days it's none. Some exclaimed i've lost weight. Whatever it is, there's something wrong, i just know it. I'm right. I have to be this time round.

I seriously don't know what's going on with me.

I'm sucha mother fucking clueless idiot. I'm getting a little agitated on things and on people but i can't help it, however thankfully i don't show it either. At least that's something that hasn't changed. My chest is tightening and it feels like i'll breakdown somehow, sometime soon, somewhere, someday, someway.

Sometimes waiting won't get you anywhere, you have hope waiting. But you're waiting and NOT doing anything. That's why i like to jump and get things into action and not waste a moment, tings can turn out good or bad, sometimes even uncomprehendable. You know you can't wait but sometimes if you're too much too fast, things turn out weird and awkward. But if you're too little and too late, you lost it all and it's totoally out of your league.
Maybe this is it, i know Mr F will never hear me scream. How dirt falls on my shoulder but i can't seem to push it away. You're one mistake i hope to unravel and erase/delete. This isn't my season.

I'm all out of my own. Be an idiot and leave me alone.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

If you're ready to be my everything

It's sick to feel sick. Right now i'm seating, slumped on the chair. Dance was treacherous. Turned and turned till i'm not feeling right in my tummy, i feel like puking everything i ate today. Macoroni soup, chocolate pudding, peach tea, 2 slices of phopiah, bubble tea and dinner meal. Gawd.

Mr F:

I know it's like almost a week but i'm bursting inside to tell you that i need you and want you. So i'm asking you for this chance for us to be together. Don't hesitate, don't hold back, don't any longer alright? I knew if i wait any longer i'm gonna loose you eventually so i'm not gonna be a fool to wait. But i ask myself, do you want me too? Do you really really really want me? If yea, how bad? More than Mr E?
Well as FeFe Dobson would have put it:

And if you're ready to be my everything
If you're ready to see it through this time
And if you're ready for love then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

Go on and go ahead and tell me anything. You're a mystery to me and i have an excitement in discovering it. You're my beautiful stranger. But it's sad to say that you'll never chance upon this post right? It's like this wall where you see me saying hello but inside i'm screaming 'I love you'.
I want you and no one else.

Monday, October 30, 2006

A thousand miles

I titled my post as A Thousand Miles, most of you would link it too White Chicks but nooooo ah!

Life is a mystery to me at times, the more you unravel the things you should unravel it can be a blessing or a curse. The miles i walk in life can calculate what my life would be like in the end. But i hope everyone of you picture as yourself as a priceless work of art, no soul or power can ever buy. But many of you beg to differ. (:

I would like to ask you, my readers, what the feeling is like to be falling in love? Is it something really good? Or is it something you have to keep caution about?

You see i'm stuck in a lovely situation, aka a dilema. There are things you would love to hear, but it turns out to be all sticky. There's a goood side and bad side to everyone, not all that is good is bad and not all that is bad is good. But where did this sources come from and where did they get their information?

  • People hear it from other people. Assumptions.
  • People see it and become all stereo typical. Misjudgements.
  • Like the game broken telephone, a piece of information is missing. Miscomunication
  • Words get around. People start talking. Rumors

This 4 traits tarnishes the images and destroy's anything that's beautiful.
And so that's what i got. Sad isn't it. I've made up my mind, but i know it's fast. So i'm still thinking and idling away wondering and doing self meditation like a rock. ( Do rocks even meditate? Wait i'm NOT stoning ahh!!) Can someone really really tell me something i would love to hear?

I guess this is it. I'm by myself in the end of the day to think about it. It's my decision and how it affects my life is also how i'm gonna be happy about it. Well then, i guess i'll go up to my roof top terrace and do a little thinking. Till tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed today's post.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Cont'd from yesterday's post.

Well soo me and alex went to linn's sweet 16 party at fort canning park. Met jeric and soon leng first, before the rest came, was properly introduced to jeremy, derek and leon, joshua and the list continue. Waited for alex's ex primary school mate, ailin kea. The night was pretty much more of dancing, with RnB and hip-hop. Not what i expected either. The night was pretty young.
Danced with some ij girls who were really nice sweet pies. Santos was there so whoopeeedoo.
Danced with errrr elton and freddie. I think i've said too much. What happend there, REMAINS there. Those who were there knew what happend. I:

So on friday i overslept because i talked tooo someone from 12a.m to 7a.m. Longest i ever talked in the phone without a wink of sleep. I didn't go to the beach in the end, instead i hung out with _________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________ and ________. I wish i was sober for a moment and i can just wake up realising nothing happend. But i guess it's reality that stayed with me.

this time round, i'm speechless i swear i am. But i hope you won't judge me upon the decisions that i make sometimes, if you ever do, then you're brain dead. Sometimes things happens, and yes that includes shit. However, how one wants to lead his/her life, is his/her decision on how he/she choose to live it. I live mine to the extreme not wanting to live it with regrets, even if there were, there's joy in it. I'm erika. Please don't judge, just learn and explore.
i must be crazy i swear.

Linn's party yesterday. I have alot to talk about.
Party was pretty alright, hell alot of people i knew over there, alex came. Yeaaa we were the only 2 from St Marg's.

Alright i'll stop. I swear im dammmn tired

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Well. Today was a slush. I lived a day of a typical couch potato i eat, watch t.v, sleep and chat on-line. Alright so today i've decided to talk about fashion. (:

What to wear on your date?
Now i know there's no reason why to freak out when you open your closet and you discovered something. You have absolutely nothing to wear or NO idea what to wear. Well i know for sure, i won't be there to rescue you, nor calling would help. So here's some pointers.
  1. Wearing jeans or skirts? Sure no problem, but the top you want to wear should stand out and match the bottom. A shirt, may or may not be ideal it depends, sure i know that comfort is a factor but presenting and carrying yourself is another. A halter, a tube, a toga, or whatever. You know, for this i'll leave it for you to use your imagination and creativity.
  2. Don't EVER EVER wear mis-match colours, i'll kill you.
  3. Don't wear tooooo formal or tooooo slack either.
  4. Accessorize, please do.
  5. Do the hair, is a check.
  6. Shoes HAVE to match what you're wearing.

Oh right, sure they help huh? Well basically i encourage all daters and datees to use your own imagination and create a style of your own, leave me a tag or add me on msn ERIKA

Well. Today was a slush. I lived a day of a typical couch potato i eat, watch t.v, sleep and chat on-line. Alright so today i've decided to talk about fashion. (:

What to wear on your date?
Now i know there's no reason why to freak out when you open your closet and you discovered something. You have absolutely nothing to wear or NO idea what to wear. Well i know for sure, i won't be there to rescue you, nor calling would help. So here's some pointers.
  1. Wearing jeans or skirts? Sure no problem, but the top you want to wear should stand out and match the bottom. A shirt, may or may not be ideal it depends, sure i know that comfort is a factor but presenting and carrying yourself is another. A halter, a tube, a toga, or whatever. You know, for this i'll leave it for you to use your imagination and creativity.
  2. Don't EVER EVER wear mis-match colours, i'll kill you.
  3. Don't wear tooooo formal or tooooo slack either.
  4. Accessorize, please do.
  5. Do the hair, is a check.
  6. Shoes HAVE to match what you're wearing.

Oh right, sure they help huh? Well basically i encourage all daters and datees to use your own imagination and create a style of your own, leave me a tag or add me on msn ERIKA

Sunday, October 22, 2006

take me away

Tag replies:

Ben: HAHA yes ben i know you're always here, that's why you live oh so darn near me too. Block head! HAHA It's not that fun with the o level dudes/dudettes taking their shit as well. It's boring, not much fun you know what i'm saying?

Who gives a shit: I don't accept hostile and unfriendliness here, ben is not laughing at you, he doesn't have a clue on who the hell are you, but I DO. I'm sorry that this went all the way, but you don't vent frustration on my tag nor my friends thank you. And like i said, i'm still here aren't i to shelter you before you hit the ground? Why can't we be friends? Sigh, i'll explain more when i post for today.

Erika: HOHO. We're all young and reckless and full of happiness. Yes my dear chum, we shall enjoy life while it last, aren't we suppose to anyway?

Sophie: My, my, my. Thou shall have no fear, for Gandhi whose actual name is erika will spare you from thy evil plots of thee fans of sg Idol. [:

Saturday's outing was a craze, had some things to do in the morning and i rushed down to meet joy, amanda bay, van and jia man at wheelock. Headed for service, am i ever glad to be in the sanctuary, for there i found my hiding place. The cell went to Terminal 2 of Changi airport to grab some chow, while i headed down to Orchard to meet Khai, Tiang Sian and Terence, waited for some time and i was getting pissed. But it all changed when i had a brief conversation with a kind stranger.

Stranger: ' Getting frustrated over waiting for someone or are you waiting for no reason?'
Erika: -looks left and right- 'OH, well im getting frustrated over waiting for someone, well what about you?'
Stranger: 'Well i can't be waiting like an idiot for no reason.'
Erika: -smiles- 'Right, the oblivious'
Stranger: 'Who are you waiting for?'
Erika: 'My friends'
Stranger: 'The occasion?'
Erika: '________________'
Stranger: Oh my what a day.'

He asked if i was mix blooded, and i told him i was japansese and HE was from myanmar studying at SIM, he wondered how old was i and i replied 16 and still schooling, guess he got quite a shock as he said i didn't look a bit of a 16 year old, asked where i studied and wether or not i like the education. He's a nice chap, though he does resemble Pierre Png.He left first and we shook hands and exchanged ONLY names, he's roy. And i continued waiting.
When the group came, i stormed out of the mrt and headed for home, wasn't happy but they apologised but still i wasn't happy, i didn't want to spend the _____________ like this afterall.

However, i don't understand why Singaporeans can't have an openminded, a kind stranger who talked to me made my day and made me smile, instead of the usual ' SIAO! Don't know this stranger, yet chee ko peh me by talking to me, KNN.' Wow. What friendly characters, i don't know HOW the hell we ever got the most friendliest and courteous award, well at least im satisfied to see that we're in the bottom of the 'Most courteous counrty' we really don't deserve it. But maybe it's just us or yet even the world, NO ONE wants to be nice anymore. So screw it.

To that guy who WILL read this:
So i guess you've decided to shut up and chide away this shit, thinking eventually that it will die huh? Don't be a looser please. I'm not scolding you. But i don't see why should you? You don't deserve this, i don't see us in the future you see. I don't think you should deserve a girl like me. However please don't blame it on yourself, i have my reasons too, but i guess i should be honest with you and not lie right?

1. I confess, what you wore on thursday, turned me off totoally. The mohawk did not go well with the clothings, It wasn't what i had in mind and what i accepted either.
2. Talking about jocks, i don't hang out with them, i just happend to know them, to heck with them it's not like their the OC, seriously, they aren't popular, bring those kids to the U.S and you'll be lucky enough to hear them being labelled as theee 'WANNABEES' or worst 'OUTCAST'.
3. The way you approach the situation, it wasn't romantic either.
4. I'm bewildered at how you ditch the ex for me, it's cruel, it's absurd and i'm not some other alternative. I'm not a chick who you can just chuck aside.
5. I hate the fact that you're so full of yourself.
6. This is connected to 4, and this 2 maybe the largerst portion that shares the reason. I don't know how you could ever be infatuated and think of it as love. IF infatuation were ever love, then what is love? Sex? I don't think so. What do you take me for? A slut, bitch, idiot? Idiot maybe, but i'm not that stupid and i'm dumb as well. Don't ever underitimate me. I said this to the others now i say to you, i'm capable of many things. Just don't push the buttons. When you finally fall in love, tell me, i'll be totoally happy for you and i'll take you out on ice-cream.
I guess that's that. I know it's mean, but that's how i learnt and what i undergone, i'm not gonna neglect you or shut you out of my life and i hope you won't do the same.

( I remembered about talking about some fashion bits and pieces of advices on what to wear to a date, however i'll spray more about it tomorrow)

So maybe i'm going out with a guy tomorrow, it's a date i know, but i see nothing else, he wants to hang out and catch me up on things, i'm absolutely vouching for that.

Friday, October 20, 2006


To: Eevel
There are things you'd love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you'd like to hear it from but don't be deaf to the one who says it with his/her heart. i'm sorry. I knew i should have told you maybe it's just me, maybe i'm like all others just an insensitive motherfucker and i thought i wasn't. Misconceptions are rampant in this worl dove comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed.
To those who still believe even though they've been betrayed and to those who still love even though they've been hurt before: NO one should let your happiness depend on others. That's something i've realised and leant. You know it's true that we don't know what we've got till it's missing but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing till it arrives. But from this i learnt that being stubborn gets you nowhere, sometimes all you need to do is open your ears to those who wish to give you advice and maybe sometimes take that advice and let it sink into your thick skull and shrivelled brain.

Courtesy from Tim Han's blog:
infatuation is marked by insecurity. you're excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. there are nagging doubts, unanswered questions and little bits and pieces of him/her that you would just not examine too closely or it might spoil the is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. it is real. you are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. miles do not seperate you. you want him nearer but near or far, you now he is yours and you can wait.infatuation says:" We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him/her."love says:" Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."infatuation lacks confidence. when he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. sometimes you means trust. you are calm, secure and unthreatened. he/she feels that trust and that makes he/she even more trustworthy.infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. if you're honest, you'll admit that it's hard to be in one another's company UNLESS you are sure it will end in intimacy.

Well i think i'm sure,actually i AM sure. This time it's true. It's care and concern and wanting to be everything he needs except his lover i feel. Disregard the past few days, I'll be the one you always need. But that's that. We can't. I hope you really understand, you could still lean on me and talk to me about everything under the sun. But i don't think i can't be what you want. I'll light up your days but i can't be that person you are reaching out for. I'm happy when you are but yet again that's that. Confusion is really sucky. it's worse than loneliness. at least when you're lonely you can take that teddy bear and talk to it. or go on the computer and chat. but when you're confused, sometimes no one can make things clearer but yourself. and in those sometimes you get so down and out cos you can't make up your mind and you wish so much you had someone who thinks like you to talk to so you can get some help.sometimes i feel stupid and laugh at the irony of all this. why help sort out other people's lives when you can barely manage your own? many times people help their friends to figure things out and all that crap. why don't they take one step back and take a good look at their lives. maybe then they will see that it's not their friends who need help. it's them. and just as many times when these people actually take a minute to examine themselves, they identify mistakes but refuse to look for solutions because they want to run away from the reality and they want to deny the presence of the problem. they hope that by not rectifying the problem, it'll grow stagnant and die away eventually. Likewise myself for an example.

To the guy i know who'll read this.
i'm sorry if i've disappointed you. but it may be sending you the wrong signals if i'm too close. you know i appreciate you, but i don't feel the special feelings for you and i don't feel connected to you. But i've explained myself, you know i care. You know all these from the deepest pits of my heart i'm telling you. I really care. Maybe if you think it's better i'm out of your life. I'd be more than happy to be. But i'll always be around you to shelter you and catch you before you hit the ground if you fall. i've been here to give you what you want, my time. If i haven't been really taking note of you, i'm sorry. It's my fault. I've shouldn't have lead you to this pithole of mine. And you shouldn't have fell for me ever at all.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I want the final blow

''Wherever you go, there you are''

Buckaroo Bonzai

Obviousness i know.

I still can't erase today and i know i can't chuck it somewhere in the back or the corner of my mind. I'm still having a few butterflies in my belly. I still can remember the way it was.

  • Rushed home, stopped halfway dead on my tracks to discover i was panting and breathing in an uncomfortable way.
  • I felt uncomfortable.
  • Bathed, changed. Took almost about an hour cause i repeatedly change outfits cause i was asking my sister to judge.
  • Grabbed whatever i could. I took a bus and i went down to meet ______.
  • Had a mohawk, 2 nipple piercings, a tatoo. 1 accomplishment for an 18 year old i respect.
  • Had alot on my mind. Bumped into many people.
  • Watched 'death-note'. Thoughts were interupted during a commercial because of err something.
  • Loved the movie. Didn't like the position i was sitting on. Too fidgety. Tummy rummbled. But i wasn't hungry.
  • SOOOO MANY people called and texted while i was watching

I don't know how to summarise it all, bits and pieces are missing but that's what i can think of in general. The movie was wonderfully directed. I very much adored it. Gawd im so proud of my japanese culture. [:

I guess i'm confused, but i'm mumbling to myself, close to chanting, 'I'm sorry you like me. I'm sorry but i don't want to know what the end will be. I'm sorry you were just a friend'. I can't belive im trembling now, because im scared. I will have to fib, but i know it's a sin and i shouldn't. But i'll say from this start, i'm sorry i HAVE to lie. I know i will be living a lie, it's stupid enough. Knowing that at the end of the roads i will gain will be nothing, it's gonna hurt me one way. Believe me. I guess by now you want the answers to all the questions you've been asking. If you just read my blog once more and see this, i know i have so much explanation to do. But what you are about to see and hear is probably just gonna shut you off from me. I'll be wishing soon that i can have things down the better way. I'll be sorry to you.
You can hate me and if you'll ever want me out of your life, i'll be more than happy to. Right now i'm crying like some mad fuck.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Friend and Foe

-On the other hand, it hit me on my brain this afternoon. Call it pmsing or what, but no one fucking understands that i always wanted to BE there but i never once failed to feel temporary as a friend. I'm weak inside althought i act so brave and strong. I'm sick of the one way ticket rides that i'm on alone. Most people i know, come and go just as you want. You disappear and then come as and when you think you should again. I had to understand that every single one of you has other friends and a boyfriend and at times when i needed you it WAS OKAY for you all to NOT make time but when it came to me? I'm sick of this whole impression when it was meant to be true right at the beginning. IF NO ONE WAS MEANT TO STAY, THEN NONE OF YOU SHOULD HAVE STEPPED INTO MY LIFE.

-Do most of you believe that God was cruel enough to give us eyes? Because of this wondeful body part, we choose not to listen. And because of this, people SAY they forgive, but how many choose to forget?I can see the pain in you actually T, im not as blind as you think i am, though even a blind man can still feel and here but that doesn't add up to why he can't really see. He does. Back, to me and i can see the love in you. If i was to give in, and give it up i'd make it deep cause it might be the last one you get. For the first time, you've got me worrying bout the things that could make us cold before i fall into a place that fails us all inside. I've never felt so unable and uneasy. All i hope is no one get's hurt, i don't get hurt. Im sincerely lost in all directions DEEP DOWN INSDE ACTUALLY.
I hate the fact that i know that ________ is checking me out and digging me ( i sound like a pimp) Im scared to know if i find that the truth is that im the one that is on your mind.
I find it funny like how out of a sudden your friend/ex bf suddenly comes up to you and tell you you're beautiful and then you start to have a few chats and the next thing you know he's down on his knees telling you he has fallen head over heels. GET REAL please and tell me the truth guys of what made you suddenly feel this way. If it's the looks, i'd ask you to burn in hell and choke on happiness next. I hate that feeling because it's the part of the guy where they will toy with the lady's feelings. Fags you are. I want to know what the secret is. Stop hiding the balls.
It's not fun