Sunday, December 31, 2006
So let's seeeeee here, any updates. updates. updates. AHHHH UPDATES!
on the 29th of December, I met up with Bay, Van, Joy, Sarah Chan, Tabitha, Cassie, Alex, Chloe, Ji Min, Sandra. Initially we were suppose to have steam boat at Marina, but due to some stuff, we had Thai Express in the end. I'm still brooding over the fact that the whole gst thingy whopped up to be an $18. Ahhhh screw you economy. Nothing much really was done, just a small get to gether and loads of cam whoring. Anyway, here's a picture i took from Ji Min's blog. Courtesy of her.
Cassie is missing in the picture cause she had to leave early. But the picture is still pretty sweet huh? Sarah, Alex, and Sandra and maybe Joy has more pictures. Anyway A****Y came to meet me for a while, it didn't turn out pretty good, none theless, i cried in the end. Girls did a great job in cheering me up and i received an unexpected phonecall from a certain someone. DHARHAM! HAHA anyway, before that, Egan met me. Nicely 'MEGAN' must have had manicure to do and in the end was 1 hour late.
On the 30th of December, at 1 in the morning i wrote a very very NONG NONG letter to A****Y. Delightfully, i slept at 3. And i got woken up at 8 to do housework. GAHH. Folks took me out to eat at the Ellenbrough's Market Place at Swissotel Merchant Court there. The foood wasn't appetising and we were pretty disappointed, had mummy talk to the manager and get some free food, but it wasn't up to our expectation STILL. We left. Oh did i mention that while eating the raw oyster, i gulped down a spoilt one. I expelled everything out from my mouth and into the sink. Felt oh so nauseous after that. Met with joy before heading down to service oh and Zhi Guo himself too. Watched DeathNote 2 with the cell. Ahhhh i like, i love. [:
Well that probably sums it all up i guess. Later more for my new year's day day. Well it's like tomorrow, which is middle of the night, but AHHHHHHHHHHH YAH you'll seee later.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
I knew it was care and concern and wanting to be everything he neeeds EXCEPT his lover.I don't think i'm fit or can be what he wants to be. I'll still light up his days and be there whenever he needs me, but that's that! I'll be happy when he is but yet again, that's that. Confusion is the master of torture, it's S-U-C-K-Y! I'm hugging on to that turtle bear he got me for Christmas, but i held it with such tenderness, like it's some sorta glass that it'll break, though i know very well i'm holding on to a guy's heart that i slowly crushed UNINTENTIONALLY.
I'm really am sorry that i disappointed him and that i send out the wrong signals. He know i appreciate him, but i don't feel the special feelings for him and i don't feel connected for God knows the reason why. But i've explained to myself REPEATEDLY, he knows i care! He knows from the deepest pits of my heart, i care! But it's my fault, i shouldn't have lead him on, and on to this pithole of mine. Things ended up bad, hiding off every emotion infront of me and pretending that everything is gonna be alright when it won't be? I hate the punch line ' Can we just be friends?'
EDITS COMING LATER
Monday, December 25, 2006
I must say, that as Christmas as is pleasing as it is. I think back and realise that i'm terribly blessed. I'm terribly blessed. (: Not only did i get what i didn't ask for. I have love that spreaded. [: Well in this case the stuff i didn't ask for, but i got it anyway were an Ipod Nano 8Gb. (black) Coach bag, L.V bag, Guerlain stuff, Monopoly (star wars version) I finally OWN it. And the list goes on. (: On the other note, i felt horrid for not getting my folks ANYTHING. I swear i ought to be punish for this sin. But i'm gonna make it a point to get a job STRAIGHT after o's and buy GIFTS on Christmas for them and the love ones. (: someone remind me yea?!? I guess the best gift i can give them now is to be a goood girl and just be O-B-E-D-I-E-N-T and get goood marks for O's. That's all they ever asked for. And also bring some pride to the family name. (ERIKA SHIMADA PLEASE DITTO THIS!)
I'm up and down. Drinking like a fish, and head spinning and secrets are hidden. Oh the volatile of joy and misery clashes too sweetly like my Tequilla Sunrise. (HA) I have figured it out that maybe I***C seems more than happy to be out of my life. What am i to say or do? It's ALWAYS this story. We loose contact, a few months later we come again and be all happy and get this funny feeling then fall out for God knows the reason why. A tormenting cycle i can't take. However, i'm willingly to do it all again, just cause i care still, i always have. And it's him i want. NOT A*****Y.
Oh wells, i'm dead gone tired and i need rest, thorough sleeping at 3 a.m in the morning doesn't help the eye bags to GO AWAY. I hope your Christmas have been a meaningful and joyful one my readers. And i hope you guys know the ACTUAL meaning of Christmas too. The night is still young, christmas won't end untill the new year. So have yourself a Merry little Christmas still my readers. At least it was better mine right? (in a away)
Sunday, December 24, 2006
I'm crying a water tap that won't stop. I'm crying and consistently crying. I cried this morning when i woke up, cried even more when Mr BodyBuilder texted me, i cried even more when i showered. I cried even more to myself in the subway, i cried even more when i met Mr BodyBuilder. I totoally lost myself and knelt on the carpark and broke down when i was walking home.
I thought Christmas was gonna be beautiful this year, but what a fucking bunch of shit to even think about having one again, ever. I've given myself away and NO-ONE can do anything about it now.
NO ONE can ever understand what i feeel now. This happens to be my fucking disaster which i created.
Eggman, you've been a wonderful person and friend. But i can't lead you on anymore, not with myself, not with the rest. I don't want you to get hurt. I will never ever want you to be hurt. I don't want you to be just a part of my past. You make sense talking to me and i like that. Cause it's goood to be waken up by sense every once in a while. I'm sorry. We'll be great pals, trust me. I'm just in a mess up position for a while and i neeed some time to think about what i really want. I'm sorry.
Daryl, i'm glad we're staying as friends.
Izzy, will you remember me when i'm gone? Just go listen to Pink's-who knew. I don't know what to say. I just don't know what you want me to be to you.
and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me s
o lets pretend were alone
and I no you may be scared
and I no were unprepared
but I don’t care tell me
tell me what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
please don’t tell me that I am the only one that’s vulnerable
I was born to tell you I love you
isnt that a song already
I get a B in originality
and its true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see
Mr bodybuilder, i'm done and over with.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
the 25th December party has beeen postponed to a later date, which will be on the 29th instead. Loook out thy blog for more details!
says me and ji min. [:
Oh before i forget TAG REPLIES
Erika: HAHA erika! You loook gorgeous i swear. Omg. You really do have the loooks. And your hair and your dress sense i like. [: OMG. HAHA yea and be very surprise who i'm dating! THANKS! (: TALK TO YOU SOOOON!
Zaki: DEY! Where are you?
That's it for taggies. Alright back to the things of the heart. You know this season holidays, kinda reminds me of events that of Laguna Beach. This whole shin-diggy i see it as Laguna Beach but Singapore version, and maybe cancel out Laguna Beach to East Coast Beach. HA.
Oh and Eagen, i hope you see this, but you were right about what you said about dating.
My mind is on it's own whirlpool of thoughts. I'm still pondering over what Eagen told me about dating a few days ago. Should i have listened or carry on with whatever i'm doing? That i can't answer. I went out with Anthony just yesterday and i bumped into Erika yesterday, as well as, Wei Fern and friend, Vanessa and friend, Jun Cai and Marcus, Roula, Shirley, and some other random people i can't remember. Caught the holiday again. But it's different this time round. Smoked for a while. Sigh.
GIRLS! I NEEEED YOU! I NEEEED SOMETHING THERAPUTIC TO REJUVILINATE MY SOUL! SESSIONS SOOON!
This time, 'I' next was 'B' then it was 'E' then it was random people whom i can't remember and then it's 'A'.
What am i gonna do? What am i gonna say? Who am i suppose to fall for?
I must confess that i don't feel that i should fall in love now. Because i don't feeel like falling for anyone now.
Can someone save me with the answer?
My heart broke when i saw a testimonial from some stranger i don't know on YOUR friendster page. How did we ever become like this? Why aren't we speaking to each other? Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you stay up for a little while longer just to speak to me like you always do? Why won't you reply my smses? Why can't you care? Why can't you be here? Why can't you hear me scream? I miss you oh so much. I was at raffles place the other day and i kinda texted you wether if we could meeeet but i guess you were busy with something else or someone else.
To the guy who came back from singapore FROM Jordan, who studied at St Andrew's and is 16 years old.
I miss you alright. Why am i crying? I don't know why? Why do i reach out to you? Maybe cause i thought you care.
Cause i thought of so many things, and i thought about you. I thought about you. Izzy, where are you? Can you talk to me please? I need you, i really do. Don't cast me away from you, i know you want me too. But i want you more than you want me.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Anyway, shopping with vanessa, joy, and bay. (: heartwarming. Ji min came along the way. (: And ATTENTION YEEE ATTENTION YEEE!
On the 25th December there will be a bbq party at MY place. (: Contact me and Ji min for the detaiils girls! (:
Someone unexpected message me today. There might be some changes, cause i'm going to go private sooon especially on my life. Because i have enough dramatic shit. I can't say much but yea. Only those close to me or who know me will only know, other then that don't bother getting any information from them cause they know they wont say.
Terence, i'm sorry we ended up like this. I'm sorry to know that we never bothered to have time for one another. I'm sorry that we couldn't care. I won't forget you,
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Friday's outing with BEATLE BOY was a thumb's up. I like i love. (: Watched eragon and pigged out at pastamania. Bumped into people after people and i dragged him to walk from P.s to like far-east. Wanted to pierce my navel again but the bottom part of it, just my luck i didn't had enough cash and i wore my wrong stud. So another day perhaps.
Saturday was church. Met with Bay, Van and Joy. We found something. And this is a secret amongst the 4 of us. HAHA. [: i like. Anyway joy and i spotted this really cute guy in the Mrt. He had the face of a guy whom mostly hangs out in far-east. Dressed in all black, and i coin people who dress in all black as Funeral For aFriend. It's a band in case you guys didn't know.
Like OMG, results are released tomorrow.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I found some really cool 70's retro glasses. It's the sex i swear. And lucky me found it in the closet of my grand-folks place! WAAHOOO!
I got pang-sehed for tuition. I was disappointed and grumbling and cursing at the sun. But i cool-ed off over tea at Theeee coffee bean. Waited for Izzy to come. (:
I swear the ulitmate bomb today! Had lunch at Thai express, dessert at The Coffee Club, window shopping in Taka, and Movie at Lido. 'The holiday'. What remains inside, stays inside. No questions asked and no answers will be given.
To my secret reader (Izzy);
I miss your lips against mine, your hand entwined around mine. I miss your touch.
No and i didn't think we were going too fast.
You know i'm the person you can trust,
even if you want somethings to last.
Don't let me read your mind for too long. I can't read it all. The signs? Is it a hint or another dismiss? This is no accident. This is the start of something i want to know and find out and something i don't mind going deeper in. Something that should have started long ago. You don't have to hide it anymore.
You're terribly missed.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I was happy and well my normal self this day today, till i found myself debating if i should have gone for the match tonight?
Infact i didn't go for the match in the end actually. I lied to D. And i was sorry. And i am.
Maybe it's best if you left me alone for good.
I took your words and i believed the words you said about me and too me.
Guess you lead me on, leaving me to think that this could have been.
I wish i could touch your hand again,
I won't forget D, you're my friend. (coughs)
That last touch of your hand, i still cherish
I'll keep it back in my memories.
I guess it was too good to be true,
But still, who knew?
This is my fault. But the reasons behind it is about you D. Thanks for being an inspiration for me to write a new song.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mommy's birthday was yesterday so Egan was nice enough to accompany me to find her a gift. We had the options of jewelry, a terrapin, a cook book, a bikini(HIS IDEA!) but we both agreed on this little guy in the end.
Ahaha. Dinner was at Inagiku. I wonder what has Chef Watanabe been doing. Or did he resign? Standard dropped like anythin, dad and i weren't happy. But it was mum's birthday so we were all smiles. They dragged us to THEIR cell group, i wound up studying and writing in MY BOOK and listening to my old Mp3. Speaking of Mp3s. Many of you know my Sony mp3 i carry around. Now the many reasons why i loved that Mp3 were many.
1. 14,000 songs can be hold.
3. Hassle free.
4. Long battery life. Up to 3 days.
5. Had bookmarks which allowed me to which bookmark songs and put a special emoction which could be sad, happy, crazy or hip hop songs.
6. I gave it a make over worth 40 bucks.
And the totoal cost of the whole Mp3 was a whopping $499. But guess what? When i wanted to send it for repair, it was $309. Mum told me to get a new one. Sigh.
Oh wells. You were a great friend in times of need. (:
ANYWAY back to myself.HAHA kidding. I was a bored before i went to bed, and i sorta played around with myplushhie, ELMO. (sorry chloe, i know you hate him, but forgive ahhh!)
(It says: If i lay here, if i just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?)
HA. Anyway, mah mah left for Beijing. Yups. I'll be back to say more laters i guess. (:
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Once in a while it feels goood to jump and dance around my rooom with my undies and shirt on. I did just that this morning. GAWD, i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the feeling.
Shopping with family and friends. Now a new wardrobe i have, but i still don't feel satisfied. I wonder why.
I feel like having a candle-light dinner or lunch where i can dress up abit.HA Doesn't matter where or when. -HINT HINT-
gawd i'm bored.
Jenn- Yes i remember you! Your number has been saved! HOKIES. (:
Izy- You made sense. Maybe i shut myself out of the world, but i do that for a reason too sometimes. Too let people know what it's like to have something missing when it's gone. Sometimes gone to know it's missing. WELL, we neeeed to have lunch/dinner and talk realllll soon. Maybe you can be that person whom i can have a candlenight dinner/lunch with. (:
Friday, December 08, 2006
The many things i hate/love december is the pendulum that swings back and forth which is happy to sadness. Funny how one can feel so much on a lovely month of December right? Maybe this isn't my season. It's winter, but it isn't. I'm not gonna give a hoooot about boys from ______. (It's an all boy's school renown for rugby, if you were wondering) Each of them should just fuck off and die. Like burn in hell.
Funny why i can find hope when i'm let down and peace when i'm confused. I learnt the truth today, everyone loves me ONLY when i'm happy. Losers.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
I'm angry with myself for everything. Why did i bother to dress up for you for Flow? Why did i bother even texting you? Why did i bother to care? Why did i have to fall for you? Yea you were leading me on into something on, but why did i contine following? Cause you were one mistake i REALLY DIDN'T MIND.
THIS IS F-U-C-K. But i'll still go for your soccer match. I hate myself. Thanks for screwing up the joy that i have for Christmas already. Cause now it's pointless and meaninglesss. So what's it gonna be like now?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Woah yesterday was a big thrillllllllllll. Right now it's 6.40 a.m in the morning. I just took a shower and i'm not in bed whereas Chloe is. She's damn cuteee. (: HAA and yes i'm staying over at her place. Dammmmmn fun la. Before that we had a merry good time, goofing about and sorta blaming one another for like the rain and everything. Yeap and ohh i have a new excuse punch line when i drop my things,
'DON'T BLAME ME! BLAME GRAVITY!'
i said that in the bus btw when i was on the way down to town with Chloe to meet the girls. Alright i'll skip to the chase about Flow.
THE WORST PARTY EVER UNDERWENT IN THE ENTIRE PLANET. All my forking out of $78 bucks went down the drain and don't ask me where i got the money. As you know, smooove is a uber small room where house and trance is usually played. But hip hop and Rnb was playing. So it was AHHHMAHHHHHHH GAWD FCUKING CROWDED.
On another note, i made new friends, i caught up with old friends, i settled things with old friends. Shaun Ng, yes my ex was there, kinda decided to be nice, jump up and say hi and all and demanded for my stuff back HAHA, in friendlier way. (:
Anyway, smoked a bit, asked soon leng, asked denny asked 2 stranger, shared them with joy, bay and zachery. HEHE. -beams-
However i miss yesterday still, there was that bit of joy i felt, though i 'emo-ed' for a lil while.
Blogger doesn't want to upload my photos.Check out friendster. Screwww
I love you. I just do ogay.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Anony: HAHA why thanks for spreading your love around. I love you tooo! (:
JI MIN: someone not going for Flow huh?
No i have not been murdered. I was just M.I.A for a small while.
Saturday was a craze, running here and there. Met vict to collect my share of tickets before heading down to town to do EVERYTHING. Did a crazy thing of walking from Lido to P.S, like i always do to meet Chloe and Bay before heading down for service. (: I think Guo is sooo gonna get into trouble. TSK. Gave Sandra's party a miss, cause daddy wanted to pick me up. So i passed my gift to Bay to pass to her. Now i'm hoping that she already gave it. Took the subway down, and texted D all the way. Just hope this is nothing of false hop, again. Or i'll just hang myself. Damn suay when i came home, i fell dead ill.
So sunday i stayed at home, whining and sneezing and coughing and watching t.v and sleeping. And today i feel much better. (:
Flow is tomorrow and my little itty bitty heart is racing! I can't wait to be a naughty girl and seee all my girls and guys as well as D. WHOOOOYEAAA. I'll be staying over at chloe's place. >D