Sunday, December 30, 2007

where it all starts


OK. So japan trip, done. Christmas, done. Yes i'm back. Hello fellow singaporeans! (:


So i went DXO last night. What happened there remains there. What i did and whatever happened remains there. What a night full of drama. I think i wouldn't dare fix the twist anymore, it'll just show me eventually what it'll do. I have a heart that cannot be tammed, an inner voice that wants to be heard. Happiness i say, is no where in it, and it's because, happiness can sometimes last for only 3 minutes. But i'm guessing it's about time since i freed myself from life's distractions.



Wednesday, November 14, 2007

see you in a decade

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Hey kids i know my o's are over and i SHOULD be blogging but really sorry. I've been pretty darn busy.

anyway, i've yet to pack my bags. Flight is at 8.40.

God and i'm hell as sad as i can be. ):

BUT look more for i'll be grudgingly telling you my days here in japan.

to everybody , well i'll miss you.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

spray hearts on concrete they won't die

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hey i'm getting tension headaches. How cool is that? -does V sign wearing nothing but hippy clothes-
ok my headache is not getting any better. So after taking this medicine, some long unspelt name i have never heard of, i feel like a druggie.

O's are next week. When? O's are next week. When? O's are next week. When?
O's are sometime soon.

Did i tell you my readers this signifance of the heart in today's post? -looks at previous paragraph-
ok. no.
well no my heart is not broken, and no i'm not dividing it into 3 or more parts. But my heart is tugged at matters of the affairs of the heart. No biggy. Firdaus is being a great support to me. (:
To admit, i've never felt comfortable with anyone before. -Friends stares at me with the 'you-said-this-before' look-
Well............Time is only capable of that aint it now.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

My air ticket to no-where

Ok, i can't believed that i just graduated. Class of 2007. 5n2.

How can i not be happy? I am actually not gonna be in the same class with this bunch of people whom i can call friends.

Alex,
Amanda Bay,
Cassie,
Belinda,
Amaryllis,
Esvari,
Louisa,
Laveena,
Maimunah,
Nisha
FiFi,
Joyce,
Chloe,
Ji Min,
Phanida,
Amanda Lee,
Sandra,
Caryn,
Wan Ting,
Lynette,
Rachel Mak,
Becky,
Alexia,
Zara,
Michelle,
Viviyana,
Elanor,
Shalini,
Ting Fang,
Jazreel,
Rachel Yong,
Sara Koh,
Floremae.

I just can't bear to live school. I can't sum up how much i feel for each and every one of you in a sentence. But i chose out this song and from the bottom of my heart, i mean every word i say.

i really really do love you guys as friends and as sisters. we've seen each other blossom up to who we are today. And you know what? I really really do love you all, REMEMBER THAT!

so with this, please do remember one another.

from my heart,
erika.

Monday, September 24, 2007

bahh


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It's 11.23 a.m. half an hour plus to the next day.
well i've spent my life studying.
so i guess this is how the post would end too. since my life revolves around the o's.
pure simplicity huh?

oh i just thought i'd let the rest of the world know, but i'm terribly missing a group of people. I really really really really do. And i'll do whatever it takes to spend time with each and every of them after o's. That is if i ever get to.

shocking news=i'm SHIPPED off to japan after o's for some japan immersion programme, more like erika-gets-to-laugh-at-people-watching and erika-creates-havoc. At least i've planned out some ideas to get me expelled from the school.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

ZUM

ZUM ZUM ZUM ZUM ZUM.
I am aproximately close to a month to o's.

anyway, i'm starting to save up my bit for my phone-bill. Yes, i finally came to my own senses that i SHOULD pay-up, though i'm already black-listed. (grumbles)

oh wells. ):

things can look bright, or dull. But i'm still smiling thanks to Mr Noah. (:

cheers my readers, i'll try to be more consistent.
Mrs Noah.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

regret this

you know what my readers?

someday I am gonna regret this. Trust me because i'm starting too. I'm starting too loose the ruggedness in a few friendships, the superior does not seem to bother but the inferior is screaming out 'come back. stay. don't go'. I guess that's why we're suppose to make new friends to cover up for the old ones. But can they replace the old ones? I don't think so.
This so feels like the Laguna Beach season, and it's not even the winter holidays yet (Nov-Dec).

I did it because I care.
I care because I miss you

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

The great escape

Ahh september holidays. I miss wasting my life at school. Well i know i do curse and holler my swears about my days at school, but i pine to be there. That's not the only thing i miss about too. I miss alot of people like

wan (jb), firly, batam, belu, zul, and the skate gang. But mostly i miss Wan (jb). It's been 2 months since i heard from you.

Derrick and the jdi and bfc crew. Syafiq, ahzard, mizan, sham, wan, t.j aka teddy (TO ME!), shahrin.


Yanti and Nurul, dang girls its been eons.


victoria, fel tham, syid somehow pretty isn't pretty till i see more of you.


erika


charmaine

ok the list goes on and i bet you readers get the picture.

Studying till my little brain hurts. I dont really wanna study tooo hard and too much, i've encountered too many mindblocks as a result. Sigh i live in a crazy world la.

Running away, forget yesterday, we'll make the great escape.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Computer down, Prelims bitch, eyebags drooping, yet to pay phone bills are hate.

Ok i was reading some a friends blog and was just admiring her top when it DAWNED upon me this question, 'When was the lat time did i spent my money on something?'. I've wasted money on top up cards weekly, yes $18 cannot last me for that long, so I guess that explains why my phone bill cost a 1/3 of some working people's salary.

So erika note a rain check.
-get 2 more white sphagetti (Naomi USED one of yours)
-get yourself a new set of heels and pumps. (for some reason, the leather came off, God knows how it did)
-get yourself a new set of wardrobe. (You're running out of things to wear, honestly)

So i guess i'll head to town before going to Jap class to do some shopping and do some bargain hunting, (shhhhh don't ask me for the places that gives THE BEST clothes at ultra lord good prices). And i'm in the midst of my prelims, mind you.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Out of this population I wonder how many humans in Singapore, or even in the world actually read my blog. Well I’ve long gone abandon my blog for another latter, but since all you cyber geeks just want to know if I’m alive, I’ll be nice and tell you all how I’ve been doing. (:

School has been a major WHOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I can’t spill all the details out on blog as it has been classified as confidential. But my toast is so burnt. I’m in the midst of my papers, and as many of you know it, well I think I just have to thank the Lord for a million of trees has been bull-dozed over. Question papers are left blank other than the question numbers, name, class, address and date. And the miserable steps I take to finish off each question, sometimes I just catch spasm.

On another good note, well, I’m just a little out of single and full of love. (:

There are 400 billion people on this planet and all you need is 1 person to love.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Daddy walks in and hands me a letter. I ripped it open and guess what i found,

TOTAL AMOUNT DUE (SGD): $ 985. 69.

I couldn't concentrate on studying. So i slumped on my desk and started trying again to find a way to pay off that ridiculous price. I could use half of my pocket money to pay at least small bit of it. But i can never reach that price. I mean i'm still a STUDENT for crying out loud. I'm NOT getting paid to study am i?!?

I'm utterly pissed off. I WANT someone to make me happy. I don't care! ):<

Saturday, August 11, 2007

stupid promises

I swear on my chocolates, but this is the ever first time i spent a saturday, AT HOME. I'm always out on saturday. But because of stupid silly arguments, ahhh, you get the idea. You love 'em or hate 'em. Which is which, I have no idea. They think I'm blissfully unaware that the majors are upcoming, they think i'm an idiot.

You know it did hit me hard that the O's were coming sometime just a few days back. (To admit this.) Many of you my friends from the N's to the O's, know that we technically did drown ourselves last year, but when the drive of doing another International Recognised exam, that feeling is lost. I did find some feeble excuse to delay studying. But maybe we can't find the drive or the determination to do anything. We might lack most things a successful person should have. THe constant want to do better, the motivation, the inexpendable power and energy of an energizer bunny. It's just ABSENT in life.
But we'll find it.
Nothing is impossible I say.

( I think I should run for mayor, that is if there is such thing in this country,I'd rock the world!:) )

On another note, I thought playing this game was initially over, but i was so very wrong, I'm at it again. And I'm tackling the big boys now. What a weird and strange and beauitful life i lead.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

i'm bouncing off the walls again

Man i'm not patriotic, it's national day, so what?

i'm so bouncing off the walls again, and i'm acting like a fool again.

this love that i'll create will have no boundaries.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

fifi and me.

ok due to the privacy of the affairs of my heart, i've given my friend a name that you will not find. However you know the sex, if you don't. You're not even human.

me: HEY you! i just came by, was thinking about you and just wanted to know how you were doing?
fifi: Just a little tired. Just had rehearsal, tomorrow got show. Now at vivo, having lunch, how bout you?
me: i'm doing just fine. really swell. how's everyone?
fifi: same old. Nothing change. How's school and all?
me: it can be a whore, especially since prelims are around the corner. heyyyy, i miss you a tad bit.
fifi: miss you abit too.(:
me: we should meet up more often now.
fifi: maybe we should but no promises k?
me: i'm not surprised. hey i was just wondering but do you still have the picture we took on our first date still?
fifi: yarp
me: awwww ok.

what are the signs that you are sending me again?

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

For Hadi.

Hey small boy,

it's over and done with. So you should be happy now just like how I am happy with my life. I don't have to be nice all the time, reason being this is the REAL world we live in. Plus, take it as a way of preparing you as well. I may not be the best person in the whole world, but that doesn't mean I'm the least either. You were a wonderful guy to me, my sister and well to my life. I enjoyed our conversations, our dates, our text-messages, our bus journey's down to your training grounds, everything. I honestly did. But I'm sorry to say that we can no longer call ourselves what we could anymore. Don't prod on. MOVE ON.

I'll never forget you my friend. I won't. I'll be a busy person for the next few months. So you'll see and hear from me like once in a while.

I might hate you now, but that doesn't mean it'll be forever. So go get the girl you've been waiting on for, and this time round, DON'T tell me. Save it for our future meet ups that we'll have. It's not that I'm not interested, bu just save the best for last. So will i, when i meet that guy that i'll fall for, i'll tell you when we meet up. We'll laugh ourselves silly, about this when we look back. Trust me. Been there. Done that.

Well, till then.

All the love,
erika. XO.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

hero/heroine

Boy: Would you stil love me in the morning?

Girl: Forever and ever babe.

i'm sorry that i refuse to see pass through everything.

i'm sorry to know that you were just a friend.

:'(

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

inevitable decay of that fair weathered love

i still remember when we hung out together, we enjoyed playful verbal banter, we were tender. But those gushing sentiments that we spoke off to each other, did we regret?
The seasons pass so fast, the blooms faded, and natyre took its course of inevitable decay, and without argument or discussion, we started to neglect each other. Somehow we got back to where we were, where we stare at each other from the other room.

But i ask myself now: Was there ever a true great love? Anyone who became the object of my obsession and not simply my affections? I don't think so. In part, this was my fault. Maybe it was my nature, i suppose. I could not let myself become that great mindful.

But isn't that what love is-losing your mind?

You don't care what people will think. You don't see your beloved's faults, the slight stinginess, the bit of carelesness, the occasional streak of meaness. You don't mind that he is beneath you socially, educationally,financially and morally. Ok i think that's the worst- deficient morals.

Monday, July 16, 2007

reaching out for you



Good Golly God.





how come i feel miserable? And that i actually feel good being miserable. How weird isit and why is it coming from you boy?





Can i say that i like you? or would you run away?



i feel so blind, but i'm desperately reaching out for you still.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

my paper heart will rip


It's good to be in love, it really does suit you. I'm happy you're in love.


Kids. I would like to say hello. I've done a very very very bad thing over the past few months, and i caused people to get hurt. WELL that's only one person though, but still, that was no excuse for me to go around hurting people. But I was honest, and i told him the truth. And now i'm very very very sorry. But that pain will sink in, maybe he can bury it and never let it grow. But if he waters it with his thoughts, i'm afraid it will grow and sprout into a weed.

Well on my way back home from city hall, i thought about a situation that i'm currently in. What if i said that nothing was ever real, and that i was just out there to test myself? I think i would have come back a soldier with a white flag. To come to think of it, what if i choose the other latter? I'd have left the fray for the latter. But on the contrary, think of it this way, doesn't everybody deserve to be happy? Well, i guess it's uncertain for sure, but would any of you of my dear friends and readers kill me if i say i'd like to jump in and find out what i might never know?

just go ahead.

KILL ME. :]



oh heart, what should we ever do with you?

Friday, July 06, 2007

ZOMG.

school is giving me eyeeeeeebags.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

will we be ready?

life can be a real whore.

um acs barker carnival was kinda a letdown. But company was all good. Outing with new found friend, Reza was pretty wild and hilarious. Waiting for Syamil was like waiting for Hadi to come down from Tampines to Town. Oh wells, i can't wait to see his ass getting screwed real bad. Twice. (:Revenge is yet bitter sweet. Big time argument happend at home, momma and poppa are both another bitch.
__________________________________________________________________
To: My love

I have got to say this. I don't know if we weren't ready for anything. However we both jumped at the chance to it and grab it. But now I have doubts. Were we ever ready? I ask some good confidents whom I know have my interest at heart, they told me, that I maybe right. We were all to fast? Or was i just too desperate to be happy? Love can be an obsession to many. For me it's essential, but not an obsession. But I need you to be on the same pace, wavelength, side, wind, ramp with me. Cause the way I see it, we're both at different ramps. I don't even know if i'll ever get to reach you.

from,
your love, erika.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

something ailing



Cafeteria's food has gone from bad to well even more bad. So maybe we did take for granted about the food that we had with the old stall vendors. But ahhhh i can't take this new cafeteria anymore! ):

i couldn't help but cry myself silly over yesterdays quarrels with Wan and Nazri. However when i opened up, let's call him hip hopper, 'hip hopper's' friendster profile page, i got led to his myspace instead. I got a lil jealous and that i realise i got hurt a lil bit. And then i cried again over the silliest things. I hate this feeling. It gets me chewing off my mind. My heavy heart can break into a million pieces, but maybe it may be better that way. Love can be shared.

But again, please forgive my poor ailing heart.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

m-a-l-a-y-s-i-a

i'm soooo glad to be back. Well since i just came back from malaysia, i thought about sharing with you the many things that i feel i should raise. (wow, so unlike me)

Would you ever look in the eye of a malay person and feel the same thing? With all the racial and religious conflict going on, i don't have the answers to the questions. But all i can say is, i go mad whenever i think about it.

I enjoy and i always look forward to going to malaysia, (nisha, fariza, laveena and mai maybe you guys know the reason why (;) but other than that, i just do enjoy it.

So i was at seremban, k.l and genting.

1 word: AWSOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Seremban was for that family church camp: Saw the new sl'o'ts in town.

K.L: Shopppppping. Bought this reallllllllly adorable top.

Genting: Theme park, and lovely eyecandies.

J.B: Shopping.

alright, i gotta go hunt down syamil. damn that bastard

Saturday, June 16, 2007

good people do homework

It's 11.13

im at the Allson Hotel at Seremban, well the bar longue. They're playing Pink's stupid girl.

To all who wished me a happy birthday, thanks! (: I'm surprised. Like the people i least expect to text me, actually did anyway.

Well since i'm bunking in with my childhood friend, Saya. We had a good a few hours chat. And she gave me the greatest gift that anyone could have given, HITTING THE SENSE I NEED. Exactly what i need. You know, i think i am sure of the decisions that im about to make, or so that's what i think.

I think it's time to come clean with many people. Hello I'm erika, i just turned 17 and im very unfaithful.

go be a good girl/boy and figured out that math for your homework.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

when someone says 'I will be around'

My time is running out,
I'm far from where i want to be,
I'm hanging around the lost and found,
I need someone to lean on.

Where is everybody? Why isn't anyone around when you need them? ):

Friday, June 08, 2007

i'm on a high, on a high.

right on this is one of my favourite music from CALI. Home town of 3-4 years of my life spent. home sweet Cali. (:

Well, but i'm on a high too anyway. Days when you think back of time spent, i Laugh, i Smile, i Cry. I guess that's what makes life a joy. Too bad i know of a lot, who don't have that time. Treating life like a rat race. JEEEEBUS! Don't take life too seriously, it plays you around like a lil merry go round too you know, making you spin in all directions and letting you fly off to unknown places with the strangest characters.

oh wells, enjoy life my human friends. (:

Thursday, June 07, 2007

You should've said no

Good God. This will be all over and done with for once and for all.

It's strange to think the songs we used to sing

The smiles, the flowers, everything: is gone

Yesterday I found out about you

Even now just looking at you: feels wrong

You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance

It was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

Actually you should've said no, you should've gone home

You should've thought twice before you let it all go

You should've know that word, bout what you did with her would get back to me...

And I should've been there, in the back of your mind

I shouldn't be asking myself why

You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...

You should've said no, baby and you might still have me.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

huntress

Thank you Derrick aka tech 1 and friends of his for doing a splendid job in cheering me up.
Jason, you rocked the stage. (: The Jerk, siaaa la, you'll always be my teddy bear.







The huntress didn't get her game. Because the game backed out on the fight. So S-A-D. And the game has a D-I-C-K, shame shame shame shame on you.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

konvicted

KONVICTED @ Fort Canning Park

I was late! Suppose to be there at 5-ish 6, but wound up reaching there at almost 8. Along with Santos, whom i bump into the MRT. I took one big giant run to fort canning park. -.-

But ahh skip this part, met new friends, Yee-Ni, Sylvia, May, Davis, 2 of Fel Tham's friend, some guy friends of JenMark and Jin Wei. Selina, Chloe, Jared, Kenneth, Shane Than, Shane (ABC) Russell, and Fahreeq were there.

The population was pretty patethic, I estimate a 100 odd or more or less. The irritating bit was the part when people came up to me and said,

'EH, damn boring la this party.'

With all do respect, but obviously it was boring, BECAUSE, you're suppose to get your freaking ass inside and on to the freaking dancefloor and dance your freaking little heart out. Typical people, of THE NATO FEDERATION. JEEEBUS!

Anyway, drinks served was swell, had a tequilla raw, and redbull/vodka, and some good ol tequilla shots.

Emcee tech one was ummmmm getting acquainted. HA

2 fights broke out. 4 police cars came. 1 angry DJ. GO FIGURE.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

unlucky

man oh man why do such unlucky events happen to me?

i failed pretty miserablely for the mid years. Like L1R4, NOT GOOD.

TRAUMA, DRAMA, MAMA happend on saturday. NADA.

sigh. and what still, Konvicted sales, aint doing too well the way i want either.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

duh

bad ticket sales= frustrated erika.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

the opposite of fate

because i'm better with you

I was reading today's Sunday times when i managed to spot the article OF THE WEEK.

On Page 23 entitled ' 4 arrested in vicious honour killing of Iraqi Teen'

I got reminded of Romeo & Juliet, but a more tragic and gruesome storyline instead. But the weird & funny thing is i can see myself, just maybe cancel out the dying part la!

It did type
" She's a Yazidi. He was a Muslim".







Then i got myself thinking,
" She's a Christian. He is a Muslim".


So now my fellow readers, as you read through the future entries about my life. Think Romeo & Juliet here.


Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Go buy yourself a character.

i might not be alright now, but i'll be ok later. I promise you girls that i'll be just fine. (:

I am sick of this. That constant and endless nagging from mom. That screaming, preaching or whatsoever. Honestly i feel that she doesn't practice what she preaches. So i ask myself why bother at times. Whatever she's saying isn't getting into my head anymore, it DOESN'T make sense to me. It's just one of those endless and tire words that doesn't sink into my head any longer. Like decomposed material of the soil above the ground, EVENTUALLY it'll be disintergrated, yes.
But it won't be there forever, it'll be removed by means.

So this is it, the next round, i'll be running away, fo real.

When i earn enough, i'll give you whatever i have for you to go get yourself A NEW CHARACTER,
mum.

You'll thank me

Sunday, May 13, 2007

you don't know how it feels to be in love

Here are some things which I have a strong urge to do now,

1) Get a nose piercing. ( I don't exactly know why i wanna get it, but i know that it's something i can fumble around with)
2) Rob 'That CD-Shop' or 'HMV' to upload songs, cause downloading them is butt slow!
3) Seat at 'The Coffee Bean' and eat B N J's ice cream and just wallow over my problems, for we are at Coffee Bean and there is nothing that can be solved at the Coffee Bean
4) Head over to Syahmil's place and calm him down. (That is IF i'll ever do.)


you don't know how it feels to be in love.

another

1 down and 2 to go. Or maybe 3.

I'm suppose to cry, I should cry, but I can't.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

sinful soul

I've done the most damn greatest sin a girl could ever commit.

I'm not proud at all.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

prata with the monkey

Funky Monkey + Erika + Prata = Laughter. True sheer laughter

I totoally gave up the idea of seating down on my desk to study today. I couldn't take it. I just can't sit still and study at home.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

play with fire erika


They said that you should never ask for more than you have and you should be contented with what you have. Currently i'm living with one of the worst sin a girl could ever be in. Like i'm playing with fire. HOW WONDERFUL IS THAT?!?

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Today was sucha love. Met Wan (JB) long lost friend to surprise Wan but he wasn't at skate park. So Poor Eka & me were roaming around. Till me and Eka left, i met Ean and his crazy friends, thus i met new friends. AND I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE I CAN HANG OUT WITH ON SATURDAYS! (: n Nurul and Yanti are such love. (:

Like met alot of unexpected people ijail, zul. Met Az as well. (: HEH.

Today was sucha great day for me. My heart goes all silly willy now. HEH i've been brought to a world, a different view of it and the people. (: Today is sucha love.





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that is why i'm playing with fire

Thursday, April 26, 2007

my life this week and the future, oh whatever.

It's 8.46 and i'm in the Learning Lab in school. It's freeeeeeeeeeeeee period. Ms Iris Kee did not come to school again. So i guess i'll make a good use out of this period by updating you earthlings.

1)Mid-years are on friday, next week and next next week. I didn't study much so i can predict the grades that will be screened on my report card.
2)Momma left for Aussie yesterday.
3) My advanced flight to the U.S has been confirmed. So surprises for my hispanic, blondes and brunettes and those with korn-rag doo! CAN'T WAIT I SWEAR!
4) Momma, Daddy and Naomi will be in malaysia DURING my birthday. Church camp without me.
5) KONVICTED @ FORT CANNING PARK! BUZZ ME FOR THE LATEST BUZZ!
6) I have to pay for my phone bill, momma says i have to start getting up on my 2 feet, financially speaking. And my bill, $348.58. HEH. GO ERIKA!
7) I spoke to ______ about an upcoming_______and we're expecting the best outta the outcome. -BEAMS-

I won't spill everything. But i guess i can leave you wondering for the better or for the worst. Life can be a real bitch. But it's pretty fun once in a while. I don't need alot of things to keep me happy, and that includes people too.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

What's happening?

Many apologies for deserting this blog for a few days thoughst.

Alright, i may never be in the right state of mind, or so i conclude from the many 'stuff' that i encounter. Clubbing as actually become something boring to me. Upcoming parties like the one at far east pavillion, Knovicted @ Fort Canning Park, Soft02@ M.o.S. But the MAIN reason why i always look forward to them is because clubbing is my work out. Some weird reasons why. But i know the girls and i got it all covered. (;

This certain kinda love,

This certain kinda romance,

This is how it moves in it's own mysertious ways.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

tira-miss-you


This is what got everyone sizzling today for FnN practical. HEH. My dessert creation.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

surprises and slapbacks.

Sarah's surprise birthday party was a blast.
(:


HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEARY! Hoped you were well-ed surprised enough.


If you wanna see photos. Go over to Joy's blog
________________________________________________________________


I'm greatly pressured. WELL technically, i can foresee my future this week. I WILL be pressured. My speech tomorrow, plus TEST(s) and my 'OH level practical. I have yet to finalize my dessert.

Alongside, I've got problems I'm dealing with. I thought by numbing pain, it'd help. Smoking didn't help at all. NO matter how many sticks. It didn't work. Note: If you have a problem with me and the cigarettes. Kindly go screw yourself at one corner. I'm sick of the dis encouragement.

Sigh. Ultimately i wish i didn't give my heart out. I know that eventually time will heal all wounds. But YOU were no different than how a lion would eat it's meat and hunt it's next prey when hungry. Subtle yet hurtful.

i totally lost everything dear to me without seeing.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sigh.

HYPOCRISY

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

party hats and thinking hats



Livejournal and Xanga. You make me miserable.





Everyone is moving into xanga and livejournal. -shrugs- i still don't see the point of it. But i hear complaints.


So don't screw anyone else. SCREW TECHNOLOGY!





I'm still debating with my pro's and con's of attending this party on saturday. It's either them or love. I had initial thoughts of bringing him over, but would that be appropiate? Would he feel left out around them? I get along well with his side of his friends. We talk, we skate, we smoke, we do rock n roll. I don't wanna decide on this, so as a beloved request, can someone decide for me instead?



we're all blissfully aware of that humans.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Unbelievable

I woke up with a huge aching in my head. I fell asleep on the verenda at 4+ due to some drinks i had at starbucks.

Towners = funny people.
My defination of funny people HERE are the people whereby you bump into at night, you say hello, you give them a hug, you chat for a while and then you live. That's towners. But i like to see what people like to dress to. I like people dressing up in their OWN style. Not the trend dressing them up. Everyday i hope to see something fresh, something new, something that can blow my mind and my knickers. :)

I broke my record yesterday for staying at Far East for a good 5 hour odd at Gallery. HELL i was bored together with Ramlee. I pee-ed more than 3 times. I drank bubble tea. I did NOT smoke. And alot of people think i work at Gallery, though sometimes I'm NO WHERE near the counter. Maybe i'll take up the job during my free days.

Yet i was glad to have found Joy, Amanda, Delyse, Sean, Chloe and Zechary at far east. Chilled out for a while before heading down to cini to meet

Nur HidaYAT . Yes it's that Taufik-Look-Alike/Heartbreaker/Monkey/Dreamer.


The meeting was with all good intentions, though i know many of you can't wait to kill me for meeting up with that jerk, on monday.

We had drinks at starbucks. We caught up. And we're impressed at the tremendous change at both ourselves. I guess huh. We talked about the past, i made him feel guilty, i felt good about it though. I enjoyed talking. But for some weird feelings, i didn't want the night to end.

He sent me to the bus-stop, the least that i wanted out of that meeting was our deepest truths and feelings. We played for a while, we kissed and bid each other good-bye. Now we realised that we miss each other.

The sad part is i'm in in love with another, and it won't be fair to the other. The sad truth is that it's wrong for us to go on, but truth is i miss him anyway.


I Wish you didnt love me
I wish youd make this easy
It was love that caught me
Now it's fear that keeps me with you
I want to be by your side
So I can close my eyes
To the growing emptiness inside that kills me
When I'm with you
You try to break me
Try to hate me
So you can fall out of love
You want to make me believe that I'm crazy
That I'm nothing with out you

It's unbelievable but I believed you
Unforgivable but I forgave you
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you
Now I'm standing on my own
Alone.

Friday, April 06, 2007

pretty faces, dirty minds

I realised and it hit me, it's this question that has been hunting me for some weeks.

I finally see that

PEOPLE ONLY LIKE ME WHEN I'M PRETTY.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

ummmm right.

I might as well abandon this blog and go fly away. Anyway, recently i did some spring cleaning in my room. Dare say i'm proud of myself.
the second shelf



the last shelf



LOL i don't think any of you want to see what's inside the closet. It's UBER MESSY.








Monday, April 02, 2007

a daughter's letter.

Momma is pissing me to my poooops. I swear i hate to be yelled at early in the morning. Because
1) I'll get grumpy in the day
2) I won't be able to think straight because i'm too absorbed in getting angry at mom.

Mom. I swear being your daughter isn't as nice as you being my mum. I hate you at times and sometimes i love you. I hate you and your friends. I can't believe that you actually trust them and not me. Me your very own flesh and blood. Me who gave you that baby joy in life. Dad's sick and tired of your temper, so am i. Naomi? Now i know where she gets that mean, hot-tempered streak of hers now. It's just so you to bring me and dad down infront of everyone. You can scream all you want at me, because it goes all out of my ears. And whatever you always say falls on deaf ears too.

Don't act all christian-y and stuff. It's revolting to the stomach.
Don't act all nice too me after you've vent your anger at me, it's an earsore.


Tell me once you're ready to act like a mother. I'll be out there in life probably teaching my kids the best and i pray they grow up never to be like you. I'll bring them up as my own pride and joy, and i'll believe them. Because i love them.

I wonder Ma, have you even ever loved us?


Your daughter,
erika.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

why wait

It is a lovely saturday i know. And what am i doing at home at such an early hour? ASK MUM.
I'd be out there by now, just galavanting on the stairs and ramps and pipes of somerset. But noooooo, mum wanted me home to show face.

April 3rd love. [: can't wait.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

harry's invisibility cloak


Hey readers i've got something to tell you.

Have you guys ever tried to play the part of invisible girl or boy? Even in a relationship?


Well being stubborn may lead your ass into hot soup sometimes.


I've played invisible girl for a short period, i don't wanna prolong it any further. Because the guilt i feel is over my head and under my feet. It's a shadow that's casting over me.


I should be talking to someone who'se been in my shoes. BUT it seemes like no one has been.


I wish i could disappear.


Friday, March 23, 2007

Disappearing acts



I meet the weirdest characters in my life. These weird characters make me laugh, they give me good laughs. And i mean they really know how to make me laugh. Because they bring the laughter to my life.

I also meet the characters which i DON'T KNOW where to catergorise under. They are the ones that enter my life, stay for a day or 2 or a week or so, and all of a sudden they DISAPPEAR.

There are also the characters who are uber nice to me, and they really really really care for me. But i kinda mess things up. Or i just twist and turn the story, INTENTIONALLY. Sigh.'

It seems like i'm loosing more than i gain this year, well that's how i feel. I've lost a totoal up to 10 people. THIS YEAR. Though we still do talk, we know there's this sense of human frailty we can't avoid.

I admit i don't like AWKWARDNESS, cause i don't know what to do next. That's there and then you get me right where you want me. YOU DISAPPEAR.


it's so you, to run away from your feelings and NEVER come back.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

school's little things

Alright i bet you readers out there are ready to hold a gun on my head and shoot me for not doing my holy duties of updating. But complain no more, i'm HERE. (:

At the moment. it's the 22nd of March, 10:50 pm, i'm at the school library, i'm feeling normal.

My days have been pretty going on good. Not bad not good but it's good. ( like HUH?!?) Well, for once i'm back into the world of nagging, coursework, homework, textbooks, and test. The fresh smell of papers, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh GLOBAL WARMING. I hate school, casue they waste paper. I hate school cause we have the dumbest rules. I hate school cause of EERIE-tating prefects. I hate school cause M.o.E is changing their education policy. (So FINE, so be it. If death rates are increasing, we can just blame it on the education system for stressing our guts out that cause us to have intentional scuicide. SCREW Y-O-U!)

Then again, i love school cause of, duh, friends. I've got the most craziest, prettiest, loveable bunch of friends ever. (: I love school, cause i like to break the rules. HAWHAW! I love school, because of......um.........er.......i just love school for the sake of loving.

Anyway, it's funny how Singaporeans react to things and how they live their life. I plan to make a documentary on you people though. It's kinda interesting yet applaudeble too. HEH. I won't pen it down as goal, cause i can never seem to accomplish my goals. So my best goal ever, is to carry on finding a goal. (:

Hmmmmm on another hand, let's take my right hand. Scandalous behaviour has been going on. -bites tongue-i've been a very very very very very bad girl. HURHURHUR!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

plant sunflowers in my head

Summer break is over. Yea.

I'll never forget the series that collate up to summer love.

I'll go plant sunflowers in my head now.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

summer love. THANKS FOR THE SUMMER

Oh summer love, summer love. STAY and NEVER EVER CHANGE PLEASE.


Let me see. My body is burnt, like ONLY the body. It's like this i tell you
Just concentrate on his body. THAT'S HOW MY BODY LOOKS! ):
Skate park=love. Irritating Ramly=SMILES. Cassie,Izman,Shafiz=DOUBLE SMILE. Fried Mars Bars=Bliss. [:

Monday, March 12, 2007

instigator with a sad smile


Today marks the last day i'll ever spend with Wan. And off will his ass be at boot camp. Skate park. Far east. 7-11. I'll never forget the time spent. I cried infront of him. More like wailing. But i couldn't help. I cried even more when he left me at the subway. HOWEVER ALL THE FAGS AND FAGGOTS IN THE MRT COULDN'T BE EVEN NICE ENOUGH TO EVEN GIVE ME A TISSUE. And to say that Singaporeans have a big heart, YEA RIGHT. BULLSHIT!
Sigh. I know i have tons and hoards of friends to surround me with. But out of that many of them, how many of them can i really call them 'FRIEND'? Maybe 10, maybe less. Skate park won't ever be the same with my boy around anymore. Sure i get to see Batam and gang and the rest, but it just won't evern be the same.
Wan,
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing..
Aku cinta pada mu. (:
ohhh and i got my second navel piercing.
but the instigator game is still on!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Skateboarding is not a crime.

VANS SKATE JAM! was the real highlight of my month, and maybe my year. Gawd how i gave up so many things just to be there but it was worth my time. Caught up with people i haven't met for months and some even years.

That joy that i felt yesterday, was too exhilarating to described. I met the pros from indonesia and thailand. The atmosphere was just great, despite it was hot. Still goood. I just don't know how to comprehend it all in sentence or a paragraph but you must be there to see and to feel. TO be part of the dream that we skaters dream of. And now for the first time in a longest time, i want to go back to skate-boarding again. SIGH. It's heaven.


























there are days where i'll end up like this dude though. HEH



















but some day, i can't wait to feel the thrill and the chill in the air.


























hung out with nick and his people. Fo real. I think i'm finally coming back to the world where i belong. I'm finally meeting the people whom i called on friends. The people who picked me up when i fall of the board.
I can't wait for all the surprises.


Ahhhh during service, something happend. Actually after service. Joy and Van knows. Whatever it is, they know i rock, i know i do too. HEH.

Friday, March 09, 2007

i'll carry you when your arthiritis is bad


My voice is very very very very very sexy. and sexy and S-E-X-Y! It's the S-E-X man! LOL


Right. Well march holidays are on the roll, and i'm not the least excited. I hate N.S for stealing friends/brothers/boyfriends away. And i wish they could stop changing all the sickening rules.


Life has been well life. Friendshp goes up right left and center. Parents go north south east west. Situations go here and there and everywhere.


NOTHING INTERESTING!




















and i'll miss you.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

help me psy!

Maybe i need help from a psychiatrist.

Monday, March 05, 2007

what holiday?

OH JELLYBEANS AND GUMMYBEARS! What for do i keep a blog when i don't bother to update it most of the times.

Let's just say i have been really busy. My body clock is beginning to understand that I AM deprived of sleep during school days. But I wonder how the hell did Bill Clinton got use to having 30 years deprived of sleep? Whatever.

Ahh crap. THIS is like my schedual for march holidays

Saturday- Samar at Arab streeet. Church. (BOOK ME!)
Sunday- Crazy professor's tution
Monday- (BOOK ME! I'M FREE!)
Tuesday- 10-1 chem/bio classesw in school. Rompe II at St James. The Clinic?
Wednesday-(BOOK ME! I'M FREE!)
Thursday- FnN camp=overnight in school=staring at the computer for A day=crappy meals=neverending zoink!
Friday-FnN camp finishes. Classes till like 1.
Saturday- Church? PLAY ON @ DXO.

mmmmm just went online shopping and retail shopping. Bought a sweet Voodoo doll trucker cap from the weekend designer blog's. (Thanks joy for introducing!) And skinny jeans from Topshop. Zara and Mango were crap. Mango's new collection is even more crap. But i don't feel a sense of happYness though. -shrugs-

Alright, getting to the serious bit.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN OR EVEN BOTHER, EAD HERE!


It's true that you don't know what you've got till it's gone, but it's also true that you don't know that it'll be gone till you know it's missing. I feel insensitive to those people who care for me so much, yet alone too much. I wish all you readers out there would learn to cherish the people that care for you the most. I lost a good guy friend, E. It won't be the same will it? Not ever? Not never? And then shortly just yesterday, my other good guy friend, Wan went for N.S.

I've never felt so alone before. The midnight calls and messages. The outings after school or on Saturdays. The visits to ex-Parallel and Gallery where we crap. The talks. The bitching. The love. The bond. The hugs. The kisses. The 'US'. Right there before my eye, i just watch it tumble and slowly die.

Why can't i stop hurting these type of people? Why can't i understand? Why can't anyone be ere anymore?

Thursday, March 01, 2007

unsaid

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


school is gobbling me up like how cookie monster eats his cookies. heh.

Did i tell you? That i have to come back to school for EXTRA lessons, there's FnN overnight camp, whereby i stick my ass to the chair and stare at the computer for A day.

I have many things to say, but it seems i never have the time to upload it all up. I got myself into a pickle though. ):

To S,
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
BOY it's not you, it's me I gotta gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye.

To E,
my friend till the end. This is for youl;
I miss you...
I miss your smile
And I still shead a tear
Every once in a while

And even though we're different now
You'll still hear somehow
My heart won't let you go and i need you to know

i miss you
Shalalalala
i miss you

Monday, February 26, 2007

friend

i never knew i could fall this hard. The past few days were miserable to me. ):

if i could, could i erase everything. if only i could, i would.

i feel so lost without your calls or smses. I feel so scared.

i look around me, and i get the stares. I look beside me, you're not there.

I really want you to know that i really do care.

I wonder what are you doing now.

Are you in your workplace playing the drums or the guitar? Or are you eating? Or are you playing Ps2?

Are you talking to lin? Does she know that i care for her too?


Can i still call you friend? Can i have you back in my life?

Do you miss me?

i know i do.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

For you

I ask myself, how could i let the sweetest people slip away? HOW?

Having alot of friends, shows how sociable you are and how friendly you are too. But keeping them, and make damn sure, they're true is another. Sad to say, within 1 single day, just 1 i tell you. I lost 2 friends who were close to me overtime, recently.

The deep fear that i have now in me, is loosing anyone that i care for. Even if you any of you don't feel like i do, deep down, i really do.
I'm sooo scared to know that nothing was ever real. The past still taunts me like a shadow at some corner. I'm so afraid, that i may no longer have the strength to fight back, i'm so afraid of loosing what i already had/have ( i just did), i'm afraid nothing i do is good enough, i'm afraid of getting HURT. I act so strong infront of everybody, but the truth is, i am soo afraid.


Sigh. I wonder what you are doing now. I wonder where you are. Seems like this is gonna be an Atlantic Ocean for us. It's gonna be pretty far. Could you take it away, ONE DAY.

I'm starting to miss you, friend.






i hate myself for the things that i do and don't do. Inevitably, i'll never ever get to understand so many things. And i laugh at my own lack of vocab words.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Ahhhh my gawd. I lied. I sooooo lied. lied. lied. Technically i didn't.

Sandy and Zara and I played pool. When all of a sudden Zara wanted to go Dxo. So i was like, ok, we'll go.

Well i don't wish to say anything. EVERYTHING that happend there. REMAINS THERE. Nothing comes out.
But i reached home at 7 though. (:

Monday, February 19, 2007

Tim McGraw leaving on a jet plane

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL YOU EARTHLINGS OF THE WORLD. (:

home-visiting is a tire. Well anyway, currently i'm at Eagen's workplace, wakemeup music there. Just met up with nick this morning at city hall over starbucks. Was bored and sooo i took the subway to Pasir Ris, Changi Airport, Dover. yeaaa, i am sooooo freeee. However, i liked the time given to me on to reflect the many things that had beeen happening, except for the cheeeky old chee koh peck seating across me hindered my thoughts, and the sudden nosebleed i have. HOW GREAT.

A million and one feelings are swimming around me. GEEEEEES. I'm caught up with my thoughts, and i'm staring at the screen, i don't know what to type down.

Izzy, came online, talked for a while. He's back in Jordan. Wonder if this is ever gonna start all over again fo' real.

I'm scared of my own feelings, i want to confess that. What if that feeling for a person is like mutual. I'm scared to know, that i only cared for ____n, because he was very vulnerable. I'm scared to hit off with him, and in the settle out with my feelings to only realised, i just cared for him because he was vulnerable. Jesus, i can't sleeep.

On another note, what if someone comes along, eventually it did, and you seem to convert the care for this person instead. I deserve to bang my head on the war memorial wall la.

I want to leave on a jet plane, and then go thailand. Or maybe some Tim McGraw will do.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

AHHHH PICS FROM JOY! FINALLY!



























































































































THEN THERE. HEH. Ahhhhh, i bought 2 new flats. Whooooopeeeeedooooooo.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

AHAHA. I'm in school. And i fibbed about yesterday being DATELESS. Had a small date with MEGAN. Unfortunately half way during dinner, i had a BIG, GIGANTIC headache, the size of empire state building. HEH. ): But it was alllll goood in the end. [:

Took pictures. Ate candy after candy bought from candy empire at millenia walk. Bumped into his friends, audrey and emmmm i forgot the other girl's name. AHA.

I, didn't even fucking wished me at all. So kay, fine, whatever. I guess you've finally STOPPED caring.

Alright, i DOUBT i'll be going online later tonight, service at expo at 8, will be raeching home at 10+++++ maybe. I might not even have the time to mug for bio. Ahhhh that's just great.

HURRY ALL! DATE ME TOMORROW OR SATURDAY! But till 7.30 for Saturday, family renioun dinner. -_- TILL THEN. I have alot to blog about



Tu armor, estela siempen mi corazon.

Monday, February 12, 2007

anti valetine's day

My absence is not missed. I KNOW. Well, for those who actually read or even bother to read or even care,
i've been tight packed with homework and test. I'm sorry. I go online yes, but i'm lazy to blog hell yes.

Well i don't want to summarise everything i want to say today. I've beeen disappointed with almost 10 people. Sad to say majority from school and 3 outside school.

dateless on valentine's day? I think i am. Join me in my crusade for ANTI-valentine's day.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

please don't tell me that i'm vulnerable, factually impossible

Met Winnie yesterday to purchase a necklace from her. (:

























Should be getting my necklaces from her now onwards, specially designed and crafted by herself trully. (::

Eyebags are protruding out, valentine's day is around the corner so is chinese new year! Well homework is Mount Everest, i'll visit Himalaya's if that's the case.

've been talking to Terry(factual name) alot. Lol. All goood now. Encourgaing every now & then. Just met him just now, ended up talking for an hour and a half at Far East. (:


Okay, before i hit before what i have to hit. I have to say this, but everything changes without a reason. To this girls,


B, i was kinda jealous when you burst out something today. I just feel like we're not as close before. You piss me off at times too. But i rather ignore and won't let it affect our friendship. I can't gurantee you soo many things. Whatever it is, i have my own problems too. And please stop making empty promises to me.

L, control your temper, don't let it dampen your frienship with alot of people. You can piss us off to the extreme end at times, but we still tolerate it somehow. I have heard some pretty nasty rumors about you. Just that i won't use it against you.

N, you've been a great friend too me for the past 5 years of my life. But as we grew up to butterflies, there may be areas in our lives that we may never understand, nevertheless you were always there somewhere in the end. I'm sorry if i ever disappointed you in anyway. (:

J, i've got no comments. You too can piss me of to the extreme measures, that's you and your group. But nonetheless you know i can't be bothered. Thank God for that kay. [:

C, same as J.


Now for the guys,


I, you've been a part of me for a few years. But you'll never know how i'll cherish those times we had. I know what happend, maybe i do, if you think i don't can you tell me still? I'm sorry. I miss you at times, honestly i do. I've written several things about you. Mostly sad ones, no such thing as emo ones, i hope to see you again. I really hope to talk to you again. You were one mistake i really didn't mind, so mercifully that took me down.

M, geeee it seems you suffer from moodswings too eh? You can really strike a nerve at times, mine too in my case. If i could, i would devote a day or 2 just to talk to you and rectify some problems eh? I'm trying to find it, but looks like i need to buy it. Why put me at a spot? Why do you have something that i don't understand?

I guess for now, this are the people i want to talk too and talk about. Many times we hurt one another, without knowing. And my mind has been drained and wash.

Friday, February 02, 2007

be a jock and talk cock and then watch yourself rot

I'm thoroughly proud of myself today. I managed to jot down on my organizer the things i would love to blog about today. (: A deep sense of satisfaction. Maybe not that deeep. BUT you know what i mean.

Assembly was draggy. And i hate it when Anthony 'Hopkins' talks. I feel like i'm in some sort of boot camp. But he was going on and on and on and repriminding us to B-E-H-A-V-E when we're out in school uniform. And how the school received complaint calls from the public. The wonderful thing is not the students that misbehave in school uni, students are students. IT doesn't matter. But i'm amaze of how the public has sooooo much time to actually call up the school and trash their complains. Now the first few thoughts in many heads were,
'People got no life is it?' I was the many too who thought like that.

Earlier however, Charles Low or Clay Aiken Wannabe talked about how he was over at the U.S for a holiday and there was a slight delay in the flights. He went on rambling about how he noticed that the Asians(singaporeans he says) were complaining and making alot of noise like a parade of pressure cookers. But the Americans were patient surprisingly, no surprisingly to me though.

No doubt. Singaporeans love to bitch and complain, and it's irritating and i'm like ' what is there to complain about?' Even the slightest and smallest things, they would go all the way to complain about it. What a lovely symphony it may sound. But typical Singaporeans. I laugh sometimes at the inside joke of it. Though i'm a half singaporean, i feel we take things TOOOOOOO lightly and don't reall the value the values of life or life in general at all. Sometimes i wish that a huge crisis could shake us, just like how u.s responded to the terrorist, the few cases of worst terrorism in history. They in turn learn to value life and enjoy and seize every day, moment, minute of it. And they don't complain at all. WHY OH WHY ARE WE COMPLAINING FOR?

Another topic is about 'JOCKS'.
boy oh boy.
1) they are the cheer-leaders or are the ones that are always in the famous cca, usually performing arts or sports.
2) they have MONEY.
3) they kinda have THE attitude though they won't admit to it.
4) They don't really care about others, honestly.