Monday, February 26, 2007
if i could, could i erase everything. if only i could, i would.
i feel so lost without your calls or smses. I feel so scared.
i look around me, and i get the stares. I look beside me, you're not there.
I really want you to know that i really do care.
I wonder what are you doing now.
Are you in your workplace playing the drums or the guitar? Or are you eating? Or are you playing Ps2?
Are you talking to lin? Does she know that i care for her too?
Can i still call you friend? Can i have you back in my life?
Do you miss me?
i know i do.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Having alot of friends, shows how sociable you are and how friendly you are too. But keeping them, and make damn sure, they're true is another. Sad to say, within 1 single day, just 1 i tell you. I lost 2 friends who were close to me overtime, recently.
The deep fear that i have now in me, is loosing anyone that i care for. Even if you any of you don't feel like i do, deep down, i really do.
I'm sooo scared to know that nothing was ever real. The past still taunts me like a shadow at some corner. I'm so afraid, that i may no longer have the strength to fight back, i'm so afraid of loosing what i already had/have ( i just did), i'm afraid nothing i do is good enough, i'm afraid of getting HURT. I act so strong infront of everybody, but the truth is, i am soo afraid.
Sigh. I wonder what you are doing now. I wonder where you are. Seems like this is gonna be an Atlantic Ocean for us. It's gonna be pretty far. Could you take it away, ONE DAY.
I'm starting to miss you, friend.
i hate myself for the things that i do and don't do. Inevitably, i'll never ever get to understand so many things. And i laugh at my own lack of vocab words.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Sandy and Zara and I played pool. When all of a sudden Zara wanted to go Dxo. So i was like, ok, we'll go.
Well i don't wish to say anything. EVERYTHING that happend there. REMAINS THERE. Nothing comes out.
But i reached home at 7 though. (:
Monday, February 19, 2007
home-visiting is a tire. Well anyway, currently i'm at Eagen's workplace, wakemeup music there. Just met up with nick this morning at city hall over starbucks. Was bored and sooo i took the subway to Pasir Ris, Changi Airport, Dover. yeaaa, i am sooooo freeee. However, i liked the time given to me on to reflect the many things that had beeen happening, except for the cheeeky old chee koh peck seating across me hindered my thoughts, and the sudden nosebleed i have. HOW GREAT.
A million and one feelings are swimming around me. GEEEEEES. I'm caught up with my thoughts, and i'm staring at the screen, i don't know what to type down.
Izzy, came online, talked for a while. He's back in Jordan. Wonder if this is ever gonna start all over again fo' real.
I'm scared of my own feelings, i want to confess that. What if that feeling for a person is like mutual. I'm scared to know, that i only cared for ____n, because he was very vulnerable. I'm scared to hit off with him, and in the settle out with my feelings to only realised, i just cared for him because he was vulnerable. Jesus, i can't sleeep.
On another note, what if someone comes along, eventually it did, and you seem to convert the care for this person instead. I deserve to bang my head on the war memorial wall la.
I want to leave on a jet plane, and then go thailand. Or maybe some Tim McGraw will do.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Took pictures. Ate candy after candy bought from candy empire at millenia walk. Bumped into his friends, audrey and emmmm i forgot the other girl's name. AHA.
I, didn't even fucking wished me at all. So kay, fine, whatever. I guess you've finally STOPPED caring.
Alright, i DOUBT i'll be going online later tonight, service at expo at 8, will be raeching home at 10+++++ maybe. I might not even have the time to mug for bio. Ahhhh that's just great.
HURRY ALL! DATE ME TOMORROW OR SATURDAY! But till 7.30 for Saturday, family renioun dinner. -_- TILL THEN. I have alot to blog about
Tu armor, estela siempen mi corazon.
Monday, February 12, 2007
i've been tight packed with homework and test. I'm sorry. I go online yes, but i'm lazy to blog hell yes.
Well i don't want to summarise everything i want to say today. I've beeen disappointed with almost 10 people. Sad to say majority from school and 3 outside school.
dateless on valentine's day? I think i am. Join me in my crusade for ANTI-valentine's day.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Should be getting my necklaces from her now onwards, specially designed and crafted by herself trully. (::
Eyebags are protruding out, valentine's day is around the corner so is chinese new year! Well homework is Mount Everest, i'll visit Himalaya's if that's the case.
've been talking to Terry(factual name) alot. Lol. All goood now. Encourgaing every now & then. Just met him just now, ended up talking for an hour and a half at Far East. (:
Okay, before i hit before what i have to hit. I have to say this, but everything changes without a reason. To this girls,
B, i was kinda jealous when you burst out something today. I just feel like we're not as close before. You piss me off at times too. But i rather ignore and won't let it affect our friendship. I can't gurantee you soo many things. Whatever it is, i have my own problems too. And please stop making empty promises to me.
L, control your temper, don't let it dampen your frienship with alot of people. You can piss us off to the extreme end at times, but we still tolerate it somehow. I have heard some pretty nasty rumors about you. Just that i won't use it against you.
N, you've been a great friend too me for the past 5 years of my life. But as we grew up to butterflies, there may be areas in our lives that we may never understand, nevertheless you were always there somewhere in the end. I'm sorry if i ever disappointed you in anyway. (:
J, i've got no comments. You too can piss me of to the extreme measures, that's you and your group. But nonetheless you know i can't be bothered. Thank God for that kay. [:
C, same as J.
Now for the guys,
I, you've been a part of me for a few years. But you'll never know how i'll cherish those times we had. I know what happend, maybe i do, if you think i don't can you tell me still? I'm sorry. I miss you at times, honestly i do. I've written several things about you. Mostly sad ones, no such thing as emo ones, i hope to see you again. I really hope to talk to you again. You were one mistake i really didn't mind, so mercifully that took me down.
M, geeee it seems you suffer from moodswings too eh? You can really strike a nerve at times, mine too in my case. If i could, i would devote a day or 2 just to talk to you and rectify some problems eh? I'm trying to find it, but looks like i need to buy it. Why put me at a spot? Why do you have something that i don't understand?
I guess for now, this are the people i want to talk too and talk about. Many times we hurt one another, without knowing. And my mind has been drained and wash.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Assembly was draggy. And i hate it when Anthony 'Hopkins' talks. I feel like i'm in some sort of boot camp. But he was going on and on and on and repriminding us to B-E-H-A-V-E when we're out in school uniform. And how the school received complaint calls from the public. The wonderful thing is not the students that misbehave in school uni, students are students. IT doesn't matter. But i'm amaze of how the public has sooooo much time to actually call up the school and trash their complains. Now the first few thoughts in many heads were,
'People got no life is it?' I was the many too who thought like that.
Earlier however, Charles Low or Clay Aiken Wannabe talked about how he was over at the U.S for a holiday and there was a slight delay in the flights. He went on rambling about how he noticed that the Asians(singaporeans he says) were complaining and making alot of noise like a parade of pressure cookers. But the Americans were patient surprisingly, no surprisingly to me though.
No doubt. Singaporeans love to bitch and complain, and it's irritating and i'm like ' what is there to complain about?' Even the slightest and smallest things, they would go all the way to complain about it. What a lovely symphony it may sound. But typical Singaporeans. I laugh sometimes at the inside joke of it. Though i'm a half singaporean, i feel we take things TOOOOOOO lightly and don't reall the value the values of life or life in general at all. Sometimes i wish that a huge crisis could shake us, just like how u.s responded to the terrorist, the few cases of worst terrorism in history. They in turn learn to value life and enjoy and seize every day, moment, minute of it. And they don't complain at all. WHY OH WHY ARE WE COMPLAINING FOR?
Another topic is about 'JOCKS'.
boy oh boy.
1) they are the cheer-leaders or are the ones that are always in the famous cca, usually performing arts or sports.
2) they have MONEY.
3) they kinda have THE attitude though they won't admit to it.
4) They don't really care about others, honestly.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Monday, i finish school at 3.30. I get home, i still have homework, projects etc to finish. + tuition homework.
Tuesday, i finish at 3. Same as above. But i have tuition that ends at 10.30
Wednesday, i have cca then japanese classes, and i won't get back till 10. I still can't finish the homework.
Thursday's, is slightly better, i have japanese class till 5.30. But homework never ends.
Friday, schoool, cca then cell. I reach home close to 10-11. Either. I'm too bummed, sometimes i sleep on my homework.
Saturday i'm out the whole day, i don't wake up till like 11 in the morning.
Sunday i have tuition from 2-6.
HOWEVER,that's not important. Though eyebags are protruding, and i'm starting to have bloodshot eyes.
I did have a million and one things to say, but i forgot, i always forget. ): Well let's see
- Singapore's education system is driving me nuts. So is M.o.E. I mean no offence to you dudes/dudettes working there but i wish you guys were more consistent and more helpful. I've been repeatedly calling M.o.E Language centre to talk to the Japanese Head but i guess she must've have rocketed to Hokkaido huh? PLEASE PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE SO THAT MY HEAD WON'T BE ON THE CHOPPING BOARD OF MY SCHOOL'S V.P! ):
- Stop killing us la M.o.E. ]:
- Stop being such copycats! TO HELL WITH YOU PEOPLE!
Ahhhh another thing,
- How many times have you called yourself a friend? Out of 9/10 say they will. (YEAAA SOOO MUCH FOR CALLING YOURSELVES FRIENDS THOUGH) In this year, i WILL loose friends and gain some. It doesn't matter which. But i know damn right. If you ever do care, please call.
Well, i seriously have nothing much to say so far. I neeeeed to take memo notes of what to blog down soon.
sigh, here goes nothing. AGAIN. I sit at the corner of my bed and i just stone. I wish you told me everything. I wish we could start over, as friends again. But whatever for, seems like you found your new best-girl-friend. So i'm just simply chop liver/suay to you. I've never been this badly disappointed in my entire life. You're my first, and i pray my last.