Saturday, September 30, 2006

Nothing is safe in this crazy world

The last good thing about this town

Thanks Pope Benedict on saying whatever shit you had to say. Now people are hating everyone. It was said that he was gonna be the next in line besides Hitler.
(Join me Nisha on being a Hitler Youth! HAHA! KIDDING!)
War. It's happening now, this second, this minute, this hour, this day, this month and forever. Sure, everyone is fighting it. Welfare, Social, Mental, Physical, Physiological, Pysochological.
The world in general is a patethic place. But back to P.B (Pope Benedict), he didn't had to be a blimey idiot to spout such words. Even God is displaced with him i know afterall WWJD? But whatever it is i'm proud to have my stand, that whatever it is i love all my friends regardless race, religion, culture or differences. I've got malay friends too, i love them just they are like Maimunah, Fariza, Siti, FiFi, Humairah, Hanis, Zaki, Ariff, Khai, the rest of my world. I love them all. [:
But as erika always says it to the rest of the world, 'SCREW YOU!'

MAHHHHHH came back from Beijing, She is sucha darling! Got me this bag there and a Coach pouch, clutch and a hand bag. It's gorgeous i assure you. However there are 4 more luggages making it's way to Singapore. This shows how much mum does her shopping. It's nothing new i swear, sure she can buy me whatever i want though i don't ask because it's already an i have. I have everything i need, family and friend, one big love. (:

Imma jerkette. I didn't know how bad things would end up like that. I saw 'me' in him. Hiding off every emotion infront of me and pretending that everything is gonna be alright when it won't be? I hate the punch line ' Can we just be friends?'.
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight, it ends tonigh

-Undo sockets, takes keyboard, mouse, cpu and screen. Throws it out of the window-
I was happily uploading some photos on blogger just when all of a sudden the page was closed. THANKS TECHNOLOGY. So much for improving lives!

N's are like next weeek and i'm like going 'ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' -waves both hands in the air- Mugging has become a hobby whenever anyone texts me ' What are you doing?' the reply is the oblivious 'Mugging' and the next reply comes along 'So long Einstein!' Well hey the thought of it beng over is estatic. But I would've only completed one stage. The longer run are the O's. So you may all join me and say ' To hell with all this'. [:

I've made up final mind for sure, maybe i should just let go and really let it go. Like Cassie and Louisa, they both made their decision to let go. So being 16 isn't sweeet afterall i agree. Still i always hate to edit sad parts, because you'll realise there's this certain joy that'll be gone as well. -smiles weakly- But that's life, if you fall into a pothole, pick yourself up, dust yourself and tell yourself that the stains and grazes on your knees don't mean a thing. They're just there to make your life difficult. But you're always able to pull through. Everything should be taken in your stride. You set your own pace to life. No one tells you how you should run your life.
I hate confusion it's 2nd worse to lonliness. I know that love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed. to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed and to those who still love even though they've been hurt before. And NO one should let your happiness depend on others. that's something i've realised. You know it's true that we don't know what we've got till it's missing. But it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing till it arrives. So for my last curtain call on all this crap, i end this with a smile and memories tugged in my heart. -Pats chest-
What could be turned out to be a should be. What have been has turned in to a has been. If i paint a wall about my life, it'll be colourful and different and interesting no doubt. There are things you'd love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you'd like to hear it from. but don't be deaf to the one who says it with his/her heart. Maybe i'm like all others. just an insensitive motherfucker.

Studying from 8-6.30 at the library with Fariza and Laveena tomorrow.


Nadia: I would love to ling you in my list, if only you gave me your link. -_-

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I wouldn't want to loose my sister, my love and my friend.

The sweeet thing. My sister. She jumped on me to wake me up and asked me what i wanted for breakfast. Scrambled eggs and toast. She willingly made them for me. (: No she's not on drugs nor is she sick. She really loves me, but the ignorant me always chide her away. She looks up to me and at times she wants to be me. Copying every piece and touch up i have. I told her to be herself and she doesn't care. Oh wells. She's growing up really fast. It was like only yesterday she was that cute stout pig-tailed girl all puffed in her autumn coat like a walking cream puff. She was really adorable i swear. I'll post the picture next time to let you all see. Now it's like she wants to be those bitchy girls you see in the u.s at the tender young age of 11. As a big sister, im gonna guide her and help her in life, even when she rejects help, i'm still here.
Even when she gets her first bf and goes on her first date, i'll make sure i'll dress her up and ditto her the do's and dont's. (ERIKA'S STYLE) I don't want her to have too many heartbreaks, and don't lead the love life i once had. To that little girl, i love you. [:

I was thinking of the many things when i travelled to and fro from place to place yesterday, and i caught myself day-dreaming. I was thinking about what a big idiot i was. I'm caught in a pit hole still actually, i've lead the OTHER in, it's been 5 years+ and we're still playing this 'on-off' button game. It's not fun. It's not the same anymore and i want to stop. But Dear Lord why did i take sympathy as a virtue and pour it on you. Now it's hard for me to say that i don't like you just they way i did anymore. Ever since you walked in and out, i couldn't be bothered with you and i did't care who you were to me, but that doesn't mean i stopped caring for you (as a friend). Maybe no one told you that i had my heart broken, ragged, smashed, charred and stolen and that i made a final decision not to fall in love again soo soon. You see i miss Shaun and not you, I still love Shaun and not you. So i visited Anita's blog this afternoon and i saw the reflection of Shaun, he looks gorgeous. He still does to me at least. However i teared because i miss him and im so sorry to say that i love him still. Everyone including Bay said we looked so sweet together. Everyone had faith in me and him, i guess mine was overwhelming.
But this morning, i was hoping that i'd received a message from Shaun. Anything, doesn't have to be sad or happy or angst or emo. As long i saw the name Shaun. It didn;t matter. But no, you didn't even wish us, an unhappy anniversary. BUT that's ogay, i understand. I'm still waiting, i don't want to forget you and i still belive in us 2.

To that other guy:
i'm sorry i shouldn't have led you with me. You shouldn't have dialed my number and talked till morning. I can still hang out with you and go to the studio to hear you play, believe me and trust me i appreciate the music, and i'm all hands in lending you my lyrics. We'll work out how we should really be. As for now, i want you to live up to this day, we can't be the way we were anymore. We were just kids when it all happend and slowly entering into youth . But we're 16 now, reaching to the prime of the matured youth. You're still my punk ass skater looser. [:

Friday, September 22, 2006

The proof and today

Well good job erika, N's are in 9 days away and you hung yourself loose in town today. [: Then again i was taking a breather. HAHA
Anyway, the weekend is coming up, I guess i better have gone to church tomorrow with Bay. Guo must be wanting to get his hands on me for not coming. And yes i'm still frustrated with my decision, im standing in between this world and this dream. But not only that the 24th is my UN-happy anniversary. I don't think im gonna text Shaun on that day. It'll be like damn looserish. I know i gotta keep my distance away from him, but i can't help it at times and i'll find myself wishing he was still mine. I can't forget about my ex needless to say. What a heartbreak. But i'm glad to know that im not going through this alone, Cassie and Louisa as well. Confusion is really a motherf. There are guys who want to hang out with me and just take me out for a dinner-movie date, but none can replace that very first night on 24th june of our first date. I'm happy now, i really am. But we'll just wait and see another 2 months later aye? The first month is almost gone, and i;m glad im doing fine still. But something in me is amiss. I don't know what is it.

This is the close up anyway to prove that the price tag is still there.Posted by Picasa

Topshop Tube

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Original price: $19
Selling price: $10-15 (whichever price you want to have it for)
Size: 24 (Generally for people with bigger upper there)
Worn: NEVER!
It's still in mint condition, even the price tag has not been ripped. I realized it wasn't my size cause i'm either a 22 or 20. But this is way too big for me. If you want it in the topshop plastic bag as well, it'll be given to you. So whoever wants it ,GET IT! [:

Thursday, September 21, 2006

He must die

I think i'm having suffering from Innsomia. -Looks out half dreamily-

ANYWAY, N's are in 10 days. I'm deprived of sleep. I'm eating too much, like i gain 4 kg in 1 week. Wow a shocker there huh? You won't be seeing me around on msn till then, duh.

Ahhhhh something happend to all of us 3, 'Louisa', 'Cassie' and Erika. We may lost the love of our lives for almost the same reason with the usual ending of 'Can we just be friends?'. (seriously someone has to cut that line away from the break-ups.) I'm really thinking of starting this ' KILL HIM! HE MUST DIE!' club. Im not being a feminist. MMMMM.

Well everyone is selling their stuff and advertising it on their blogs.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Watch the things we built, it shines so beautifully, now watch how it falls on me.

SCREW TECHNOLOGY YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Rebooted the computer, whatever i typed is all gooooooooooooooooooooone.

I've been an emo piece of shit lately. HA. but i;m not turning emo or becoming one either way.

The icons are not all up yet, so be patient and wait for the others. [:

Friday, September 15, 2006

SO don't bother me, im TOO BUSY having fun. LALALALALA

1.WELL booo yeaaa. That's the navel piercing there. It's a bit bright i know, and it can't be seen clearly but it's the best picture i got. So don't come telling me the obvious.

2.Devil wears prada today at cini with Nisha. [: Oh i irrititated her with my 'this is when, this is where'.- stares at nisha- I know nothing can beat the one on Mark aye? Lmao. Mmmmm every out-fit she wore from Jimmy Choo to Yves Saint Laurent just got me going green.

3.So we were all naive to think that we were capable to run our own business. Getting a job at 16 to waste our time and do something with our lives after the n's. Any idea what job that can cater to the needs of mine? Well at least i want to do something to get my mind off the many things.

4.Clubbing,shopping,late-nights,over nighting down at the pool or at the play-ground, creating a nuisance of ourselves, thinking about nothing of real significance. Ohhh yea, im ready to commit myself to be a bummer for that. [:

5. Lately i haven't been thinking of what happend back then, too absorb by my studies and the people around me. Well another motto of mine is 'DON'T BOTHER ME. I'M TOO BUSY HAVING FUN.' It's his loss in the end not mine anymore. So like what Stacie Orrico said
''I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

(But) I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distanceI'm not missing
I'm not missing you''
It occured to me that i might contradict myself by saying all that. Well who knows? The future is unpredictable. That's the way i like it, but i hate it when i know that things will happen and i have HURT to shove down my throat. Patethic huh? Well falling in love is a wonderful and most beautiful feeling one can feel. It's really easy. I would love to fall in love again, but for real this time, people say that i love someone too much i pour every single drop i have on that person. But the love i have now is taken somewhere and i want it back. (so girls let's put up a sign 'shaun must die!) However the next guy,lucky one, i hope can really make me fall over heels, if it's lukewarm, then the exit sign hovering above his head is big enough to kick his sorry ass goodbye. In the mean time, GUYS don't be such dickheads,male chauvanist pigs, jerks, blockheads, durshbags, bastards, ass-hole, insenstive mother fuckers. A girl is more than just a girl. [: and i'm speaking up for you ladies.

tooodles now, i'm gonna smell my books.-giggles hysterically-

Monday, September 11, 2006

I am alright i actually really am, but you know deep down inside i'm desperately seeking for the way back to you heart.

Replies: ZAKI: Hello there, please don't say sorry for not reading my blog on an daily basis scale. Somethings and sometimes i write mostly crap. Coming all from a crappy person. What to expect? HAHA. Ayeeee i guess i'm not the only one complaining about my situation huh? ANYWAY read on what i have to say. (:

You gotta love high-school. Well i do. Because of the people whom i've been with for the past 4 years and an extra year coming, my best friend of 4 years and good friends 4 years as well. It's really a joy to have them in my life, cause i know the exact people to turn to when it all falls apart. I thought i would break down at one point in time today in class, but i was busyy having fun and laughing my ass off at every lesson. [: I love you girls. You're the joy that can't ever be replaced. Oh those reading, please don't be disheartened. You know you're not forgotten as well. I love you all. (: Though i realised something as well, im not only going through the same shit, infact louisa is as well. We're stuck on the same boat. SO wheeee-hoooo. I was crushed to see her breakdown like day,cause in her i saw that Erika who broke down on tuesday and wednesday. Cheesy as it may sound but its a fact. Sigh. Darius is still and forever will be right 'Shit happends all the time.'

Tally ho, trotted down in the bus to far-east, and guesssss what.
I got the navel peirced. [: HAHA all the vulgarities that came out of my life was like pop-corn popping. From 'Fuck to ahhhhhhh to screw the world to screw me' HOHO, Poor nisha. ((:

It's a blue small studded titanium one, i'll upgraded it into real diamond crystal, at Primitive art the price is like $150 was it? Yea around there. For the mean time, i'll let it heal and let my flabby skin get use to it. I was having a good time with Nisha, Laveena, Maimunah, Rachel Mak, Viviana and Eleanor. Sigh. What a day.
Well i rushed to bishan for Jap class, attendance was patethic, instead of the usual 20+ students, it like narrowed down to like 2? Me and one other guy, stayed for 1 hour and left. My presence there was unecessary anyway.

Well i sure did lose some calories having to walk back by fooot instead of taking a bus. But i took the long way back and in-between cheryl texted me, apparently she's in the same situation well almost to be in the same situation, BUT edmel, her guy that is, is me where as cheryl is like shaun. Kinda repriminded her in the nicest way i could. Telling her don't regret it, don't be an idiot. It's unfair. >:[ well I broke down half way and i realised instead of a good 15 minute walk turned a 45 minute walk. WAHHHH NOT LONG WHAT. Well like i said, i broke down, cause it was exactly and well the only route that goes by FOOT and well shaun and i walked down this lanes before. I'll summarise it all down here luh

I press rewind,again and remember when
i close my eyes and i'm with you again, but in the end i can still feel the pain,
everytime i hear your name.

Though the sun still shines though you went away

But in my world,rain tries to fall everyday.
There's just one heart, where there was once 2, that's the way it's gotta be,

untill i get over you.

I HAD to walk through the lanes of the park in the afternoon air,

I heard a voice and i thought you were there,
i run away but i just can't escape,
memories of you are everywhere

They say the time will dry the tears,
but true love bruns for a thousand years
So give my tomorrows for one yesterday, just know you are here.

When will thie river of tears stop falling i ask,
where can i run so i won't feel alone,
Can't i walk away when the pain keeps calling
i know i've just gotta take it from here on my own, but damn it's really hard to let go.

sigh yeap. I made a new friend named roy. More updates on this new found friend and life and well the things in it. There must be a hole in my brain, cause i keep on forgetting what i want to update. Gawwwwwh i suck.Tooodles. it's 11.21pm and im going back to the freshly recycled books.

Friday, September 08, 2006

I'll punch them till lights go out.

My check-up was today, thank God it's nothing bad or serious.
Met mummy and naomi to have lunch and catch up with her ex-university mates. Maaaa chased me and naomi away to shop. Brought her to far-east, bought nothing much. Just one long dangling gold necklace and get the scars of my mp3 fixed.
next stop will be my naval peircing,yeaaaaa baby, it's hot. [: (Baby= Here it's not regarding about shaun)

Went home,more people came over, played with the kids, awww, such lovely clowns, they bring the ends of my mouth to a smile.
I went online and Shaun had to talk to me. Just when everything was going out find and i was happily shopping to forget my woes. Sigh

Well im emo now, we had a chat, and i cried at every sentence and shivered because the fucking aircon was fucking cold and i couldn't fucking take it though i've got hair on my body. >:(

What can i exactly say? What do you want me to say? I love you ohh soo fucking much, (I know it's past tense but please don't argue) I don't mind and actually i don't care about being you friend, cause i'll be that girl whom is one of your friends who wish we had a chance again, and i know for my guts tell me so, that you'll NOT remember me,after all it's simple.
I sense you not only lost the feelings for me, but you were also scared and fearful. For some obsecure reason, i didn't understand why you had to talk about wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy into the future, we're not there yet, we only live for now so appreciate it ,everything you have now, your future has YET to be decidied upon, it's already planned by the Almighty God, and i can see His face looking down upon you chucking lovingly 'Why is my son worrying for? Why is he so scared?' You know the answer.

Maybe you don't know me too well either, you'd think i'd be like that fucking jerkish bastard who broke your sister's heart. AH EM
Firstly, i got no balls, i'm a dudette.
Secondly, i'm not that kind of person, you'll be amaze by me. And yes i can say and happily say that i am different and unique from every other girl, (NO offence to any girls, you're all different and BEE-YOO-TEA-FULL and i love you the way you are. ((:)

Thirdly, remember i'm erika.
Fourthly, i dig the pain your sis feels.

You're a damn beautiful piece of work that got me crazy in life. But now, you want to take it away, i don't blame you. I'm sorry that i saw past everything i guess, i'm sorry you loved me. I refuse to buy in, i refuse to waste whatever i've yearned for a life time and chuck it in a bin. I'm want to wait for you inside, i really do. But you got me with this massive piece of frustration that leaves me struggling on the line. I don't care what people say, (Duh, i never do.) I'm hearing you out. I'm hearing the voice. So just take my hand whenever you're ready for real this time round and i'll show you a whole new aptitude of things. Don't underestimate me, i may be that girl who goes around screaming 'SCREW THE WORLD' but deep down is actually a heart that has a soft spot for people like you and i care for alot of things. (DID I JUST CONTRADICTED MYSELF? OHH MY GAAWWH.)

I'm waiting here,whatever it is. Just have a little faith in me.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

what's left of me

mmmm let's see here,
1. I made more than 5 phone calls to friends to hear some comforting voice. Usually it's 1, but 5 means that im officially a wreck
2. I gave out 'i love you, remember that. (:' to at least 3/4 of the population of my friends in my friendster, because i want to hear they love me too?
3. I didn't eat again. I haven't eaten 3 dinners, 3 lunches and 3 breakfast. I only drank water. I'm not fasting. I'm not anorexic, cause i think it's dumb. The misery i feel is the only hunger that satisfies me.
4. I met jonathan yip, hoping i could confide in him. Stupid bitch was useless, tempted me to go for UNVEIL but to no avail. (hey it ryhmes.)
5. Talked to chloe and claudia. Sweet people whom i am so blessed to have in my life. They cheered me up. ((:
6. Kenneth came all the way from home just to get candy from me. -_- DUMBASS.

i'm not doing that well as you can see, but there is very little progress.
I remember when i use to ask my self this
'where have you been? I've been waiting so long to hear from you.'
But all the things that we said we would do, remains to be plans of the past.
I guess you realised that we've been too quiet for too long.
The hope where we once had? I guess it's too late to be saved by your charm, we'll never get this right.
Your words are cold, and the season is too to me that is, and all the comfort in your voice is gone as well.
I want to tell you don't bother keeping in touch, i'm better of all alone. You've lost everything you loved.
It's not gonna be worth it anymore, i'm finally done for once and for all in your mind. But will you regret once i'm finally gone? I wonder what an idiot i was to ever have that thought that we would be good.
Well alright, im sorry i even tried. I was an utter fool to have hope in you.

this is for you btw

Upcoming post would be mainly about my sorrows and well im sorry if it's selfish. Give me time to heal and most importantly to love. I don't know how long this is gonna take. Im trying to give my shots in letting go, but clearly day 1 has failed. Each post will have a short poem/song/message in the end pointing directly at him and NOT to any of you. Cheers all.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

You told me not to be upset, i wondered which part of me believed that?

Today i read through your ,messages dated back in june,about what you use to say. (wow huh?)
you LIED.
You broke every promise.
You gave me false insurance.

Well after this 2 months+++, i guess your feelings changed huh?
Where was the love we once had?s

Funny how i managed to pull a facade today in class. Every laugh,smile and breathe ached, when i just had to pull my face the other way,i just knew that every tear was quietly shed. I was looking forward to the 3rd month as i HAD initially planned on something really beautiful but you had to shoot me down with the sentences in the sms-es. The only lullaby that brought me to sleep were the carrasing sound of my tears and whimpers, it didn't play a melodious tune, but at least it brought me to sleep and even bade me goood-night.
Am i important to you?
My hands are shaking as they type. I love you and i miss you,yes. But to you it's just the buzzing sounds of some whisper from the wind. I'm totoally invisible to you now.

credits from kenny blog:
You build yourself back upto be torn down again
Lost in this thing called life
that never seems to end

Lets talk about something
Right here right now
You and me
Tell me what you want this to be
Hold it close or let it go
Either way I need to know.

So lets build our love in the sand and write promises in the sky
If I ever write a story about my life…don’t be surprised if it begins with you

I'm so tired I can't sleep,
Standing on the edge of something much too deep,
It’s funny how you can feel so much,yet not say a word,
and you're screaming inside
but can't be heard

I know this is hurting you...but its killing me
Behind my smile
is everything you’ll never understand

He’s got you falling head over heels
and I can’t even make u stumble

She keeps asking
Does it hurt to die?
Because it’s hurting so much more to stay alive...
But you can’t love someone without getting hurt…

I’ve cried a river and built a bridge
Yet I still can't cross it
The sparkle you see in my eyes…is only tears about to fall

I light a candle every day
Hoping the pain will fade away
But with the light of each new dawn
Another day and you’re still gone

Just roll up my sleeve
And you will see
All the stories I've kept
Deep inside of me.Its not so bad
You’re just the best I ever had

One look
One smile
One touch
One embrace
One kiss
One love
Two people
Two minds
Two souls
Two destinies
One road
One journey
One ending

I know that I miss you
when I sit on my bedroom floor
with tears rolling down my cheeksf
or absolutely no reason at all

Never let a crush
Shatter your love
Once the flame between us died
My heart became so cold inside

I’m turning around, I’m walking away......
but its up to you to say which way
You have been such a large part of me for so long
Loving you this much doesn’t seem right
But leaving you would be just as wrong.

just please tell me you love me and none of it's true?

seee. Even Grimace agrees with me. Posted by Picasa
 Posted by Picasa
Posted by Picasa a gift of encouragement and cheering up by BIG. (Eldest aunt in the mum's side of the family)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

When all is said and done, i'll fall flat on the ground

i am a WRECK.
I don't know what i did wrong. I really don't. Everything has been crushed down right before my eyes, and now i wish i can throw away every memory i have.
I gave up everything i had, i gave you part of my world in return, i gave you me. Every single inch of me.
At the end of the 3 months, i hope you would wipe every memory of me, forget me is it simple?
I know i won't. I'll be haunted by the roof-top everytime i go up to scream or to cry, i know i'll cry even more.

{edited} and cont'd.

My emotions, the private ones.

Let me pour it all out this once and i'll be done alright readers?
This will be the last page of our story and it ends here.
It ends however,with a heartbreak, and it's mine.
It ends with sheds of tears and unthinkable pain.
How mother fucking weak and what a fucking lair am i to myself when i say this love ends here though.
Am i living that lie i have always thought i was in?
Am i really that strong or was it all just a mask behind those teary eyes?
I thought all that we shared was against all odds.

But why did this have to happen?
Why isn't anyone letting me in anymore?
i can't think straight. My mind is a muddy whirlpool.
You've let me trip into the deep pithole too fast that i can't get out anymore.
I don't even know who i am no more.
I've lost it all.
I'm officially a wreck.
Tell me who do i turn to now in times of trouble, in times of utter pain?
Is it you who will wipe away my tears and be my shoulder to cry on still or is it simply just hte other way round?
I feel myself struggling to breathe but i;m just staying afloat for as long as my mind and my heart tells me too. So much about willingness and determination.

It ceases to pay off. I've been mortified greatly.

I'm running around trying to pick up the pieces you've lefet behind and hurry rekindle them. It's exhuasting. Im an idiot.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Shaun and everyone READ!

Alright this post is for mainy for SHAUN and those who concerns you.

Earthlings, please don't randomly call or sms me. I plead before you that I'm busy studying! I'm not a free loader, i don't go out and talk on the phone 24/7. It pisses me off.

Today i had an intention to blog something hurtful. I'm a wreck y'all. Didn't you know? Or that's what everyone assumes i am. Think all you want, come back when you grow a brain. (:

Anyway, this mainly concerns Shaun:

I don't know if you'll chance upon on reading this post, i very well know your uptight busy schedual for the prepartaion of the o's. Everyone is busy preparing for their fair share of the o's and n's, i want you that you're not alone. Every guy is holding on tight to their scrotums and girl on their bra straps. Yet you texted me telling me how you can't commit and you being a shitty boyfriend. I didn't mean to scold you in the following sms-es. Repreminder? Not really, it's a reminder of our love i guess.

I love you with all that i am and all that i have like i said, waiting for 3 months for this to be over seems like hell i know, but i know it's worth it. I'm giving every shot that i have, everyone knows how head over heels i am with you. YET everyone wants to have a piece of me or be the one by my side, i'm barking at them to fark off or i simply say that i love only 3 guys in my life 1. God, 2. daddyy 3. Shaun NG

I'm loving every you eith every vain, capillary, artery in my heart. I don't know why, but i swear that i've never ever loved anyone this much before. I'm holding eternity in the palm of my hands. I'm running out of words cause i'm choking up now and because i know i have to go sooon it's the whee hours of the morning. HEH. I wish i could hear the whispers of sweet nothings, the photos wreathed in smiles. Your heart is mine to keep and how our future lies between the both of us. The stupid things we say and do. The laughters we made. How we embrace each other. How being in each other when we're so far away. How we rekindle the flames when it dies off. But why is it now that it's not plausible to anymore? I thought i knew every step we too and every path we made. But i guess i AM NOT destiny and there is no right or wrong path is there? For every step i take, it's the heart that leads my way. My heart led me to you and it's never gonna stop. How about you?

I'm here. I really am. I have been all along. You can situate your problems to your friends, i don't blame you for that, because well DUH they are your class mates and see everyday. But me, we hardly see one another. But you very well know i'm just a phone call, or sms a way. If you want me to come down, i'll fly down in the speed of light. You will ask me to study for my n's and concentrate i know that bit, but i make time to hear those in need especially my loved ones. Maybe it's me i don't know, i have a tendency to care for everything. That's why like some of the people have said, yes i get my heart broken easily. ( I'm not and idiot for that thank you)

Will you promise to love me forever and for always? Would you?

Ahhhh shit i gotta go in 5.

I'm leaving you with this song Dance Inside. Read it bit by bit.

You don't have to move, you don't have to speak
lips for biting.
you're staring me down, a glance makes me weak
eyes for striking
now I'm twisting up when I'm twisted with you
brush so lightly
and time trickles down, and I'm breathing for two
squeeze so tightly.

I'll be fine, you'll be fine.
This moment seems so long
don't waste now, precious time
we'll dance inside the song

[Chorus] What makes the one to shake you down?
each touch belongs to each new sound
say now you want to shake me too
move down to me, slip into you

He sinks in my mind as he sheds through her skin
touch like taste like fire
hands to know what eyes no longer defend
hands to fuel desire
I'll be fine, you'll be fine this moment seems so long
don't waste now, precious time we'll dance inside the song
Ooo, ah Ooo, ah Ooo, ah Ooo, ah [x2]
And I'll be fine, you'll be fine is this fine? I'm not fine give me pieces, give me things to stay awake (stay awake)
[Chorus x2]


Saturday, September 02, 2006

The bizzare love triangle

Sometimes i wonder what it feels like to feel no pain, physically.
Just yesterday, was my check-up. I scared every patient their guts out, i was crying and screaming PAIN in the rooom. I won't say any further because i know to many it's just disghusting, well it's my nose. Oh and i've made up my mind to get my naval peircing done once and for all.

The bizarre love triangle

Every time i think of you,I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue.
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me the wisdom of a fool won't set you free.
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows.
While every day my confusion grows every time I see you falling, I get down on my knees and pray. I'm waiting for that final moment you'll say the words that I can't say.

I feel fine and I feel good I'm feeling like I never should.
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say. Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday?
I'm not sure what this could mean, I don't think you're what you seem I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else. Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be, every time I see you falling, I get down on my knees and pray i'm waiting for that final moment.....................................................................................................
You'll say the words that I can't say.

I wish i can dig a hole that will bring me to my private Utopia,and no one must ever fine me. A lesson for them to realise that you won't know what's missing untill it's gone? And what's gone and you'll realise you'll miss it? On some days my chest tightens up, my heart aches, my mind refuses to work. On other days my heart flutters with excitement, my stomach churns with glee.
Life is a topsy turvy, like how my entries go in a round about all the time? Nothing is permenant. Happiness is short lived. Sadness is temprorary, nothing lasts as long as you want it to.

Everything ends.