i lied again

I lied to myself over and over again.
i just love to hurt myself don't I?

the drops of rain they fall over me
this awkward silence makes me crazy
the glow inside burns light upon him
i'll try my best to kiss you if you let me
(this cant be the phucking end)

Tidal waves they rip my heart and through me
Tears from my eyes so worn cold and sad
Just pick me up NOW. i need you so bad

Down,down,down,down,
down,down,down,down
it gets me so
down,down,down,down
down,down,down,down
it gets me so

So like today was different,couldnt concentrate at all.
i was staring out at the blue sky with my DAUGHTER.
during all the lessons,as i begained to feel numb.
i wanted to rip my heart out and screamed, I PROMISE IM NEVER OK.
I just wanna be happy.
is that so much to ask, YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME WORRY SICK ABOUT YOU.
I've been damaged enough.
i dont want anymore damages.
PLEASE,if you think or even know that you're gonna hurt me,
DO IT NOW BEFORE IT WILL.
I SO LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
i've given up on everything i had,i gave you my hope.
PLEASE DONT BREAK IT.

i seriously dont mind crying

i was lying to myself when i said that everything was going to be ok.
it seemed you were so hurt by him.
NOW look at you girl.
so hurt.so confused.so sad. so damaged.
what can i do to make you smile again?
cause all i can is to reach out and give you my hand?
im always here if you need me yea? (:

ahh 2nd day of school.
BORING as usual.
slept during biology.
sheesh the blardy teacher was showing me attitude,for maybe i didnt show my ass up for dance.
heck.
went to PARALELL to meet sher,to ask him to write a letter to my teacher.
BUT NO,he cared more about his STEWPID soccer bet with the guy next store.
and asked me to go to pacific and asked mark instead at GALLERY,
UNFORTUNATELY he was using the lil skateboarder's room,which means the toilet.
so this guy named MELVIN helped me instead
aww sucha a sweets when i dont even know him
MERHER.
THANKS ONCE AGAIN YES? (:

CHAPTER OF A NEW BEGINNING.

YES! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
WHICH MEANS A NEW CHAPTER OF LIFE.
last term i totoally went through a whole shit,
but i ended with a sweet ending. (:
im over elated. (:
yea,pretty happy to see all my beloved girls. (:
was still bored but heck,i lived
met up with sean and justine loh to make my i.c at the ica place.
(:
then we went to far east, ate a subway 1 foot long sandwhich.
and walked and shopped for sean's addidas shoes.
he was tempeted to buy that addidas undeafted which cost a phugging $ 1,300
OH YEA PLEASE DO NOT EAT AND WALK AT THE SAME TIME,
YOU WILL SO GET TUMMY ACHES, ESP SUBWAY SANDWHICHEs
AND golly i taught girls were only fussy when shopping.
it turned out that the opposite sex is too.
GRRR walked up and down to choose his blardy exact shoes.
so at the moment he must be prolly droolinh the shoes.
(:
oh wells.

oh CRAP.
my phone bill really went up this time. ):
$1,145.21
yes so you people,who are so into 4D
go bet on the number. (:
and so my phone is confiscated,
and i'm thinking of getting a new hi card,which eventually i will.
merher.
went off for church with sean.
nothing much really happened.
i guess.

i kinda realised that at times you make me disappointed and upset.
but somehow all of that just washes away whenever you touch me,
by gently giving me a peaceful kiss and the whispering of the 3 words i've long to hear from someone like you,in my ear.
you get me going all the time,
you made me feel different all the time.

cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do,
nothing to lose,
and it's you and me and all of the people
and i dont know why,i can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and i dont know why,i cant keep my eyes off of you

what day is it again?
and in what month again?
this clock never seemed so alive.
(:

stalker. (:

so i woke up at 7 and waited till 11 ,
just to figure out that you still didn't call,
i know i got alot of friends but i sometimes hear from them
what's another night all alone?
when you're spending everyday on your own.

so t'was another boring day,i pracitcally stuffed myself up,which i sadly didnt realise the amount of calories i put up.
i ate 10 mini flappyjacks,
a packet of instant bee hoon with veggies and an egg,
a hotdog with MARGARINE and veggies and mastard,
2 oranges,
5 glasses of water,
another sandwhich with honey glazed ham,veggies,mastard and MARGARINE again.
some deep fried chips.
yeap,yes i know very saddening.
so i think i prolly shall have a 3 hour exercise spree tomorrow.
merher,and i shall do a thing which i invented with my sis called
GANDHI'S YOGA! (:
inbetween i watched t.v
and then i finished up what was left of my holiday homework.
what a bore! ):
wanted to go sean's place for bbq cause his folks invited me,
but NO i had to stay at home and rot my ass off.
GRRRRRR.
SCREAMS,
'' I HATE YOU FOR THAT!''
oh wells,i did a lil stalking on a friend.
and lil did i realise i felt like an angel,which of course i am ONE!
MERHER,
she and this guy broke up and than patched up,
while i was watching her life away,
where she was saying about how it all happened and how she felt,
and as an ANGEL, i comforted her with my words,and a lil soft spoken prayer.
and everyone says ''awwwwwww''
MERHER,oh wells, my egoism is rising,
shall just shut it up.

shopping spree please.

i was happily doodling about my comp when suddenly the bell rang.
STRANGER: ''hello?hello?erika is that you it's me!!!!!''
ERIKA: ''what the? i thought you said you were coming at 12.30?and it's only 11!!!''
STRANGER: ''ah har. i lied.lol!!!''
ERIKA: ''the hell.''
and so i let him in.
oh and that person was sean,incase anyone thought i just borught in some cheeky old ah pek .merher. (:
he totoally caught me by surprise.
we were BOTH bored to death .
had some SAN REMO'S alfredo for lunch and i didn't allow him in the kitchen.
cause i knew he would make a mess outta the kitchen. (:
merher.
had nothing much to do.
except i kept on irritating him with a whine screeching.
''I WANT TO SHOP'!!!'
but i hate it when im broke. ((:
i spent it all on some junk. ):
oh yea just wanna say to everyone out there.
SONICFEST 2005 IS ON:
TIME: JULY 28,29,30.
VENUE: FORT CANNING PARK.
yeap,fellow brother's and sister's of christ and to anyone who wish to go.
just feel free to go.
but you have to pay for a ticket to go in.
planet shaker's and hillsongs are coming to bring down the Lord's place for us. (:
so yeap,hope to see you people there. (:

catch me if you can.

so right now MARK is in my room studying.
and im like taking a break of my studies. (:
merher.
BLUR DUDE! He went to the 7th bustop when i told him to stop at the 5th bustop,or was it the 4th.
merher oh wells, i was pretty stun to see him so different.
but overall he didnt changed much from the last time.
I STILL PREFER LAST TIMES HAIRSTYLE. (:
ahh eck.
what difference does it makes to me anyway.
He had dinner at my place though, and HE didnt tell me HE WAS still HUNGRY.
he finished 3/4 of the raffels potato chips. (:
MERHER.
i guess we had fun didnt we?
(:
yes painful obsessions.
oh wells, im pretty bored.
nothing much on today.
locked myself in my house today.
did the same old chores,which was everything.
then did my homework. ):


so right now you must be in that place, answering questions from those people,while im here on my comp wasting my time away with a person who hurt me badly ages ago.
GRRRRR> ):

BLARDY SHIT.

im going off now.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

belgian chocolates makes me happy. (:

yes,today is the start of the LAST weeek of school holiday.
and i've yet to finish my school homework. (:
double yaylio.
merher.
sean came to my place today.
had junky food for lunch,a tray of chocolates for snack,a bottle of coke for drinks.
wow im gonna grow prolly fat.
so i'll prolly had down to the pool and gym i guess. (:
then we randomly watched blue streak,then later jump to scary movie 3,then finally watched the ring.
laughed to my heart's content.
(yes gandhi is weird i know)
merher.
today was pretty random.
shifted my bed as though i was some feng shui master.
MERHER.
HURHURHURHURHUR.
just trying to redo my room.
either a gandhi style or skateboard style or girly style.
oh wells.
i think im crazy to say that i cant wait to school to reopen.
MERHER.
yea i am actually.
missed my chums and no teachers.
oh yea,on sunday times which was 19th of june.
on the last page of it there was this phugger complaining about us skaters.
):
like wth is your problem can?
sucha BLARDY COWard,going around thinking we dont have a sense of directions,or that we are just killing ourselves.
BLARDY SHIT ASS.
skateboarding is NOT a CRIME.
sucha menaces that's what the hell you are.
not US!
and then another article that is just pissing me off.
i mean cmon what the hell is wrong about showing your love to the other person?
and wth are you people staring at,at other lovers showing love to each other like simple pecking or hugging?
it's like when i see people like this its an inspiration.
afterall LOVE makes the world go round.
and this is the new age people. WAKE UP and be resistant to change!
dont give me the shit.
how would you feel if that you were a couple with a girl or guy and YOU were being discriminated?
its not like you never did it before.
hypocrites!
GRRRR.
alright,that's enough shit i have for today.

yesterday i went over to sean's place for bbq.
which explains my absent in church and cell. (:
merher.im bad.
then i quarelled with my sis again.
and i practically ignored everyone at home that night.
indulged myself in BELGIAN chocolates and cupfuls of water,and watched a movie,which i cant really remember.
then i went to my bed,and then i slept. NOT! (:
i couldnt sleep well yesternight, for God know's the reason why,instead i started gazing at the stars and the moon,and started to daydream.
and then,AGAIN, i TEARED.
i cant explain why i teared,but tears started flowing out of my eyes and i was like '' THE HELL? why am i tearing?''
im hiding a dark secret i know. but it doesnt matter.


Today is daddy's day!
so to all the father's out there, HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!
esp to my dad,whose always been loving me from the start and though i know i might be a lil strange at times,that doesnt stop me from loveing you dad. (:

i gave my soul away.

so i totoally ponned 2 classes of dance. (:
merher.
yes everyone must be thinking.
*awwhorr. gandhi ponned class*
merher.
its good to take a break from the atmosphere i smell eveyday in school.
somewhat may,i find the oxygen different. (:
so i've been doing my work and doing the household chores at home for the past few days.(:
yes.
anyway,today i went over to sean's place.
met his mom on his way.
such a lovely woman. (:
then we got stuck at a shop, buying some stuff. (:
*STARES AT SEAN!*
then we went down to far east to meet jin wei to collect my belated birthday pressie.
and i treat him too lunch.
saw nisha and pei zhen,selling book marks.
ABOUT PARENTING! (:
MERHER.
oh wells.


today was different from other days,
something happened to me,that will change my life.
we have got to slow down abit and control ourselves.
we're young and have yet to go through alot.
be patient.
and see what the Lord has in store for us.
cause He holds on to my tomorrow.


oh crud.
i've got this particular song GLUED to my head.
and i wanna belive you,
when you tell me that it'll be ok,
yea i try to belive you,
but i dont.

when you say that it's gonna be,
it always turns out different way,
i try to belive you
not today,today,today,today,today.

(chorus)
i dont know how to feel
tomorrow,tomorrow
i dont know what to say
tomorrow,tomorrow
is a different day.

it's always been up to you
its turning around
it's up to me
i'm gonna do what i have to do
just do

gimme a lil time
leave me alone a little while
maybe it's not too late
not today(x5)

(chorus)

and i know i'm not ready
maybe tomorrow

unhappy birthday

despite the fact today was my birthday.
it didnt really feel like my birthday. ):
i didnt even had the mood to celebrate it.
but even so.
sean came to my place to pick me up.
he said he would be there before 12.
GUESS WHAT!
he came at 12 on the dot!.(:
merher.
then we took transportation to city hall.
oh yea! i TEARED today.
crud,i know.
but i TEARED,
we ate at pregro.
and yes we had the OVERSIZED CURRY PUFF.
(:
mmmhmm.
i dont know the italian name for it.
something cazolonea neapoleana.
eeesh.
anyway.
then we watched batman begins at marina centre.
not really a very good movie.
3/4 of the film was like fighting here and there.
and of course,we oodled from around raffles link,like retard fools. (:
had dinner with my aunt,gramps,dad,sis and sean.
pleasent dinner.
nothing much.
and then sean left at 9.30+
yeap.
when i got home,i rest myself upon my bed and looked outta the window to see the moon.
i thought about my life and my day.
things that happened.
both good and bad.
and i wondered.
''isnt something missing,isnt someone missing me''
so maybe nothing BAD at all happened on this occasion.
but still i'll label it as another unhappy-birthday.
i rest my case.

dont go chasing waterfalls.

today was like any other days.
had cca, as usual.
sick and tired of doing contemp. dance. ):
ROARS! (:
anyway.
sean came over too my place. AGAIN. (:
we went swimming. (:
and i DARED myslef to wear a sports bra and a roxy shorts and just jump into the pool.
which i did.
yes gandhi is crazy. (:
had fun throwing waterballoons and making a mess outa the place.
and making a hell fool of ourselves.
wanted to tann but the bloody sun had to be blocked by th clouds. GRRRR ):
oh wells.
i realise im turning 15.
and i asked myself. *what do i want for my birthday this year*
im still asking myself.
but just cant seem to know what i want i guess.
i seriously dont.
it doesnt seem to be a big deal to me turning 15 this year.
its just another year older.
what else.
weird life i live.
oh wells.
i dont even plan to have a party this year.
prolly next year.
cause its SUPER SWEET 16!!!!
yeap. just dont know, dont care.

where did i go right?

so everything started perfectly fine.
me and sean watched mr and mrs smith.
a coolio movie. (:
yeap untill after that my phone rang.
some girl called looking for sean,dont know how the hell she got my phuggy number.
and then they talked.and talked and talked.
they seem happy.
but iw as like next to him wondering what the hell was going wrong.
and a million things went through my head.
yeaps i thought SHE asked HIM back.
and then they still continued talking.
adn i was at my church waiting for him,and this time he was CRYING.
till he said he HAD to meet her.
so i was like ogay.
just meet me later.
and after some time for waiting.
i was so beginning to worry, and yes i did TEARED.
i thought i was gonna loose everything.
and on that day and i tried to belive you when you told me that it will be ogay.
-I'll always remember
It was late afternoon It lasted forever
And ended too soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

(Chorus)In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry
The moment that I saw you cry

It was the middle of june
And I've seen you before (and you were)
You were always the strong one
But i was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring at a dark gray sky
I was changed

(chorus)

I wanted to hold you i wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you I wanted to make your everything, all right....
I'll always remember...It was late afternoon...
In places no one would find...
In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry-

what.

alright so i know i havent blogged for a few days.
so anyway here goes.
FRIDAY is a bore.
couldnt dance properly as i was distracted and practically not myself.
met sean,he cheered me up. as usual. THANKS> (:
then we came to my place.
MERHER. watched some disney movie. MULAN II
and had lunch at the same time. (:
yeap.
and then it was

shall i dance again?

twas a boring day.
woke up and rub my eyes and looked at the clock and said it's 9.
great i was 1 hour late for my fnN class.
but i didnt go for class in the end. (:
merher.
yes gandhi is bad. (:
went online and friendstering.
and now blogging.
i was doing a little friendster soul searching.
whatever that means.
read my past testimonials written by my beloved friends who never left me. (:
till i came across one.
a testimonial that brought me back to the day i tasted abit of heaven. /:
a simple testimonial.that only had one simple sentence.
-shall we dance mr ***-
(i dont wanna diss that person)
i remember how that person left me in a blink of an eye.
and it felt like i was dancing through the clouds of heaven, and in a blink of an eye, i found that i was living my pathetic life on earth once again.
it was a long time ago how that person use to be like a part of me,where i use to stand tall and strong.
his arms around me tight and everythign felt so right
unbreakable like nothing would've gone wrong,
and suddenly it felt like i couldnt breathe,
nor i could sleep it felt like i was barely hanging on
and then i screamed.
*here i am once again,torn into pieces
couldnt deny it, couldnt pretend,
and i actually thought you were the one,
broken up, deep inside
but you'll never get to see the black tears that i cry,
behind my hazel eyes*
but then again,this time i dont ever wanna -dance- with you. ):
not any more.
oh wells.
its history anyway,thanks to someonelse.
i manage to pull through.
cause im glad i finally had someone i never had. (:
he totoally found me,when no onelse was looking,
how the hell did he know just where i would be,
yeah he broke through all of my confusion,
the up's and the down's
and he still didnt leave,
i guess that he saw what no one else could see,
the good and the bad
and the things in between,
yea, he found me.
(:
now i wanna dance with sean. (:
*smirks*

when it comes

today i had dance and geog class.
dang i felt so stewpid for leaving for that geog class.
missed out alot. ):
gee thanks mrs sham.
it was BORING,just gave answers for holiday homework.
sheesh.
preety upset,cause i fought with a friend. ):
to that person.
-so thank you for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted,
and thank you for lying to me,
the friendship the good times we've had.
you can have it back.-
yes its off me.
but i'm still upset.
oh wells,
yeap. ):

yaylio

had social studies remedial today.
copied a bunch of useless notes.
and i did not get punished for sneezing today. (:
yaylio.
overall i was bored.
went to serene mac'd to have lunch with,bestie,rachel.
chat about everything under the sun.
while walking home,i suddenly sang hillsongs.
merher.
yes gandhi is holy. (:
merher.
yeap started to sing everyday.
-everyday it's You i live for
everyday i'll follow after You
everyday i'll walk with You,my Lord.-
its amazing how the Lord can work in you in various ways.mmhmm.
(:
yeap.
baby's working at his dad's place.
mmhmm.
yaylio.
nuff said.
(:

saving private you.

guess im back from my family church camp.
anyone missed gandhi? (:
merher.
oh wells.
guess i had lodsa fun.
im finally catching up with things with my god sis and bro.
yes i love the both of you.
sean called me up almost everynight. and every morning. (:
oh wells, there goes my phone. ):


TODAY!
i had dance. and i swear i DO NOT,WILL NOT,WISH NOT,
have to dance for speech day and cluster art's fest.
its exhausting!
sheesh.
went to victor's ball to see sean's competition.
which unfortunately i saw jotham.
sean left halfway,for certain, reasons which i felt it was unacceptable.
you started of as a team, you FINISH off as team.
people may turn themselves away from you.
but that doesnt mean everyone.
overall,we had fun. i guess, though i was upset to see him upset.
):
and that he left halfway.
oh wells.
wish that i could read your mind,
understand what you're hiding in your heart.
then maybe baby,
i could help you see, how loved you really are.
wish that i could find the words,
that would echo inside of your soul.
cause then my friend you know,
that someone loves you so.

just a day just an ordinary day.

woke up at 10.
dragged my feet up to the toilet to wash up and then ran to the kitchen to fix myself a sandwitch. merher.
dragged my feet to the comp and blogged.
GAWD! today was BORING!
sean was suppose to come to my place,but his mum wouldnt allow. ):
its alright sweets. (:
alright,right now im chatting on the phone, while blogging and chatting at the same time AND packing my bags to some family church camp tomorrow till sunday. ):
in malacca. ):
oh wells.
its only afew days anyway.
and sean is whining away about me going.
merher.
i WONT flirt. (:
that's for sure.
yes.

truth is. ):

today i had oral.merher. had to find a way to hide that love bite, so i used a plaster. (:
merher.
then i rushed for dance.
did that seductiva thingy again. (:
*smirks*
then i went to fareast to visit people.
saw joel NG! ):
then ate subway and helped rachel YEONG
wither her job, by giving fliers. ):
then i went home to bath and change to meet sean and go for that synthesia thingy at indoor stadium.
hell is it BORING. ):
but lucky the ticket was free. (:
saw everyone i knew.
especially holy, i almost had. /:
and i thought the feelings i thought were gone, came rushing back to me at once. ):
oh wells heck it.
then me and sean went to p.s for supper.
and off we went home.
wasnt in the mood for nothing much after that show.
prolly cause i saw him.
why me?
why today?
but yes,everything is over. (:
we both moved on.