Thursday, June 29, 2006

when nothing is sound

Nothing is Sound. Nothing is Impossible. I repeat, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! (:

Monday, June 26, 2006

first day and the rest of our lives

And on the first day of school I was slapped with detention because my ass away in Malaysia and not in Commando Lee's class for his, 'war plans' for s.s. So sue me. Well, i get to finish school early on Monday, unless i've got common test after school at 1.05, as well as tuesday. The rest is 3.05 or 2.05. And oooooh i got sick and tired for each and every teacher saying, 'GIRLS YOUR PRELIMS ARE IN AUGUST AND THEN IT WILL BE YOUR N LEVEL...........................................' yet they think we're dumb that we do not know the obvious fact. My N level oral is next tuesday. -beams- yea erika be happy,be very happy.
You can say i can complain, but i can't stand the education,yes im not happy with it. But i can't be bothered to complain and do nothing about it, because it would be 1 against the 4 million people living in Singapore, unless i have takers who agreeeeeeeeee with me. ((:
Went eating with Amanda Bay and Michelle and Winnie at J8. I saw alot of people, hi and all. Jap class. Tuition. ZOINK! I'm dead beat tired.
I can't say much for now, i won't be for the coming turn and next. Till tomorrow. Have a nice day

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Last day of holidays

i came back from a girl's outing with my aunt,cousin and sis from Jubileeeeeeeeeee. Watched car's. LIKE REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET. (:
So school's tomorrow, that reeks like hell. But it also means that it's intensive revision for O's and N's. -sulks-

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Hammers and hearts

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEA. This is the greatest day of my june holidays and prolly the year. I'm just happy to have gone for Rebirth last Sunday, if i never had, i'd probably be waiting aimlessly. I'm soooooo thankful for dancing on the platform and danced the night away. If i never had met him, i would probably be brooding and complaining to the girls that i'll swear i'll never fall in love with a guy ever again. And yeaaa, i belive when they say true love comes to those who belive it.
I'm free from the chains of misery and onto a journey with someone i'd love to spend the rest of my life with. (: I LOVE YOU AND THAT'S WHAT I"M GONNA DO.
met him at 5, and though we were suppose to meet at somerset, i unknowingly met him in the mrt instead. This is what happend
me: -looks straight then looks left then gawks- EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
him; HEY!
me: -walks to the pole and giggle-
him: -smiles-
me and him: and i thought i was gonna be latee.
haha apparently he came from a wedding, and yeap, we wore the same colour! AHA. Went to cini to buy tickets for Scary movie 4. Then walked over to nydc to chomp. Met victoria,celeste,ian on the way, said 'Hi and chat with vic for a while. Yea and i embarrased myself, I SNEEZED DAMN LOUDLY ONTO THE MENU LA! (For those who know how i sneeeeze,yeap, embarrassing i tell you) He laughed, everyone around me laughed. And i just wanted to ask the next table for their cheesecake to be smeared on me. OHHHHH then we rode down to Esplanade to see yesterday's masterpiece by me,Nisha and Laveena. But some graffiti people REPAINTED EVERYTHING! RAWR! >:( thank God i took a picture of it the day before. Then we rode back to cini, scary movie is damn friggging hilarious i swear. (: ENJOYED!
Saw Royy tong, screamed his name, dumb blur dick didn't see me. Held hands. We became aimless for a while,when suddenly tragedy to me stroke, my shawl which i changed it to a tube. The ends came off! DAMN THE WHOLE THING ALMOST FELL OFF! Ran to marriot hotel to change into a t-shirt, which a friend who thankfully met me that afternoon. Sigh.
Bought fried mars bars. yumsyums. i looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove. (:
i won't say the rest of the interesting bits. BUT whatever it is, i tremendously enjoyed my date to day. I'll kiss and tell more tomorrow for now it's just details, daddy wants me of NOOOW!

If I kissed you Would fireworks fly
Woud angels sing with lollipops
Would dinosaurs cry
Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise
If I kissed you.

If I kissed you
What would Michaelangelo say
Would he still have sculpted David
Would we be immortalized in clay
Would the poets write of love like ours
Would John Donne have his say
If I kissed you

You could be one in a million
You could be the one for me
But l guess I'll never know if I never tryI guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms and kiss you.

If I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street with a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you.Oh, if I kissed you
Yeah, if I kissed you.

and i'm glad i did just that. well actually we. (:

Friday, June 23, 2006

all they do is tOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

ALOHA! I'm in school. Im dead tired at the moment, i woke up at 3 to watch brazil and japan. JAPAN LOST. and brazil won so booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lar.
i've been like miraculously studying for the past week. GOING OUT WITH SHAUN THIS SATURDAY! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEA! ((:
Thanks to the suggestion from Maimunah, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, i can leave my mind in peace. HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Oh oh oh oh,
though i know this happend last sunday, but to bring it all up here. To all you dudes and dudettes, poeple may talk/bitch about you when they see you dancing/grinding with a boy/girl.
well here's my top 5 things to do when you catch them in action
1. Go right up to them, pour their drinks over their head.
2. Make a scene, scream and yell at them
3. If,i said if,you were the organiser, or the organiser's gf/brother/sister/cousin, well be my guest to kick them out of the club, i say you have every right to do so.
4. But if you wanna be civilised,which i think we all are, unless you're a lian/beng/minah/mat, talk it out and find why the person is bitching. If this people were the those who stood aside and just stare at everyone dancing, you have every right to blow your top at them, this is what i call N.A.T.O (no action talk only) poeple.
5. Get back at them without them knowing. I never tried this, but it's a try.

1. Get your damn ass on the floor and start dancing, bloody turds what the hell do you club for, not to act pretty please. It's a waste.
2. Don't bitch. Cause those people dancing have more bitching about you then you have about them. So don't be dumb.
3. Don't just bitch about people dancing/grinding, you're fuck jealous for no fuck reason,and that's fuck. Don't be sad that there are people who can actually dance and grind better than you.
4. Don't take pictures and like go post them on website and make ugly comments, cause the really fugly person is the one whose doing it.
5, Keep your damn mouth shut and dance, what the hell do you club for. DUMB FAGS AND FAGGOTS.

well in any case you readers were wondering why i wanted to tell the world this is because people like this actually exist, and seriously that's fuck. I mean grow up! I belive we live in a country where all we do is bitch and complain and do nothing about it to contribute. That's why for the courtesy rate level internationally,we're pretty,no no no ,actually apparently very low. LOVELY ISN'T IT?

chao. I end this with my arms wide open standing on my own pee.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

breaking free

I'm wasting my life at home, i've been doing nothing but studying and studying and it's draining my away my shrivelled brain. I'm schedualled for tuition tomorrow 1 in the morning and the other in the night.
GASP 9-4 lesson of FnN in school this friday. B-U-M-M-E-R
Leaving me thursday and saturday freee. FINALLY. I planned on going out this Saturday with someone though. But for some dumb reason why, i don't have the guts to ask. I've might been filling my head with nothing but him this past 2 days, and by tomorrow if i don't stop, it's the obvious fact that i've got a crush. Ha funny isn't it, how i'm starting to open up bit by bit again. Every touch, gave me a reason to smile, every move gave me a reason to groove, every smile gave me a reason why i should be standing next to him, yet i guess i should've known when he kissed me, right in the middle of the dance floor and on the platform, and when we kissed goodbye as well, i should've took a step back, i did, but he pulled and i couldn't help it, i was falling in love.
Everyone is asking me out for DXO this friday, -scratches head- , wonder if i should go.

Monday, June 19, 2006


Ahhhhh M.o.S sure was wonderful time of my holidays so far. So almost alot of people i know, glad to see most of 'em make it for my after-16 celebration. (: THANKS Y'ALL. Danced with only Jeric, Shaun and some guy i can't seem to know his name wether if it's jean or geen or whatsoever from Yjc la. Jeric danced with me for the first bit with Shaun, so i was practically sandwhiched then later jeric left to find chu shen,DUMB FAGGOT! YOU OWE ME 28!, then later it was that jean guy and the rest i was all shaun's, it's frigging nice to dance with him la. Pretty goood. I somehow wished that night didn't had to end. It was the best time of my life.
Woke up at different timings for God knows the reason why, smsed Jeric, Shaun, Chu shen (still even asked wether you can borrow money,when you owe me money! HAHAHAHAHA) Rasmond, Kenneth and Cheryn.
Yet i woke up with a sad smile yet a happy/sad heart, it hit me that i was confused about somthing. PLEASE READ BELOW,especially HIM

Will my life be long enough to see the things i want to see? i believe this world is just too big for me. every cloud that passes by is another cloud i'll never see again. maybe i just try to hard to understand all of these things. bless the hands of painters who have captured melon skies, starry nights for us to see and feel for all of time.
There are things you'd love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you'd like to hear it from. but don't be deaf to the one who says it with his/her heart. i'm sorry. i should have told you. maybe it's just me. maybe i'm like all others. just an insensitive motherfucker. and i thought i wasn't.misconceptions are rampant in this comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed. to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed and to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.and NO one should let your happiness depend on others. that's something i've know it's true that we don't know what we've got till it's missing. but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing till it arrives.
But from this i learnt that being stubborn gets you nowhere. sometimes all you need to do is open your ears to those who wish to give you advice. and maybe sometimes take that advice and let it sink into your thick skull and shrivelled brain. there are those on the road that are there to help you and those that are there to bring you down. it's just up to you to identify the good ones from the bad.and another big thing i learnt is to carry on with your life. if you fall into a pothole, pick yourself up, dust yourself and tell yourself that the stains and grazes on your knees don't mean a thing. they're just there to make your life difficult. but you're always able to pull through. everything should be taken in your stride. you set your own pace to life. no one tells you how you should run your life.

Courtesy from Tim Han's blog:
infatuation is marked by insecurity. you're excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. there are nagging doubts, unanswered questions and little bits and pieces of him/her that you would just not examine too closely or it might spoil the dream.
love is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. it is real. you are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. miles do not seperate you. you want him nearer but near or far, you now he is yours and you can wait.
infatuation says:" We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him/her."
love says:" Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."
infatuation lacks confidence. when he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. sometimes you check.
love means trust. you are calm, secure and unthreatened. he/she feels that trust and that makes he/she even more trustworthy.infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. if you're honest, you'll admit that it's hard to be in one another's company UNLESS you are sure it will end in intimacy.

well i think i'm sure. actually i AM sure. this time it's true. It's care and concern and wanting to be everything he needs except his lover. Disregard the past few days. I'll be the one you always need. but that's that. we can't. i hope you really understand. i'll still hold your hand when we go out. you could still lean on me. but i can't be what you wanted . i'll light up your days but i can't be that present you always wanted. i'm happy when you are. but yet again that's that.
Confusion is really sucky. it's worse than loneliness. at least when you're lonely you can take that teddy bear and talk to it. or go on the computer and chat. but when you're confused, sometimes no one can make things clearer but yourself. and in those sometimes you get so down and out cos you can't make up your mind and you wish so much you had someone who thinks like you to talk to so you can get some help.
sometimes i feel stupid and laugh at the irony of all this. why help sort out other people's lives when you can barely manage your own? many times people help their friends to figure things out and all that crap. why don't they take one step back and take a good look at their lives. maybe then they will see that it's not their friends who need help. it's them. and just as many times when these people actually take a minute to examine themselves, they identify mistakes but refuse to look for solutions because they want to run away from the reality and they want to deny the presence of the problem. they hope that by not rectifying the problem, it'll grow stagnant and die away eventually. Likewise myself for an example.

to the guy i know who'll read this.
i'm sorry if i've disappointed you. but it may be sending you the wrong signals if i'm too close. you know i love you. but i've explained myself. you know i care. you know all these. from the deepest pits of my heart i'm telling you. i really care.maybe if you think it's better i'm out of your life. i'd be more than happy to be. but i'll always be around you to shelter you and catch you before you hit the ground if you fall. i've always been here to give you what you want. if i haven't been really taking note of you, i'm sorry. it's my fault. i've shouldn't have lead you to this pithole of mine..

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Ran around whole of orchard yesterday to collect the ticket money, and so i met/bumped into this people:
Chu Shen


Xian Yi

ahhhhhhhhhh. Chu shen accompanied me most of the time,talked and caught up on things, it seems he grew taller. ]: -jumps up and down-
Met kenneth in the end to pass him the money, something happend then. Like i'm damn upset about it. Couldn't even speak to Aaron properly la, it was like silence was our song for that night.

A pictures worth a thousand words

But not worth the words I need to hear
I miss you so much that it hurts
And tonight, I wish you were here with me
So I could make you see
The stars, they lay across the sky so perfectly
They remind me of
All the times, when we used to sit underneath them, those summer nights
And fall in love

Its not alright, it's our last night together
I won't give up, I can't let go, of you.
I can't let go of you.
And tonight, I close my eyes and dream that s
he is still the one, laying there beside me
I'd walk a thousand miles
I'd swim across the sea
What do I have to do, please just tell me

Friday, June 16, 2006

Why can't i?


spend my birthday at sentosa with Nisha, Laveena, Floramae, my sister, Aaron and Ryan. My GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODNESSS. Nish,lav and flo are the bestest most bestiest friend i can have. what they made for me left me speechless. (: I REALLY LOVE IT TO ITSY BITSY PIECES, most importantly i love y'all. (: I'M DAMNNNNNNNNNN OVERYJOYED NOW (:


Had speedplus training from 9-4.30. Then met kenneth at wisma to pass him the money. Then something happend between the both of us,i teared and i think i was screaming. Sigh. Things didn't had to turn out that ugly, if only he could've just open out his mouth and tell me what he really wants and who he really wants, fucked confused. Ryan and Aaron were with me, dried my eyes before coming back to them. Had no mooooood. Went home cause i neeeded dinner. Then i zoinked out in my own space again,thinking really hard. Like what Liz Phair said

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! -jumps around- 9 more minutes. (:


Hey all i'm back from Malaysia. Thoroughly enjoyed it. (: -beams-

Family Church Camp:

It was like any other family camps i'd been too for the past few years, but this one was different as
there was Dance Night,yea like me and Dominic were the only 2 youngest people there and
i made friends with the P.a crew, and
I saw Nathaniel and Daniel, and
I bothered to watch the World Cup, and
the waiter was checking me out, like grosssssssssssssssssss can't he find someone his age to mess with not me, and
I think that's it.

Cameron Highlands:

Well the drive up sure allowed me to almost throw up. But the sceneary was just breathtaking and i mean really breathtaking, the air was pretty thin so i panted 2 times as much as i normally do. Stayed as some Bungalow, which is dated back from 1873, and the place is a beauty in the morning but a creeper at night.
According to the care-taker the founder was Eu Tong Sen,and the place was once used by Japanese offcials during World War 2, yeaa at night it gave this eeerie haunted like effect. Seriously la,i got freaked alright. Didn't dare go anywhere unless with Dominic.

Did nothing much except Strawberry farming and Butterfly parks and eating alot of Indian Food.(:
Rueben and Adriel came by,for the first time in a longest time, i played football with them and i'm happy to say i didn't looose most of my skills, i wonder if i should go back to the sport.
That night i didn't sleep at all,me and Dominic were bonding over Jolly shandy, we talked alot about our past where we went wrongs instead of the rights. I simply love that lil BFG of mine, he's one of my best.

Anyway i had pictures up initially but for some dumb reason i can't upload. But i'll try to asap. (:
Let you know how beautiful the prefecture was. In the mean time, i've to deal with certain people who made me upset after all that has been said and done.
My tweeety bird is going to school tomorrow to dig more info about matt and rach and whatever.
And my birthday is tomorrow and i still don't know what i really want,help me out here,conscience that is.yea that's it for now

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

malaysia here i come

well i'm leaving first thing in the morning at 8, and i haven't started packing. I guess i'd rather download music then to go for family church camp,again for the 3rd consecutive row for the 3rd year. I don't know i just feel weird being surrounded who are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy older then me,and i'm like UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
But to count my blessings as they come,we're staying at that really really really awsome hotel at K.L putrajaya marriot i remember. I'll be back on sunday evening i feel.

My birthday is coming in about a week and a day's time,and i ask myself the same question i ask every year, "what do i want again this year?" I've got no idea i don't. Having matt to creep out silently behind my back and digging out of my life has been a satisfaction to me to know that i will be again be lonely and bored. BUT at least it's so much better than wasting my time.AH EM.
I ask for happiness this year.
Take care y'all,look out for each other while i'm away,you can still sms or call me.(:

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

he'll never understand

VODKAY! i came back to school again just to waste my time......i'm seriously beginning to 'LOVE' coming to schoool,remind me why next time.
I watched the most stupidest and dumbest and offending show at cini TODAY,the OMEN, with Flo,Michelle,Sarah,Joy,and Amanda. I dare to scream that we all wasted 7 bucks on a show that meant nothing and the ending was such a big rip off from HIDE AND SEEK la. But yet,i found it offending, in this movie though it does shows what demons can do yet on the otherside i feel the storyline was concentrating on the devil. Walked out feeling shibby.
I couldn't concentrate during tuition,i was falling asleep cause my tired ass was talking to Aaron who kept me awake.>:( Then it shooook me, 1 hour i did nothing but stoned......many things ran through my mind,happy and sad both mixed giving me nothing.
Just met Kenneth and he passed me all your tickets people, I want you guys to get the tickets from me NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! so i can give you all a really goood discount for my birthday.(: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

leave a message on your phone
just to find out you're not home
keeping up with you is something i could never do
and i know something's wrong
cause you've been gone too long
a fucking waste of my time is all that you've become

if i can't be the GIRL that you've always wanted me to be
if i can't say the words that you always wanted me to say
if i fall in the end, will you be holding on to me?
because you, you said you'd never leave me

the choice is up to you
to find out what to do
to let it go or keep kicking me to the side
i'm getting tired of your shit
and i can't deal with it
i gave up giving in, and now it's time to say goodbye. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODBYE! (:

Monday, June 05, 2006


well well i got news from shawn chang who that rachel was, matt's ex.
-and all the crowd goes TSK TSK TSK TSK-
i don't want to play the bad girl here and go ruin what's already been ruined for them eons ago, no, vengence maybe what i seeeee as a reward, but i'm not that mean to go around sabotaging people's happiness. I want those around me to be happy just like the way how i want to be happy as well. I forgive matt for what he did to me,and for the love of the Lord, i pray for him to be forgiven as well.
Not a tear was shed from all of this shin diggy,(amazing huh?),i guess it was, maybe i saw it coming and i believed in what my friends said and this time i chose to belive what i heard and saw,HA,i've ALREADY decided to let it go, and let it be, no longert wasting all my emotion on this tit-for-tat machine i'll just let it go, and then let it be.
Because of him i found out alot about me that i never discovered or had,oh gosssssssh you just gotta love yourself.


let it go and let it be.

well i'm glad i broke up with matt once and for all, it felt like having a mannequin with me all this while. what can i say?It's such a shame but i'm leaving,i seriously can no longer take the way he's mistreating me,well the path he chose to run alone.Ain't nothing he can say now to me that can change my mind,I have to let him go now, nothing will ever be the same.So i just want him to be on his way,go head and do his own thing now, there's no more to explain to me.

I know about her already, i don't care who she is to him,i know both of them have a thing for each other,i saw the messages on the phone when he stayed at my place. (Thinking about it,i wanna burn my bed and get a new one). I can't change him,cause i belive he'll stay the same,still the same guy i knew in sec 1, the biggest aside from the other F-L-I-R-T-S. Whatever it is i wish him the best,seriously what he did was very low. what ever it was i knew i was loosing myself to somebody else but now I see. and I don't wanna pretend So this is the end of him and me cause the girl that he want she was tearing us apart cause she's everything everything I'm not.

update more later.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

the blahs and blahs

well forgive me for no updating as much as i could i'm sorry, 've been busy with coming back to school and having lessons. But the past few days were filled with a trip to the book fest. at suntec city, i bought 6 boooooooooooooks. -beams- a short patethic 2 minute phone call with mattheus :'(, FnN camp from 9-5.30, shishaing at arab street (blackcurrent & peach), meeting flo and michelle to pass them their goods and collecting money, buying new heels cause my pumps broke, meeting aaron to waste my time with had subway and window shopping and starbucking and lotsa magic entertainment from him. and supper. yeaaaa that's what i did ,to cut short, for the past few days. I miss hanging out with alot of people though both guys and girls. Like
ji min,
sarah chan
amanda bay,
and many're not forgotten. (:
but one guy whom i miss the most, mattheus yeo.

To charmaine tan:
girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, when are you free? Wednesday? Monday? CHOOSE!CHOOSE!CHOOSE! (: