Tuesday, July 29, 2008

one day of being snow white

I have never slept for one full day before. But it feels oh so good. (:
I usually hate to go to the docters, but i was forced by my parents, Nisha and Stef to go. AND they said they'll kill me if i step into school because they want me to rest. So there you have it, my ass at home sleeping.(:

Monday, July 28, 2008

the bloody virus called hypocrisy

Ok maybe it might the virus that is overtaking my body but i'm STILL feeling like a piece of shit.
And sure, to make things worst I'm being pestered by many many people on msn. And one word to describe it; HYPOCRISY.
And not to mention the smallest details that are adding up to the irritation can't seem to make things any better.

But still, it might just be the virus. Which is being a fucking whore.

fried brains and fried bars

I am feeling numb.
I am feeling lethargic.
I am not in class. But am in school.
I am feeling like a piece of shit.
I am feeling exhausted.
I am going no where.

Friday, July 25, 2008

all i've seen and all i've known kept here in the pages alone

You & I, and our secret diary. (:

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Love is not just a feeling

It's amazing, how I found someone whom I love and loves me back. Because there came a point in my life that the "life" i lead would forever define me as who i was and "love" would just play the dramatic, the spicy bit in it. And we knew that we had to let each other in although it might hurt. But who knew that love would actually grab hold of me and slowly change me out of my hermit shell and make me feel all elementary puppy love again? Not till i met him.
& he is just not the any type of Tom, Dick, Harry, James, John, Luke you think it is. He is someone who can move me in the most sentimental & dramatic way. But it feels so good, for each touch that i feel on his skin makes me get a closer touch to a future with a life that could change me forever. & there he is, holding me from behind and always making sure I get on to the other side of the road, making damn sure i don't fall and always looking back making sure i'm behind and i never let go of his hand.
& he always hugged me so tight, although i choke sometimes, but his hug was the tightest and it always told me something, "i never wanna let you go & i'm not going anywhere". He always made calmed me down whenever i would almost tip over to hysteria or freak out and he always made sure i would go home or go to bed with a smile and never with a tear on my face.

But there were those horrid temper of his and foul words that could make me cry at times and get me really mad. And no doubt there were times where we wanted to do like the above fella. However, staying mad at you for a prolong period of time is something that could never happen for me, for i found it so hard to stay mad at you for too long, and with that sometimes i hate how much i could love you so much.

So it's slowly starting to piece up to a picture i can envision at last. But unexplainable things not even science can tell why things are so much better when I'm with him. And i can't help but pray with each passing day that I could be the very woman for him to last a love that says "a love that will last". And to keep this secret with myself, I want it badly too. For maybe he could be the one whom I can built an empire with for being that succesful man he is, I want to be and I will be that woman standing behind him, come what may. All beacause we're in this T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R & yes it means, bearing him a family and someone i wanna grow old & wrinkly with. & all it takes is a faith of a mustardseed to move mountains. (:

But although life is like a teabag at times...
And we maybe young & crazily in love, but he....really is special. And the feeling of love I feel for someone is no longer just an emotion, but an ability.

So Stef Tan,
I just want you to know this but;

"I know some people search the world,
To find something like what we have.
I know some people would try to divide something so real,
So till the end of time I'm telling you there aint no one.

But no one, no one, no one,
can get in the way of what i'm feeling.
no one, no one, no one,
can get in the way of what i'm feeling for you"

Forever yours,

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

utter random

Sometimes I sit in the bus and stare out the window and wonder how did things get better when I'm with you?

Yet sometimes when we walk along the streets of orchard, i want to do this to you :

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

what love really is & not the cliche movie lines

Love. I always thought it was about giving & receiving. But only a day back did Shafiq tell me that love is not only just that but it's giving selflessly because you WANT to. Ironic as it may sound, but he is right, I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually learnt a lesson or 2 from him that day over ice-cream at Cold Rock, Holland V.

Love is when you buy him/her the ben & jerry's phish & chips ice-cream because she/he is craving for it or is feeling upset although you think it's ridiculously overpriced just for a tub of ice cream but anything to see the smile. It's about coming down to his/her school with lunch you've made for him/her although it took you 3 hours to decently cook it & clean the stove, but you do it because it's his/her favourite meal. It's the way you'll give up a day of watching a soccer match or a day of shopping just to accompany him/her to do something he/she is wanting to do most although you might dislike it, but you do it still because you want to spend time with your love one and. Love is about doing things willingly and not because you are ASKED to do it willingly but with no nagging, no second thoughts & no doubts, you WANT to!

I know that life is a major bitch especially when you're living around this town & things don't get better when you look at your watch and realise you ONLY have 24 hours NOT 38. So you try to do more because you think that if you do, less will be neede to be done, but a rude awakening, it's still there. & maybe there are things that we can't help it, & that....that's ok. Because I realise that honesty is a must, and I've GOT to trust if i'm not with you. So we should respect one another, and respect us, I'm hoping I'm everything you need and you wish for and then you'll find in me they way you show that you care and love, when you're not with me then you'll know that aint nowhere i belong.

Monday, July 07, 2008

and i can do whatever i want like you

I just finshed penning down the last match date of this month on to my planner. I just closed a window of a msn conversation I had with Amanda. I just closed another window of a friend's blog. And then I just flipped through July's pages of my diary planner. And then I just closed a window of a junior's friendster profile. I just laughed my ass off at an email sent to my student outlook. (Re: student's attire. It's ridiculous & very very ludacris like. )

Drama always happens. & with that shit happens, all the time. Amanda was right, how i can only look back on the past and think to myself how things can be hard to go back the way it was. People change & once they do they can be another 'oh she use to go to the same school with me. period'. & sad thing is, slowly, i don't even recognise this faces anymore. But remember this, you can do whatever you want to do to them.
So Amanda, it is not entirely your fault, it's theirs too.

hot N cold sauce

I wanted to paste some a set of lyrics down, but after re-reading the entire lyrics, I figured it out that Stef would shoot me down.

So check on my list, I quit my job! But on the negative list, i got no dough to spend. So if i can balance out some sort of equation there, God help me! So amazingly, I actually sat down and study for enterprise UT test last wednesday, but crap was it the next day when I HAD to be a minute late which caused me to panic which then caused me to forget everything.

Nonetheless, i took time on saturday to go for St Marg's Primary school fun-fair, YEAS...Then which was Stef's game that evening then dinner at my place. Ah YEAS. AH you know what, to hell if he shoots me down, but I'm going to post the lyrics anyway! So i present to you: Katy Perry-Hot N Cold.

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
I should know
That you're no good for me

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up(you)You don't really want to stay, no(but you)
But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down