new

new skin.i like.i like.((: school starts tomorrow and i can't wait to get back to my books,smell the pop quizes,test and homework,jump and scream from one end to another,cut the qeues from the sec 1's.BUT i've got cca afterthat,geeee that just stinks.anyway
　

Lifestylebash Presents - PLAYERS & SWINGERS
　
SINGLES, come play and get played
COUPLES, its time to swing
@ 2006 LARGEST out of club party event

11 FEBRUARY 2006 - SATURDAY
@ FAR EAST SQUARE in a fully furnished and air-conditioned WAREHOUSE PAVILION THEATRE!

PARTY INCLUDES :
- 1-for-1 DRINKS from 9pm - 12mn
- Top Local Band Performances by
PUG JELLY –AUGUST STAR
- MODELS from QUEEN OF QUEENS PAGEANT
- Cleo Cover Girls
- DOOR GAMES - Love Roulette & Hit or Miss
- MTV VJs
- JIM BEAN GIRLS
- LINGERIE MODELS
- FREE MOBILE PHONE GIVEAWAYS
- MOST COMPATIBLE COUPLES win tickets to
see OASIS in CONCERT on 23rd FEB
- DATE AUCTIONS for both SEXES!

Official Sponsors and Endorsments includes JIM BEAN, MOTOROLA, LOREAL,JUICE MAGAZINE, WARNER MUSIC , HOTSPOTS, HAIRFOLIO and Special thanks to MTV for their involvement .

Pre-Sales going @ $20
Door Sales @ $25

Hurry up and get your tickets to this year's BEST PARTY!
It's time to get PLAYED.SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
DROP ME A TAG OR MAIL IF YOU WANNA GO! ((:

It's hard to say goodbye

so a friend of his told me that he already likes another girl,whatever.i'm not gonna do anything about it.
Of all the things I believe in I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three weeks were just pretend and I say
Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right
Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to
and It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Funny isn't it?why im crying over this situation again,when im suppose to be happy.
Can anyone tell me why we met?Why did tim had to introduce us?Why we fell in love?Why he had to speak those words?Why we had to dance?Why?Just give me the reason.-starts to throw things-

Oh and to the guy who was suppose to meet me on friday to pass me something
You were everything i want
You were everything i need
You were everything inside of me that i wish i could be
You said all the right things at exactly the right time
But you're starting to mean nothing to me
And sometimes i don't know why.
and i was right all along, I know that guy who said those promises is somewhere deep down inside of you,but i can't wait for him.Cause waiting for you is like waiting for rain to fall over a drought.USELESS and DISAPPOINTING.>:(

brighter than sunshine

had performance.i DROPPED my fan.whooops.but i think i did pretty alright.:))
had alot of support and cheering from my beloved class.hahas.raras.oh i just love them,don't cha?
Went towning with Nisha and Jannah,watched cheaper by the dozen 2.hahas.laugh till my pants drop.HAWRS.HAWRS.was suppose to meet benson for a while,but that ass didn't come.so eck it! HUR. :)
OH and something weird happend at heeren's too,shan't say,but your ewpressions will like,'oh er,ogay.'
saw alot of people here and there,and HOLY too! HAWRS.Holy's expression was hilarious,he was like 'OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?',hohohoho,and i realise im catching up to his height.WHOOOPEEEDOOO.
walked too p.s from heerens,and i finally bought my new school bag instead of the reef one,hurhurhur.then went to my cousins place for dinner,i must say i took one big round,when i could've just use the short-cute,but nevermind,slow and easy wins the race. :)

Thank God for the weather today,and praise His name for healing me and giving me comfort,im starting to heal fast.I'm so contented.:))

uh-oh.i didn't seem to notice that i haven't blog since sunday.anyway,i'll pen them all down here by their days respectively.

• TODAY

I didn't go to school today,had to attend the cremation of my great grand daddy,I teared when i saw it being burned.It's not only pain but it's just nevermind.I slept for another4 hours in the afternoon,to make up for all the time i didn't sleep.

• WEDNESDAY

school was exhausting for me,so was dance.But guess it goes credit to the performance this friday! :D He messaged me,but it wasn't very nice.guess it was bad news afterall.

• TUESDAY

can't remember what the heck happend.but nevermind,

• MONDAY

jap classes ended at 9.45 as usual.and i think i said to laveena that i miss him.oh wells.

Basically,i was spending most of the time at the wake,and getting to know my other family members better,including the extended side,gosh so many aunties pinching my cheeck like some pastry.but then they kept exagerating that i was er pretty? alright,ogay.well i guess i do look pretty in this hairstyle of mine.i'm just being humble and not ego here.HAHAS.oh wells.getting some theraputic sessions tomorrow with janah and nisha. :)) and so if you see a girl in a naima-hairstyle,and slippers and shorts.scream and be proud to say that you saw erika! :)) HAHAS.

If it's over let it go and,come tomorrow it will seem so yesterday.

im just a bird that's already flown away.

Laugh it off and let it go and,if you wake up it will seem so yesterday.

since you've been gone

Since he's been gone,i can't breathe for the final time,and it's hard to move on,yea yea yea yea,thanks to him,now i don't know what i want,since he's been gone.

Service was awsome today,went for the youth,everyone was surprised with my new look.HAHAS.someone looks like naima now eh?HAWRS.HAWRS.gosh im flattered.Australian lead worship today,i loved their drummer and bassist!damn nice can.Oh and since from the distance of the mrt to the max pavillion is like a walking distance,im bringing my skateboard next time,i can't be bothered to walk no longer.

Then went for my great grand Daddy's wake.sigh.teared abit,was sad.but things just couldn't get any better,when i received an sms from him,and i was drinking this packed drink and it had taufik's face on it!and some idiot had to wear the perfume,and whatsoevermore,i was at clementi,very near to where he stays.grrrrrrrr.I liked today and yesterday's night sky.:))and to the guy whom i know will read this;
whenever i look a the stars,i waste myself in sighs afer night after night,wondering and thinking.yea it's you im thinking of for sure.hur.


does anybody care to go shopping with me this friday?prettty.prettty please?

malaysia,TRULY asia

Yesterday,i went to malaysia with my folks and my mum's friend,then when i stepped into malaysia,i got very mood off.I looked around me,malays,chinese,indians,blah blah,couples,skaters.I got reminded of so many stuff,then we shopped at city square,cause we didn't wanna go any further north.I teared while walking,especially when i shopped at F.O.S. I just wanted to break-down so badly,cause i saw the top that i wore when i first met him,i didn't buy anything in the end.Painful memories,painful obsessions.
It was pretty useless for my body and soul to go malaysia actually,i DIDN'T buy anything at all.pathetic.
but i really got reminded of him,the fragance,some ass had to wear it.The bling bling,some negro wore it.his hat,another malay guy had to wear it.the clothing,someone else also wore it.the sunglasses,it was on a shop stand.the songs that we danced to that nigh,some shop had to play it. RARRS.it hurts.i don't know why,but it just does,all of you may see 'it was so short',but that time meant so much too me,cause i was praying for this day to happen to meet some guy like him.all of you think i'm gonna be fine and alright,like my break-up with sean.BUT you're all asses to think like that.i've never felt so bad and alone this week,it's not my weeek,and prolly my month,since i got news that my great grand daddy passed away this morning.
take me away.please...it's already bad enough.

i wanna shout it out

I hat short puts,i'll run away the next time mr tan ask us to do short puts! half of my right side is totoally limped. >:(
had lunch with christian,AHHH THAT GUY AR,can make me cry i tell y'all!
anyway,i called kyle up yesterday,to interview him for my cme project,it didn't go too well,i broke down half-way,cause it's so damn pain.I cried even harder and louder when we hung up,i had to cause it was the only way to relief it all away,guess for this upcoming valentine's day im totoally alone again.sigh.tsk.oh wells.Oh and during bio,my 'husband' amanda and my 'daughter' rachel yeong,made this -z alphabets of sexual reproduction since we were studying the more detailed parts of it this semester.like ewwww and gross,why did God made guy's reproduction organs even more complicating then girls?too many to memorise lar! >:( HAHAS.

TO KYLE NUR HIDAYAT:
you've become everything i loathe,now everything between us is comprimised
what could have been and what could be is simply gone right before my eyes.
i refuse to belive that but it HIT me hard.
i loved you so much,beyond anyone could imagined but now it's empty everywhere...and i can't fix all those holes.
but i found a drift of words unspoken.maybe i'll scream cause it hurts,your every word cuts me inside.
and now we're saying goodbye.i can't like your character.what you've become..i don't think i can ever change my mindset,it's just too complicating.
your speech and lifestyle is so different from me.it's you i love.how did you ever become like this?
why did you had to guide me along this lie?it's just you...belive me..i just can't comprimise..
im just not your type i suppose.i'll never be.
movin on....im already gone.and i'll be.

the perfect man

Alright,i woke up today with a splitting headache,thanks to Christian for making me run in the rain! RAWRS. >:( anyway,dance was somewhat cancelled,ALLELUIA,i went home to rest.yea right,i wound up using the computer ,watching dvd's after dvd's. Going to this website and that website,giving out testi's and returning answers to emails. what a BORE. read through alote of people's blog,i enjoyed it,caused me to think,hem and hawed,and thanks,cause it always give me inspiration to write.

I'm starting to heal,cause im thinking less of the pain,it's not worth it.and HE'S not worth it,there's someone out there better,but with the whole new look on me,i wonder who will it ever be.
To accept me and love me and unconditional,and see past through the beauty,but find THEE beauty.and so valentine's day is coming,hopefully im not alon,AGAIN.aHAWRS.But yea,anything can happen.Whatever and whoever it is,it is their decision to accept and see things deeper.
I belive im someone special,someone beautiful,someone wonderful,someone powerful and unstoppable,and if people have a problem with that well than that's their problem,cause i don't care. I feel so thankful to be alive.

HAWRS.i don't know why but i've been finding so many things to be thankful about.
Like why God let it rain.Why there was a pop quiz.Why the teacher had to scare me from my sleep.Why i had decided to borrow the book 'the joy luck club'.and yaddity yaddity yea. I don't know but life seems so light and flawless that way,instead of negativity which i see and get and have everyday,there's no room for sadness when im being so thankful!ignore me,im in one of my ra-ra moods.
alright people.thanks for reading. :))

always there in you

school starts normal on monday,i think.-scratches head-
anyway,i guess it's over this time round.never thought i would be the one to fall down so hard.like what venelyn said,and i AGREE!we're like in the same situation.

'my lips tremble as i clicked on 'delete photo'
cause i know you wanna be outta my life forever,
tears roll down my cheeks, you'll never be mine again.

my friends keep telling me,
that if you really love him,
you gotta set him free,and if he returns in time,
i know he's mine.

you'll never turn back,so all i can do is hope and pray,cos heaven knows'

met up with christian over subway and starbucks,talked about my shit to him,apparently he KNOWS him.and he thinks that guy is sucha dickhead.i don't see why.yeas.and we got soaked in the rain,and we were like playing like some herbal essence's shampoo lady advertisement.by the time we board the bus,it STOPPED raining.gee thanks.
but once in a while,i liked the rain,it gave me a reason to let all the misery be washed and be SICK.there's no difference between teardrops and the rain. :))

haunt me down

I fought with a friend,and i don't feel bad about it.HAWRS.how cruel.but i guess i had to let go of him,he wanted us to be more than just friends,and everyone knows that i can't accept that.To give up happiness to spend a few months with misery,is not in my defination.
But on the other hand,there's another guy too i have to confess.somewhat who made it all worthwhile yet fuming for me.Is it gonna be worth the 3 years wait i ask?But what now,after meeting up with me last thursday,you seem to be more distant than ever. It hurts and it's confusing,i'm still and i've been back to this threaded line,where i know it'll fall apart any moment.
Though life has return back to normal for me,my confidence level has brought me to a newer level,and the same routine has returned,blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.Something is huanting me.
gotta scoot now,dad yelling.

cca fair

cca fair was a drag.none of the performing arts put on any make up,and it was HOT!
I was like the only ballet dancer in a MOWHAWK hairdo. :)) yeas,i like to stand out.
but glad it was over,i was up on stage for like a minute,or prolly less then that,after that Phanida accompanied me to coronation to buy my top up card.yeas i have a new number people.walked and talked to her guy on the phone,OH OH OH and then we indulged oursleves onto a mudpie cake.yumsyums.at island creamery.yuums then i was hungry again and i ate a cheese-burger,headed back to school to help out somemore.(yea so much for helping)HAWRS.but it was boring as ever.-yawns-
i'm pretty sick and tired of doing this stuff,it gets no where and it's tiring.what i'm trying to say is,it's an absolute bore and plus,you do nothing. Sure dance can be a joy,but from my view, people join certain cca's just to gain that popularity of seniors and juniors,please,it gets you no where, and you don't gain anything,join a cca that helps develop your interest.i'm not cynic here,it's from experience.

bung

For a thousand time,get this straight into the brain of yours,I AM NOT BUNG! HELL NO! EEEEYUCK. :(
had dance.im still feeling miserable.i've never felt this badly miserable before. Meeting cheryl tomorrow to catch up on things. :))

If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you.

Life in school as usual seems to cause even more misery.Nothing seems to end.ahh wells,im just rambling a whole lot of shit stuff here.i'll go now.




Hear me,im crying out.Someone,i mean anyone,ease it for me,please?

there's always.

There's always something in the way,and it's NOT me,it's you. The most beautiful letdown i ever had.
This week has been hell for me,and those of you who know what happend to me,well very few does,know how hard it was for me to stand up on my own this time round. The Lord's plan?maybe it was. I'm still learning,I'm still crawling,I'm still learning how to breathe. I don't even know where to begin to start to tell all of you my story,cause it's simply just too long. But nonetheless,i've learnt alot.
1. Choose your friends wisely,and i mean it.
2. You have freewill,and don't be scared to use it.
3. You're given choices,make them wisely.
4. When in love and you're out of it,it's not really the end,it's just the beginning.

Tears form inside my eyes,and i try not to cry.
counting days passing me by.
I've searched deep down in my soul,
words that i'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like im starting all over again
Those last 2 weeks were just pretend.

why?

Guess this past few days were a scrape.i've been trying to stay happy and calm and AWAKE! but something happend,something that has driven me into a crash world.
i have a beautiful letdown,and im beautifully broken.i can't seem to keep things i never had,face it,im doom for eternal suffering but i'll be happy about it. happiness seems to have an irrational dislike for me,don't know why. WHY?WHY?WHY? To have and to hold,to love and to cherish is what i asked for,and i got exactly what i got,im holding on,cause i don't wish to let go of seomthing so beautiful that has been formed for only 2 weeks? wow,a shortest relationship,i fell in love too easily,now i'm stumbling back onto my own. I cried on my way home,i knelt down and cried as the rain washed away my misery,it was such a good sensation,and i'll do it again.

beautifully broken

it was such a long night.firstly,a HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE. :))
Yesterday transformed and greeted me with a whole new level of faith. Thanks to all like cheryl,keisha,charrisa and the whole dance team. I feel so blessed and so loved,mostly because the Lord really did rock the house and touched us one way or another,i received comfort and security and i found Him,great way to start the new year.:))

The night cum day it happend between 31st december and 1st july,was a terror for me. I was fighting my soul,my body my heart away. The 'monster' came into my room,i couldn't hold on any longer,but i still tried. I still lost,i still cried. Running here and there,closing my eyes and ears,confusion and utter pain filled ever void in my room,still i knelt down and prayed and cried out this time. But a blow on my cheek,interrupted my prayers.

I watched you die I heard you cry Every night in your sleep.
I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain.
And now I cry In the middle of the night Over the same damn thing.
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.
Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in.
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid
Because of you