if you're gonna ask me for directons, i might as well ask you to get lost

Sometimes i ask myself, why do i do the things i do? I may never understand the universe, nor will i ever understand myself. It's just too complicating to comprehand i guess.

I was walking out of my house on the way to the bus stop,and planted myself a seat on the bench. It was then i slowly thought about many things but one at a time, a big tear drop fell from the corner of my eye and trickled down to my face and gravity pulled it down on to my jeans. The second came, the third and then the fourth. I knew i was crying for no reason at all. And i teared a little more just cause i couldn't find the reason why i was tearing. My bus came and grungily stepped up and slammed my card on to the tappy machine and stood next to an old aunt. I recollected my thoughts again, i breathed in all but i breathed out a simple gas of carbon dioxide. Nothing. I'm not writing a composition here by the way.

If you're someone who is gonna ask me for directions, i might as well ask you to get lost. (For now? I really don't know and i don't care)
If you're someone who is gonna ask me stupid questions, i might as well ask you to grow up. (Maybe i will.)
If you're someone who is gonna ask what's pain, i might as well ask you to go jump off a bridge.( hmmmmmmmmm)

whatever.I'm NOT emo, i'll hate you if you say i am. I'm going now.

i wish i may, i wish i might.

Behind the girl's mask

Alright, the big papers are over and it's party party party and even more parties. YOWZA.
Today's post is different and it'll be specificallly for girls. However if you're a guy, you COULD continue reading, if you're curious to know what goes one behind the mask of a girl and why she always takes soooooo long to doll up herself. Girls, a big favour for you. This is all the make-up buster 101 for your tips on partying. (: ENJOY.

Nails and hair
-Dark red nail colour is a foolproof shade for the party reason.
-Avoid black nail polish at all cost, unless you are planning to be a goth, join the circus while you're at it.
-No time for manicure? Just make sure nairls are filed neatly(Short is always the best bet, unless you're a cat and you want to dig someone's eyeballs out)and paint over with clear gloss.
-Having a bad hair day on a BIG PARTY NIGHT? Pin it up in a loose bun or tie it into a perky pony tail. The greater part of hairstyles now is that a little messiness and imperfection is trendy. No one would even notice! (:
-Avoid applying products like holding spray or moulding paste (Unless you want a mohawk) to hair roots because you'll risk weighing it down and loosing all the volume.

Eyes and Lips
-Lipstick or gloss won't last long on dry flaky lips sooooo pre-lippy, gently exfoliate lips with either a SOFT toothbrush or wash cloth for about 10 seconds.

-Apply LIP BALM BEFORE LIPSTICK for a moist pout. Use one that isn't too greasy or lip colour will slip off; wait 5 minutes for it to sink in, blot off excess and then apply lip colour.

-Concentrate high shine lip gloss on the central area of the lips to add volume and an incredible plumping effect.

-ALWAYS WANTED STUNNING EYES INSTANTLY? Just line it, curl the lashes and apply a few coats of mascara and PRESTO you're done. [:

-If it's going to be a long night, opt for a waterproof mascara. This will ensure you don't have raccoon eyes by the end of the night.

-To avoid crumpy lashes by the end of the evening, be patient during prep.Let each mascara coat dry before the next application.

-Cream eyeshadows with light shimmer are easier to handle than powders to be honest. Just dab on and blend into skin with fingertips or a brush. If you want a more intense colour, apply more layers. They're foolproof.

Cheeks and skin
- Apply foundation from the middle of the face and outwards so that fine facial hairs on the side won't ve over coated and look conspicious.
-Cream blushers give a more natural glow then liquid ones, to cheeks and aren't as streaky as powder textures.
-Make sure skin is well mositurised before applying foundation so that make up won't look cakey.
-Avoid scrubbing skin too hard with exfoliator just before going out- you'll end up with red or blotchy skin, which is difficult to conceal.
-Want celebrity high cheekbones like Cameron Diaz or Lindasay Lohan or Paris Hilton (I know the last 2 are bitches but eck for abit), dab highlighter very lightly along the top of cheekbones to emphasis the cheek apples.
-Have a big night ahead and need makeup that endures? Spritz a light layer of facial mist over the entire face to set a foundation and powder and to get skin looking naturally flawless. I say spritz NOT wash ahh.
-Never ever trust a foundation for eye concealer, it's the wrong texture to be used and it won't cover properly. A concealer is a concelear, a foundation is a foundation.
-Ever notice how makeup settles and looks natural only after 30 t0 45 minutes? To acheive this effect instantly, rub your hands together really fast untill you feel the heat build up. Then press your hands on cheeks for 5 seconds to let your natural oils come through

Now at one point of time of the night, there will be a big nice mirror on it ayee? So shiny, eve more bling bling then your necklace and diamonds. Carry out powder for touch up, or use powdered paper. Works big time! [:

Have fun looking glamerous girls.

Tag replies
Erika-Hurry? Hurry what? Hurry eat? hurry go to M.o.S?HURRY WHAT?!? HOHO
Ji Min-[:

Temp

I'm finally back from Cheena Land! Pictures are there many, but lazy i am to load them all.
The interesting bits is that i have a pet pig and pet CHICKENSSSS. [:

anyway tag replies first and foremost.
Joy, Sarah, Ji Min and Roy teo heui bao: YES I AM BACK. [: HOHO Thanks for picking me up yesterday at the airport. So can't wait for all the surprises that awaits all of us before the year ends. [:

Zaki:HEY YOU! Oh no worries, you have my msn contact right i thought? Well to find me on friendster is easy, just use the same email add as on msn. (: yeap let's chat up real soooooon.

Alright i neeeed a J-O-B to save me from Seiyu. The conditions of working at Seiyu is a contract that will be terminated on the 31st December and the pay is $4 an hour. Personally i can't commit all the way to the 31st plus the pay is HORRID. And it's a monthly type NOT daily which i like better. OH WELLS.

This is a temporary morning post, i guess i should be saying more later and the days to come.(:

I'd do anything just to have you.

Cheena land

This is my very last post BEFORE I LEAVE FOR CHINA.

Wow, i'm gonna miss a whole lot of people and 1 newbie as well. (: I'm sorry i can't go to M.o.S, Cube, Coco-latte, MoMo or the house party at Nick's place. Gosh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Today was a busy day.
I met ji min to meet her john chng and company to pass tickets and collect money.
Then it was my turn. Stupid Chups was telling me how Leo was suppose to meet but he wouldn't come till later. So i had to 'Borrow' from jims.
Met Deanna, Sarah and joy. Walked here and there. HOHO. What joys. (:
Scooted down to meet chups and dharham.
Sums e whole day basically. (:

Well here are some messages for people before i leave,

Nisha and clique- I'll miss you guys. I GUESS! HAHA. Well stay out of trouble and have fun when i'm away.

JiMin,Joy,Sarah and those going for surge- Hey take care of one another and DO HAVE FUN. Dance for me y'all. I'll miss you all oh so much i swear. I can't wait to come back and hang out.

Chloe-Cheer up PLEASE. Occupy yourself with happy things and thoughts. When i'm back, i'm taking you out!

Guys-Uh, haha i'll catch up with you all when i come back. (:

EltonHappy belated birthday, i've been pretty busy e past few days, forgive me please. But when i'm back, i'll take you out soon. Oh friend! (:

Freddie-I give up on you COMPLETELY. But we're friends of course. I admit i found someone today. I'll tell you more when i come back. (:

Till i come back, i hope things remain the same or some have change. I can't wait!

The outing.

<-Foooling around at toy'sa rus.

<----- Ji min and her boyfriend. I told ji min that if mr chan were to see this. He'd probably say something like this, 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Spidy loves Mr Chan. And Mr Chan loves spidy. HOHO

<----Every once in a while people will surprise you with gifts. ROYTEOHEUIBAO surprised me and jims with chocolate and i was deeply touched. Except mine is a different set then what lousia is holding.

<-----The girls whom i was with yesterday. I love you all i swear to that. (:

this two are called the 'PHONE-ersss' 24/7 hands-ON! or else their hands will ROT and they'll DIE!!!! haha. joking...( as said by joy.)

Pictures taken from Joy's, Ji Min, And Chloe's blog. (:

A life without friends is like the applie pie without the apple or the sweet flavour of it. Sometimes the little stuff friends do, you don't see it nor do you apreciate it, because you're simply to self conceited with yourself hating everyone who wasn't there for you. We can be like that. I was like that. But today's outing made my heart screaming for joy! (:

Read Ji-Min's post http://nutnutsay-lalamamapapaya.blogspot.com she sums it all cause i was with her. HAHA Go ask her why the weird url. HOHO. I love you all. (:

I can't wait for tomorrow's outing!

Give up

If only i could see you, i'll memorise your face.
And if i could give you one kiss, i'll never forget the taste.

I had lunch with nisha at United Square. Nothing significant, but i was glad i met her and i could talk to her. (: Time spent with you is always fun.

I managed to catch up with a good friend online today and told him/her a little situation. Him/her being a self proclaimed guru, laughed and said 'Erika, you're still the same kid i know huh? Love is everything to you.' We talked and talked and he/she told me that the decision was really up to me in the end. But giving up can be another option.

We're both looking at the same side of the moon

Lunch at Laveena's place was fabulous. I thoroughly enjoyed the meal served. Thanks so much for the sweet, the meal.(:
Alright none of you would belive what i'm listening to now. Christmas songs. Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and all the works. Wow i'm sooooooo early huh? But on the other note, my heart is racing up and down because i can't wait for Christmas to come. It's probably the only Holiday where i get all happy and jumpy and excited. I can't wait for Christmas! Though how asians celebrate Christmas is WAY OUT different from the way The U.S. I miss spending Christmas there yes, but i'll love to celebrate the occasion with any love one. Christmas is the spirit of love and giving. (: (It's even my turn to do the turkey this year!And i know the EXACT recipe to roast the perfect one!)Haha there's defitnetly a small party at my place as the usual as every year, ANYONE can come. It's the only day we open our house to strangers and neighbours and celebrate this day. Watch out for an invitation coming to you soon. [:

To F the Fish,
hey i'm glad you called me on Sunday. I don't know if you know how much joy it brought me. Though i didn't expect the question. I am an i am not. I hope that answers to that bit of your question. Wow, how have you been i wonder? Do you think about me? Do you wonder if i'm alright? I really wonder. There are like a million and one things i wanna tell you and ask you, but i hope i can squeeze into your time and hope you would listen to me. Woud you? I am flying off this very saturday at 8.am. Which means i have to be there at 6 a.m. You know there's no doubt that i would think of you at least once a day, before i go to bed, i wake up, i'm on the bus, i'm eating, bathing. (Alright to me that sums up all to one la).
Everyone hates pain, everyone hates getting their heart broken. Me and you are part of the everyone as well. Well i'm running out of things to say but i'll leave you with what i've penned down,

Don't turn your laughing eyes away.
You know I love you.
There's no need to be afraid,
Hearts are made to be broken,
They get stronger by the day .
I'll take a chance and drop all my defenses
Just to hear you say,
I love you .

So tonight,
I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars.
There's a chill within the air,
It makes my heart long for your touch .
You may be miles away.
But as I kneel to pray,
I see the same side of the moon,
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue,
And know that time and space can't come between me and you.
We share the same side of the moon.
And though you'll never see all my tears shine throughI know I can't be that far from you,
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.




i miss you.

Mexican Wrestler

And it's almost a week plus and you haven't even called. I'm flying off soon, well saturday to be exact. I'm starting work soon to keep my mind in the air floating just to forget everything. I've been writing new songs, some i love, some i crash it into a ball and throw it out of the window instead. Sometimes i write about you. But i guess you'll never hear any of them. So like just give me a sign a message a friend a letter a SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

Sometimes I wish that I was an angel
A fallen angel who visits your dreams
And in those dreams I'd blow you a message that says
You really want me

Sometimes I wish that I was a wrestler a Mexican wrestler
In a red vinyl mask and I might grab you and body slam you
And maybe cause physical harm
When we would laugh I might take pity on you
I could crack all your ribs but I cant break your heart

You will never love me
And this I cant forgive
That you will never love me
As long as I will live

i don't want to be a dummy, dummy.

Official last day of headstart programme was today.
Ditched dance for the whole season, HOORAAY!
Went to Maimunah's place to watch this really really goood Hindi Movie (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna) and eat Hari-Raya kueh.
Then we went down to bugis for a job interview, and i kinda got the job but the final decision lies with me, i guess that's ogay.

The job i'm in is in customer service. So i'll be meeting alot of difficult people. I didn't like the way the boss said that the CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. It's utter bull. Sometimes customers which are EVERYONE should take a step back and put themselves in the shoes of the person serving them. It's not easy to be them and i'll be taking my own medicine. Not that i have ever been rude to the people serving me, but i guess it'll be loads of fun to come back and blog about the people i encounter and i observe. What fun shit. But the stuff i'm doing can be either mundane or boring. Oh wells.

I'm not emo. I AM NOT EMO. I DON'T LOOK EMO. I DON'T FEEL EMO. I DON'T LISTEN TO EMO. I DON'T WEAR EMO. I DON'T TALK EMO. I AM NOT AN EMO. >:[

But come to think of it, behind my smile is an emotion no one can ever understand nor can i describe. I was kinda hit by about a slight situation yesterday. I hate my life thanks to all 3 of them. Maybe autumn wasn't just my season.

I won't give up on you if you won't give up on me

I wrapped today's post with the title, 'I won't give up on you if you give me up on me.' Yea and some had to re-read that line 3 times. Nevermind that. Today's post tell's it all. On love, friendship.

On friendship:

A friend amongst the clique showed up one day in class with attitude, however you notice her face is filled with bitterness, sadness, and tiredness as well. You and everyone asked her how is she? She pushes away you guys and she just says 'i don't want to talk about it.' Now many of you would leave her alone and can't be bothered since she is in errrrrrr this state?
Then phone call with her, you defend and she oppose, but a single sentence within the 3 of you changes the whole setting of the situation. Guilt-ridden? I guess that's how all of us should feel now. No one wins, no one loses. Everything remains the same. Everyone feels the same, except the victim in the case who should feel more.

But the message was clear, we won't give up on her if she not ONLY give up on us and herself as well. The case has come to an end.

On love:

It's been 5 days since we spoke, we hardly talk. He hardly replies my messages. I find it funny you see. He complains to me about the lack of messages and talks we have. But i don't even hear a reply when i BOTHER to message. Why so? If any of you have been wondering WHO THE HELL I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS, it's a guy called (I won't say which freddie) AH EM
Freddie,
I'm still wondering what is it really gonna be in the end? He told me that he wanted, in my heart i was screaming i wanted him too. But my stupid mouth shut me off and i had no idea why? It does feel like he's giving up or am i just imagining things cause his dear darling O's are here to take over. I'm relying on the first. But still, i'm holding on. Yet am i holding on to something hopeless? Again, i rest my case here.

Are you ever gonna be real to me

Chem. practical was NOSE-taking. Ammonia solution took away my oxygen. I guess we were all pretty terrified anyway. Ji-Min accidentally spilled the bottle of copper II sulphate in the sink cause Laveena tipped it over. About ¼ left. But I guess it was fun. (:

Headed to Mac’d with Jims and FUNida and Cassandra. Jeric was there to ‘study’. Told him something, ASSHOLE wasn’t much of a great help. -_- I guess this time everyone is backing out to let me figure it out on my own. Dance was dance. And I’ve been included in SYF. –Throws ballet slippers to Mrs Tan-

Alright, so I’m like asking all to forgive myself of my ‘what seem to everyone my emo and angst self’. I’m NOT. I repeat NOT EMO OR ANGST. It’s irritating I swear to hear people say ‘why so emo?’ and another thing ‘Are you alright? Are you ogay?’ It’s getting to bug me. I don’t know which part of me shows signs that I’m not ogay. Oh and the ‘I have a stomach’ and they point and pinch out all the fats which is NATURAL to have. It’s dumb to say ‘I have a stomach’ and you want to get rid of it. Take a look at this situation.

-girl walks to the mirror and pinches her stomach-
SCREAMS
‘I’VE GOT A STOMACH! I DON’T WANT!’

I’m like Obviously you HAVE a stomach. Then what the hell is that thing between your esophagus and the small intestine (colon). It’s dumb, EVERYONE has a stomach even Tyra Banks have a stomach. So don’t scream, ‘I’ve got a stomach!’ When you actually do have a stomach. Like gawd. Then how the hell do you digest foood. L

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?
Everything to me

HEH

This is damnn random i swear but i smell like pepperroni pizza. Pizza's hut pepperoni pizza! HOHO no i didn't eat any pizza.

So when i told everyone that my white shiny ass is gonna be at Cheena land from 18th-25th NOVEMBER, e reply i got was 'SHANG-HAI?' I mean what's up with Shanghai man? I am going to HAI-NAN and HONG-KONG. I discovered from my grand-father that my sister and my presence is needed in his village and are waiting eagerly to greet us. Heard that grand-father's family owns alot of land. Rich? AHHHHH hidden riches he said. They even have a pet pig and chicken. WOAH. I'm gonna be living in a farm. So imagine Haylie duff and Hilary duff's 'Material girls' but Singapore version!

It's be a blockbuster! HAHA. But then i'm coming home with the pictures, funny and happy and more about my unknown family i knew that ever existed.

Well well, let's see here. Many said i lost weight. -smiles-

MMMMMMMM i love today's outing with Mai and her mmmmmmm, secret admirer? HAHA MIMI! SULAIMI! [: HOHO
I love life. I love my friends. (:

well my friend E___N,

I'm sorry for being such a bitch in today's earlier post, but here's where i wreathe down all my pent up frustration. I don't mind if you hate me, i never asked to be loved. I'm sorry alright. You have every right to blame me. Indeed it was such a sweet post till the end it didn't taste sweet at all, it was bitter. I'm a girl who needs to be fixed up badly who needs to pick up things in life and piece them up, however when i do it, it falls back to where it is, the ground. Well the fact is simple now, if you want me out of your life, i'll be more than happy to be. But i won't forget that tall barker kid who was always so nice to me and treated me like a someting. This is not just only my disaster, it's all of ours. But we're doing the greatest thing by walking away and pretending NOTHING ever happend. Leaving it to be stagnant so that it will die off is what we're all gonna see or feel. I'm sorry if i brought you down like that on my post, but enough is enough, i hate hurt, i hate breaking hearts, i hate hating as well. You're a sweet kid i hope you know that. However you knew and everyone knew that it was my decision and a decision for it not to be regretted. I didn't want to live with another regret. I'm choking on my words now and for this i hope it makes you grin and snigger. Watch me fall, you're seeing it all now. I'm sorry kay? I thoght you were like the others, wrong or correct, i shouldn't have anyhow jumped into my own conclusions. You can choose not to forgive me, it's up to you, i don't want to decide on anything anymore. I'm just muttering sorry and that's all i have to say cause i have NOTHING to say. I'm sorry elton. I'm sorry elton loh. I'm sorry for it all.

UCK

I guess it really lies with me this time round. I'm totoally lost in all directions and all i needed was a hand to help me, but i wasn't offered any, and maybe that's why i dare not asked.

I didn't cry, though it felt like having a tongue piercing, navel, eyebrow, lip, neck and tatoo piercing done ALL IN ONE. The pain is unspeakable and i can't comprehend it, i feel it but i don't know how to react to it. School has been a fucking waste of my time, primarily because i go around acting like i'm some happy kid.









Stay away from me if you want, i don't really care wether if you're gonna be here to stay or go, don't give me bull like 'awww erika, i'm here for you .' So let me ask, where exactly were you when i needed any of you? Call me selfish, but it's a fact and i see it happening. You disappear and then come as and when you think you should, it's like when i'm happy any of you would come and hang out with me, but when i'm down and being sinked down to my own quick-sand you all disperse and leave me to drown. Like i said before, IF NO ONE WAS MEANT TO STAY, THE NONE OF YOU SHOULD HAVE STEPPED INTO MY LIFE. Don't tell me ' you understand me.' Crapshit

To the both misters,
I'd die to read BOTH your fucking minds just so i don't have to sit around and think too much like how E___n always say i do. I wish i could be the one telling you both it was never real. But i guess it's simply too late to turn back now.

God, why did i ever allow the both of you to enter my life when i KNEW one of you would make it crappy, but NO, instead BOTH of you made it doubly crappy.
To the tall one or aka E___N, i THOUGHT you could be the one, but hell wrong was i when you didn't tell me you talked to the other one. What you did to brainwash him is none of my business, but thanks anyway. Now it's all fucked up. That's why i said mercifully backstabbed and betrayed. When you said you gave up, don't be a dick and come back crawling like you did, cause it actually ruined everything.
I'm going to tell all for once and for all, since it is gonna end tonight.
You're a bastard i swear to that. And yes i chose him instead over you, but thanks anyway for proving yourself to be a wondeferul and marvellous friend you are. Now fuck away, cause i can't fucking stand it when you're around anymore. FUCK YOU.

To the suave one or aka F_____E, gawd and it was you whom i chose. YOU. I depict that you don't give a damn anymore, i guess amongst the 3 of us none of us would anymore. I hope you have a wonderful time going around destructing hearts just like you did to mine, but when you get yourself into a sweet tragedy i won't be around. I gave myself in to curosity, but i guess curosity kills the cat, in this case the cat is me. Don't ever speak to me, don't ever see me, don't ever talk to me, don't ever dance with me, don't ever acknowledge me cause this time round i seriously can't fucking stand it when you're around anymore.

SCREW YOU WORLD

Be an idiot and leave me alone

I think there's something wrong going inside my body. I have been sleeping excessively and i've been eating less and less. On some days it's none. Some exclaimed i've lost weight. Whatever it is, there's something wrong, i just know it. I'm right. I have to be this time round.

I seriously don't know what's going on with me.

I'm sucha mother fucking clueless idiot. I'm getting a little agitated on things and on people but i can't help it, however thankfully i don't show it either. At least that's something that hasn't changed. My chest is tightening and it feels like i'll breakdown somehow, sometime soon, somewhere, someday, someway.

Sometimes waiting won't get you anywhere, you have hope waiting. But you're waiting and NOT doing anything. That's why i like to jump and get things into action and not waste a moment, tings can turn out good or bad, sometimes even uncomprehendable. You know you can't wait but sometimes if you're too much too fast, things turn out weird and awkward. But if you're too little and too late, you lost it all and it's totoally out of your league.
Maybe this is it, i know Mr F will never hear me scream. How dirt falls on my shoulder but i can't seem to push it away. You're one mistake i hope to unravel and erase/delete. This isn't my season.

I'm all out of my own. Be an idiot and leave me alone.

If you're ready to be my everything

It's sick to feel sick. Right now i'm seating, slumped on the chair. Dance was treacherous. Turned and turned till i'm not feeling right in my tummy, i feel like puking everything i ate today. Macoroni soup, chocolate pudding, peach tea, 2 slices of phopiah, bubble tea and dinner meal. Gawd.

Mr F:

I know it's like almost a week but i'm bursting inside to tell you that i need you and want you. So i'm asking you for this chance for us to be together. Don't hesitate, don't hold back, don't any longer alright? I knew if i wait any longer i'm gonna loose you eventually so i'm not gonna be a fool to wait. But i ask myself, do you want me too? Do you really really really want me? If yea, how bad? More than Mr E?
Well as FeFe Dobson would have put it:

And if you're ready to be my everything
If you're ready to see it through this time
And if you're ready for love then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

Go on and go ahead and tell me anything. You're a mystery to me and i have an excitement in discovering it. You're my beautiful stranger. But it's sad to say that you'll never chance upon this post right? It's like this wall where you see me saying hello but inside i'm screaming 'I love you'.
I want you and no one else.