I can start to think already

"I can still remember the first day we smiled and
the first day we spoke. He was so beautiful. Almost unforgettable. I remember he
once saw the exact same perfect sunset as i did despite the distance
apart. I remind myself of it when i look at the texts exchanged and i can't
help but smile. Smile at the promises made , that
perhaps if forever didn't exist, there was still 'always'
to believe in. We shared the strangest most inner comfort of finding
peace in simplicty and to constantly look faith in the eyes. We shared our
thoughts on the beauty of a love so true and so surreal and faced our demons
head on when needed. Such committment and loyalty , together or apart,
i knew it would never break. Those days vividly entwine with the present
and i know it deep within me it will always live. He made me feel like an
honorable victim to my greatest weakness. His words and his touch still bring me
to my knees and i cannot understand my reaction no matter how hard i fight. I
pretend i am no longer affected by it and so i bury myself.I bury myself long
and hard into everything else around me so that reality wouldn't come in touch
with me. I live in my own darkness and i kind of like in there. I think he
knows. I think he knows everything about me . I think he knows that no one else
comes close . I think he knows it is because of him that i believe in forever.
But' i think' is never enough to last. So i try and forget how he used to look
at me with such grace..even till today.The anxiety accumulates when time does
not permit . Only because we choose to live seperate lives. I feel the
anticipation burst in my vessels everytime we meet again although i am not sure
if i am happy this way. I am not sure. I don't know . I think i may have lost
myself somewhere along the way. I always thought i had the right to feel larger
than life itself . I have all these beliefs and truths, but how far have they
fought for me? People may look at me with eyes of a thousand tales . Of how much
they care and believe in me. They speak to me of words filled with angels and
flowers. Words that enhances disappearing and insignificant moments . But then
they forget the important things. But he..he remembers.

You fall in love every once in a while but to fall
truly in love doesn't come easy. I did find it. But i caused for it to walk away
yet he still listens and loves me from afar despite my forceful invitation into
the darkness that i love to abide. He loves me for who i am , even from afar yet
i deemed him to be selfish. How foolish only now to finally see the kindness and
the sincerity he entrusts upon what we have. I vaugely told myself how much more
i wanted but i reckon it was because i was too blind to see. I always had the
best in front of me . I just never knew i did."

-Amanda Sue
Ann

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