Eveel

To: Eevel
There are things you'd love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you'd like to hear it from but don't be deaf to the one who says it with his/her heart. i'm sorry. I knew i should have told you maybe it's just me, maybe i'm like all others just an insensitive motherfucker and i thought i wasn't. Misconceptions are rampant in this worl dove comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed.
To those who still believe even though they've been betrayed and to those who still love even though they've been hurt before: NO one should let your happiness depend on others. That's something i've realised and leant. You know it's true that we don't know what we've got till it's missing but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing till it arrives. But from this i learnt that being stubborn gets you nowhere, sometimes all you need to do is open your ears to those who wish to give you advice and maybe sometimes take that advice and let it sink into your thick skull and shrivelled brain.

Courtesy from Tim Han's blog:
infatuation is marked by insecurity. you're excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. there are nagging doubts, unanswered questions and little bits and pieces of him/her that you would just not examine too closely or it might spoil the dream.love is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. it is real. you are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. miles do not seperate you. you want him nearer but near or far, you now he is yours and you can wait.infatuation says:" We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him/her."love says:" Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."infatuation lacks confidence. when he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. sometimes you check.love means trust. you are calm, secure and unthreatened. he/she feels that trust and that makes he/she even more trustworthy.infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. if you're honest, you'll admit that it's hard to be in one another's company UNLESS you are sure it will end in intimacy.

Well i think i'm sure,actually i AM sure. This time it's true. It's care and concern and wanting to be everything he needs except his lover i feel. Disregard the past few days, I'll be the one you always need. But that's that. We can't. I hope you really understand, you could still lean on me and talk to me about everything under the sun. But i don't think i can't be what you want. I'll light up your days but i can't be that person you are reaching out for. I'm happy when you are but yet again that's that. Confusion is really sucky. it's worse than loneliness. at least when you're lonely you can take that teddy bear and talk to it. or go on the computer and chat. but when you're confused, sometimes no one can make things clearer but yourself. and in those sometimes you get so down and out cos you can't make up your mind and you wish so much you had someone who thinks like you to talk to so you can get some help.sometimes i feel stupid and laugh at the irony of all this. why help sort out other people's lives when you can barely manage your own? many times people help their friends to figure things out and all that crap. why don't they take one step back and take a good look at their lives. maybe then they will see that it's not their friends who need help. it's them. and just as many times when these people actually take a minute to examine themselves, they identify mistakes but refuse to look for solutions because they want to run away from the reality and they want to deny the presence of the problem. they hope that by not rectifying the problem, it'll grow stagnant and die away eventually. Likewise myself for an example.

To the guy i know who'll read this.
i'm sorry if i've disappointed you. but it may be sending you the wrong signals if i'm too close. you know i appreciate you, but i don't feel the special feelings for you and i don't feel connected to you. But i've explained myself, you know i care. You know all these from the deepest pits of my heart i'm telling you. I really care. Maybe if you think it's better i'm out of your life. I'd be more than happy to be. But i'll always be around you to shelter you and catch you before you hit the ground if you fall. i've been here to give you what you want, my time. If i haven't been really taking note of you, i'm sorry. It's my fault. I've shouldn't have lead you to this pithole of mine. And you shouldn't have fell for me ever at all.