The sweeet thing. My sister. She jumped on me to wake me up and asked me what i wanted for breakfast. Scrambled eggs and toast. She willingly made them for me. (: No she's not on drugs nor is she sick. She really loves me, but the ignorant me always chide her away. She looks up to me and at times she wants to be me. Copying every piece and touch up i have. I told her to be herself and she doesn't care. Oh wells. She's growing up really fast. It was like only yesterday she was that cute stout pig-tailed girl all puffed in her autumn coat like a walking cream puff. She was really adorable i swear. I'll post the picture next time to let you all see. Now it's like she wants to be those bitchy girls you see in the u.s at the tender young age of 11. As a big sister, im gonna guide her and help her in life, even when she rejects help, i'm still here.
Even when she gets her first bf and goes on her first date, i'll make sure i'll dress her up and ditto her the do's and dont's. (ERIKA'S STYLE) I don't want her to have too many heartbreaks, and don't lead the love life i once had. To that little girl, i love you. [:
I was thinking of the many things when i travelled to and fro from place to place yesterday, and i caught myself day-dreaming. I was thinking about what a big idiot i was. I'm caught in a pit hole still actually, i've lead the OTHER in, it's been 5 years+ and we're still playing this 'on-off' button game. It's not fun. It's not the same anymore and i want to stop. But Dear Lord why did i take sympathy as a virtue and pour it on you. Now it's hard for me to say that i don't like you just they way i did anymore. Ever since you walked in and out, i couldn't be bothered with you and i did't care who you were to me, but that doesn't mean i stopped caring for you (as a friend). Maybe no one told you that i had my heart broken, ragged, smashed, charred and stolen and that i made a final decision not to fall in love again soo soon. You see i miss Shaun and not you, I still love Shaun and not you. So i visited Anita's blog this afternoon and i saw the reflection of Shaun, he looks gorgeous. He still does to me at least. However i teared because i miss him and im so sorry to say that i love him still. Everyone including Bay said we looked so sweet together. Everyone had faith in me and him, i guess mine was overwhelming.
But this morning, i was hoping that i'd received a message from Shaun. Anything, doesn't have to be sad or happy or angst or emo. As long i saw the name Shaun. It didn;t matter. But no, you didn't even wish us, an unhappy anniversary. BUT that's ogay, i understand. I'm still waiting, i don't want to forget you and i still belive in us 2.
To that other guy:
i'm sorry i shouldn't have led you with me. You shouldn't have dialed my number and talked till morning. I can still hang out with you and go to the studio to hear you play, believe me and trust me i appreciate the music, and i'm all hands in lending you my lyrics. We'll work out how we should really be. As for now, i want you to live up to this day, we can't be the way we were anymore. We were just kids when it all happend and slowly entering into youth . But we're 16 now, reaching to the prime of the matured youth. You're still my punk ass skater looser. [:
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