Once in a while it feels goood to jump and dance around my rooom with my undies and shirt on. I did just that this morning. GAWD, i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the feeling.

Shopping with family and friends. Now a new wardrobe i have, but i still don't feel satisfied. I wonder why.

I feel like having a candle-light dinner or lunch where i can dress up abit.HA Doesn't matter where or when. -HINT HINT-

gawd i'm bored.

Jenn- Yes i remember you! Your number has been saved! HOKIES. (:

Izy- You made sense. Maybe i shut myself out of the world, but i do that for a reason too sometimes. Too let people know what it's like to have something missing when it's gone. Sometimes gone to know it's missing. WELL, we neeeed to have lunch/dinner and talk realllll soon. Maybe you can be that person whom i can have a candlenight dinner/lunch with. (:

Happy is a yuppie word

Jena and Jamie are staying over at my place. Just read them a story and put them to sleeep. Movie and pizza today. [: AND i bought a new navel stud. I LIKE.

Today was a day that i like, where kids like jena and jamie got me occupied till i had to put my own mind aside and focus my attention on them. I love those kids who put a great big smile on my face.

The many things i hate/love december is the pendulum that swings back and forth which is happy to sadness. Funny how one can feel so much on a lovely month of December right? Maybe this isn't my season. It's winter, but it isn't. I'm not gonna give a hoooot about boys from ______. (It's an all boy's school renown for rugby, if you were wondering) Each of them should just fuck off and die. Like burn in hell.

Funny why i can find hope when i'm let down and peace when i'm confused. I learnt the truth today, everyone loves me ONLY when i'm happy. Losers.

HAPPY IS A YUPPIE WORD.

How we fall

Outing with Eagen and his chums. It was the BOMB. And i smoked another 2-3 buds today. Don't ask why.

I'm angry with myself for everything. Why did i bother to dress up for you for Flow? Why did i bother even texting you? Why did i bother to care? Why did i have to fall for you? Yea you were leading me on into something on, but why did i contine following? Cause you were one mistake i REALLY DIDN'T MIND.
THIS IS F-U-C-K. But i'll still go for your soccer match. I hate myself. Thanks for screwing up the joy that i have for Christmas already. Cause now it's pointless and meaninglesss. So what's it gonna be like now?

I won't bother you again. I won't talk to you if it makes you feel even better. I would erase every memory of words we had from my mind. Don't blame me for this. please don't.

I wish an animal would bite me.

You have no idea how much I love you

What I would do for your natural touch

And you have no idea just how I'd hold you

When I am woken from a dream, something bad had happened to us.

I hate you all

I'm crushed and i'm cornering myself. Just leave me alone.

Flow with me

Mel Png- HAHA yes girl. (: see you online.

Woah yesterday was a big thrillllllllllll. Right now it's 6.40 a.m in the morning. I just took a shower and i'm not in bed whereas Chloe is. She's damn cuteee. (: HAA and yes i'm staying over at her place. Dammmmmn fun la. Before that we had a merry good time, goofing about and sorta blaming one another for like the rain and everything. Yeap and ohh i have a new excuse punch line when i drop my things,

'DON'T BLAME ME! BLAME GRAVITY!'

i said that in the bus btw when i was on the way down to town with Chloe to meet the girls. Alright i'll skip to the chase about Flow.

THE WORST PARTY EVER UNDERWENT IN THE ENTIRE PLANET. All my forking out of $78 bucks went down the drain and don't ask me where i got the money. As you know, smooove is a uber small room where house and trance is usually played. But hip hop and Rnb was playing. So it was AHHHMAHHHHHHH GAWD FCUKING CROWDED.
On another note, i made new friends, i caught up with old friends, i settled things with old friends. Shaun Ng, yes my ex was there, kinda decided to be nice, jump up and say hi and all and demanded for my stuff back HAHA, in friendlier way. (:

Anyway, smoked a bit, asked soon leng, asked denny asked 2 stranger, shared them with joy, bay and zachery. HEHE. -beams-

However i miss yesterday still, there was that bit of joy i felt, though i 'emo-ed' for a lil while.

Blogger doesn't want to upload my photos.Check out friendster. Screwww

I love you. I just do ogay.

where thou art erika?

Tag replies:
Anony: HAHA why thanks for spreading your love around. I love you tooo! (:
JI MIN: someone not going for Flow huh?

No i have not been murdered. I was just M.I.A for a small while.

Saturday was a craze, running here and there. Met vict to collect my share of tickets before heading down to town to do EVERYTHING. Did a crazy thing of walking from Lido to P.S, like i always do to meet Chloe and Bay before heading down for service. (: I think Guo is sooo gonna get into trouble. TSK. Gave Sandra's party a miss, cause daddy wanted to pick me up. So i passed my gift to Bay to pass to her. Now i'm hoping that she already gave it. Took the subway down, and texted D all the way. Just hope this is nothing of false hop, again. Or i'll just hang myself. Damn suay when i came home, i fell dead ill.

So sunday i stayed at home, whining and sneezing and coughing and watching t.v and sleeping. And today i feel much better. (:

Flow is tomorrow and my little itty bitty heart is racing! I can't wait to be a naughty girl and seee all my girls and guys as well as D. WHOOOOYEAAA. I'll be staying over at chloe's place. >D

utter

Felicia: Just changed it. Thanks (:

Erika: I'm a born dork.

i was a utter fool all along.

if you're gonna ask me for directons, i might as well ask you to get lost

Sometimes i ask myself, why do i do the things i do? I may never understand the universe, nor will i ever understand myself. It's just too complicating to comprehand i guess.

I was walking out of my house on the way to the bus stop,and planted myself a seat on the bench. It was then i slowly thought about many things but one at a time, a big tear drop fell from the corner of my eye and trickled down to my face and gravity pulled it down on to my jeans. The second came, the third and then the fourth. I knew i was crying for no reason at all. And i teared a little more just cause i couldn't find the reason why i was tearing. My bus came and grungily stepped up and slammed my card on to the tappy machine and stood next to an old aunt. I recollected my thoughts again, i breathed in all but i breathed out a simple gas of carbon dioxide. Nothing. I'm not writing a composition here by the way.

If you're someone who is gonna ask me for directions, i might as well ask you to get lost. (For now? I really don't know and i don't care)
If you're someone who is gonna ask me stupid questions, i might as well ask you to grow up. (Maybe i will.)
If you're someone who is gonna ask what's pain, i might as well ask you to go jump off a bridge.( hmmmmmmmmm)

whatever.I'm NOT emo, i'll hate you if you say i am. I'm going now.

i wish i may, i wish i might.

Behind the girl's mask

Alright, the big papers are over and it's party party party and even more parties. YOWZA.
Today's post is different and it'll be specificallly for girls. However if you're a guy, you COULD continue reading, if you're curious to know what goes one behind the mask of a girl and why she always takes soooooo long to doll up herself. Girls, a big favour for you. This is all the make-up buster 101 for your tips on partying. (: ENJOY.

Nails and hair
-Dark red nail colour is a foolproof shade for the party reason.
-Avoid black nail polish at all cost, unless you are planning to be a goth, join the circus while you're at it.
-No time for manicure? Just make sure nairls are filed neatly(Short is always the best bet, unless you're a cat and you want to dig someone's eyeballs out)and paint over with clear gloss.
-Having a bad hair day on a BIG PARTY NIGHT? Pin it up in a loose bun or tie it into a perky pony tail. The greater part of hairstyles now is that a little messiness and imperfection is trendy. No one would even notice! (:
-Avoid applying products like holding spray or moulding paste (Unless you want a mohawk) to hair roots because you'll risk weighing it down and loosing all the volume.

Eyes and Lips
-Lipstick or gloss won't last long on dry flaky lips sooooo pre-lippy, gently exfoliate lips with either a SOFT toothbrush or wash cloth for about 10 seconds.

-Apply LIP BALM BEFORE LIPSTICK for a moist pout. Use one that isn't too greasy or lip colour will slip off; wait 5 minutes for it to sink in, blot off excess and then apply lip colour.

-Concentrate high shine lip gloss on the central area of the lips to add volume and an incredible plumping effect.

-ALWAYS WANTED STUNNING EYES INSTANTLY? Just line it, curl the lashes and apply a few coats of mascara and PRESTO you're done. [:

-If it's going to be a long night, opt for a waterproof mascara. This will ensure you don't have raccoon eyes by the end of the night.

-To avoid crumpy lashes by the end of the evening, be patient during prep.Let each mascara coat dry before the next application.

-Cream eyeshadows with light shimmer are easier to handle than powders to be honest. Just dab on and blend into skin with fingertips or a brush. If you want a more intense colour, apply more layers. They're foolproof.

Cheeks and skin
- Apply foundation from the middle of the face and outwards so that fine facial hairs on the side won't ve over coated and look conspicious.
-Cream blushers give a more natural glow then liquid ones, to cheeks and aren't as streaky as powder textures.
-Make sure skin is well mositurised before applying foundation so that make up won't look cakey.
-Avoid scrubbing skin too hard with exfoliator just before going out- you'll end up with red or blotchy skin, which is difficult to conceal.
-Want celebrity high cheekbones like Cameron Diaz or Lindasay Lohan or Paris Hilton (I know the last 2 are bitches but eck for abit), dab highlighter very lightly along the top of cheekbones to emphasis the cheek apples.
-Have a big night ahead and need makeup that endures? Spritz a light layer of facial mist over the entire face to set a foundation and powder and to get skin looking naturally flawless. I say spritz NOT wash ahh.
-Never ever trust a foundation for eye concealer, it's the wrong texture to be used and it won't cover properly. A concealer is a concelear, a foundation is a foundation.
-Ever notice how makeup settles and looks natural only after 30 t0 45 minutes? To acheive this effect instantly, rub your hands together really fast untill you feel the heat build up. Then press your hands on cheeks for 5 seconds to let your natural oils come through

Now at one point of time of the night, there will be a big nice mirror on it ayee? So shiny, eve more bling bling then your necklace and diamonds. Carry out powder for touch up, or use powdered paper. Works big time! [:

Have fun looking glamerous girls.

Tag replies
Erika-Hurry? Hurry what? Hurry eat? hurry go to M.o.S?HURRY WHAT?!? HOHO
Ji Min-[:

Temp

I'm finally back from Cheena Land! Pictures are there many, but lazy i am to load them all.
The interesting bits is that i have a pet pig and pet CHICKENSSSS. [:

anyway tag replies first and foremost.
Joy, Sarah, Ji Min and Roy teo heui bao: YES I AM BACK. [: HOHO Thanks for picking me up yesterday at the airport. So can't wait for all the surprises that awaits all of us before the year ends. [:

Zaki:HEY YOU! Oh no worries, you have my msn contact right i thought? Well to find me on friendster is easy, just use the same email add as on msn. (: yeap let's chat up real soooooon.

Alright i neeeed a J-O-B to save me from Seiyu. The conditions of working at Seiyu is a contract that will be terminated on the 31st December and the pay is $4 an hour. Personally i can't commit all the way to the 31st plus the pay is HORRID. And it's a monthly type NOT daily which i like better. OH WELLS.

This is a temporary morning post, i guess i should be saying more later and the days to come.(:

I'd do anything just to have you.

Cheena land

This is my very last post BEFORE I LEAVE FOR CHINA.

Wow, i'm gonna miss a whole lot of people and 1 newbie as well. (: I'm sorry i can't go to M.o.S, Cube, Coco-latte, MoMo or the house party at Nick's place. Gosh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Today was a busy day.
I met ji min to meet her john chng and company to pass tickets and collect money.
Then it was my turn. Stupid Chups was telling me how Leo was suppose to meet but he wouldn't come till later. So i had to 'Borrow' from jims.
Met Deanna, Sarah and joy. Walked here and there. HOHO. What joys. (:
Scooted down to meet chups and dharham.
Sums e whole day basically. (:

Well here are some messages for people before i leave,

Nisha and clique- I'll miss you guys. I GUESS! HAHA. Well stay out of trouble and have fun when i'm away.

JiMin,Joy,Sarah and those going for surge- Hey take care of one another and DO HAVE FUN. Dance for me y'all. I'll miss you all oh so much i swear. I can't wait to come back and hang out.

Chloe-Cheer up PLEASE. Occupy yourself with happy things and thoughts. When i'm back, i'm taking you out!

Guys-Uh, haha i'll catch up with you all when i come back. (:

EltonHappy belated birthday, i've been pretty busy e past few days, forgive me please. But when i'm back, i'll take you out soon. Oh friend! (:

Freddie-I give up on you COMPLETELY. But we're friends of course. I admit i found someone today. I'll tell you more when i come back. (:

Till i come back, i hope things remain the same or some have change. I can't wait!

The outing.

<-Foooling around at toy'sa rus.

<----- Ji min and her boyfriend. I told ji min that if mr chan were to see this. He'd probably say something like this, 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Spidy loves Mr Chan. And Mr Chan loves spidy. HOHO

<----Every once in a while people will surprise you with gifts. ROYTEOHEUIBAO surprised me and jims with chocolate and i was deeply touched. Except mine is a different set then what lousia is holding.

<-----The girls whom i was with yesterday. I love you all i swear to that. (:

this two are called the 'PHONE-ersss' 24/7 hands-ON! or else their hands will ROT and they'll DIE!!!! haha. joking...( as said by joy.)

Pictures taken from Joy's, Ji Min, And Chloe's blog. (:

A life without friends is like the applie pie without the apple or the sweet flavour of it. Sometimes the little stuff friends do, you don't see it nor do you apreciate it, because you're simply to self conceited with yourself hating everyone who wasn't there for you. We can be like that. I was like that. But today's outing made my heart screaming for joy! (:

Read Ji-Min's post http://nutnutsay-lalamamapapaya.blogspot.com she sums it all cause i was with her. HAHA Go ask her why the weird url. HOHO. I love you all. (:

I can't wait for tomorrow's outing!

Give up

If only i could see you, i'll memorise your face.
And if i could give you one kiss, i'll never forget the taste.

I had lunch with nisha at United Square. Nothing significant, but i was glad i met her and i could talk to her. (: Time spent with you is always fun.

I managed to catch up with a good friend online today and told him/her a little situation. Him/her being a self proclaimed guru, laughed and said 'Erika, you're still the same kid i know huh? Love is everything to you.' We talked and talked and he/she told me that the decision was really up to me in the end. But giving up can be another option.

We're both looking at the same side of the moon

Lunch at Laveena's place was fabulous. I thoroughly enjoyed the meal served. Thanks so much for the sweet, the meal.(:
Alright none of you would belive what i'm listening to now. Christmas songs. Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and all the works. Wow i'm sooooooo early huh? But on the other note, my heart is racing up and down because i can't wait for Christmas to come. It's probably the only Holiday where i get all happy and jumpy and excited. I can't wait for Christmas! Though how asians celebrate Christmas is WAY OUT different from the way The U.S. I miss spending Christmas there yes, but i'll love to celebrate the occasion with any love one. Christmas is the spirit of love and giving. (: (It's even my turn to do the turkey this year!And i know the EXACT recipe to roast the perfect one!)Haha there's defitnetly a small party at my place as the usual as every year, ANYONE can come. It's the only day we open our house to strangers and neighbours and celebrate this day. Watch out for an invitation coming to you soon. [:

To F the Fish,
hey i'm glad you called me on Sunday. I don't know if you know how much joy it brought me. Though i didn't expect the question. I am an i am not. I hope that answers to that bit of your question. Wow, how have you been i wonder? Do you think about me? Do you wonder if i'm alright? I really wonder. There are like a million and one things i wanna tell you and ask you, but i hope i can squeeze into your time and hope you would listen to me. Woud you? I am flying off this very saturday at 8.am. Which means i have to be there at 6 a.m. You know there's no doubt that i would think of you at least once a day, before i go to bed, i wake up, i'm on the bus, i'm eating, bathing. (Alright to me that sums up all to one la).
Everyone hates pain, everyone hates getting their heart broken. Me and you are part of the everyone as well. Well i'm running out of things to say but i'll leave you with what i've penned down,

Don't turn your laughing eyes away.
You know I love you.
There's no need to be afraid,
Hearts are made to be broken,
They get stronger by the day .
I'll take a chance and drop all my defenses
Just to hear you say,
I love you .

So tonight,
I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars.
There's a chill within the air,
It makes my heart long for your touch .
You may be miles away.
But as I kneel to pray,
I see the same side of the moon,
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue,
And know that time and space can't come between me and you.
We share the same side of the moon.
And though you'll never see all my tears shine throughI know I can't be that far from you,
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.




i miss you.

Mexican Wrestler

And it's almost a week plus and you haven't even called. I'm flying off soon, well saturday to be exact. I'm starting work soon to keep my mind in the air floating just to forget everything. I've been writing new songs, some i love, some i crash it into a ball and throw it out of the window instead. Sometimes i write about you. But i guess you'll never hear any of them. So like just give me a sign a message a friend a letter a SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

Sometimes I wish that I was an angel
A fallen angel who visits your dreams
And in those dreams I'd blow you a message that says
You really want me

Sometimes I wish that I was a wrestler a Mexican wrestler
In a red vinyl mask and I might grab you and body slam you
And maybe cause physical harm
When we would laugh I might take pity on you
I could crack all your ribs but I cant break your heart

You will never love me
And this I cant forgive
That you will never love me
As long as I will live

i don't want to be a dummy, dummy.

Official last day of headstart programme was today.
Ditched dance for the whole season, HOORAAY!
Went to Maimunah's place to watch this really really goood Hindi Movie (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna) and eat Hari-Raya kueh.
Then we went down to bugis for a job interview, and i kinda got the job but the final decision lies with me, i guess that's ogay.

The job i'm in is in customer service. So i'll be meeting alot of difficult people. I didn't like the way the boss said that the CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. It's utter bull. Sometimes customers which are EVERYONE should take a step back and put themselves in the shoes of the person serving them. It's not easy to be them and i'll be taking my own medicine. Not that i have ever been rude to the people serving me, but i guess it'll be loads of fun to come back and blog about the people i encounter and i observe. What fun shit. But the stuff i'm doing can be either mundane or boring. Oh wells.

I'm not emo. I AM NOT EMO. I DON'T LOOK EMO. I DON'T FEEL EMO. I DON'T LISTEN TO EMO. I DON'T WEAR EMO. I DON'T TALK EMO. I AM NOT AN EMO. >:[

But come to think of it, behind my smile is an emotion no one can ever understand nor can i describe. I was kinda hit by about a slight situation yesterday. I hate my life thanks to all 3 of them. Maybe autumn wasn't just my season.

I won't give up on you if you won't give up on me

I wrapped today's post with the title, 'I won't give up on you if you give me up on me.' Yea and some had to re-read that line 3 times. Nevermind that. Today's post tell's it all. On love, friendship.

On friendship:

A friend amongst the clique showed up one day in class with attitude, however you notice her face is filled with bitterness, sadness, and tiredness as well. You and everyone asked her how is she? She pushes away you guys and she just says 'i don't want to talk about it.' Now many of you would leave her alone and can't be bothered since she is in errrrrrr this state?
Then phone call with her, you defend and she oppose, but a single sentence within the 3 of you changes the whole setting of the situation. Guilt-ridden? I guess that's how all of us should feel now. No one wins, no one loses. Everything remains the same. Everyone feels the same, except the victim in the case who should feel more.

But the message was clear, we won't give up on her if she not ONLY give up on us and herself as well. The case has come to an end.

On love:

It's been 5 days since we spoke, we hardly talk. He hardly replies my messages. I find it funny you see. He complains to me about the lack of messages and talks we have. But i don't even hear a reply when i BOTHER to message. Why so? If any of you have been wondering WHO THE HELL I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS, it's a guy called (I won't say which freddie) AH EM
Freddie,
I'm still wondering what is it really gonna be in the end? He told me that he wanted, in my heart i was screaming i wanted him too. But my stupid mouth shut me off and i had no idea why? It does feel like he's giving up or am i just imagining things cause his dear darling O's are here to take over. I'm relying on the first. But still, i'm holding on. Yet am i holding on to something hopeless? Again, i rest my case here.

Are you ever gonna be real to me

Chem. practical was NOSE-taking. Ammonia solution took away my oxygen. I guess we were all pretty terrified anyway. Ji-Min accidentally spilled the bottle of copper II sulphate in the sink cause Laveena tipped it over. About ¼ left. But I guess it was fun. (:

Headed to Mac’d with Jims and FUNida and Cassandra. Jeric was there to ‘study’. Told him something, ASSHOLE wasn’t much of a great help. -_- I guess this time everyone is backing out to let me figure it out on my own. Dance was dance. And I’ve been included in SYF. –Throws ballet slippers to Mrs Tan-

Alright, so I’m like asking all to forgive myself of my ‘what seem to everyone my emo and angst self’. I’m NOT. I repeat NOT EMO OR ANGST. It’s irritating I swear to hear people say ‘why so emo?’ and another thing ‘Are you alright? Are you ogay?’ It’s getting to bug me. I don’t know which part of me shows signs that I’m not ogay. Oh and the ‘I have a stomach’ and they point and pinch out all the fats which is NATURAL to have. It’s dumb to say ‘I have a stomach’ and you want to get rid of it. Take a look at this situation.

-girl walks to the mirror and pinches her stomach-
SCREAMS
‘I’VE GOT A STOMACH! I DON’T WANT!’

I’m like Obviously you HAVE a stomach. Then what the hell is that thing between your esophagus and the small intestine (colon). It’s dumb, EVERYONE has a stomach even Tyra Banks have a stomach. So don’t scream, ‘I’ve got a stomach!’ When you actually do have a stomach. Like gawd. Then how the hell do you digest foood. L

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?
Everything to me

HEH

This is damnn random i swear but i smell like pepperroni pizza. Pizza's hut pepperoni pizza! HOHO no i didn't eat any pizza.

So when i told everyone that my white shiny ass is gonna be at Cheena land from 18th-25th NOVEMBER, e reply i got was 'SHANG-HAI?' I mean what's up with Shanghai man? I am going to HAI-NAN and HONG-KONG. I discovered from my grand-father that my sister and my presence is needed in his village and are waiting eagerly to greet us. Heard that grand-father's family owns alot of land. Rich? AHHHHH hidden riches he said. They even have a pet pig and chicken. WOAH. I'm gonna be living in a farm. So imagine Haylie duff and Hilary duff's 'Material girls' but Singapore version!

It's be a blockbuster! HAHA. But then i'm coming home with the pictures, funny and happy and more about my unknown family i knew that ever existed.

Well well, let's see here. Many said i lost weight. -smiles-

MMMMMMMM i love today's outing with Mai and her mmmmmmm, secret admirer? HAHA MIMI! SULAIMI! [: HOHO
I love life. I love my friends. (:

well my friend E___N,

I'm sorry for being such a bitch in today's earlier post, but here's where i wreathe down all my pent up frustration. I don't mind if you hate me, i never asked to be loved. I'm sorry alright. You have every right to blame me. Indeed it was such a sweet post till the end it didn't taste sweet at all, it was bitter. I'm a girl who needs to be fixed up badly who needs to pick up things in life and piece them up, however when i do it, it falls back to where it is, the ground. Well the fact is simple now, if you want me out of your life, i'll be more than happy to be. But i won't forget that tall barker kid who was always so nice to me and treated me like a someting. This is not just only my disaster, it's all of ours. But we're doing the greatest thing by walking away and pretending NOTHING ever happend. Leaving it to be stagnant so that it will die off is what we're all gonna see or feel. I'm sorry if i brought you down like that on my post, but enough is enough, i hate hurt, i hate breaking hearts, i hate hating as well. You're a sweet kid i hope you know that. However you knew and everyone knew that it was my decision and a decision for it not to be regretted. I didn't want to live with another regret. I'm choking on my words now and for this i hope it makes you grin and snigger. Watch me fall, you're seeing it all now. I'm sorry kay? I thoght you were like the others, wrong or correct, i shouldn't have anyhow jumped into my own conclusions. You can choose not to forgive me, it's up to you, i don't want to decide on anything anymore. I'm just muttering sorry and that's all i have to say cause i have NOTHING to say. I'm sorry elton. I'm sorry elton loh. I'm sorry for it all.

UCK

I guess it really lies with me this time round. I'm totoally lost in all directions and all i needed was a hand to help me, but i wasn't offered any, and maybe that's why i dare not asked.

I didn't cry, though it felt like having a tongue piercing, navel, eyebrow, lip, neck and tatoo piercing done ALL IN ONE. The pain is unspeakable and i can't comprehend it, i feel it but i don't know how to react to it. School has been a fucking waste of my time, primarily because i go around acting like i'm some happy kid.









Stay away from me if you want, i don't really care wether if you're gonna be here to stay or go, don't give me bull like 'awww erika, i'm here for you .' So let me ask, where exactly were you when i needed any of you? Call me selfish, but it's a fact and i see it happening. You disappear and then come as and when you think you should, it's like when i'm happy any of you would come and hang out with me, but when i'm down and being sinked down to my own quick-sand you all disperse and leave me to drown. Like i said before, IF NO ONE WAS MEANT TO STAY, THE NONE OF YOU SHOULD HAVE STEPPED INTO MY LIFE. Don't tell me ' you understand me.' Crapshit

To the both misters,
I'd die to read BOTH your fucking minds just so i don't have to sit around and think too much like how E___n always say i do. I wish i could be the one telling you both it was never real. But i guess it's simply too late to turn back now.

God, why did i ever allow the both of you to enter my life when i KNEW one of you would make it crappy, but NO, instead BOTH of you made it doubly crappy.
To the tall one or aka E___N, i THOUGHT you could be the one, but hell wrong was i when you didn't tell me you talked to the other one. What you did to brainwash him is none of my business, but thanks anyway. Now it's all fucked up. That's why i said mercifully backstabbed and betrayed. When you said you gave up, don't be a dick and come back crawling like you did, cause it actually ruined everything.
I'm going to tell all for once and for all, since it is gonna end tonight.
You're a bastard i swear to that. And yes i chose him instead over you, but thanks anyway for proving yourself to be a wondeferul and marvellous friend you are. Now fuck away, cause i can't fucking stand it when you're around anymore. FUCK YOU.

To the suave one or aka F_____E, gawd and it was you whom i chose. YOU. I depict that you don't give a damn anymore, i guess amongst the 3 of us none of us would anymore. I hope you have a wonderful time going around destructing hearts just like you did to mine, but when you get yourself into a sweet tragedy i won't be around. I gave myself in to curosity, but i guess curosity kills the cat, in this case the cat is me. Don't ever speak to me, don't ever see me, don't ever talk to me, don't ever dance with me, don't ever acknowledge me cause this time round i seriously can't fucking stand it when you're around anymore.

SCREW YOU WORLD

Be an idiot and leave me alone

I think there's something wrong going inside my body. I have been sleeping excessively and i've been eating less and less. On some days it's none. Some exclaimed i've lost weight. Whatever it is, there's something wrong, i just know it. I'm right. I have to be this time round.

I seriously don't know what's going on with me.

I'm sucha mother fucking clueless idiot. I'm getting a little agitated on things and on people but i can't help it, however thankfully i don't show it either. At least that's something that hasn't changed. My chest is tightening and it feels like i'll breakdown somehow, sometime soon, somewhere, someday, someway.

Sometimes waiting won't get you anywhere, you have hope waiting. But you're waiting and NOT doing anything. That's why i like to jump and get things into action and not waste a moment, tings can turn out good or bad, sometimes even uncomprehendable. You know you can't wait but sometimes if you're too much too fast, things turn out weird and awkward. But if you're too little and too late, you lost it all and it's totoally out of your league.
Maybe this is it, i know Mr F will never hear me scream. How dirt falls on my shoulder but i can't seem to push it away. You're one mistake i hope to unravel and erase/delete. This isn't my season.

I'm all out of my own. Be an idiot and leave me alone.

If you're ready to be my everything

It's sick to feel sick. Right now i'm seating, slumped on the chair. Dance was treacherous. Turned and turned till i'm not feeling right in my tummy, i feel like puking everything i ate today. Macoroni soup, chocolate pudding, peach tea, 2 slices of phopiah, bubble tea and dinner meal. Gawd.

Mr F:

I know it's like almost a week but i'm bursting inside to tell you that i need you and want you. So i'm asking you for this chance for us to be together. Don't hesitate, don't hold back, don't any longer alright? I knew if i wait any longer i'm gonna loose you eventually so i'm not gonna be a fool to wait. But i ask myself, do you want me too? Do you really really really want me? If yea, how bad? More than Mr E?
Well as FeFe Dobson would have put it:

And if you're ready to be my everything
If you're ready to see it through this time
And if you're ready for love then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

Go on and go ahead and tell me anything. You're a mystery to me and i have an excitement in discovering it. You're my beautiful stranger. But it's sad to say that you'll never chance upon this post right? It's like this wall where you see me saying hello but inside i'm screaming 'I love you'.
I want you and no one else.

A thousand miles

I titled my post as A Thousand Miles, most of you would link it too White Chicks but nooooo ah!



Life is a mystery to me at times, the more you unravel the things you should unravel it can be a blessing or a curse. The miles i walk in life can calculate what my life would be like in the end. But i hope everyone of you picture as yourself as a priceless work of art, no soul or power can ever buy. But many of you beg to differ. (:

I would like to ask you, my readers, what the feeling is like to be falling in love? Is it something really good? Or is it something you have to keep caution about?

You see i'm stuck in a lovely situation, aka a dilema. There are things you would love to hear, but it turns out to be all sticky. There's a goood side and bad side to everyone, not all that is good is bad and not all that is bad is good. But where did this sources come from and where did they get their information?

• People hear it from other people. Assumptions.
• People see it and become all stereo typical. Misjudgements.
• Like the game broken telephone, a piece of information is missing. Miscomunication
• Words get around. People start talking. Rumors
  

This 4 traits tarnishes the images and destroy's anything that's beautiful.
And so that's what i got. Sad isn't it. I've made up my mind, but i know it's fast. So i'm still thinking and idling away wondering and doing self meditation like a rock. ( Do rocks even meditate? Wait i'm NOT stoning ahh!!) Can someone really really tell me something i would love to hear?

I guess this is it. I'm by myself in the end of the day to think about it. It's my decision and how it affects my life is also how i'm gonna be happy about it. Well then, i guess i'll go up to my roof top terrace and do a little thinking. Till tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed today's post.

Cont'd from yesterday's post.

Well soo me and alex went to linn's sweet 16 party at fort canning park. Met jeric and soon leng first, before the rest came, was properly introduced to jeremy, derek and leon, joshua and the list continue. Waited for alex's ex primary school mate, ailin kea. The night was pretty much more of dancing, with RnB and hip-hop. Not what i expected either. The night was pretty young.
Danced with some ij girls who were really nice sweet pies. Santos was there so whoopeeedoo.
Danced with errrr elton and freddie. I think i've said too much. What happend there, REMAINS there. Those who were there knew what happend. I:

So on friday i overslept because i talked tooo someone from 12a.m to 7a.m. Longest i ever talked in the phone without a wink of sleep. I didn't go to the beach in the end, instead i hung out with _________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________ and ________. I wish i was sober for a moment and i can just wake up realising nothing happend. But i guess it's reality that stayed with me.

this time round, i'm speechless i swear i am. But i hope you won't judge me upon the decisions that i make sometimes, if you ever do, then you're brain dead. Sometimes things happens, and yes that includes shit. However, how one wants to lead his/her life, is his/her decision on how he/she choose to live it. I live mine to the extreme not wanting to live it with regrets, even if there were, there's joy in it. I'm erika. Please don't judge, just learn and explore.

i must be crazy i swear.

Linn's party yesterday. I have alot to talk about.
Party was pretty alright, hell alot of people i knew over there, alex came. Yeaaa we were the only 2 from St Marg's.

Alright i'll stop. I swear im dammmn tired

Well. Today was a slush. I lived a day of a typical couch potato i eat, watch t.v, sleep and chat on-line. Alright so today i've decided to talk about fashion. (:

What to wear on your date?
Now i know there's no reason why to freak out when you open your closet and you discovered something. You have absolutely nothing to wear or NO idea what to wear. Well i know for sure, i won't be there to rescue you, nor calling would help. So here's some pointers.

1. Wearing jeans or skirts? Sure no problem, but the top you want to wear should stand out and match the bottom. A shirt, may or may not be ideal it depends, sure i know that comfort is a factor but presenting and carrying yourself is another. A halter, a tube, a toga, or whatever. You know, for this i'll leave it for you to use your imagination and creativity.
2. Don't EVER EVER wear mis-match colours, i'll kill you.
3. Don't wear tooooo formal or tooooo slack either.
4. Accessorize, please do.
5. Do the hair, is a check.
6. Shoes HAVE to match what you're wearing.

Oh right, sure they help huh? Well basically i encourage all daters and datees to use your own imagination and create a style of your own, leave me a tag or add me on msn ERIKA

Well. Today was a slush. I lived a day of a typical couch potato i eat, watch t.v, sleep and chat on-line. Alright so today i've decided to talk about fashion. (:

What to wear on your date?
Now i know there's no reason why to freak out when you open your closet and you discovered something. You have absolutely nothing to wear or NO idea what to wear. Well i know for sure, i won't be there to rescue you, nor calling would help. So here's some pointers.

1. Wearing jeans or skirts? Sure no problem, but the top you want to wear should stand out and match the bottom. A shirt, may or may not be ideal it depends, sure i know that comfort is a factor but presenting and carrying yourself is another. A halter, a tube, a toga, or whatever. You know, for this i'll leave it for you to use your imagination and creativity.
2. Don't EVER EVER wear mis-match colours, i'll kill you.
3. Don't wear tooooo formal or tooooo slack either.
4. Accessorize, please do.
5. Do the hair, is a check.
6. Shoes HAVE to match what you're wearing.

Oh right, sure they help huh? Well basically i encourage all daters and datees to use your own imagination and create a style of your own, leave me a tag or add me on msn ERIKA

take me away

Tag replies:

Ben: HAHA yes ben i know you're always here, that's why you live oh so darn near me too. Block head! HAHA It's not that fun with the o level dudes/dudettes taking their shit as well. It's boring, not much fun you know what i'm saying?

Who gives a shit: I don't accept hostile and unfriendliness here, ben is not laughing at you, he doesn't have a clue on who the hell are you, but I DO. I'm sorry that this went all the way, but you don't vent frustration on my tag nor my friends thank you. And like i said, i'm still here aren't i to shelter you before you hit the ground? Why can't we be friends? Sigh, i'll explain more when i post for today.

Erika: HOHO. We're all young and reckless and full of happiness. Yes my dear chum, we shall enjoy life while it last, aren't we suppose to anyway?

Sophie: My, my, my. Thou shall have no fear, for Gandhi whose actual name is erika will spare you from thy evil plots of thee fans of sg Idol. [:

Saturday's outing was a craze, had some things to do in the morning and i rushed down to meet joy, amanda bay, van and jia man at wheelock. Headed for service, am i ever glad to be in the sanctuary, for there i found my hiding place. The cell went to Terminal 2 of Changi airport to grab some chow, while i headed down to Orchard to meet Khai, Tiang Sian and Terence, waited for some time and i was getting pissed. But it all changed when i had a brief conversation with a kind stranger.

Stranger: ' Getting frustrated over waiting for someone or are you waiting for no reason?'
Erika: -looks left and right- 'OH, well im getting frustrated over waiting for someone, well what about you?'
Stranger: 'Well i can't be waiting like an idiot for no reason.'
Erika: -smiles- 'Right, the oblivious'
Stranger: 'Who are you waiting for?'
Erika: 'My friends'
Stranger: 'The occasion?'
Erika: '________________'
Stranger: Oh my what a day.'

He asked if i was mix blooded, and i told him i was japansese and HE was from myanmar studying at SIM, he wondered how old was i and i replied 16 and still schooling, guess he got quite a shock as he said i didn't look a bit of a 16 year old, asked where i studied and wether or not i like the education. He's a nice chap, though he does resemble Pierre Png.He left first and we shook hands and exchanged ONLY names, he's roy. And i continued waiting.
When the group came, i stormed out of the mrt and headed for home, wasn't happy but they apologised but still i wasn't happy, i didn't want to spend the _____________ like this afterall.

However, i don't understand why Singaporeans can't have an openminded, a kind stranger who talked to me made my day and made me smile, instead of the usual ' SIAO! Don't know this stranger, yet chee ko peh me by talking to me, KNN.' Wow. What friendly characters, i don't know HOW the hell we ever got the most friendliest and courteous award, well at least im satisfied to see that we're in the bottom of the 'Most courteous counrty' we really don't deserve it. But maybe it's just us or yet even the world, NO ONE wants to be nice anymore. So screw it.

To that guy who WILL read this:
So i guess you've decided to shut up and chide away this shit, thinking eventually that it will die huh? Don't be a looser please. I'm not scolding you. But i don't see why should you? You don't deserve this, i don't see us in the future you see. I don't think you should deserve a girl like me. However please don't blame it on yourself, i have my reasons too, but i guess i should be honest with you and not lie right?

1. I confess, what you wore on thursday, turned me off totoally. The mohawk did not go well with the clothings, It wasn't what i had in mind and what i accepted either.
2. Talking about jocks, i don't hang out with them, i just happend to know them, to heck with them it's not like their the OC, seriously, they aren't popular, bring those kids to the U.S and you'll be lucky enough to hear them being labelled as theee 'WANNABEES' or worst 'OUTCAST'.
3. The way you approach the situation, it wasn't romantic either.
4. I'm bewildered at how you ditch the ex for me, it's cruel, it's absurd and i'm not some other alternative. I'm not a chick who you can just chuck aside.
5. I hate the fact that you're so full of yourself.
6. This is connected to 4, and this 2 maybe the largerst portion that shares the reason. I don't know how you could ever be infatuated and think of it as love. IF infatuation were ever love, then what is love? Sex? I don't think so. What do you take me for? A slut, bitch, idiot? Idiot maybe, but i'm not that stupid and i'm dumb as well. Don't ever underitimate me. I said this to the others now i say to you, i'm capable of many things. Just don't push the buttons. When you finally fall in love, tell me, i'll be totoally happy for you and i'll take you out on ice-cream.
I guess that's that. I know it's mean, but that's how i learnt and what i undergone, i'm not gonna neglect you or shut you out of my life and i hope you won't do the same.

( I remembered about talking about some fashion bits and pieces of advices on what to wear to a date, however i'll spray more about it tomorrow)

So maybe i'm going out with a guy tomorrow, it's a date i know, but i see nothing else, he wants to hang out and catch me up on things, i'm absolutely vouching for that.

Eveel

To: Eevel
There are things you'd love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you'd like to hear it from but don't be deaf to the one who says it with his/her heart. i'm sorry. I knew i should have told you maybe it's just me, maybe i'm like all others just an insensitive motherfucker and i thought i wasn't. Misconceptions are rampant in this worl dove comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed.
To those who still believe even though they've been betrayed and to those who still love even though they've been hurt before: NO one should let your happiness depend on others. That's something i've realised and leant. You know it's true that we don't know what we've got till it's missing but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing till it arrives. But from this i learnt that being stubborn gets you nowhere, sometimes all you need to do is open your ears to those who wish to give you advice and maybe sometimes take that advice and let it sink into your thick skull and shrivelled brain.

Courtesy from Tim Han's blog:
infatuation is marked by insecurity. you're excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. there are nagging doubts, unanswered questions and little bits and pieces of him/her that you would just not examine too closely or it might spoil the dream.love is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. it is real. you are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. miles do not seperate you. you want him nearer but near or far, you now he is yours and you can wait.infatuation says:" We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him/her."love says:" Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."infatuation lacks confidence. when he's away, you wonder if he's cheating. sometimes you check.love means trust. you are calm, secure and unthreatened. he/she feels that trust and that makes he/she even more trustworthy.infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. if you're honest, you'll admit that it's hard to be in one another's company UNLESS you are sure it will end in intimacy.

Well i think i'm sure,actually i AM sure. This time it's true. It's care and concern and wanting to be everything he needs except his lover i feel. Disregard the past few days, I'll be the one you always need. But that's that. We can't. I hope you really understand, you could still lean on me and talk to me about everything under the sun. But i don't think i can't be what you want. I'll light up your days but i can't be that person you are reaching out for. I'm happy when you are but yet again that's that. Confusion is really sucky. it's worse than loneliness. at least when you're lonely you can take that teddy bear and talk to it. or go on the computer and chat. but when you're confused, sometimes no one can make things clearer but yourself. and in those sometimes you get so down and out cos you can't make up your mind and you wish so much you had someone who thinks like you to talk to so you can get some help.sometimes i feel stupid and laugh at the irony of all this. why help sort out other people's lives when you can barely manage your own? many times people help their friends to figure things out and all that crap. why don't they take one step back and take a good look at their lives. maybe then they will see that it's not their friends who need help. it's them. and just as many times when these people actually take a minute to examine themselves, they identify mistakes but refuse to look for solutions because they want to run away from the reality and they want to deny the presence of the problem. they hope that by not rectifying the problem, it'll grow stagnant and die away eventually. Likewise myself for an example.

To the guy i know who'll read this.
i'm sorry if i've disappointed you. but it may be sending you the wrong signals if i'm too close. you know i appreciate you, but i don't feel the special feelings for you and i don't feel connected to you. But i've explained myself, you know i care. You know all these from the deepest pits of my heart i'm telling you. I really care. Maybe if you think it's better i'm out of your life. I'd be more than happy to be. But i'll always be around you to shelter you and catch you before you hit the ground if you fall. i've been here to give you what you want, my time. If i haven't been really taking note of you, i'm sorry. It's my fault. I've shouldn't have lead you to this pithole of mine. And you shouldn't have fell for me ever at all.

I want the final blow

''Wherever you go, there you are''

Buckaroo Bonzai

Obviousness i know.

I still can't erase today and i know i can't chuck it somewhere in the back or the corner of my mind. I'm still having a few butterflies in my belly. I still can remember the way it was.

• Rushed home, stopped halfway dead on my tracks to discover i was panting and breathing in an uncomfortable way.
• I felt uncomfortable.
• Bathed, changed. Took almost about an hour cause i repeatedly change outfits cause i was asking my sister to judge.
• Grabbed whatever i could. I took a bus and i went down to meet ______.
• Had a mohawk, 2 nipple piercings, a tatoo. 1 accomplishment for an 18 year old i respect.
• Had alot on my mind. Bumped into many people.
• Watched 'death-note'. Thoughts were interupted during a commercial because of err something.
• Loved the movie. Didn't like the position i was sitting on. Too fidgety. Tummy rummbled. But i wasn't hungry.
• SOOOO MANY people called and texted while i was watching

I don't know how to summarise it all, bits and pieces are missing but that's what i can think of in general. The movie was wonderfully directed. I very much adored it. Gawd im so proud of my japanese culture. [:

I guess i'm confused, but i'm mumbling to myself, close to chanting, 'I'm sorry you like me. I'm sorry but i don't want to know what the end will be. I'm sorry you were just a friend'. I can't belive im trembling now, because im scared. I will have to fib, but i know it's a sin and i shouldn't. But i'll say from this start, i'm sorry i HAVE to lie. I know i will be living a lie, it's stupid enough. Knowing that at the end of the roads i will gain will be nothing, it's gonna hurt me one way. Believe me. I guess by now you want the answers to all the questions you've been asking. If you just read my blog once more and see this, i know i have so much explanation to do. But what you are about to see and hear is probably just gonna shut you off from me. I'll be wishing soon that i can have things down the better way. I'll be sorry to you.
You can hate me and if you'll ever want me out of your life, i'll be more than happy to. Right now i'm crying like some mad fuck.

Friend and Foe

-On the other hand, it hit me on my brain this afternoon. Call it pmsing or what, but no one fucking understands that i always wanted to BE there but i never once failed to feel temporary as a friend. I'm weak inside althought i act so brave and strong. I'm sick of the one way ticket rides that i'm on alone. Most people i know, come and go just as you want. You disappear and then come as and when you think you should again. I had to understand that every single one of you has other friends and a boyfriend and at times when i needed you it WAS OKAY for you all to NOT make time but when it came to me? I'm sick of this whole impression when it was meant to be true right at the beginning. IF NO ONE WAS MEANT TO STAY, THEN NONE OF YOU SHOULD HAVE STEPPED INTO MY LIFE.

-Do most of you believe that God was cruel enough to give us eyes? Because of this wondeful body part, we choose not to listen. And because of this, people SAY they forgive, but how many choose to forget?I can see the pain in you actually T, im not as blind as you think i am, though even a blind man can still feel and here but that doesn't add up to why he can't really see. He does. Back, to me and i can see the love in you. If i was to give in, and give it up i'd make it deep cause it might be the last one you get. For the first time, you've got me worrying bout the things that could make us cold before i fall into a place that fails us all inside. I've never felt so unable and uneasy. All i hope is no one get's hurt, i don't get hurt. Im sincerely lost in all directions DEEP DOWN INSDE ACTUALLY.
I hate the fact that i know that ________ is checking me out and digging me ( i sound like a pimp) Im scared to know if i find that the truth is that im the one that is on your mind.
I find it funny like how out of a sudden your friend/ex bf suddenly comes up to you and tell you you're beautiful and then you start to have a few chats and the next thing you know he's down on his knees telling you he has fallen head over heels. GET REAL please and tell me the truth guys of what made you suddenly feel this way. If it's the looks, i'd ask you to burn in hell and choke on happiness next. I hate that feeling because it's the part of the guy where they will toy with the lady's feelings. Fags you are. I want to know what the secret is. Stop hiding the balls.
It's not fun.

To:
JOY: HAHA! CHEE KO PEI! PEI KO CHEE! Like i said, they're jealous that i have something they will never have. [:
-salutes back- respect respect. BEHOLD THE MAGNIFICANT C! -jumps around and holds flag-

EVEE!: Oh speaking of mohawk, i respect people who dare to wear. Now that's true style.

-I thought going to school today would be a joy, HELL WAS I WRONG. I got ticked by Karen Tay and Jean Tan for having UNTIDY HAIR. I was like WTF, it's not as if i carry a mirror infront of my face 24/7 and i have the chance of going to the toilet to check my hair. Now here it shows im not a vain pot like all the other pots in school. -smiles with gleee- But to add to the sorrow, i've been called back to comeback for dance. BUMMER! I was like 'SHIT THIS I don't need this now.' Damn fuck la. Screwed up weird school. And I was at the pond with Mai and Lav on the way out of the gates, when we realised that a number of koi fishes went hiding. Truth turned out to be that they all died. Die? Die of what?
And mai said: 'Probably they died of all the stress Mrs Tan gave.'
-kicks school gate-
you probably didn't get the joke, but that's ogay.

-SO when i was on my way back home from TPY, a group of ij TP girls, assuming sec 2's due to the maturity level. HELL and all i wanted was a little peace and quiet. I can't stand the way the bitch about everything under the sun, fucking irritating voices. And their vocab was patethicly ridiculous. Now please don't judge me here that i hate IJ TP people, to hell with you if you do. I love my IJ FRIENDS and i love them just the way they are, maybe because we're all 16 and we've grown out of the ludacris stage. You know who you are girls, Claudia Phuah, Ailiin Phua, Anastasia Takahashi, Venelyn Ong, Humairah, Nicole......(i forgot her last name, but i know she's eurasian)Prisca and well the others who i haven't mention, i LOVE you. (: But you know me if you're cocky and immature, screw you!

buy a life

I get to think that people can be just people. A person = a person. If many of you are not open minded, i advise you not to carry on reading and conclude here. But if you aren't, well then carry on to trail down.

So i wore a top, and yes i repeated and outfit, there's nothing wrong about 'out-fit repeating'. Unless you're a celebrity where the media is on your case 24/7, that differs. Most of you know the low cut caftan i have, bluish-green with leafy like prints, well i wore that today to Vivo city to meet up with Fariza, Nisha and Terence. Well i couldn't care less with the countless of stares i received, cause of the low cut caftan which exposes my cleavege. I admit i have a big and well dare to say hot cleavege, reason being is because erika is busty. YES I AM! And i don't have a problem with that, i like it just the way it is, if it gets any bigger well i thank the Lord above because He created me this way and i'm NOT gonna do anything about it.

However some of you beg to differ, because you're conservative or you just don't have a sense of fashion. Either both ways, it's a sad thing how these 2 catergorised people are locked from the outside world, well being open minded is not a sin. You see it on the streets, you see it everywhere. The showing of affection from teens in public places to talking out loud. It's not a sin. But people people people people are like going nuts about this. Unlike the U.S and France, EVERYONE is openminded and i love it. Kissing passionately under the eifel tower to picnicing infront of the Abraham Lincoln,
In any case any of you ask who the hell is he. He was the 16th president of the U.S who led the country during civil war but later died from assasination at Ford's theatre. And this is from the brain of mine, nothing was searced.
So i laugh at your face if you're those 2. And some words, Go and get or buy a life.

One idol of mine who is not afraid of what the world thinks of herself is Dita Von Teese. I'm not gonna tell you about her. Be productive and go search it for yourself. I just admire her especially for her looks, that look that came from the era of Audrey Hepburn. SIGH.

She was a little girl

My child hood. 

Pictures by joy. Credits to joy
The on in that blue shawl is me. HAHA. Whatever you say Joy. (:












Mom left for Korea yesterday, and surprisingly i teared abit. I miss that bit of her whereby she would be screaming at us or just calling our names and treating us like little 'Maria's' despite we already have a maid. It's boring and nothing to me when she comes back with all the Aramni Exchange, Gucci, Chanel, Dior, L.V, DKNY, Prada, Guess, Puma, Nike, Addidas, Miss Sixty, Tod's and all the designer brands. It doesn't appeal to me anymore. And by posting this i know i'mma imposing a 'ROB ERIKA'. I just want the attention and understanding women.

And dad brought me to the ICA building to get my ic done. HAHA. Finally after 3-4 months. Was reading magazines dated back this year and last, Vogue and Harper's & Queen, England Edition to kill time. Dad left me after he paid and i was free.

Little bored ol me flew to Novena to grab a packet of Kraft's Mac and Cheese (rugrats) and Black Pepper Sausage and Chicken Cheesesticks from BK for the little girl back home. Wasted my time watching Princess Hours in DVD. Touchy but i like the fact that it tugged my heart. So kudos to that.

PANIC.

Yeap sandra's feet and mine. Panic at dxo yesterday. Saw alot of people from Amanda-Zara.
Talked to Victoria and stayed with her most of the time. Ran back and forth getting id's, money and ticket and pulling people INTO the line. Almost died wearing the heels, so i took it out and ran around bare footed.
THEN TRAGEDY STRUCK AT ME. Mum called and i had to go home. I think she's having menopause. I HATE IT LA!
Nevermind, had a good time catching up with people and talking to the many and meeting new faces. (:
But as usual Fashion do's and dont's.

I've got nothing to comment about this time round actually mainly because everyone was looking at their best and glamouring through so yeapp. OHHHH MAYBE
dress at your best and dress whatever and however you feel like to. There's no harm and pain in looking great. It doesn't matter. ((: 

WELL this is thursday for you . A little small gathering, with Fifi, Joyce, Floremae, Michelle, Laveena, Nisha, Ji Min, Alex, Bay, and Belinda.
Stepped on 2 Satay sticks and thank God for them, they manage to operate me on the spot. OOOOOOH HOW I LOVE THEM.
Flo said i was 'full'. I know i am and i'm proud i am! ((: Having a great big bust is actually another blessing i have, and i actually do appreciate having a big bust, unlike many Asians you see who generally have a small or flat bust. YEAP! PLEATUE!
However the sucky thing is the bikini bit that allows the breast to be exposed in some areas, likewise mine for example.
There is nothing wrong wearing a bikini, so i see no reason why people should just gawk and stare.
But there is another bit, why wear mundane colours that bore the sun out, the usual i see is white, black, brown, green or even pink. To create a whole sunny effect have bits and pieces of patterns. No harm looking great when you feel great. ((: 

Quizes

	I don't know my blood type.
	Your blood type is unknown which means one of two things. Either you don't know what your blood type is because you have never been sick enough to need to know, which makes you lucky. Or you don't care enough to remember which makes you cool. Go you.
'What" does your blood type say about you?' at QuizGalaxy.com

AHAHAHA. Not surprising

	Elect Erika!
	Grape soda gives me special powers
'What will your campaign slogan be?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I don't even like grape soda, or do i?

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Erika -- [adjective]: Similar to butter in texture and appearance 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Among all the ingredients why butter?

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

I could let Mr Tan see this

You are 66% normal You are kinda normal. You have your quirks, but overall you are quite normal. You do get a kick out of doing random things once in a while though. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Seeee.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

-Stares at hungry classmates-

Choke

The one thing i hate about the underage parties are the ticket sales. Here are my reasons,
1) my 'boss' will hunt me down if i don't get the expected number.
2) people recancelling tickets.
3) the begging of lowering the price like some wet market bargain.
4) complaints.
5) the buyers that turn into runners.
6) the confusion about which runner to run for.

So vivo city i thought was gonna be fun to go to today, how wrong was i when half of the shops were not yet officially opened. But it has a good crowd. And i simply adore the toy s rus there.
Nisha, Maimunah, Laveena and me. We bumped into joyce, fifi, louisa, ji-min at P.S.

The day could've been a ball of a time, but it got thrashed that night. I wish i can burn this house down, but i know i'll be burning my house as well, like DUH.
Like i said i hate you more then i hate you before. To put it kindly i hope you choke. You came to me screaming that i was grounded. FOR WHAT? I didn't do anything wrong. I haven't for the past few months. When you scolded naomi, you punished me as well for God knows the reason what and why? This family seems to be fine without you seriously, runing every mark of happiness. You simply don't care. You won't remember anything 20 years from now. So go choke mum. GOOO

 

Read if you CARE, read if you BOTHER

Like the title of my post, read if you CARE read if you BOTHER. What i'm about to write consist of the titles about friendship and worldly matters. So read on if you have the heart to read.

About last friday i caught the movie World Trade Centre with my folks and my aunt, a tearjerker and a medicine of laughter. I can't believe that people out there in the world are cruel enough to do such things. Then again, i may be someone who screams SCREW THE WORLD. But that doesn't mean i don't entirely care at all. I believe we all have the freedom of speech, but obliviously there will be an idiot in every crowd who will abuse it. With all do respect, i do have people i love in every country from the sun that rises in China that sets in the U.S. So why can't we all kiss and make up you say? I guess people have never stopped to realise and think what they are actually doing. No brainer work Ms Kee would've said, as some of you girls who are thought by her. We have a brain, but we don't know how to use it. Another sad thing.

The world is coming to an end, some of you may go to heaven some of you even in hell. Where do you want to be is your decision. I have nothing against any race, religion. I never had.
The haze that is happily polluting South-east asia is another, anyone of you would blame it on the neighbouring country of Indonesia, for me i'm too bothered with my health then to join the rest of the world in the fair share of the 'blame game'. Yes they don't have a right to burn forest after forest because of the negative effects but to them it is a positive thing cause their family's food are dependent on it. But hey ho global warming would occur, they may wake up to see what's actually happening. Maybe they'll blame it on their God's or something, but it's actually their blame their blaming on. How contradictory.

Again i'm agitated with the way we singaporeans behave and think, Wait im not really that of a singaporean. AHHH HECK. We bitch and complain never stepping up with possible solutions. Conservative it is conservative they will stay, chiding themselves from the world. That i hate.
We are copy-cats, copying so much of the other countries and never actually creating creativity. SO much for all the promoting of creativity campaign. It's disghusting. No originality. And it's embarassing.

Screw techonlogy. I swear to that.

Enough with this shindiggy and on with friendship. My biggest surprise is having my best-friend from the U.S back in Singapore. Nadhia. She is hispanic and gorgeous. Totoally thrilled to have her back ! [: What more she is here to stay! SO YEA! She's attached to her boyfriend of 1 year and 9 months. They look really sweet together. But the sad thing is they have a long distance relationship now and i feel for her abit, partially because i've never had a long-distance relationship. She's going for flow at dxo. Can't wait to glam, flaunt, burn and dance! [:

Yesterday i decided to take a trip down to Lido to meet bay, joy, sarah, jia-man. After which i visited John. Helped abit, i was nice. Went over to far-east to see ali, ramly and santos. Grabbed a copy of JUICE cause i was reallly bored at Gallery.Didn't know cassie, siti and aundreana were infront of me when i screamed HELLO THERE! HAHA. Santos is sucha flirt i swear. Terence and Khai came. Hung around for awhile and end. The pictures are above the post, courtesy from Joy's blog she did the collage btw. [:

im not waitng for you

In the midst of N's. and here are my comments.

English: Fine. Above average.
Maths paper 1: GREAAAAT! COULD'VE NEVER BEEN BETTER. (sacarsm detected here!)
Geography: Made a slight blunder in one question, but again i bull all the way
Chemistry: Kill me with acids bases and salt.
Biology: Kindly disect me and place my heart somwhere else.
F and N: As usual bull shitted all the way through. If i can pass by bullshitting. It shows that im a bull shitter. What sound it makes.

Last and final paper is on friday maths paper 2. I can't belive my ears that farewell assembly is ,yes, compulsory. It's like asking you to attend your funeral when you're not even dead yet. What rubbish.

I'm such an idiot i swear, now it's my turn now to go around breaking hearts and making people cry. I'm not gonna say who. It's not karma, please don't think that way. I'm not getting back at anyone. Love to me now is a disillusioned dream that only happens in story. Till i meet that guy. I don't know when. For now i'm with myself.

'm sorry to say this but i can't stand this any longer. It's fucking irking me the guts out.
1. Im irritated the guts out of some friends in the group. 1 particular girl. Like shut up already, i don;t need your patehetic comments.
2. I hate that guy who broke my heart into a million pieces during the september holidays. I hate you more than i could have ever hated the others. The world's most patethic excuse and sickening way to break up with a girl can be found from you. You make me sick i swear. Yet im curious and pining to know, how you actually could walk away and forget everything between our rise and fall. Maybe that's your way of dealing with the pain (though i stop and ask what PAIN did you actually feel huh?) i guess. But you're killing me now. Even though we don't speak. You said you wanted us to be friends, well here's rule number 1:
FRIENDS DON'T HURT FRIENDS (what a lie)
but you have to start it off with sucha an awful note. What a lovely tune it plays how melodious it is to suck the life force out of me. We need to sit down and talk Shaun. This is gonna haunt me for the rest of my year and i want it to end tonight. To hell with the o's just for one day. But i know you're gonna make me change my mind on pushing the date to AFTER your o's. That i will do. But don't break your promise because you won't like what i'd do to your next happiness.

i'm sucha cynic but who cares. Afterall i don't get mad i get even now! And im only having fun.